If a man doesn't want you at your worst...
By phoenix1344
@phoenix1344 (698)
United States
July 24, 2010 2:25am CST
Then he sure as hell doesn't deserve you at your best!
I just read this quote for the first time and there is so much truth to it! My ex... wow... we dated for almost 4 1/2 years.. and he would tell me he wasn't sure he could marry me because there were tons of things I needed to change. He wanted to move in with me as a 'test drive' to see if he could even live with me before he would propose. And I totally bought into it thinking I was lucky to have such a great man. I WAS OUT OF MY MIND!
I've been dating this other guy for like 2 months now... and hes seen the same things my ex constantly wanted me to change and hes told me that I'm amazing and even if he didn't like it about me he would never ask me to change because that is just who I am.
Ladies, keep this quote in mind! It is so true! Every woman out there deserves a man that will take you for how you are.
So mylotters what are your thoughts on this quote? After kind of experiencing it I think its true. But what do YOU think?
1 person likes this
21 responses
@lindsiko (355)
• United States
26 Jul 10
I've been in the same situation! I dated a guy for three years and was going through a hard time with some classes at college. Between school, my three jobs, and practicing for my music lessons, I was completely stressed out. Instead of trying to help or giving me space to help me get through this rough semester, my ex dumped me because he didn't think I could make him happy anymore.
@arahvma23 (269)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
True enough! You cannot love a person who just wants you to change. One cannot change a person simply because he wants to. It should be "I need you because I love you" not "I love you because I need you". You will know the difference of having a boyfriend and a partner in life when you feel satisfied and accepted, not just the pleasure of having a partner. The person who will love you for who you are wouldn't mind if you are too messy or too vain and will accept you at your weakest point.
@hestylim (1210)
• Indonesia
25 Jul 10
Yup! I agree with you, that every woman deserves a man who will accept them as who she is, loves her as who she is.
If someone cannot love us as the way we are, then I suggest everyone to just walk away. Because it is such a waste of time. This guy doesn't deserve you at all.
@Cactus2010 (167)
• India
25 Jul 10
The quote is very true. If somebody puts so many pre conditions then it is better to get rid of him/her. he/she will always tell you that you are somewhat inadequate, though the problem lies with this kind of thinking (of wanting others to change). Actually one can never change others, he/she can change himself/herself. So go in a relationship with a person whgo accepts you as you are nor a portrait of his/her imagination and reciprocate the same acceptance from your side. So beforehand you must decide what you want so that you start relationship with a person with whom you feel confortable.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
25 Jul 10
In any rekationship there should be some compromise in both sides. This is one way of showing our true feelings, and as a step toweards making things work out. I have seen many relationships that broke down even after years of marriage because one of the partners refused to take and give a little.
The guy you mentioned may not be honest. There is a possibility that he wanted a good life without the responsibility.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
25 Jul 10
My own understanding of this is that if a man can't accept your flaws because definitely you can't be perfect then he really does not deserve you at your best. Some man expects the woman to change once they're already in a relationship or before they get married. Two individuals have different personalities and there are times that we have to adjust to each other. However, it does not mean that only the other one should always adjust and even change her personality just for the relationship to work out. If the man only loves the best in you and can't accept your flaws as a person then he definitely dos not deserve you at all.
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
25 Jul 10
you are right phoenix! no man who doesn't want you in your worst and down times deserves you at your best.
Every person has his own share of imperfections and a genuine love would not mind such imperfections, only superficial ones though. As the lyrics of a song goes "don't let me change the way you are, for i love you for who you are and just the way you are".
when we love somebody truly, we will not be blind to their worse sides, but instead of changing them to conform to our own visions of a person, we will love them for their weaknesses as well as their strengths. that's true love, loving the person for everything about them. we may not like or understand them but that's part of the package. we don't go into relationships blindfolded and deaf, don't we? therefore we are already aware of such imperfections at the onset. If we can't bear with it, then bolt out before it goes deeper, don't ever attempt to change the other person.
