Do you cook for your husband or just buy ready to eat food?
By aileen2008
@aileen2008 (838)
Philippines
June 4, 2010 12:11am CST
As a wife, I have the duty to provide my husband good and hot food on the dinner table. But being a working mom and not a full time housewife, I could only do so much as to prepare dinner, if ever we got home earlier than 8:00 p.m.
If I estimate to reach home beyond 9 pm, I just ask him if we could just eat outside, to lessen my burden of having to cook dinner at home.
When we reach home by then, I am already tired and just want to wash up and sleep. But doing that, I try to make up for him on weekeends. I ask him before hand, what he wants to eat for lunch and dinner, so that I could go to the supermarket on Fridays, to buy the ingredients.
Am I a bad wife? Cooking only on weekends for my husband? Mylotters, need you opinion whether you are a wife or husband.
5 people like this
31 responses
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
5 Jun 10
Hi Aileen,
I love cooking and even inspired to cook for my husband. I have this passion of preparing simple and sumptous food for my hubby. i used to do this especially during weekends and special ocassions. though, if i have time in the evening i prepare food for him that he can take to work the next day--for his lunch. he just love my dishes and appreciates it much.
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@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
Hello msfrancisco! Are you a working wife or stay at home wife. I feel like it is your passion to cook and cooking for you husband makes you happy.
1 person likes this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
5 Jun 10
by the way --you are not a bad wife as you exerted extra effort to prepare for him on weekdays and even make up on weekends like what i used to do. your husband understand your situation. no need to worry.
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
13 Jun 10
i am a workking wife with regular job, other sidelines and part-time jobs. i just love cooking for my hubby. actually right now i am cooking fried rice my specialty while doing mylot.
@Cherwin2010 (878)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
cooking food to our husband or serving them, is our responsibilities and duties as a wife., but for now a day, many wife now are at work outside than to remain a housewives.. for that instances a couple should have their own schedule in order to have time to each other company.., i a appreciate you as a wife because even in your busy schedule yet, you still have a time to serve your husband..
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@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
Actually I sometimes feel guilty if I am able to serve him canned foods onlt during supper on weedays. Why? Because even if he does not know how to cook, he helps in other ways like taking care of our son. When I am tired after work, he massages my foot and back. He drives us both to work from monday to friday and so on and so forth. So as wife, seeing him to be supportive of us, I really feel guilty if just simple cooking for supper on weekdays I can't do. But at least, I make him happy on weekends. Hehehehe.
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
5 Jun 10
Its not a one way street.I am most definitely not, married to serve my husband.I like to make him happy.In the same token he does the same for me when time permits.
We are equals in this partnership we formed.
IMHO
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@weasel81 (2496)
• Australia
4 Jun 10
your not a bad wife, your trying to help provide for your hubby as well. if he's willing to help out all the better. i'm now single, but before. i used to have to do eveything, from cooking cleaning along with work and be more of a single parent. ex would not help me at all, even in decision making of what was for dinner. then have a whinge when i would decide what to have.
so for your hubby to be happy to let u cook only on weekends that is always a good thing.
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@raphychacel (10)
•
4 Jun 10
i love to cook for my husband because its the only thing that i can give him as a gift of love everyday.. but in your case i guess its really an fathomable thing considering that your a working wife...
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@cream97 (29087)
• United States
20 Feb 11
Hi. aileen2008. If you get home too late, then it is very hard for you to just come home and cook. Surely your husband understands and respects that. You can only do what you can do. It is very sweet of you to cook on the weekends. At least you are trying to do the best that you can.
I am a wife and if I can cook for my husband, it is fine. If I cannot, he is okay with me not cooking. He will either cook his own food or just buy take out from the restaurant.
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@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
5 Jun 10
No, I don't consider you a bad wife any more than I consider your husband a bad husband because he doesn't cook for you.
Working long days and coming home to face the kitchen is awful. If one partner expects to eat every meal at home, then he/she should offer to cook, too. If two work together, the process isn't as long, and it brings couples closer to help each other.
By the way, how often does HE cook for YOU on the weekends???
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
He doesn't. I cook on weekends. I don't let him cook as much as possible. He messes up the kitchen whenever he cooks even fried food only. Hehehe. But still when he cooks, I give him my appreciation. I want to cook more that I want him to cook. I think I am being a wife whenever I cook for my family.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
6 Jun 10
It's lovely that he wants to cook sometimes and just as lovely that you prefer cooking instead.
