Why is my mother-in-law so concerned about me?
By cream97
@cream97 (29086)
United States
June 15, 2010 2:35pm CST
I am having this problem with her. This woman has to know what I am doing when she calls. I want to know, what can make someone so overly concerned about another person? Why does she even care what I am doing at home. Why is it so much for her to know what I am doing? If she does find out what I am doing, then how is that helping her any? Do you think that she admires me or something? Please give me your answers as to why she acts this way. Thank you all.
4 people like this
17 responses
@Joyce_04 (84)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
That is why I don't like my mother-in-law. I have the same question like you do. I also feel that my mother-in-law is always concern with what I'm doing because she wants to find out if I am doing the right thing for my family or not. If ever she would find out that I made mistakes, she would be gossiping things to my husband and usually it will start a fight.
I don't know if your mother-in-law just do that to break the ice in a conversation or she is just really concern or she just wants to find out how are you doing. But I hope your mother-in-law is not like mine.
~wish you all the best!
1 person likes this
@allknowing (137792)
• India
16 Jun 10
Your mother-in-law won't be bad as the one in the tv serial here that I am watching. The husband gets violent with his wife and the mother in law tells the son hit her but see that you do not do it on her stomach as she is carrying my grand child!!
1 person likes this
@airakumar (1553)
• India
16 Jun 10
I think first of all, you need to talk to your husband about your feelings on the interference and see what his views are. Remember it is difficult for him as he is "sandwiched" between one, his wife and two, his mother and sister. Only then you can decide your next course of action. I would not recommend you a confrontational approach to this subject. This is a delicate matter. My friend has been in the same position as you so I know what you are writing about.
1 person likes this
@reene0225 (351)
• United States
18 Jun 10
I think she's just nosey. She's the type of person that has to know everything about everyone all the time. She reminds me of our new neighbor in a way. The guy sits in his window and watches my boyfriend and the workers that are remodeling our house every minute they are outside. Literally, every minute. He just sits there and stares out the window like he has to know what we are doing to our house. It won't help him to know what we're doing. It's pretty creepy when people are overly concerned and nosey. Another reason she may act like that is she could be jealous of you. She's so concerned how you're taking care of her son and she's jealous because you haven't screwed up yet; and quite possibly doing a better job of taking care of him than she did.
1 person likes this
@rameshchow (4426)
• India
15 Jun 10
You have a comman problem.
This type of problems we generally saw in every united family.
Commonly the mother-in-laws are aged persons and they want to rule their daughter-in-laws.
There is a best solution for this problem.
You also concern on her.
And ask her many doubts which are happen in her young age(like your age), This will takes her to her young age, may then she realizes. And become friendly with you.....
1 person likes this
@princesslawyer0515 (270)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
Be thankful that she is concerned about you. It could mean that she's fond of you. However, if she makes you feel uneasy, try to tell her so. Only you can feel what's going on.
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
16 Jun 10
I really don’t know how long you are married but often for newly married couples, the extended family tries to be extra sweet and concerned just to make the bride/groom part of the family…it’s a nice gesture before people start acting their true colours LOL
However, if this doesn’t apply to you, maybe she’s plain and simple curious and nosy???!!!
Or maybe she’s bored with her own life and wants you to add some spice to it!!!!
Also, she could be indirectly keeping a tab on how her son is being taken care of by trying to understand what exactly you do at different times of the day
endless possibilities
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
16 Jun 10
It sounds to me that she has nothing else to focus her attention on. She may have also had a feeling about something to do with you and she is just checking on you.
I think she is bored and has nothing to occupy her time. Also you recently moved from her home and she may be a bit lonely although she may never tell you this.
So she comes to you with concerns for you.
No one knows but her why she is doing this...so ask her! Then you will know.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
15 Jun 10
Hi Cream,
I have no idea at all why your mother in law calls to ask what you are doing. I am guessing that she likes you and is just looking to start up a conversation...maybe to get closer to you?? Maybe she asks what you are doing to make sure she is not interupting you doing something important??
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Jun 10
hi cream sometimes people are not good at conversations and just
use that as an ice breaker a lot like asking how are you when
you meet a casual acquaintance. I mean what on earth else could
it be unless she is just nit picking. Maybe she is really trying
to make up for the shi@@y things she has said to you. I picture her
as a woman who is very self centered and thinks everything should
revolve around her. she is maybe trying to mend her self absorbed
ways.Maybe she does admire you and does not know how to show
it. Its hard to analyze someone at a distance.So I can only go
with what I think may be the reasons. I think in her own selfish
ways she does care about you but it is hard for her to admit it.
