Was your age a disadvantage?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
June 7, 2010 4:25pm CST
Not everyone is able to choose when to begin having children.. sometimes our children are concieved accidentally. Sometimes we choose to have kids for bad reasons, like perhaps we're not as prepared as we think we are.. etc etc. Some of us have our first child while we're still in our teens. Some have their first child around the age of 40...
Do you feel you were/are at a disadvantage because of the age you were when you began having kids? What are those disadvantages for you?
Personally I started having kids too young. I was 17 when the first was born, 22 when the twins were born, 26 for my 4th and 28 for my 5th. Obviously when my first was born I was not mentally, emotionally, or financially ready for a child. It was not easy raising him, not to mention I was a single mother for the first 4 years of his life. I did plan the second pregnancy, though I wasn't planning on twins. That was another physical, emotional, and mental challenge, not to mention finances would have allowed 1 more child, not 2.. but alas...
My finances never changed, but when my 4th was born I seemed to be more capable as far as my mental status went. I had more patience and understanding.. that may have been experience but I think maturity had a lot to do with it.. and it was the same for my 5th child.
But I feel I am at an advantage too. I still have energy for them, and I'm still interested in current fashions and music.. so my kids enjoy the same music I do, and they don't object to the clothes I pick out for them. Being a young mom means I'll still be young when they're grown and independent. Also I'll be a young grandma, which means I'll be around longer to enjoy the grandchildren, and once my time on this earth is over my grandchildren will be old enough to have memories of me.
4 people like this
14 responses
@Beautyfactor (1512)
•
7 Jun 10
I understand what you are saying. I had my first at the age of 21 and I honestly think it was the right time. I wasn't deemed too young and both my husband and I had good jobs and our own home so we were in a good position to bring a baby into the world.
My second came along just before my 30th birthday even though I would have liked to have had my second child sooner. I actually found this experience more difficult to cope with than the first, but I don't think that had anything to do with my age, just more to do with my situation, but that's a whole different story!
Many of my family memebers have had children very young and I do wish they'd have seen some of the world or had the chance at a career first, but then like you said, they have the energy and enthusiasm of youth that has turned them into great parents.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
7 Jun 10
That's quite an age gap. That was part of my reasoning for wanting the twins when I did.. I didn't want my kids spread out too far, so it seemed like a good time, although in hindsight it probably wasn't.. but again, I planned for one baby, not two. Life just loves throwing in little twists like that, lol. Glad it all worked out for you.
2 people like this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
9 Jun 10
I was also very young when I had my children. My first was born when I was 19 and my second when I was 22. Although I was not really ready, I think I did pretty good with it. What's really great though is that now my kids are grown and I'm still young enough to do things I kinda missed out on when I was younger. It worked out pretty good for me.
I have a friend that's my age and he's got toddlers. I don't know that I'd have the patience to deal with a baby at this stage in my life... I also wouldn't want to be 60 when my kids graduate from high school.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
9 Jun 10
I have to agree.. I think I lucked out having mine so young.
1 person likes this
@karen1969 (1779)
•
15 Jun 10
Yes, we are young mums now. I'm 40 and my eldest daughter will be 20 in October. Most of her friends have older parents. I think it is good we are into modern music and have more in common with our teenaged kids.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
8 Jun 10
I was 19...21 and then 27 when I had my kids.....and I loved it! I don't think at any point I was at a disadvantage......especially now. My grandkids love the fact that I do many thing with them...in fact my grandkids from Arizona would love to come live with me.....why? Because I am the only one that does things with them....I can't do all the physical things....some though like swimming....but otherwise I do things like scrapping....playing games....even the WII...
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
8 Jun 10
I look forward to the grandma days...
1 person likes this
@gerry101 (229)
• Philippines
8 Jun 10
At that time it was for me because I was still student in college. I did not have a stable job at that time and my boyfriend who is now my husband had to many family obligations. I don't regret having children, I just wish we were more financially stable at that time because I love buying stuff for my kids. :)
1 person likes this
@much2say (55668)
• Los Angeles, California
7 Jun 10
Though I knew my hubby since we were 18, we didn't get married til our early 30's. We did a lot of "couple" things, as well as a lot of our own individual things . . . so by the time we decided to start a family (at age 35), we were so ready to give our all to family life. My hubby blinked and there we were pregnant without ever having to wait. The pregnancy and birth went smoothly . . . age was not a factor for our first little one.
