Hiding feelings

im so sorry for you :( you got hurt so much in the past you dont deserve to be hurt again :( your daughter that man controlled her absolutely but also she shouldnt had listened to him. she knew what he did to you. he put petrol on you and would stike the matches? he threatened to kill you. if i knew my mother ran from my father bcs of it i would never even want to meet him. also why your daughter wanted her father to walk her down the isle? maybe she when she meet him thought he changed his personality and ok maybe she could be friends with him bcs she thought he was good but asking him that when your hubby was the one that was always there for her and did all for her? how could she do it? your ex husband put her against you thats true but also she could had think my mother has taken care of me always if wasnt her where would i be? we can think that someone changes and maybe she could think he was good now but if he put her against you is obvious that he didnt change at all :( she has to think in what you and you hubby did for her. and how you got hurt by that man in the past to dont want to see him again. im very sorry for what happened to you. maybe you can talk with your daughter alone and say to her why you dont want see that man again and that you love her and never would do something to hurt her. i wish she understands you bcs you just deserve happiness now^^ im here if you need to talk ok?^^ also you have a great hubby^^ lean on him^^

aquariand, I don't think your daughter has literally stormed out on your life and you should not feel desolate here. Firstly, I felt that there's a certain part of you that is preventing you from getting over your horrific and painful past. I am sympathetic with what you had gone through and I am not suggesting that you patch up as a married couple with your ex-husband. However, your half willing forgiveness does seem to be the catalyst for your bad falling out with your daughter. Your daughter is right that whatever is the past is history and that you should walk the talk, as far as forgiveness is concern. There is no such thing as doing things half heartedly or half willingly, you will only be deemed a hypocrite at the end of the day. The last thing should have done was to attend your daughter's wedding with your husband amid your disappointment and tears. My mother once taught me about the difference of an adult parent and adult child where she said - "The stark difference is that an adult parent is not allowed to cry a tear in front of their adult children when they are disappointed or angry. They can only cry in the heart and despite the burden on their shoulders and souls, could still find the reserve to open their arms and protect their children from the harms way." There's nothing you can do with the foregone wedding but you can do something from today. You can start forgiving your ex and face your own demons, you need to come to terms that people can change for the better and you do not need to feel skeptical if your daughter and ex is relating well. He is her biological father after all and that your daughter has the right to him. At the same time, you will need to learn to trust your daughter with her judgment to tell right from wrong and lies from truth. Failing, will just be telling the world that you have failed as a parent in parenting and her upbringing, which I really do not have an inkling doubt. So, start being a wonderful mother again and leave your demons behind. Take some time after the storm and make it up to your daughter with your husband where the both of you had left off. I am sure if you explain your side of the story and apologize for missing out on her wedding, your daughter will understand. Joy Page once said: "You may not seem able to change some outer circumstances but you can start by changing your inner experience of life and yourself. " Take care and have a nice day.

i think things will start with forgiveness so that you will be able to face this ex. since you have a brand new life, you have to move on without any excess baggage of anger in your shoulder. Humility and forgiveness is the key - add it with prayer that things will be patched up. Apologize to your daughter also :)

hi there, i'm really sorry to hear this and i understand how painful it is to you. if i was in your shoe, then i pretty much will actually act the same. i'm happy to forget someone who was violent to me and never again hear anything from them. but if he comes back around, then i have no guarantee that i may will live in a peace. but dear, now it's involving your daughter. i really am sure, that she has no bad intention towards you. maybe, when you didn't attend her wedding, she was probably thinking that her feeling wasn't anything to you compare to your own. yeah, it's hard, it is involving 2 feelings that requiring one to be very strong. and the fact that her father made all his effort to make her wedding more colourful, actually it made me think,.."why do you let him to let you down again? now you've got better life with better man. show it to him, show him that he made no good that there was no reason for you remember him". it is hard, but go step by step. take time, take a deep breath. your daughter now is i think just very disappointed over how she was treated at her wedding day. maybe what she wanted was, she just merely wanted her biological parents to be there..and nothing more than that. but what you did is now has actually made it worst. what if one day you fell out with your daughter, then you start missing her and regretting the past? and the longer you live it like this, the harder it's gonna be. don't mind about the cruel man, just take care of your matter between you and your daughter. good luck