The one thing that you got to enjoy when you were still single but not anymore?

Smoking.

Mimpi, this is such a hard question for me. Some of my myLot friends know, but now for the first time I will say it "aloud" here on myLot: After over 40 years of extremely close and happy marriage, my dear husband passed away last fall, so I am experiencing what you describe, only in reverse. As difficult as it was to lose him, I am very much enjoying being single. Yes, there are more hours in each day, and I do more of what I want to do, from cooking and eating my own favorite foods, to listening to the music I prefer (or better yet enjoying long periods of wonderful silence.) The biggest difference is that I go out more and do more things now with new friends because in my age group and locality there are a lot of other widows and also newly single men. So instead of going out occasionally just with hubby or with him and maybe one other couple at a time, now my friends and I go out in big groups, a dozen or more at once and more frequently.

I can try to answer this from the perspective of a whole lot of friends who ihave seen undergo a change. As you have put it Mimpi, the me-time in all respects internet,interests, lazing around all changes to quite an extent. It does not all stop, but gets considerably reduced. It changes to we-time. Another thing i've noticed a distinct change are in basic habits, cleanliness, dressing sense. Guys i've know loved to be shabbily dressed, unshaven, room in a mess. All that has changed. Some used to enjoy socialising, partying by themselves and with friends. It's changed to going about it as a couple or totally stopped. While there is an equal acceptance on one side for change for the better, there are some who miss the single days. Some who longed to get married, now miss the things that they enjoyed being single and some who are single still, wonder at the the things that they should be enjoying together. Thier thinking is always been that the grass is greener on the other side. But it's individual experience i guess, depending on the nature of the person and how they adapt to the concept of being in a relationship or married. As you have said, we lose some we gain some.

My time!! I was master of my time. I could do things as and when I pleased. But not anymore. I have to keep track of everyone's things before I get time for myself (which is very little compared to what I had before). But I am lucky I get atleast a little time to myself daily. I know other stay-at-home moms...don't get a single minute to themselves.

I want to go to other places and enjoy it but with the finances of having a baby I guess it is still possible but you have to think twice because you have to think of your baby's future.

i got married just 6 months ago but i am a mother for almost 6 years now. being on that phases of my life, i could say that in every role that i play with, there are things that i have learned to let go and things that i have enjoyed. i have enjoyed my single life, i've been to places that i want, come home at the wee hours of the morning and all those things a single life could offer. when i became a a single mom at 23, i have given up the things i enjoy doing when i was still single and focus more to my daughter and my work, which i also enjoyed the most. i have a very smart and sweet girl who adores me with so much love, and i had a job that served as a venue for me to find new friends. when i met the man who sees me with so much love and affection, i decided to get married and settle down. life again changed for me, aside that i have a new family name and must learn new signature,(LOL!)my priorities also are now again, changed. and i am willing to embraced all of this with gladness, and must find ways to enjoy the things married life could offer. like having to ask permission from someone when i am going out with old friends, and having someone to check on me every time i am out. but the most thing i enjoy the most about the big change is that having someone to wake me up at the middle of the night just to whisper "i love you"...

after marraigr,i miss my parents and siblings.now whenever i want to go to their place,i have to think a dozen things like that of kids schooling,how they and my hubby will manage alone???

There have been many changes in me after marriage but they were all towards better selfimprovement.One thing that really came to mind is my listening to film songs. Before I got married, I would always be seen with a transistor, would listen to film music even before I go to sleep as though my life depended on it. I used to take it and the transistor came along with me to the bathroom too when I had my bath, to the terrace , to the washing stone in the backyard, like Mary's little lamb[except school] and everyone knew it. Soon after I got married,the moment I heard my husband's and inlaw's condemnation of film music I got scared and sensitive and reduced my listening to film music by more than 95percent.I still would listen to three or four songs at max. Strangely, the desire too vanished very naturally.Afterwards I have seen many films but still the passion for film music reduced.But for the past few years , with my training in classical music and my son's knowledge in music ,once again the film music interest has seen a revival and whenever he plays this at home I get back enthusisatically jumping an d dancing. But going around with a transistor has just gone but to no regrets.So, to cut a long story short, though there has been a change I do not miss it.Noone would prevent me today if I am to listen to this all day long but the habit left me 30 years ago.I msis nothing else except perhaps my college life.

Hi mimipi, I am single now but I was married for 10 yrs. I think my life did probably change while I was married and even more so once I had the kids. I know I had less time for just myself and also for friends...things like that. I had been used to just doing what I wanted when I wanted to and then I had to consider the husband and kids. I don't recall really missing anything though. It was what I wanted at the time and I was fine with it. Then I got divorced and I found I really love being single as well.

