Would you lose your home?
By AnnieOakley1
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
Canada
May 2, 2010 6:40am CST
in your effort to help your child?
I have been concerned about my neighbour, whom has been telling me that they aren't making enough to make the mortgage payments on their dream retirement home that they purchased a few short years ago. I finally got the whole story yesterday. It is very sad. They have been maxing out their credit in order to give financial assistance to their daughter, whom is living with a coke addict. *sigh*
Now I don't know if they knew the SO was an addict or not, but what I do know, is that I would never, ever lose the roof over my head and everything I had worked for, for my retirement years, to help my child. I would help as much as I could, but I wouldn't be giving them my mortgage payment money to do so. Worst case scenario, if I had nothing left to give and they still needed help, I could offer for them to come and stay with me temporarily, until they got back on their feet.
What would you do? Apparently they have lent her $80,000 over the past few years to help out, and she hasn't been able to pay it back, because her boyfriend has put it all up his nose.. And now they may have to sell their own property, just to get out from under all the debt. Now, she is employed, but he is not, he is on Disability, so it's not like they have all kinds of money to throw around to scrambe out of debt, or get another property in the future. This was probably their last chance and their daughter's boyfriend ruined it for them.
Would you have helped your child to this extreme? To your own detriment? Do you think that is stupid? Or necessary?
My opinion? Even without knowing if her boyfriend was an addict, I still would not lend my mortgage money, nor risk losing my home for my child not being able to manage their own finances. I would have approached it a totally different way. I wouldn't just throw money at them. Money I didn't really have, for that matter. I would have helped them set up a regular budget to save and pay off the bills they were having trouble with. And eventually, once my well dried up, I would tell them to claim bankruptcy, or go on welfare, until they could get themselves out of the financial hole.
What would you do? How would you help your child? Opinoins please?
2 people like this
5 responses
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
3 May 10
Hi Annie it would depend on the Circumstances
My Son and Daughter would never let me do that
It is rare they ask to borrow Money of me very rare
I can not answer your Question as I am sure I would risk my Home but like it said it would depend on the Circumstances
Both my Children work and do well with their money so I am lucky there
2 people like this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
3 May 10
Once my children are set out on their own, I don't expect to have to support them. If I have to support them, then they may as well live under my roof, my rules and help out around here, to earn it. No free rides. I wasn't raised that way and it taught me to be independant and not be a mooch or a burden to anyone. I've always been responsible for myself so naturally I expect that from my children. Now, when my youngest was going to University, naturally, it is my job as a parent to help her out once in awhile, as I told her she could. But now that she is done, she should be able to stand on her own 2 feet.
Thanks for your thoughts anyway, gabs.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 May 10
This sounds more like a situation that needs more tough love and less enabling. But if it were a situation where it was to save my child's life, like where they needed a life saving surgery and couldn't pay for it, that would be entirely different.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
5 May 10
Agreed, Dawn. Me thinks they helped too much, were too sympathetic and were blinded by their worry for their daughter, to have put themselves in harms way. *sad*
Yes, it would be much different to save their life, and worry about the debt later, but in this instance they were just giving her money to keep her from getting kicked out or having hydro turned off, etc. Litte bit here, little bit here, it all adds up to $80,000. You would think they would have clued in sooner and had a 'sit-down' with her to find out what was up, as to why they had to keep bailing her out so often, wouldn't ya?
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
2 May 10
no i wouldn't go to such an extent to help even though she is my daughter... i'm sorry... but she has to bear the consequences of her own actions... she choose to live with a coke addict... then she has to be responsible for her decision... i would have warned her earlier or even prevent her to live with the coke addict if i had known... if she still insist, then it is her problem now... i feel sorry for her parents now... they had worked so hard all their lives to save the money and buy the house... and they have to lose it now because of their daughter... it is very sad... i hope they will be able to sort out the situation soon... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
3 May 10
Yes, the sad part is, the mother has a job, but the father is on disability, so they don't have a large income to catch up with, but it would have been enough to live on, in semi-retirement. I do feel sorry for them, that they could lose their dream property, but there should have come a point where they finally said ENOUGH. But the father, is one of those that can't seem to say no, I think. That'll get ya in trouble, too.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
2 May 10
I think that is just self preservation, which, in my opinion, makes you a good judge of character and a sensible person.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
4 May 10
My husband and I do not yet have children. However when we do if we were faced with this situation I think we would only give so much before we said enough is enough and that our son or daughter needs to get away from that relationship entirely. It should not be the parent's responsibility to take care of a child who must be old enough to take care of herself and not only that but no better then to mess around with a coke addict in the first place.
I would have a stern talking to with my child and tell them "You either get rid of him, or we're not helping you whatsoever. Also, don't bring him around us."
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
4 May 10
I think that sounds like the smartest thing to do. I mean, why put yourself in a position where you cannot help them any longer, because YOUR OWN judgement is flawed and you sink, drowning in debt? Who's gonna rescue you?
