Friend problem
By denise36
@denise36 (128)
United States
July 16, 2010 11:33pm CST
I have two very good friends. One of them is my roommate and the other is a mutual friend of ours. Our mutual friend is getting very possessive of my roommate, to the point that it's making me uncomfortable. She is always wanting him to come over to help her with her new house or go to lunch or something else. She gets angry in a passive/aggressive no confrontational way if he can't. No, there is nothing "romantic" there...she sees him as a brother type. We have all been friends for years. If anyone says something even remotely negative, even in a joking way about him she will get angry. It's very odd to me and really putting a strain on the friendship between me and the other friend...I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and have kind of been staying away from her. I've tried to discuss it with her and so has my roommate but she doesn't see a problem and says she's just protecting him. She even gets to the point of telling him to move out of our house and get a girlfriend. Other than thinking she has a crush on him, which I can guarantee is not the case, does anyone have any insight?
2 people like this
6 responses
@fitts_david (4)
• United States
21 Jul 10
I don't think there is any need to assume that the friends interest is romantic. Your friend is probably one of those people who wants to be made to feel special and to that end seeks the affection of other friends. If you are getting in the way of that affection then she will get hostile. See what's going on with the rest of her life. Has she recently broken up with her boyfriend, lost another close male friend or family member, or is she having difficulty at work. Nothing every male/female relationship has to be romantic and I think most of us can think of a relationship we have were a friend comes to depend on us for support.
@denise36 (128)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Depending on someone for support is fine and understandable. I do it to my roommate too. He's my best friend and safety net. I don't get mad when he spends time with our other friend though. I actually enjoyed us all spending time together. I love them both and it makes me sad. :(
@denise36 (128)
• United States
21 Jul 10
My roommate is uncomfortable with it too. He doesn't want our friendship to suffer, mine and the other friend that is. He hasn't done anything differntly than he has over the years other than take a special interest in helping her get her new house done. He's kind of at a loss too.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
17 Jul 10
This is not a problem, its a misunderstanding! My advice is that you and your female friend decide which of you want(or can claim) the male friend as a lover. The person who can claim him as a lover wins. If you don't want him as a lover, your friend can claim him. Its that simple! Two is company, Three is a Crowd!
@denise36 (128)
• United States
21 Jul 10
I'm not real sure his girlfriend would like this option. :)
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
17 Jul 10
Hi Denise,
I'm with the others here. Sounds like a major crush to me. Maybe she doesn't want to admit it for fear of ruining the friendship or because she knows that he probably doesn't feel the same way toward her. If it is not a crush and if this is not the way she has always treated him then it is lost on me as to what else it could be. If I were you, I'd just ignore it and avoid saying anything at all in regards to this mutual friend around her or to her.
@denise36 (128)
• United States
21 Jul 10
I am ignoring it at this point. It's irrational but it makes me sad too. I will be in a position where we are all together as a group soon but I"ll just hang out with other friends and give my friend space and especially stay away from my roommate so that my friend won't feel "threatened". It's all so bizarre.
@raynejasper (2322)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
..hi.. I do think your friend has special feeling with your other friend.. based from her actions, she is just pretending that she does not have "that" feeling.. however, it is very obvious that she wants to have more time with him.. she always wanted to be with him.. well, that's in my own interpretation of her actions..
@greygoo (795)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
it seems like the girl has a major crush on your roommate~ haha. and pride keeps her from admitting so. because if the two of you already talked to her about her weird possessive stunts, then she might have received the impression that your roommate doesn't see her actions in a romantic way. 'protecting him' is probably just an excuse. i really couldn't think of any other reason.