The main thing I remember about being single was that I was very lonely! I have to give you a little background, though, because this wasn't always the case. My parents and I had kind of a falling out the day I moved out. God knows that's what it would take to get me out of their house - LOL! Growing up, I was one who told them I would always live with them, even after I was married - yeah right! he he So I eventually did move out of their house a year before I got married. I was already engaged at that time, but my fiance and I at the time were trying to figure out a wedding date. I moved into a small apartment and got a dog for companionship. I guess it wasn't as lonely as it could've been with my little pal! My fiance at the time lived in an apartment about a half hour drive away, so I didn't really just jump in the car to go see him or anything since it was a ways to drive for me, especially at night. It probably doesn't sound too bad, but I didn't enjoy the drive. Mostly he would come to my apartment because he worked a block from where I lived. He would stay over for a movie or something after he was done working and then drive home. Then the cycle would continue. When I was single, I would spend a lot of time online and lose track of time. It was just me and the dog, so as long as I let him out before bed, that was all I had to do at night. Sometimes I would lose track of time and forget I needed to eat dinner, and then my stomach would growl. (LOL) I don't look back on those times very fondly because I hated renting an apartment (although it worked well at the time) and didn't like being away from my now husband. I wanted to be married and be together. I guess my point is that there wasn't too much I missed about being single now that I'm married. I like having double the income and a beautiful house that we bought almost a year ago. Can't believe it's been that long already! I would much rather be married than single because my hubby always helps me with things, and he's a great companion. I never have to be lonely again! (We still have the dog too - LOL!) Great discussion. I really enjoyed it, my friend! Take care.

I remember the days when I could go to the bathroom or take a shower by myself! My daughter does not leave my side unless she has a friend over, if not, I am her best friend and follows me everywhere and I mean everywhere! I do miss my space and my time. My house was always tidy, I rarely cooked and I could watch whatever I wanted on T.V. Ahh...Those were the days...I love my family very much but there is a lot to be said for the single life!

Hi Mimpi, I used to shop with my co-employees all day everytime we receive our periodic bonus. Together with my friends, I splurge on things mindlessly. When I got married there was a sudden shift of priorities, and spending unwisely became a thing of the past. Now whenever I shop, I shop for my kids and husband first, before I even think of my own "wants". There were also those overnight "night outs" with friends during Fridays or weekends(but not so often). Once I got married, I stopped doing this even when my husband didn't actually prevent me from going occasionally. I don't have regrets though. I'm happy at where I'm at now, and if given the chance to choose between being single and free and being married and attached, I still would choose the latter.

Making my own decision and go with it. When I was single I didn't have to worry if my decision will affect anyone but myself. I can take risks deciding upon things that might alter my whole life, then. But when I entered into a relationship, things changed. Every little and single decision I have to make must be discussed with my partner and worse, sometimes, it is my partner's decision which is sometimes contradicting mine that is followed and applied at the end of the discussion. Why? Because, when you marry someone, it is not only your life and future that is at stake but also your partner's...

When i was still single i used to buy slipper, flip flops, shoes or anything for my feet. My husband who's my bf then would tell me "what? new pair again?". But when i became a mom, i hardly buy something or anything for myself. If i'm going to a grocery or mall i usually look for something for my child rather than myself. I guess my priorities did change because i have learned to check on the needs first than the wants.

Hi Mimpi! What a lovely discussion! This took me back to memory lane, when I was 'single'. Before I go further this reminds me of a hilarious saying - "Either you can be happy, or if you are not, you are married". As a single, I used to enjoy my life at my own will. I would pursue my hobbies the way I would like to, would take part in singing competition, would do photography etc. I used to go to excursion trips with with friends to various hill stations and other places, as and when I would find an opportunity. There was no binding and the our parents were always supportive of our interests/hobbies. I would go to watch a Cricket match in a Stadium with my friends and the fun of watching a live Cricket (in the Stadium) match was unparalleled. And sometimes, we would go to see some live musical shows, or plays or movies and used to enjoy our outings to the brim. Marriage brought so many responsibilities and I forget everything about 'my time' and rendezvous (if I may use your word). First wife and then kids completely changed my life and now I am trying to re-discover the lost joy of bachelorhood.

Marriage didn't take out any of teh previlages or rights I enjoyed. I used to sleep a lot during weekends and did whatever I want when I was single. I got used to do the same even after marriage. The only thing I don't do much after marriage is hanging out with friends. I have to spend my valuable time for family now and I don't find much time to spend with friends. But, I am happy that I get considerable time to spend with family.