Would You Rather Confide In A Man Or A Woman?
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
June 14, 2010 7:16pm CST
I would confide in a man..most definitely! My husband, preferably!
In my experience women love to gossip which can be damaging in their relationships with so-called "best mates." Saying to (some) women, "please keep what I am about to tell you to yourself" is usually a green light for them to tell all to anyone who will listen, often exaggerating with each new person they spill the beans to.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever lost close friends because they couldn't keep their mouths shut?
I would love to hear your views on this..both the men and women of course.
In my experience women love to gossip which can be damaging in their relationships with so-called "best mates." Saying to (some) women, "please keep what I am about to tell you to yourself" is usually a green light for them to tell all to anyone who will listen, often exaggerating with each new person they spill the beans to.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever lost close friends because they couldn't keep their mouths shut?
I would love to hear your views on this..both the men and women of course.2 people like this
13 responses
@tomitomi (5429)
• Singapore
15 Jun 10
I have confided in both man and woman. I can say I have lost some close friends too, both man and woman because they just couldn't keep their mouths shut. But I do have other friends too where I confide my fears, my worries about work, both man and woman whom I trust and rely for some peace knowing they know how to keep their mouths shut. The best person to confide in is always my wife and for that I love her more. You tend to get various answers from various people for the things you confide in and for whatever answers it gives you peace knowing they remain confidential. It's not the man or woman but the kind of man or woman that matters here.
1 person likes this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
15 Jun 10
Hi tomi tomi: I agree with you, there's no difference between men and women in this subject. If a person is a good confident he/ she will remain silent after you share with him/ her a secret, if not they will open their mouth. It's sad to finish a friendship because of that. I think I will talk to a person that has revealed a secret to me b ut I'll never trust on this person anymore so something in me would die after this. Thanks for your answer. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
For the wrong reasons they had, probably greed, friendship suffered.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
15 Jun 10
It's good that you can do that with your male best friend. I suppose that once you have gained his trust it becomes easier to confide in him more..so you don't really need to confide in anyone else but him. That's great!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160708)
• United States
15 Jun 10
The only man I confide in is my husband. I have one or two girlfriends that I can confide in and we respect each other's confidences.
1 person likes this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
15 Jun 10
same here Garden. He's the only person who accepts me for who i am and trusts everything i shared. he allows me to speak my mind and heart and ever ready to lend an ear and a hug all the time!
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
16 Jun 10
Hey Janey... :) You have come up with a topic that has been controversial for ages... I agree with your views upon the unreliability of ladies in the matter of keeping secrets. They invariably spill the beans!!! And yet, I have known a few women who can keep a secret with them for all life and take it to their grave. Yes, there are strong ladies like that..
Also, it wouldn't be entirely justified to rely upon men to keep secrets... Because there are a many weak minded fellows who would be sharing things with others.
It is not about gender, not in this age, my friend... It is all about how strong and trustworthy a person is... If you trust your friend and if you know he/she has a strong will power, then you can easily share your secrets with them...
I agree with your views upon the unreliability of ladies in the matter of keeping secrets. They invariably spill the beans!!! And yet, I have known a few women who can keep a secret with them for all life and take it to their grave. Yes, there are strong ladies like that..
Also, it wouldn't be entirely justified to rely upon men to keep secrets... Because there are a many weak minded fellows who would be sharing things with others.
It is not about gender, not in this age, my friend... It is all about how strong and trustworthy a person is... If you trust your friend and if you know he/she has a strong will power, then you can easily share your secrets with them... 
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
20 Jun 10
I agree that women tend to gossip a lot and while talking they are bound to share things which are better hidden... But as you related here your personal experience, there are a few strong ladies who can be trusted with gravest of the secrets and such ladies progress a lot... In fact, such people go ahead with a slow and steady pace...
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
19 Jun 10
It's just that women tend to gossip more, in my experience anyway. I suppose it depends on the type of subject one wants to confide in another person about. I did know a female friend a few years ago who was very sweet and didn't tell a soul anything about me at all, not that I had any secrets or anything. I just KNEW she wouldn't have said anything if I HAD told her something, if that makes sense. Her best friend though, was another matter. No way would I tell her anything, she didn't even keep stuff to herself about the other friend I mentioned. Not a nice person at all!
