it's so hard to forget...

Philippines
July 27, 2010 4:49am CST
..I have dreamed for a complete family.. when I got married, I thought I was blessed since my husband was very caring and I can see he loves me.. however, things change and right now, he has another girl.. I do love him until now.. however, I have to accept the fact that he already chose her girl over us.. we have one adorable daughter.. she is still very young.. she will be 2 this coming september.. Right now, I don't also like to reconcile with my husband and I know he doesn't have any plan for us to settle things.. he doesn't want to talk to me and when I ask "what did I do to deserve all these pains?" he just keep silent.. we are still living in one roof until now but we don't see each other.. I go to work during the day, and he goes out during the night.. my in-laws are very nice to me.. they knew the sacrifices I made in order for our marriage to work.. I was never demanding with my husband's time.. he is free to do what he wants.. my in-laws were furious when they learn what happened.. my father in law volunteered to take care of my baby while I go to work.. my in-laws stays in another house quite far from where we live.. so I have to sacrifice not to sleep with my daughter.. It's so hard.. I feel pity for my baby.. I can't even concentrate with my office works.. I just try to remind myself that a better day will come.. I'm doing my best to stay positive.. however, it's really very hard.. I love my husband and I still do despite of the bad things he did.. I had always been praying that he will realize how much I loved him.. however, right now, just what I've said earlier, its difficult to forget what happened.. its not something that can be forgotten overnight.. I always feel the pain inside every time I see him.. I like to get out from our house but my in-laws told me not to get out.. At night, I always ask myself if I had done something wrong that I should be punished with this.. I always cry at night.. I'm all alone in the house..
2 people like this
16 responses
• Pakistan
27 Jul 10
my prayers for you Rayne, hopefully one day he will realize and hopefully its not too late for him. In our religion we believe that God never gives you sorrows which you cannot bear. Have faith in God and be thankful that atleast you have one lovely daughter. i was married 7 years back and after 3 years, God blessed us with a cute little angel, a baby boy, a special and a blue baby. for the initial few days, atleast i was quite depressed and sort of annoyed, but when i looked around, i found countless couples without child, and that time i prayed to God to forgive me for being selfish. today we are one happy family and enjoy each and every moment of our lives. though people around us talk a lot,but we don't care. the only thing we care about is to get the best possible for our son. Be brave and divert all in your life to your daughter. Good times gonna be close by!!!!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
..thank you so much.. nice to know wonderful parents.. Thanks for the encouragement.. I'll do me best to be brave.. God bless your good hearts..
• Pakistan
29 Jul 10
wellcome, God Bless all
• Pakistan
29 Jul 10
welcome God Bless all
@Mitraa (3184)
• India
28 Jul 10
Always be positive, never be negetive towards your husband's activites! Serve him more lovingly and I hope, he will realize soon about the mistakes and start turning up towards yor love! I also pray God for this change in your husband as wel as your happy life Rayne! May your love win your husband once again and make a happy life again! Thanks for this clear discussion!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
..thanks to both of your advice.. I'm always trying my best to stay positive and hope for the best.. and I really hope and pray that God will let my husband realize how much I loved him..
• Pakistan
28 Jul 10
i agree with you mitraa, always should be positive and positive thinking tends to turn / change negatives with the help of God, but, men like her husband, they learn the hard way. whatever good she'll do with him, he'll take that for granted. her husband is on his way to a complete disaster. I fail to understand any man could be so cruel towards his own daughter???
1 person likes this
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
I feel sorry for what happened to you. I haven't experienced what you're going through right now but for sure, I have felt a strong sense of care and affection especially to your daughter. The father of my best friend left when she was just about your daughter's age. Unlike you, my bestfriend's mom had no support from her in-laws. It was like they never cared when her husband cheated on her and went off with another woman. My best friend suffered most of what happened. She'll be 19 next week and I can really feel how it hurts her to celebrate her birthday without her father. She never had one. It pains me to see her getting hurt after all these years. I really hope that your daughter won't go through what my best friend did or is still going through. The pain is still fresh that's why its understandable that you always cry and feel the pain no matter how badly people are trying to make you happy. Yeah you do smile but none can remove that pain in your heart, in your soul, in everything. Time is the only one who can help you ease that pain.. It will really take you time to recover. Please do take good care of your daughter, guide her not just on her childhood but all the way to her teenage years. Its really the critical point in a child's life. When he/she starts to question things about her self and all. Always be supportive. Even though your husband may not come back to you, at least you have a lovely daughter who replaced him and someone who'll love you more than your husband ever did.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
..thank you.. my daughter's welfare is what saddens me more.. Though I know I can support her in every way but I can never give her the affection only a father can give.. I'm praying and hoping that my husband will realize the value of his family (us).. thank you once again..