1 person likes this
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
15 Jun 10
Well it can be that she really wants to know what you're doing out of curiosity or just as an opener to her telephone conversation, or she wants to know so she can tell everyone at the family, guess What I call cream97 and she was watching tv at 9 oclock in the morning but why I never turn on my tv till after the seven oclock news lol, I would need to know your mom in law in order for me to figure why she asks.
But those are the only two reasons that pop to mind, it is either to chat or to tell others.
1 person likes this
@airakumar (1553)
• India
16 Jun 10
Hi, the same case is with one of my friends, she is frustrated now but can't help it after all it is mother-in-law. The only suggestions I can give you is that avoid interfering as she is not be called selfish but a very interfering individual and she is very eager to know each and everything going on in your life. I think nothing worse than people interfering all the time.. I would say that choose your battle - You should not be a pushover - she should never dictate what you wear or who you invite to your house. But nor is it worth fighting over which way the onions should be chopped. You might flatter her by saying: "What a great idea. I hadn't thought of that.
A difficult mother-in-law is rather like a challenging child who derives pleasure from annoying you. 'Don't give her the satisfaction of rising to the bait, thus confirming her belief that you are the difficult one, Be polite and gracious, no matter how angry you feel. Once she's gone, you'll be able to take off that halo and laugh about her foibles. That's when the fun really starts.
I would say that choose your battle - You should not be a pushover - she should never dictate what you wear or who you invite to your house. But nor is it worth fighting over which way the onions should be chopped. You might flatter her by saying: "What a great idea. I hadn't thought of that.
A difficult mother-in-law is rather like a challenging child who derives pleasure from annoying you. 'Don't give her the satisfaction of rising to the bait, thus confirming her belief that you are the difficult one, Be polite and gracious, no matter how angry you feel. Once she's gone, you'll be able to take off that halo and laugh about her foibles. That's when the fun really starts.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56053)
• Los Angeles, California
15 Jun 10
That's probably some automatic "line" that pops out of her mouth to make conversation. Maybe it's not that she really wants to know what you're doing - but that's just something she just "says". I'd just give her a one liner and brush it off - unless she is saying negative things about it after you tell her. It'd be funny if you kept giving her the same answer every time she asked . . . then maybe she'll catch on to how annoying she is - hee hee.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168318)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Jun 10
Whatcha doing? Is a normal thing asked by people everywhere. Maybe you are feeling overly sensitive due to something else that is bothering you. Either with her or something else going on in your life. I would think about that. I really don't think it is unnormal for her to ask what you are doing? Alot of people do it.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
16 Jun 10
Hi, celticeagle. Her whatcha doing, is not what you think. Let me briefly explain what this phrase means to her. She will ask me what I am I doing and I will tell her that I am busy and she will be like busy doing what.. That kind of thing. She wants an exact answer and she knows that I won't give her one. She is just waiting for the day that I can just slip up and tell her just what I am doing in my life. Many things she does not need to know. One time she asked me, "so what do you do while you are in your apartment"? My mil wants to compare herself to me. She figures since I am at home like she is, that I am doing nothing. But that is not true. I do more than she ever does. My mil does not keep her house clean. It needs cleaning, but she never cleans it up. She has plenty of things that she can do, but she just chooses to sit around and do nothing. But I am not like her. I come from a family that is always doing something. I just can't sit around and do nothing all day long. She has been always like this with me. No one will ever believe me until they become me for just one day with her.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
17 Jun 10
But that is so sad. She is older than me, it looks like she should not be needing my advice when it comes to her learning something that I am doing. It looks like I should be the one that is asking her for help. I told her that I have never seen anyone her age act the way that she does.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168318)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Jun 10
Maybe she is asking for help. Maybe she never learned how to clean. If she asked you what you are doing then maybe she will learn through that what she should be doing. Maybe she doesn't have the nerve to ask for the help.
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2580)
• India
16 Jun 10
It isnt a big problem.Theses are very small small problems and better you ignore it.May be she is just little bit curious and want to know whats going on in your life and want to know you as a person.May be she is concern about her boy and want to know what you guys are doing and if her boy is ok.
@ahinora (56)
• Bulgaria
20 Jun 10
Every one mother loves a child and she is not sure that somebody else is able to carry after her child in exactly way which she think.that's why any time she is trayng to verificated that the choice of child is good and that you are happy.Maybe when you become parents it will be the same for your children.
