Is it bad to send your old parent to a home or facility for the aged?

Children hate to think of the [possibility of sending their parents to a home for the aged. Parents also hate the thought of ever having to live there. Sometimes you just have to weigh out the options before you. Parents have to hope as they get older that their children will helpt to support and care for them. Many of the homes for the aged will do just that. There are a few exceptions out there but we have to do what we think is best when our parents can no longer care for themselves.

I also have thought about this problem a few days ago! My grandma was sick at home,alone.But my parents are busy working and have no time to take care of my grandma.I also have to stay at school and I can't do anything to help my grandmother!My father said,if my grandma get worse,I will send her to old people'home,I think it is very unfilial.Fortunately,my grandma was getting better.I can't image the sence my parents send my grandma to the old people's home!If I am able to earn money and I will live with my grandma and take care of her.But now I am only a student.

I am also from the Philippines and I am definitely against those people who send their old parents to a home for the aged. On my own opinion, We should take care of them the way they take care of us. Even if we are all busy working we should give them their needs and make an effort to give them quality time. For we will not have the life that we have right now if not because of them. And as the bible says "Do unto others what you want them to do unto you". So if you want your children to do the same thing to you then go.

The jury is out on this one. Not every one wants to stay with their children especially if they are married with their own families. We all know that it is not easy for mother-in-laws to get along with daughter-in-laws. So, many parents these days opt for homes which they called senior citizen homes. Here ,they are cared for by professionals and can find new friends. Most of these people can pay for their own upkeep if they had been successful career men or women with a nest egg.

It is really bad. Aging is a natural process from which no one can escape. After sacrificing all the life period for children, to be in an old age home is something beyond my thoughts. I thing it is the time for them to be looked after by their children. As an Indian i strongly believe in the ethics my predecessors handed over to the new generation. But unfortunately reality is negative. No body can question such acts. But you will have to answer to the question from your inner. That is all. Of course you will have to apologize.

I would think that this is the last thing I would want to do to my parents but if it came to their safety I would reconsider. My friend has a son who is mentally retarded and her mom has Dementia. Most of her married life her mom has lived with her but a year or so ago she put her in a home. Her son needs constant monitoring, as well as her mom. Both need to be watched over if they decide to leave the house. I think she broke her leg one time which made it especially hard to handle everything. She felt bad in putting her mom in a facility to avoid anyone getting hurt. Her husband works all day long so she has little ones as well. I really understood why she did it because you have to think of their safety. Like you said if you have back up help, or your children are bigger where they can help or take care of themselves it might take some of the burden off. I know here where I live there are stories of seniors taking off into the desert. It would be nice to get the help by the family or even the community but sometimes it just doesn't happen. My kids and I have visited convalescent homes and it's sad to see those seniors there that have no visits on the weekends. The forgotten crowd yet you see some that look forward to the visits from family. They understand.

I agree with "different people, different strokes". For many years, I didn't earn sufficiently, though I had all the capabilities/assets of life (other than financial). I couldn't look after my mother properly. When my eldest brother took her into his home in 2002, every day turned into living, burning hell for my mother because of my high-strung sister-in-law. After living like this for a year, my second brother in the US got wind of my mother's situation and took her away to the US. She stayed in the US between 2002 and 2009, when he brought her back to India, and set her up to live close to my youngest sister's home at a coastal town in my state. So now, my youngest sister is my mother's caretaker. I am still to see her! I am only now picking myself up life as a freelance writer and hope to start earning sufficiently in a few more months, at least enough for a decent living (without any frills) with basic choices. Given alongside is a picture of my mother.

I dont think its right to send parents to an maternity home. When we were younger most of or probably all of us were taken care of by our parents. They didnt send us to a place where people would watch us until they had time off from their jobs. They took care of us, taught us how to live and sent us to school. Even if we cant stay at home and take care of them we could at least get them a new house or something of appreciation and also get them a maid to take care of them. This is much better than sending them to live in an old peoples home where nothing exciting really happens. besides it could also give them more reasons to die faster because i am sure there are a lot of depressed and sick people in maternity homes.

hello bing,we filipinos are very well loved by our family.but i can say,not all families are like this.it really depends on our own characteristics and attitudes towards relating to others and taking care of others.some people might be busy in their lives that they can't have time to take care of their own parents who can't take care of themselves. i guess it's every children's rights to take care of their parents when they get old,because it's like our obligation and payment for those times they had took care of us when we are still babies,right?

It is a sad idea to put an elderly to a facility or home for the aged. After all the hardships of our parents, we should really try to be responsible in whatever they need now as they are old already. But as what you have said, it really depends on the situation. The immediate family should decide whether to put the elderly to the home for the aged. They should do what would be best for their family and for the elderly as well. Especially nowadays, people should be open-minded also about this idea. Because in this very busy environment and limited resources, sometimes children cannot give what their parents need, like time and attention and the caring, because they too have their own life and they have to worl also. So personally, I am open for this idea, if ever that me and my other siblings cannot take care of my parents anymore. But of course, we will never forget to visit them in that facitlity always and provide also their needs. Sometimes, it would be better for the old ones to have people around them always like their same age. They can mingle to different people there than just stay at home and most of the time being alone.. So it really depends on the situation of the family and the needs of the old one.

