TRUst?
By Adeliza1220
@Adeliza1220 (877)
United States
June 20, 2010 5:35pm CST
For some reason there are men who believe all their actions have a justified reason and well after a while those excuses end up just being played out. A male tells you "why do you not trust me are you insecure or what? I am always home, I do not know why you are acting this way it's not as if I go any where." And well this is the kind of response after you find two seperate inappropiate text pictures from two seperate so called friends. One in a bikini and the other just her bare boob. So indeed yes I was very hurt because it seems as though there are just an on going chain of lie after lie. Excuses, first it was just one girl and then it just changes... I mean does he ever listen to himself? Insecure no honey you have it all wrong it has nothing to deal with that.... 8 years and after everything else he has put me through I fail to see why I do not just let him be... I'm exausted of going through this like a broken record he asks why can't I just trust him well let me see for reasons like this it makes it complicated. If a male is very protective of his phone and even has passcodes only when he is at home what do you think? All outgoing are erased...mmm yes indeed and the gut feeling of a woman is never wrong and why do we tolerate so much when we can be treated so much better? A person does deserve to have some kind of life where you do not always have to be watching over your shoulder.. it get's tiring we are not in highschool we are parents of a two year old girl. Life is very suprising but at the same time is all this truely neccasary?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
21 Jun 10
I’m sure your gut feeling will be proved correct in due course…however, why do you feel its necessary to continue this way? I’m sure you must have spoken to him innumerable times and he’s given you the same false assurances, so why are you continuing with him? For your child? For financial support or are you not confident of yourself? whatever be the cause, I think you should have a clear talk with yourself … try to find out what exactly you want!
2 people like this
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
12 Aug 10
Thanks for your response and I assure you we are not just together for the child or financial support when we got back together after being seperate we wanted to be together as partners and as a family. Thanks for the advice I will definetly put everything on the table.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
21 Jun 10
Hi sudipta callingu: I agree with you. When these things happend it's good to ask ourselves what makes us continue being here and what can we do to change this situation. If you love someone then why are you suffering from this relationship that you have. Thanks for your answer and advice. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
@celticeagle (168256)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jun 10
Necessary?( Necessary for him maybe!) I think it goes way beyoung necessary? Are you, a responsible parent, going to stay there and let this man continue doing what he is doing or are you going to get out before the hate and contempt you begin to feel for this man overshadows any amount of decorem ou can muster and you can't maintain any more where he is concerned. Yes, you have a small daughter. Do you want her to put up with this sort of thing in her life? If she sees you doing it she will repeat it in her life. You need to get out of there and show your daughter that this is not talerated.
1 person likes this
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
12 Aug 10
Thanks for your response it has been a while since I have gotten on and I do appreaciate your point of view it is just harder to say it than to do it.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168256)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Aug 10
Counseling helps. I think you need to set up some boundaries and grow some self esteem. You deserve better than you are getting and as long as you let it happen it will and only get worse. I know its hard. But well worth it. And good for your children to see you stand tall and not be defeeted by creeps.
1 person likes this
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
15 Aug 10
Thank you for your advice and that is exactly what I did set up those bounderies and in regards to my self esteem you have that right I do need to seek professional help just because it goes deeper into the childhood years.
1 person likes this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
21 Jun 10
Hi adeliza: I think that you have your right to make this questions. It's nmot about trust it's that the person you love is part of a relationship so he has responsabilities. He can't hide things and then ask you to trust in him. I don't like the "why do you not trust me" thing. Is he asking you to be blind or to not say anything when you don't like something that is hapenning in your relationship? I think that when you have a partner is good to tell all the things that you don't like and that includes to express your doubts and fears, because you must be sure about what's hapenning with your partner. Thanks for sharing with us your story. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
12 Aug 10
Thanks for your open opinion on the topic it is great to hear that I am not totally the crazy person as he puts me down to be.
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
Trust is very important in a relationship. As they say, it is like a glass, once broken you can never put it back together as the original. Yes you can stick it together but not as strong already as before. When a man does it once, he can do that to you again and again. What he is doing is really a headache. I totally understand your situation. He's hiding and lying to you a lot of things that's why he has passcode or very protective of his phone. So I think you really should do something about it as early as now, while your baby has no uderstanding yet of what he is doing. If he can't change anymore, don't waste your life with him. He will only make your life miserable repeatedly. You will never be happy and at peace if there's no trust anymore.
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@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
12 Aug 10
Thank you for your response and for giving me your imput. After the incident we have tried to make things work I do not know if I am making a mistake so far things are going good.
@aquariand (464)
•
21 Jun 10
Why settle for anything less than what you and your daughter deserve? Which is love, respect truth in a relationship and harmony if this is not there you have to give this man an ultimatum, either he shapes up or gets out, you'll soon see where his loyaties lay. You should not have to tolorate this behaviour
1 person likes this
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
12 Aug 10
Thanks for your response. After this was posted me and him did have a long talk about where things stood for the momment and of course for future.. and hopefully things will stay right.
@reallucky1 (19)
• United States
21 Jun 10
Because you let him get away with it. If you put your foot down and say thats it or started duplicating the actions he might change or the sad reality the relationship would end. But if you are finding naked boobs and bikini clad texts and erased messages sounds like he is not being faithful anyways. You need to decide if that is the kind of relationship you want. I used to think that was an acceptable way to live but after I got a divorce and realized I deserve better than that, my life is much happier. I am with a man I trust and never have to worry about that. He is home with me and we do everything together. You have to decide what you already know which is it doesnt have to be involved with an untrustworthy man. Harder to do and easier to say.
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
12 Aug 10
Thanks for your response it is always great to hear from someone who has experience in this area and I will really think things through
@urbandekay (18278)
•
21 Jun 10
The gut feelings of a woman are often wrong and many women are very bad at trusting. But here it does sound a little suspicious
all the best urban
@nympha687 (940)
• United States
20 Jun 10
I understand your sentiments. Perhaps this is because the male species are the ones that undergo less adaptations thus they are less likely to change. This stems from man's psychological nature and the kind of social position they had in the past. If you don't want to get hurt, drop him. Painful at first but is worth it in the long run. As you step into a new relationship with a man, you must be aware of what you are getting into. Remember, they will not change.
1 person likes this
@Adeliza1220 (877)
• United States
20 Jun 10
Thank you for your response. It is very difficult because all I have ever done is made excuses for his actions but yet I have carried all his faults on my back and that load is just to heavy after a while.. emotionally as a person. It is just so hard for me to let go no matter what. I am trying my best to just drop him..
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
13 Jul 10
adeliza i dont want to make you more worried but i guess you are right :( maybe he is cheating on you i dont know but is strange that he has passcodes on his cellphone. if he didnt have nothing to hide why he put that? if i had a bf and he put passcodes on his cell i would think that he was doing something and didnt want i found it out :( also you saw those girls pics on his computer right? who were they? friends he has online? anyway if he is being bad to you dont be with him :( you need to find a guy that really loves you and that doesnt do this kind of things^^ cheer up^^
