How to say nicely that your Marriage life is over?
By screwdriver
@screwdriver (643)
Philippines
May 10, 2010 4:31am CST
I just received a call from a friend and tell me that his not happy anymore in his relationship. They're together for almost 6 years already and had a son. His girlfriend is so nice and honest with him. They got married while he was 19 and the girl is 30. Amazing right? but he loves her so very much. But he came to a point where he is tired with the relationship. I ask him why. he told me that there are times he wants to go out with friends but he cant since his wife will think that he have another women. He is not happy anymore as he feels that his wife don't trust him that much. His 23 years old right now and wanted so much of his life. I told him that he don't know what to do. he wants to tell her that he is not happy anymore and wants to say its over but he don't wanna hurt her. I know its a family matter, but as a friend I think i need to tell my friend to think about it. Please give me an idea on what to say to my friend. Not really to convince him to leave his wife but to think and decide correctly before its too late. Your ideas will be much appreciated.
2 people like this
15 responses
@ericpapasit (1274)
• Philippines
10 May 10
tsk tsk.... hello.... it is happening everywhere... But the best thing to do is they talk about it and find out what is the cause and resolve it.
1 person likes this
@elvira1 (101)
• Philippines
10 May 10
Communication is a vital part in any relationship. I think your friend should first and foremost talk things out with his wife. Before talking with his wife, he has to try to weigh things as to what are the very big reasons why his wife is suspicious of him having another girl. He may have done something wrong that she hasn't gotten over totally yet. As a married man, a man must think for the welfare of his family. He must also take into consideration of their child/children who will be greatly affected if things go wrong. Seeing things positively helps one's feelings towards a person, thing or relationship. I am not saying that he should stick to the marriage whatever happens. Doing one's best to save a marriage is a brave move as long as the effort is a two-way process. I believe that talking things out and ironing whatever problem there is would help both your friend and his wife. Whatever the outcome of it, be it for the rise or fall of their marriage, would help them go on with their lives lightheartedly.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 May 10
Hi Screwdriver,
Your friend really needs to talk openly and honestly with his wife about what he is feeling and how strongly he feels about this. This marriage sounds as if it is worth saving if they both are committed to working on it. They have a child together that deserves them to at least put in their best effort. It's normal and healthy for them both to have friends and hobbies outside of the marriage as long as they make sure to take time for each other and the marriage as well. Do you know why she has trouble trusting him? That is something she could work on. Trust is so important in a relationship. Maybe they would benefit from some marriage therapy.
1 person likes this
@srganesh (6340)
• India
10 May 10
I don't think age difference could be a problem here.Possessiveness is part of a wife'e nature and that comes out of love.So,your friend need not complain about it.he may go out with his love wife and kid together.And invite his friends to his home for a party or visit their house with his family.Doing this,his wife would understand his friendship and give him some more freedom to roam around with friends circle.Anyhow,coming out of married life is too much for this silly reason.
1 person likes this
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
10 May 10
No wonder he's tired, he got married early. Anyway, its always best to tell him to always strive to work out for their relationship. Breaking up is not an option. I think they can always look for something to do that will spice up their relationship again.
1 person likes this
@pabreen (237)
• Philippines
11 May 10
What a good friend you are screwdriver, tell your friend that if he really loves his wife he will never get tired of their relationship. He must be honest with his wife if he wants to be with his friends once in a while, I'm sure his wife will understand. One secret of keeping your partner in a relationship is to keep the line of communication open. He should not give his. partner a reason to doubt, trust should be there.
@screwdriver (643)
• Philippines
11 May 10
Well, i wish his wife would understand. As what my friend told me that his wife dont trust him if he really is going out with his friend or with other girls. I really dont have a daily conversation with his wife as we dont have that much communication. I wish i really know the whole story, but not. I just wish they can fix their problem.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
12 May 10
You are doing the right thing now, you are Listening to him. Just tell him to sit her down and tell her how he feels. they may not need to break up. He may just need a night out with his friends. Or better still , maybe they should get a baby sitter, like her mom?, and they Both go out one night a week. If he Loves her but is feeling trapped, He Needs to tell her. And tell him talking to her is far better than winding up with another woman.