@czanwell_30 (717)
• Philippines
25 Jul 10
They say love is Greater than God itself, It can move mountains, it cannot sees the depth of the sea... If someone really loves you, he would accept you for who you are and not for what he wants you to be... he's got the magic to make you feel better and no matter what and who you are, he will see the beauty and love everything about you even your weaknesses and strength. That is the power of love... hehehe
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
25 Jul 10
So true. I just ran into my ex and he said I was too fat. All during our marriage I would lose weight then gain it. Well running into him he is so fat now. I lost over a hundred pounds since he last saw me. He said he couldn't live with someone who couldn't have kids, well now I have five. I felt pretty good. He said I looked really good. I don't think he is that happy in his marriage but I know he loves his two daughters. I wish him the best but my life has moved on and since I saw him I thank God for unanswered prayers. I have been with my husband now for 17 years and he is a babe compared to my ex. I won't tell my husband that of course, it will inflate his ego but he is everything to me. Believe me I have been through him at his worse, and vice versa.
@cursoralbert99 (412)
• Malaysia
25 Jul 10
Yup. same as for the men as well. some of my ex-gf always tell me to change this and that. It's better to get someone who will accept you as you are and not forcing to make every changes in your life everytime.
I thought only men had this kind of problems with their couples. And just now, through this topic, I realize women also had this kind of problem.
@dr_qzn (3)
• Philippines
25 Jul 10
exactly, my first boyfriend used to accept everything about me, even the
negative ones and didnt appreciate how he was being nice to me, then we broke up
when he migrated to other country. then my 2nd boyfriend now always tell me i hate you being like this like that. and so on..and it made me realize, isnt it when you love a person you should accept everything about him/her without forcing that person to change :(
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
24 Jul 10
That quote is definitely true. True love means accepting one's flaws and weaknesses, not only the strengths of that person. It is accepting for what he/she is, whether be good or bad. If a guy does not accept your flaws or when you are at your worst, that only means that he does not truly love you.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
24 Jul 10
i have to agree with you, if you love someone you be there for thier worst and if a person cant then they cant love you or deserve you at your best.
to me like my friend her ex, had issues, so did she. she worked on changing herself well he sat there and didnt do anything to improve himself.
i look at this way if i am with a person and they got issues but working on changing themself for the better i will be there for the worst as well the best. i know my wife been there for me at my best and my worst. just like i was for her. that is what its all about.
but if a person like my friend ex, if he isnt going to work on himself then i say no.. but if he or anyone can admit i need to change and improve myself. then yea
@eurekafemme (5876)
• Philippines
24 Jul 10
Well ,this could be true, if we are talking about true love. There are some people who'd find us attractive because we are attractive but once they found out that we also have flaws then,it is bye bye.
It is unfair to ourselves when we get accepted and loved because of our good qualities as it is also unfair to others if we will only look for good qualities and despise them because of the bad.
No matter how beautiful or ugly the person, once it is true love we will learn to love and accept that. However, it doesn't mean we are going to accept and tolerate what is obviously wrong. It is better to help the person change for the better thru the love we show.
@appygudu (35)
• India
24 Jul 10
Yes you are right, we should not change ourselves for the sake of others. If someone really loves you then he will love your bad things too. Because no bady is perfect and everyone has something bad habbbit, which can't be changed, because if we change them then we'll become GOD.
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
24 Jul 10
We always dont have to look for perfect partners, but learn to live the imperfect one. I never tried to change my wife. I accepted her as she is. I heard a lot from the ousite world but nevr gave a ear to it.
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
24 Jul 10
i agree with what you said and your bf is a great guy^^ dont ever leave him ahah yes is true bcs when we love someone we love that person for who he is and not bcs he is like we want him to be. everyone has their own personality and we cant change noone. and we love that person even if has bad qualities. by the way we all have. anyway love is that like the bad and good things the person has^^ so yes this bf you have now is totally right and saying what he said just shows he really loves you^^ all guys should say the same ^^