Then we wanted a second . . . but we wanted to wait til things were better financially and such. But after we decided to go for it, it took more than just a blink like the first time. It was frustrating - and I couldn't help but think maybe we waited too long - that it was my age (40) and all that stuff. But after a year, number 2 was finally conceived. But then it was a total roller coaster. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (which they say may or may not be an age thing, but I had to wonder). And then a month before the due date, I was told I had to come in to have my baby out THAT night because the ultrasound was showing that perhaps the placenta wasn't doing its job properly anymore (again, was it the age?) and ultimately I had to have an emergency c-section which I wasn't expecting. It was a stressful pregnancy, but our son came out a-ok.
I like being an older parent . . . like I said, I can give my all to my kids needs . . . I don't feel like I missed out on anything in my youth because I was able to accomplish them. And oh yes, they do keep me on my toes - I'm not allowed to be old - ha ha. I will say, I do hope I can live long enough to see my own grandkids . . . I would love to help my kids the way my parents helped me when I had my kids. Looks like I'll have to keep myself up (physically and mentally!).
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
8 Jun 10
I guess either way it doesn't make as much difference. You got to experience life in your 20's.. while I'll get to experience life in my 40's and 50's because my children will be independent by then.
I don't believe all your pregnancy risks were age related. I had gestational diabetes also, and I was in my 20's.. but it did not cause harm to my children and there were no other risks.
1 person likes this
@much2say (55668)
• Los Angeles, California
8 Jun 10
That is true . . . my kids will be independent when we're nearly ready to retire!! We have a couple friends who became grandparents before they turned 40 . . . they just might get to become great grandparents themselves one day! Yah, I don't think my risks were all age related either, but I do have to wonder if it would have been less riskier had we started earlier. But thank goodness it did not do harm to our kids like you said.
1 person likes this
@kourdapya (924)
• Philippines
10 Jun 10
Hi! I am married for three years already and turning 30 this July. I must say that at this moment of my life, I want to have a baby now. Here in my country, couple who are not able to have a child right after the wedding were regarded by most people differently. People look at us as if we were some pathetic couple if they learn that we still don't have a child after having been married for several years. It's one battle I go through everyday, and I'm always wondering if motherhood is for me. I am open to all possibilities, and if that's what God had planned for me, then so be it. I think motherhood is the best thing that could ever happen to a woman, but I also believe that I do not have to give birth to be able to become a mother. I still dream to be a mom someday and always praying to God for that.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
9 Jun 10
I dunno if my age was a disadvantage I had my first at 26, my last at 31.
As for me growing up was not easy as my dad was in his late 50's when I was born. I recall very little of him and his grown kids and family memebers have kept even photos of him away from me. My mother was in her 30's and had her own illnesses that I did not fully under stand until the last 5-10yrs so she didn't do or play much with me either.
My kids won't have alot of memories of my Mother as my oldest is only 7 so other than some pictures they probably will not remember alot. Though I use the words on her prayer cards to keep her alive that way so they have some memory.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
9 Jun 10
My mom didn't play much with me either.. but it had nothing to do with age or illness... she was just overweight and lazy, lol.
I know what you mean about your kids remembering your mom. My husband and his father feel terrible that my kids won't remember MIL.. at least now FIL is trying to spend as much time with them as possible so they will hopefully remember him well enough.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Jun 10
Advantage of having children at 38 and 42:
1. finances in good shape
2. more patience
3. had some really good vacations
4. career already established
Disadvantages:
1. health problems (minor)
2. will be old when they're grown up
3. might not see grandchildren grow up
4. maybe can't do some physical things with them
5. they didn't really get to know 2 of their grandparents
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
9 Jun 10
hi katsmeow, unlike you i started a bit late. i am 34 now and expecting my first child at anytime. well, one of the disadvantage is i will be older when my child finishes his college degree and would be too old as when he starts having a family of his own. maybe i can't enjoy my future grand kids the way you will. well, what i can do is to make most of my time with my child and my future grand kids if God wills so that they will have good and great memories of me no matter how short out time together will be. 
@la_chique (1498)
•
8 Jun 10
I'm 25 and I've wanted kids all my life (as long as I can remember!). I've been with my partner now for 7 years and we're in a good place in our relationship but we're not ready as far as everything else goes. Our house is a complete fixer-upper and we have so much work to do to that. Its no safe place for a baby. Then there's the fact that we snobbily dont want to send our kids to a school in this country because we want our kids to be model citizens and to avoid as much as possible the disgraceful behavior of many children in my country today.