@yumanal (143)
• China
11 May 10
You can start over again and asked why they began to come together and let them love each other again when the temperature courses.So they love again recalled the scene that the other side to expand their mutual advantage.Tell them love is mutual ,a relationship is not easy,if not easily give up a pity.Do some thinking of their work ,with nothing more than a walk and a chat.So they have all the right common.
@shibuuya_yuuri (71)
• Philippines
11 May 10
hello!
yes, that would truly hurt..very much..maybe you could tell your friend to give their marriage another chance, maybe they could have a vacation or outing together, and then he would tell his wife in a nice and sweet way what he wants that would also make their relationship stronger. he could tell his wife to trust him more, and let him have fun with friends so that he would not feel like he was being choke into the relationship they have..but if he is not reli happy because his wife is old enough for him, he would ask for a space, but he need to think of his son. in the first place he chooses to love his wife.
@danielthamrin (79)
• Indonesia
11 May 10
hello screrdriver.
for me I will try not to say that.
sorry
@screwdriver (643)
• Philippines
11 May 10
Hi danielthamrin,
Even if your not happy anymore? I think the relationship still wont work. I think it will only lead to arguments and it might lead to more than just the arguments. I believe that if youre not happy anymore, then you should be honest and then tell it straight. It will really hurt someone. But you really need to decide whether to stay or to let go. So i think before engaging into marriage we should decide as to go for it or think a hundred times because its not that easy.
@Crizzack (42)
• United States
11 May 10
I dont think he should call it quits just yet, I think he needs to sit down with his wife and explain to her that she needs to come to trust him, or else because you cant have a relationship without trust. and after 6 years Im surprised the trust hasnt been established yet. so he should do it as soon as possible. anyway. hope I helped =]
@screwdriver (643)
• Philippines
11 May 10
That is also what I told him, to sit down and talked about it before hurting anyone. I think they should be more open and be honest with each others feelings. I even ask him to try go out with his wife sometimes. Go out of town and spend time together, just him and his wife, to renew their vows.
@greatpassion (11)
• China
11 May 10
just as the saying goes: man from the mars, women from the earth! it's not yr friend's fault ,nor his wife! Even if he marry with another woman, this matter sitll exist! Thus, give each other a chance is necessary! Even "skeptical sensitive"r women's nature, but pls admit that there isn't any wife who is willing to skeptical , sensitve towards his husband. cause she knows this might hinder his emotion! On the other hand, trust needing 2 persons' effort! 23 years is a turn point, to become a true man. Hope he can overcome any challenge!
@ndubose10 (1)
• United States
11 May 10
I think your friend need to sit down and discuss his feelings with his wife, I feel that any women in her right mind would understand how he is feeling. It is difficult at times when you jump into a marriage that you thought you were but you weren't fully prepared for. Which is okay, it is all part of life, but, all and all she has the right to express how she feels as well.And in the end who knows it might work out for the best and there relationship will grow stronger. So, I would suggest taking his time and deciding if this is what he really wants, also it maybe just a phase that he is going through. Any way it goes the situation will not be truly successful if the two of them are unable to work and talk it out....Good Luck
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 May 10
screwdriver thats so sad because when trust is lost its hard to keep a marriage together. Has he sat down and told his wife how he really feels and see if they can work this out. A man and a woman both also need friends of their own and be able to go out with them, and trust each
other not to be unfaithful. Yes he should not do anything rash just yet as a marriage is worth saving. I think the problem is the age difference between them, as he is younger and more active and maybe she is working on a different wave length. I would suggest to your friend to seek a marriage counselor and get some outside advice and help to try and save the marriage. she must know how he feels and he must also know how she feels so that maybe the marriage can be saved. Its always so easy to just give up but something brought those two together and maybe it can be salvaged some way. good luck, you are a good friend to want to help. 