I would give anything to have my husband mess up the kitchen one more time, but at the moment, he resides either in bed or his wheelchair and can do almost nothing on his own.
You and hubby give each other a huge hug of appreciation for each other, okay?
@LadyDD (515)
• Romania
8 Jun 10
Well, I prefer to cook myself what we want to eat, if I have time, of course. The reason is that meals cooked in the house have a better taste and I'm certain they have no unwanted ingredients. But if you have no time for that, eating outside or going to a restaurant to have dinner from time to time is not so bad. If I'm tired but still want to cook something, the result is a disaster: my meals never succeed. So I learned that if I want to cook a meal well having a good result, I must be in the mood to do the cooking.
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
9 Jun 10
Actually if I can still cook when we I got home, I cook because he requests me to cook. But if I am really really tired, I will just tell him to buy take out food or just outside.
@ifa225 (14464)
• Indonesia
26 Jan 11
hi i am wife.
i rare to cook for my husband even i am a full house wife. i am not interesting in cooking, and he know that. he never ask me to cook something.
beside, if i cook, he is rare to eat it because all day he works in the office and come home late. he used to eat near his office
@Yori88 (1465)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
You are not a bad wife. And I am pretty sure that your husband understands that it is not easy to work and do house chores like cooking at the same time or one after the other. I have been into your situation before when I was still working, and my husband does not complain. I am not even a good cook. I can only cook rice and very few viands. He never complains if I was not able to cook for him most of the time. And he is also the one who cooks better and he prepares delicious foods during weekend. So Just do the best you can, if you are tired and late because of work that that is reasonable but if you make up during the weekend, then that is indeed a very good job.
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
Good for you that your husband knows how to cook. My husband does not know how to cook. He knows how to eat.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 11
Being a good wife, not only the views of preparing food. I rarely cook for my husband. Even my husband often cook their own, would he eat the food. Some of this month, he said that my dishes not tasty, so she chose to cook their own. I feel offended and disappointed, but I do not care.
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
I guess it is understandable because you said you are a working wife. But it depends on your budget if you both can afford eating outside most of the time and only weekends where you can prepare food for your hubby. You as a wife will know well, if eating out can be reasonable, safe and healthy also.
Since you ask your hubby about this matter because you are also tired, then if he understands, that's not a problem. Actually if your husband can also cook, he can also do the same for you. About the question being a bad wife? i don't think so, just ask your hubby if this is not a problem for him because you only want what is best for our loved ones.
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
When we out, we don't eat at first class restos or fast food chains. We eat at carinderias where we can choose viands at very reasonable price. Much much lower that restaurants.
@Bluebelleangel (428)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
I used to be a working wife like you and luckily for me, during that time my mother-in-law has a small eatery at their house. We could eat as much as there is available food. But since I retired at an early age due to medical reasons, I became a stay-at-home wife and mother. Staying at home does not necessarily required me to do all the household chores. We devide them among all family members but cooking is my territory. Given that, I do not even have to always do the cooking myself because I taught my daughters ages 21 and 8, how to cook simple recipes. They cook once in a while. More times we cook together and my husband does not fret if I did the cooking or not. He himself does cook and on occasions, when I feel like lingering a little longer in bed on a weekend, he doesn't bother me. He would market and cook for us, well its more like frying and grilling meats or fish. He never complained, oh except of course on very seldom occasions when I feel lazy cooking and he been craving and wanted so much to eat a particular recipe that I alone can cook. But through all that, he never said that I am a bad wife and so are you.
Gone are the days when a wife's D&R included doing all the chores and cooking for her husband religiously. In the early days maybe that is a requirement but considering the changing times, when both husband and wife need to work to live decently, the men should know that they should not impose too much on their wives for like them, wives also are capable of being tired and are entitled to rest as much as they do.
Your husband is lucky that you know how to cook particularly. There are a lot of women, wives and single ladies out there who don't know how or cannot even follow simple instructions from a cook book. Just cook your best recipes on your off days and on other times that you feel you could do some cooking and I am sure, your husband will be more than delighted and appreciative to have you for his wife. God bless!
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
God bless too! That was such a long response but it made me feel better. Thank you for sharing your opinion and insights and suggestions. You are such a sweet person.