We're planning on getting our house done up, finish up qualifications and move to the other end of the world. That's going to be about another 5 or 6 years!
Then when we're there we're going to have to find jobs, get somewhere to live, sort THAT house out, settle down, so say about another 2 years! Crikey at this rate then I guess we're not going to be ready to start a family until I'm about 33!
But my ovaries are tingling now!!!! lol
I guess I'm gonna have to be patient and wait. One more thing - we're probably going to be foster parents and then eventually adopt :)
I'm young at heart. I'm the first to act like I'm 5 at any available opportunity and I'm pretty sure I can maintain the energy levels. I'm happy to get messy with the finger paints and I cant wait to get making fathers day cards with the babies!!!! Thinking about becoming a mommy one day is often the only thing that keeps me going through each day.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
8 Jun 10
I can't imagine how you can stand waiting. I'm the type of person who when I want something, I want it now. Best of luck to you!
@cicisnana (772)
• United States
9 Jun 10
I was 24 when I had my first son. I had did my thing, partied with my friends, been places I wanted to go, but at 24, of course not everywhere. I married and right away we wanted children and right away we got them! It was great, we were young enough to have the enthusiasm of youth, but old enough we got that wild streak out of us.
Three of our grandchildren have already arrived and we are loving grandparenthood, so hopefully we'll be able to see a majority of our grandchildren become adults and love them as well.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
9 Jun 10
Yes I think mid 20's is a great time to have kids. Congrats on the grandbabies!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Jun 10
I was 22 when my daughter was born and I was 26 when my son was born. I know that I was physically and emotionally ready to be a mother, but when it comes to being financially ready, I actually don't think that there is anyone that is truly financially ready to be a parent. I don't think that I would have personally wanted to have been any younger or any older when I had my children.
I really like the fact that I have the energy to keep up with them and I also like the fact that I am able to relate to the events that are going on in their lives.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
10 Jun 10
No, I don't believe there is a perfect financial time to have kids. I've noticed our finances have changed greatly over the years, and right now we bring in more money than we ever have... unfortunatly no matter what the circumstances, we've always been broke. Somehow we find new ways to send out more money than we bring in. When we were younger and didn't make as much, we blew more money on nonsense.. which made us too broke to pay our bills. As we got older we pay our bills on time more often, but we have new bills that we didn't before, so we're still broke. I think no matter how much you make you'll always find a way to have the same amount of bills. For instance if we made a bit more we'd probably have a car payment.. or our own house so we'd need insurance on it and taxes etc etc. There's always something.
@karen1969 (1779)
•
15 Jun 10
Well, I have 4 children and they were all born when I was in my twenties. I got married at 20 and had my first child nine days before my 21st birthday, when I had been married 11 months. The marriage didn't work out though.
My 4 children are close together in age. There is 16 months between my 1st and 2nd children, just 14 months between my 2nd and 3rd, then three years between my 3rd and 4th. So there is only a difference of 5 1/2 years between my first and fourth child! They are now 19, 18, 17 and 14 years old.
I feel I was right to have my children when I was young, because I was slim, fit and had the energy to cope with sleepless nights and running round after toddlers.
I am now 40 and I feel tired if I have a disturbed night's sleep, so I think it would be terrible if I had a newborn baby to deal with now, as I don't have the energy!!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
15 Jun 10
I've just turned 30 and I no longer have the energy to chase after little kids... too bad I still have little kids! My youngest is only 2 and he's at that stage right now where he's into everything, and while I'm cleaning one mess he's in another room creating another mess. I'm exhausted before lunch!
1 person likes this
@karen1969 (1779)
•
15 Jun 10
Oh dear! But then, I guess I may become a grandmother in my 40s, so I will need to go through it all again! 
@aquariand (464)
•
8 Jun 10
I was eighteen when i hawd my son and lots of people said i was far too young to have a child, but I felt alright and was happy to have him.
Looking back now i had so much energy then and looking after a child seemed easy, it never bothered me having sleepless nights as i was young enough to catch up with the sleep.
Now he is 30 and i am 49 and we are best friends the age gap doesn't seem to be a problem and his mates think i am cool.
other friends of his of the same age have old parents and say they wish their parents were are young and understanding as i am.
I don't think age is a disadvantage at all.