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
Hi Rayne!! Love can't be erased that easily. I'm not married but I have tried loving someone before. Much worse that you have an adorable daughter with you. Don't worry everything happens for a reason just deal with it the positive way. I can't tell you that it will be alright soon because we can never tell. I can assure you this You are a good person and you will be rewarded soon. :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jul 10
..thank you very much for that encouragement.. I do believe everything will work out fine..
@letty15 (44)
• Canada
28 Jul 10
one day you will get over wt the pain, just keep on praying
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
28 Jul 10
very true, prayers are known to do wonders and a mother's prayers works like anything, trust me.
• India
28 Jul 10
You know the taste of bitters.Is very sad to know that your life history but never the less don't loss your hope.Always be positive and your husband will realize one day and turn back.The things written in faith will never change
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
..thank you for the words of encouragement..
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
2 Aug 10
Hdello. I'm sorry you are hurting so much but you are not alone. This has happened to so many of us and you just have to get past it. DO NOT ask what you have done wrong, ask what can you do to fix things. If you still get the silent treatment then focus on yourself and your little one. Good luck to you.
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
..thank you for your kind advice..
1 person likes this
@lulu1220 (1006)
• United States
9 Aug 10
I totally understand how you feel. I have been cheated on too and it hurts a lot. It is hard to trust him again and sometimes when I get angry at him for something else, I will bring that up and he gets mad. I truly feel for you. It must be difficult to be in this situation. You have a child and your husband seems more like a roommate to you at this point. It also seems he is avoiding discussing this with you and that is only making it worse. The two of you need to talk about this. He needs to know how you feel and he needs to acknowledge it. He also needs to make a choice. If he wants to stay married the two of you need to talk about this and deal with it. This silence and avoiding each other is only making it worse. I hope things work out for you.
@tedifa (1232)
• Indonesia
27 Jul 10
How sad...be patient rayne, maybe that was God rules. Your husband is bad choice for you. Better now you give more time to your child,the sorrow will gone with the wind.Don't forget to always pray every time. God Still loving you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
..right.. I know God will never leave me alone.. I know He's with me as I face this very difficult part of my life.. however, sometimes, I don't know what and how to ask God.. right now, I know I need strength, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.. I would appreciate if you will include me in your prayers.. thank you so much.. God bless..
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
the number one reason why boys leave their girl is because they can't bare to hurt their girl. it is their mentality that the only way to protect their girl is to leave them and that decision wouldn't be done if it is not urgent because it is always urgent to protect the girl. at many forums even at yahoo answers i always see discussions started by women talking about how bad they think men are and for those news to stop circulating most men had started to leave their beloved girl. it's not that they hate the girl they just want to avoid any hurt that will lead the girl to complain to the point of sharing it to people around the world and make the view that men are such stupid beings.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
..oh.. I hope that's the reason.. because I'm tired crying already.. I want to be happy too..
@rosie230 (1703)
27 Jul 10
I know how you feel honey... My other half cheated on me and I found out about it a few months ago. I felt absolutely gutted, like a knife had gone straight through my heart. We also have a child together, he is almost 18 months now. I have reconciled with him, and we are trying again, but it is very hard because I have lost all trust in him, and although he does try to prove that he won't do it again, well it is hard for me to believe this. The only thing I can suggest you can try and do, is find something to motivate yourself, into forgetting about him and what he has done to you and your child. Let him get on with his sorry life, and take care of your daughter the way you as a good parent should, for him to do this, he is not a good parent, because a good parent would have been there for his child. He will suffer in the long run, because he has lost out. You have not done anything wrong, same as me, I didn't do anything wrong either, I gave everything I could and I still do. Your husband had a choice and he made the wrong one. Do not blame yourself for something that he has done. Get on with your life and find a way to be happy, because you deserve it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
..thanks for the very uplifting message.. I really need this kind of advice.. right.. after all, I deserve to be happy no matter what..
• United States
27 Jul 10
well bb u have to understad tat this is bad for u and u baby u have to live him hi will undersatan one day but not for now for u to get a new life far away from him even if is painfull
@pwnson (150)
• India
27 Jul 10
When we love someone,we make a special place in our heart for that person. That place never get filled by anyone else. Someone else will have another part, but not that one.
• India
28 Jul 10
Always be positive and pray to the god,one day you will definitely get good reward for what you have suffered.Be good and do good to him one day or other he will get realize for his action
1 person likes this
@Xituwa (21)
4 Aug 10
I'm not married .but i think if you have did all the things you can do to save this marriage,the result may not so improtant .just make yourself strong enough .
• India
28 Sep 10
Hello my friend raynejasperJi, WEll, I feel very sad to know all about such affairs among newly wedded coule. But if I do not hurt you , I wish to know if your marriage wa sarranged by both parents in consultation or both of you agreed. In fact, our marriage has travelled more tahn 40 yrs now and we both are happy even today. I always het emotioned after listening all such things. Take care. May God bless You and have a great time.