When I was in my early teens and right out of medical school I worked in several nursing homes and it was so very sad, to see the mistreatment the elder received because of non caring over worked employees. The abuse on a daily basis gave me more incentive to take care of my patients and never wish anyone to ever be in a nursing home. The richest and poorest of nursing homes were all the same it was very sad and I worked my buns off taking extra care of the assigned patient as i figured God would have wanted it this way. Although many say that when they just can't give the care to their love ones they have to do this. I personally as long as God gives me life and strength can not personally imagine doing something like this.

This is a good question. I think about this myself sometimes. One side of me says it is bad and the other says no. The reason I say it is bad because even though our parents get sick where they can't do anything for themselves we should not give up on them. If we have to feed them,change their diaper, clothe them give, them their medicine ect I look at it as that is the same thing they did for us when we were children when we couldnt do it for ourselves. I feel its returnin the favor. They put up with us so we should do the same. My other side say's no because it can cause stress. We cant be there for them 24/7 like a facility can monitering them if we have to be to work and the kids have to be to school. It is a really big responsibility. They can be provided a inhome nurse but everyone cannot afford that. Some parents can be difficult to because they dont want to listen lol! They dont want to take there medicine and depnding on what they have, such as my grandmother who had altimers (probably didnt spell that right) they tend to wonder. My grandmother would up and leave the house and none would know where she was. It's scary and it worries you. Which can alot more problems in your life, but it is a decision you would have to decide.

In my opinion, sending your old parent in a facility would be bad if you will only send them there and forget about them. They still are your parents and no matter your circumstances in life may be, you will always have a moral obligation to them. I have a friend who takes care of their grandma, but for her grandma to be able to interact and get together with people her own age (sort of like some socialization thing for grannies), they will let her have a short vacation in a home for the aged for a day or two, like the weekends. Then after their grandma's vacation, they pick her up once again to live with them.

I'm from Indonesia. i think our culture is not really different about this problem. in my people(Balinese) we believe that we should take care of our parents no matter what happen. it is really forbidden to abandon them. we strongly believe with the karma that ruled most of our life and we believe the karma for abandoning our old is greater than anything.

I've not had to make that decision thankfully just because i've pretty shunned my family. well they shunned me. My grandmother was really bad sick and had to stay in the nursing hom part of the hospital over Christmas and new years. she had a couple of mini strokes and it was her decision. She had her three daughters there and my dad. She changed a lot of things in her will then even though she is still alive. I don't really talk to her any more. i stay away from her as much as I possibly can. I sometimes feel like my dad uses my daughter to see her because he stays with my grandmother alot and so if my dad gets kathryn I have to go there or what not.Anyways, my family kind of shunned me out after I got pregnant and I wasnt married and then I didn't when i found out. Anyways, I don't think that it's really any body else's decision but that person and there person's care takers. They are the ones doing this not every body else. Sometimes people just don't have the patients to deal with an elder in there family on a day in and day out basis. My dad asked me if I would stay with her 4-5 hours a day and I told him no. He only asked because I wasn't working but I have my 5 year old and i do a lot for my mom because I live with her. I'm not responsible for her and i wouldn't want her to be responsible for me. I've asked to borrow money from her and she won't let me. When they sold her farm they split the profits equally and me and my brother and sister grew up on that farm every summer helping them clean, and get it ready for renters. It hurt me that after all the time and effort of my choosing (being forced) to help and $200 was all that I got out of it when it came right down to it. So, I think I may understand more so than others because yes she is my grandmother but I would rather be some where else than be the one taking care of her. She degrades me every time I go there and is always on to me about something. So, I tend to get defensive when it comes to her. anyways, I still think that it's the caretakers choice. Alot of them have there own family and have there own lives and sometimes they would be better taken care for if it was done by some one else or some where else.

Hi, For sure, I won't send my parents off to old folks home when they get old. As their daughter,I have the responsibility to takecare of my parents, Of course, after I got married, I will have my own family and it will be my brothers duties to takecare of them.Unless,I don't have any siblings, then I will consider to let them stay with me if the situation is permitted. It is bad to send our parents to old folks home,no matter,how busy is our life, we have to make an arrangement to takecare of them. Employed a nurse or maid to help us up,at least, we are still staying at the same house and still be able to takecare each other.

it is not bad, but i am not doing it. everybody has its own reason why they are sending their parent to home for old age. but in my own opinion, i would rather take care of my parent until their last breath, as a daughter it is my responsiblity to return the favor for taking good care of me. well that is not the only reason, the main reason is that I LOVE THEM BOTH

yes it is bad ,if we follow this history will repeat ,and our children will send us to same place ,thx for sharing

I thing you can find the answer for this question in this easiest way: Ask the asker: "Why do you want to send old parent(s) to home/facility for aged?" His/her answer (or its meaning) would be: "I could not care them because of my daily workflow or business or something ..." the answer is: "They Produces You! If you could not care them, how can you expect that others do that job in a great way?" No one can care aged peoples better than their real children or relatives! Because "caring" is based on "passion", "love" and "relations". You can give a "person" (e.g: nurse) for care, but you never give a "heart" for accepting it! That heart built on DNAs always expect and love "your care"!

If there is no other family relative who is strong and able enough to serve as a caregiver for an aging parent, the I cannot see the wrong in sending one to a facility for the aged. Sometimes misplaced guilt can burden our lives on some tasks we can no longer do. In the Philippines, it is but natural for some families to choose on having their aged parents live with them in the same roof. But if in choosing so would mean a restless and a stressful life even affecting one's health, then it would be best to reflect what would be best for all the parties involved. It maybe hard at first, but if all the cards had been laid on the table, an honest understanding of each others' needs and the capacity to care will eventually be the result at the end of the day.