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
19 Jun 10
honestly, I don't believe in secrets and pretty much tell everyone everything
however, I don't confide in anyone but a councilor if I need advice and can't ask just everyone
I am more comfortable with a female, but since the rape attempt in college I'm not as comfortable with men...
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
19 Jun 10
I can well understand that my friend. 
I have had good female friends in the past, believe me but as I've got older..dunno why, it's more difficult to find a female friend and confide in them.
Having said that, when I had my horrendous period moment a couple of months ago all the people that helped me out were female...apart from John buying some baby wipes for me, bless his heart. One of them kept her word and said to others on the coach that I'd "fallen over" and, sure enough, someone asked me how my knees were a few weeks later! For a split second I couldn't understand what she meant but then I realised.
Yes, there are some good ladies I know in Carlisle but I couldn't confide in them...not yet anyway, maybe in another 10 years!
I have had good female friends in the past, believe me but as I've got older..dunno why, it's more difficult to find a female friend and confide in them.
Having said that, when I had my horrendous period moment a couple of months ago all the people that helped me out were female...apart from John buying some baby wipes for me, bless his heart. One of them kept her word and said to others on the coach that I'd "fallen over" and, sure enough, someone asked me how my knees were a few weeks later! For a split second I couldn't understand what she meant but then I realised.
Yes, there are some good ladies I know in Carlisle but I couldn't confide in them...not yet anyway, maybe in another 10 years! @msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
15 Jun 10
Hi Jane,
I have a female bestfriend before but when she left for Canada, i never have one. Ihave so many friends but not to the point of having best friends where i can confide everything----until i met my hubby. from then on even if we started as friends, both of us were so comfortable with each other as far as confiding matters with each other. until now we maintained this kind of openness. he's my confidante ever. he's not only a hubby but a bestfriend and a partner.
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
16 Jun 10
we are so happy and blessed for having such a great hubby like yours and mine! i never failed thanking God for my hubby. a true friend indeed!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
15 Jun 10
Hiya Winky!
Awww, that's lovely to know. In fact I know I can rely on John to keep stuff to himself. He certainly doesn't slag me off to his parents...he wouldn't dare. Haha!
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
16 Jun 10
i would rather confide in a man as well for the same reason as yours... even though i am a woman as well and not to discredit woman, but woman really like to gossip and can't really keep a secret very well... i would rather keep the secret to myself and not tell a single soul about it if i think that i can't trust anybody to share my secret with... take care and have a nice day...
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
16 Jun 10
Yes, I suppose if you wanted to keep something completely secret the only way you can do so is not to tell anybody. That's a very good point!
@GardenGerty (160708)
• United States
15 Jun 10
The only man I confide in is my husband. I have one or two girlfriends that I can confide in and we respect each other's confidences.
@BarBaraPrz (47344)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
15 Jun 10
I have a friend who constantly starts conversations with "Don't tell anyone, but between you and me..." and then proceeds to tell me something about one of her other friends. It goes in one ear and out the other. I sometimes wonder what she says about me, but I don't really tell her anything I wouldn't tell anyone else.
BTW, men love to gossip as much as women do.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
15 Jun 10
Men tend to gossip about different things to women, in my view. I know that John gets a grilling from his parents (when I'm not there) over a whole host of things but, on the whole he keeps stuff to himself. However, most men don't like confrontation with their parents so that might have something to do with it lol.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Jun 10
Hasn't bit me so far, that I know of.
Depends on what I'm confiding as to whether it's a man or a woman.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
15 Jun 10
I confide on my guy friends. Whenever i want something spilled all over town in one night i'll confide with a girl. Lol
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
15 Jun 10
Haha! I like it! Women can always be relied upon to spread gossip like wild fire!
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
15 Jun 10
Hi Janey: This has happened to me both with men and women so I think there's not a big difference. People usually says that women love to gossip but men talk a lot too when they are with their friends so I think I would share a secret we a person that I know enough and that I know I can trust in him/ her. Thanks for asking me this question. Have a nice day.
ALVARO.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
15 Jun 10
It's funny that you say that about men gossiping. I often go to football games in the wintertime with my hubby and he can talk with his friends for ages about..yes, you guessed it, football! It never fails to amaze me how long they can talk about this one subject for. Soccer pundits on the telly (all male) are the same. They never shut up!
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