@kimhoang79 (49)
• United States
5 Jun 10
No silly, not being able to cook all the time does not make you a bad wife. Times have changed and cooking was only for the "stay at home wifes". You have a job and that job gives you money to even put food on the table. I think you're husband is lucky he has a wife that knows how to cook. I know so many wifes out there that don't even know how to wash vegetables.
I also like the way your method is because it's not a boring routine. If your husband and family ate out all the time, they would be missing out on the different variety of foods out there. This world is becoming multicultural and it's wonderful we get to try different cultures by driving or walking a few distances without ever leaving your neighborhood. But then too much of outside food isn't good either.
I think you have a healthy balance going on there. I actually plan to do your style if I ever do get married one day. So if you think you're a bad wife, I'll just tell the guy who plans on marrying me to expect me to be a bad wife just because I can't cook three meals a day for 365 days a year, times the years we will presumably stay married. lol.
I love to cook also but there are many times when you're not able to fullfill the job. Heck, it's not like if you can't cook, there's no other way of getting food. It's the 20th century.
Keep up the good work!
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
Your comment made me laugh. Hehehe. But it definitely made me feel better. Thank you for understanding the situation I am in. Before I got married I used to imagine cooking for him after work, at dinner. But time forbids me to do it dutifully.
@jupitercrashing (635)
• Canada
4 Jun 10
I love cooking, so I cook for my fiancee regularly. However, to believe you have the 'duty' to do it for your husband is simply wrong. Considering you also work, he has as much of a responsibility as you do to help with household chores - including making meals. This isn't the 1950s - there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing and you are not a bad wife.
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
Thank you for thinking that I am not a bad wife. That gives me sigh of relief.
@MoodyLauz (62)
•
4 Jun 10
Firstly you're definitely not a bad wife!
If I didnt get home until that late then I would bother with cooking either! When I get home at 6 I really have to convince myself to cook. I am not a wife though I do live with my other half and find that because he is the main earner in the house I end up doing all the chores including the cooking with him doing relatively little around the house.
The only thing I could suggest is that if you wanted to eat more home cooked food during the week then you could prepare a couple of meals you could freeze at the weekend so you could just quickly heat it up on a night where you get home earlier or feel up to it.
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
That is a good idea Moodylauz. I will try that this week, preparing two viands so that we could just heat it up when we are about to eat.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
7 Jun 10
I use the crock pot a lot, so that dinner is ready by the time we get home. Other nights, my husband cooks. We take turns most of the time.
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
5 Jun 10
Nah, I don't think you're a bad wife, although I think you could make fresh meals for your family. There are many working mothers now - it's hard to not have a 2-income family. You just have to think "outside the box". What you do is take one day on the weekend and prepare the meals for the entire week. Freeze them and all you have to do is quickly reheat them each night. I used to make dinner the night before so that I could just take the dinner out of the frige and heat it up when I got home from work. Then after the kids were in bed, I'd make the next days' dinner. It's really hard with sports and stuff, when you're not getting home until late, but if you make up 3 or 4 meals on the weekend, you can eat a few nights without having to go out. Eating out is not only not as healthy, but it's expensive.
Good Luck! I hope you can find a way to make this work for you.
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
5 Jun 10
No you are a busy lady and try your hardest to do it when time permits.
I am at home everyday and sometimes find it hard to cook .I do it like you said because its my duty.If your hubby gets home earlier than you maybe he could cook ?
Or you could make extra's on the weekend to have during the week for him to heat up.
@dawnald (85147)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Jun 10
If you're working outside the home and you're coming home that late, you're going to be tired. Your husband should understand that. It's nice that you want to provide him with home cooked meals, but you shouldn't have to force yourself when you're tired. If you were home all day, that would be different. You are a good wife because you are contributing to the family financially. You can't do everything.
@webb_jiang (158)
• China
5 Jun 10
I don't like ready-to-eat food,and the ready-to-eat food is not safe here in China,they use many cheap,dirty material to cook,so most of the time,I eat food cooked by my girl friend,she is very good at cooking,she only has to work 6 hours a day,so she has a lot of time to do cooking,me I am a little busy,I am very appreciated to that,I know,this is not 50s,husband also has the duty to do the house chores.
@dreamsharmin (2281)
• China
5 Jun 10
Bad wife. No way. You are very good wife and you take care your husband.
Well i am unmarried and stay in hostel and have one room mate. And i always cook for both of us. Some time i cook and sometime my room mate. And some time i also buy ready food and eat it.
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