Stop thinking!

Thank you Shibham for being so nice. I loved him a lot and now after five years it is difficult not to feel the pain and the cries of the nights. I thought about it the whole night while he could have been sleeping peacefully, but I could not because I was thinking of everything. I gave him everything I had and I do not even regret about it, I do not even blame someone. But I am a human being afterall and human beings are never too strong to fight with everything and everyone though we can have a lot of confidence, but what is the use of having a lot of confidence when you have your own standing in front of you.

@alaskanray. Thanks for your compliments friend. I am pretty sure that i am able to make her happy but she also must have to be polite, kind heartend and supportive. @med. No need to be worry. Let them go as past is always past. I dont know why some persons behave so to their partners? Dont know why they tend to apply their braveness and strength in front of girl. Its too harsh. I am too positive, not braging but she must have to be positive and loveable to me. Hope your sorrows are all over now. Take care.

Wow! You sound like one in a million. Hope you find your lady soon. Happiness to you!

When something like this happens, we just cannot stop thinking of the how and the why. And what we get in return is hurt and pains, why are we so human? with limited powers to control our thinking and feeling! I just need to be strong again to be back to the normal.

sometimes i would do that but it's not easy as I thought it would be. but it's better than thinking and thinking something a like. but i must say i don't do this all the time, i also think, think and think until i got tired of thinking of it.

I also do not know how it is possible. No matter how much we can say to forget things but I cannot because I constantly think about it and it won't let me sleep properly and then I would cry for the terrible moments I have been living. I hate when he says that I am forbidding him to enjoy with his families and friends while this is completely wrong and false. I never intended to do it and now after he said that I am feeling terribly guilty as If I was really to be blame.

I should be happy but I think it is not possible for so soon. I think I have a right to expect a little in return. Everyone is tired when returning from the office to home but why I should always be waiting the "moment" to have a talk, else he might vent his anger on me when saying that he is already tired from the office and do not irritate him, my conversations irritate him and as far as I know communication is very important in a relationship but if we fail to communicate then I also know the consequences. I wish I could have controlled my feelings but after five years of being together I cannot.

okay. Then go ahead communicate.

Very good explanation kqara0. I totally agree with you.

I told him everything and everytime I do, But why can't be remember and try not to repeat it, There have been many women who have tried to separate us, they are his friends only and I never suspected him to an extend of leaving him but now it is paining inside, and it hurts, I have spend many nights without sleep and yesterday I did the same till the sun rise. I feel strange inside. How come someone be so indifferent towards love, care and affection? I gave him everything, really everything, I even accepted to leave everyone for him if the matter comes to such an extend but now I want to be "me" and forget about everything, I know it is very difficult because once I close my eyes, they turn wet and I cannot sleep.

I always introduce him to all my friends but even if a friend is talking to him and I am next then my boyfriend will never ever bother to introduce me to his friend. I do not mind because this is triviality for me. I also told him that since we are in a couple we have to choose our family friends who are both his and my friend. And instead of getting emails, messages that he is flirting with someone else! I trusted him completely but as a human being I have the little right to expect something in a relationship too, I am not asking him to make me the top priority of his but atleast do not tell me things which hurts like I am forbidding him from enjoying with cousins or families which is totally wrong. I have always treated his family as mine. I do not know what else I could do. I am in a terrible juncture of life and thankfully I love writing a lot which is helping me release some of the pains.

Okay, here is what I'm hearing. He has female friends who are not your friends. That is wrong. If he is going to have friends and you are a couple, you need to be included with those friends. If they are not your friends, too, he should not keep that friendship. You are a couple. If he doesn't see that, then he is not ready for a committed relationship. You need to take care of yourself, first, kiddo. If he doesn't care enough to take your side if his friends don't befriend you, then he's not the one for you. Please don't take this too much to heart. I don't know everything about your problem so this is just generality. Only you can know what is right for you...and I agree with the others here. PRAY. God will help you to know what is right for you. Don't cry too long. You are a precious lady and deserve to be happy. Hugs.

I will always be praying for both of us now smiley to get time to heal the inner pain and to start life afresh with new thoughts, new ideas and new circle of good ones.

What has made me had sleepless nights are the guilty feelings I had because of something I never did or wished for. I never ever intended to deprive him of any enjoyments in life even in families. How could he say such a big thing to me and not once but many times. I am patient in love matters but not always and why should I be? To let the other continue to blame me? No I am not that type of person to fall so low to deprive someone of happiness. Personal life and professional life are two different things, I wished he could have dealt with them. He works the whole week, okay I do not either ask him to go out every week, and even if I wish to then I should see if he is too tired to ask. But I do not mind as I understand him. When he is too tired I have to wait for an appropriate moment to say something, and if ever I have not waited then he vent his anger on me saying that I do not understand him at all and he is already too tired to discuss that. What should I do then?? I wait for the whole day to talk to him in the evening, and again I have to see if he is angry or not, tired or not. He is not a bad person but I am a human being too and I need affection from someone whom I love. If asking him to send something romantic is too much asking then why I never see that myself? It is always me to bring new ideas for the relationship to grow, always me sharing new jokes, riddles, small poems, songs everything for the relationship to be alive! A relationship needs many ingredients to survive and I am tired of being the provider of most of the ingredients. I do not hold a blame for him. I never will. He should work too, I understand, and he works for both of us in the mean time afterall. I appreciate that. There is something called management in life and even if I will ask him to do that he will say he is not someone to plan things but to live with them like they are. But if we have a planning of what we have to do then it makes life easier in a couple.

I understand you and I'm sure my girlfriend thinks the same way as you. I am happy you told me this because I know how she might be feeling. I work too. and a lot. It just gets me tired. I want to buy a car, do things that will make us feel more comfortable in the future. And I hope that she understands that my tiredness and fatigue is the price to pay. I never wanted to hurt her. and I hate it when people hurt her. But I am not conscious when it is me hurting her. I hope she understand this because she's the one I love the most in my life. It's true. I realise it only when I think about it. I know it's not good to always blame a person. I think it's a bad habit of mine of in my nature to always blame the other. I admit it. I want my girlfriend to slap me everytime I do this kind of thing. It will be a reminder to this conversation. I really hope that she understands me. If I do not do little romantic things it's just because my work is draining so much energy and I also have to take the bus two times in one day to go more than half of the country's distance everyday. and I also walk 40 minutes to go to work. Anyway. I love her and right now I'm missing her, and realising my mistakes.

I need to get a very good sleep tonight to be able to think of myself tomorrow. The previous night have been spend in tears and when I closed the eyes I could only see negative things around. Thank you for the response.