I'm stressing out and don't know what to do
@jewelenterprises (1996)
Australia
July 3, 2010 4:34am CST
I've been invited to a birthday party next Saturday night. My ex husband is turning 50, my son is turning 18 and my daughter turned 21 a couple of weeks ago. The children live with my ex.
The problem is, this will be the first family occasion I have attended since my daughters graduation from grade 6 when certain family members were decidedly uncivil and were constantly giving me dirty looks and unfriendly comments.
Of course, a situation like this is always awkward. I can hope that the passage of time will have given them the chance to get over their prejudices against me. The problem is it wasn't just a common relationship breakup, I added the further insult of having realized I was gay and pursuing a gay lifestyle so there are other prejudices involved as well... and I'm not sure whether they would have recovered from those.
If it were just their personal opinion of me I couldn't care less... but I know my children will be extremely upset if there is any hostility towards me. My son has already said that if anyone treats me disrespectfully he will 'man up and challenge them' but I don't want him to do that... they are his family just as much as I am and I don't want to see any angst created on my behalf between my children and their grandparents, aunts and uncles. I certainly won't be doing anything to get in their faces. I am 100% confident of my own ability to be civil and I'm very patient under pressure but if it gets out of hand I am likely to get angry/upset. I probably still wouldn't say anything though, for my children's sakes.
I am praying that my fears will be groundless but I'm still freaking out a bit. I can't not go or it will disappoint my son and daughter but I'm afraid of what might happen. As their mother, I have every right to be there and I certainly don't want to give in to the family by opting out either.
Any ideas what I should do if the family members concerned are hostile towards me?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@Auntiescarf (842)
•
3 Jul 10
Is this party for all three? your ex, your son and your daughter? The best thing I could advise is that if there is anything said for you to just repond and say that you are here for your kids and that your all adult enough to be able to put personal feelings aside for one night. You clearly do not want to upset your son and daughter and hopefully their other family members will feel the same way. If you find that there are any issues with family members there please remember that this is not your fault, of course there are issues with any break-up, regardless of the reasons, however it sounds from what you said that this was quite a while ago, and your son and daughter seem to support you and that is the only thing that matters. Everyone else should have dealt with their feelings by now and if you see that they are giving you dirty looks, make sure you always have a smile on your face, show them that they are not worth getting upset over.
Really in situations like this the only ones who matter are your son and daughter, and if the other family members cannot see this then it is not your fault.
@jewelenterprises (1996)
• Australia
4 Jul 10
Yes, it's for all three (they all occur over a period of 9 weeks).
Like you say, I'm hoping that enough time has passed for them to put aside their personal feelings for the night. It is over 12 years after all. In any case, I'll be smiling till my jaws ache if I have to.
The night is about my kids and my ex husband (who I get along well with) so I think I'll just focus on that and ignore the others if necessary.
@Auntiescarf (842)
•
4 Jul 10
Hopefully the other family members will at least have respect for your kids and if they do then they shouldnt cause a scene. You have the right attitude, lets hope the others have this attitude as well.
@bird123 (10643)
• United States
4 Jul 10
It doesn't matter what everyone else does. It's what you do that counts!! How about getting everyone a nice little gift? When you see them, greet them with so much love and kindness they can see nothing else.If anyone gets mean, give them an extra dose of love and kindness.If you are somehow cornered, you can say I'm sorry if anything I have ever done has hurt you. I only want the best for you with all my love. It is hard to hate someone who is loving you. Never get angry. Get loving. Now go get them. You might just change them all for the better.
@jewelenterprises (1996)
• Australia
4 Jul 10
Love your enemy (it'll drive him nuts) LOL... I know that's not the gist of the scripture but it's true nonetheless. Angst is actually more damaging to yourself than it is to the person you have the angst for. That's why forgiveness is such an important thing. It doesn't always benefit the person who is forgiven but it stops the person who forgives from being eaten away by anger.
If they want to be eaten up by their own hostility that is up to them. I won't be party to it.
In any case, I'm very good at concealing my feelings
@Boyetski (986)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
Hi.. Im a bit confused on the part that you have an ex husband, and you have kids, and youre gay? Anyway hostility towards you by family members are a bit barbaric. We can understand if your ex gets some awkward moments. But since youre not creating trouble and you have the right to see youre children. Then there is nothing there to get hostile to.
@jewelenterprises (1996)
• Australia
3 Jul 10
LOL, I'm what gets referred to in the gay community as a 'late bloomer'... someone who embraces their sexuality AFTER pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle... usually because they have blindly followed their heterosexual conditioning or sometimes because they feared the reaction so they did it to be acceptable. I was the former... didn't even realize until I fell in love with a woman when I was 30.
And yeah, there shouldn't be any hostility. But I can't help but worry. I don't expect a love fest or anything but at the same time I do hope they can control any animosity they feel towards me in the interests of Jacqueline and Christopher's feelings (and Ken's.. my ex, who I still get along quite well with despite the whole situation, and despite the times he's had an issue with it, which he had every right to of course).
