How do you deal with feeling left out?

@m_perez (506)
United States
August 11, 2010 11:10pm CST
First off have you ever felt left out whether it was with a couple of friends, family, or anyone else? If you have then how did you deal with it or how would you deal with it? I usually hear stories from friends of how he/she always feel left out when he/she goes to hang out with a couple of friends. They usually always say that they feel like the third wheel and are very uncomfortable with the situation. Never go hang out with two friends that are dating. They will most likely pay attention to each other and ignore you. Anyways I myself have experienced the feeling of being left out. When I went out to have a bite with some friends. They all were pretty much talking to each other and I was just there sitting. Every time I tried to speak with one of them another would cut me off. Finally I just got angry and told everyone I was leaving and to no surprise they didn't care. Though somehow I think I got the benefit because they didn't even notice that I left without paying for my food so they had to buy what I ate. So how do you deal with feeling left out?
2 people like this
18 responses
@Geomos (322)
• South Africa
12 Aug 10
Being left out can be quite cruel and dealing with it can be tough although it does not have to be. I think people who deliberately ignore an individual are either very immature or simply have no manners. At least you got a bargain by leaving them with the bill..lol Never do anything rash or reckless 'cause if it backfires then you will make it worse. Even if it hurts inside, don't let it show. This will show them that you are stronger than them and above their silly little games.
@Geomos (322)
• South Africa
13 Aug 10
You seem like a caring and compassionate type of person. I do the same as you when I see someone who is left out for whatever reason. When in a group discussion, if I see someone standing on the outside, I will start chatting to them and bring them into the circle. Keep up your caring attitude and you should never be that third wheel
@m_perez (506)
• United States
14 Aug 10
Thank you for the compliment and I think it would apply to you too since you do the same as me. I do it because I believe nobody should be in the position of being left out. It really does feel horrible.
@m_perez (506)
• United States
12 Aug 10
I agree if I would have done something reckless I would seem very immature. Then they would have a great reason for ignoring me. I also agree that being left out is cruel and doesn't give you a good feeling. Every time I see someone in that situation I always try to make them feel better by just giving them company.
• Canada
12 Aug 10
I made the mistake of hanging out with two friends who were dating. Worst part was it was at my house and my parents weren't home. They were just sitting there making out on my couch ignoring me. I was like are you KIDDING me? I told them my Mom was coming home and kicked them out.
@m_perez (506)
• United States
12 Aug 10
Now you know not to make that mistake again and so do I. I would have probably done the same. I really don't know how people can just make out in front of another person. It's just awkward especially for the third person.
• Canada
13 Aug 10
I know.. and everyone knows it's awkward so why do it.. I never would!
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I really don't feel one way or another about it. I'm usually the one to be doing my own thing anyway. I think that's one of the problems with having expectations from other people, feeling left out or let down. It reminds me of beginning stage of my relationship with my girl-friend. I went to meet her family for the first time. It was thanksgiving dinner at her uncle's house. Most of her family was there & she knew me pretty well by that point. I was content with eating my food, just observing her family interacting with each other. I guess about 1 1/2 into us being there, her faimly felt little bad because I was just hanging out by myself & looking around. They kept coming up to me & tried to start up a conversation. My girl-friend saw that at one point & started laughing. She said, "leave him alone. He's happy...!!!" Everybody didn't know what to say or do & we all stared at each other for a minute & started laughing. Since then, they became very comfortable with me & I didn't mind being around them. That's how I got to know her family. I really never felt left out or ignored at the time.
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
12 Aug 10
During school days I have that feeling and of course I am so frustrated about it to the extent that I really felt I am just nothing. Since I don't want to fight with them or even talk about it to make a deal then I was just being so quiet. Sometimes I have noticed already that I am not welcome to that group. So I don't want to force myself to the extent that I am pleasing them already. It just seem that they are not really meant for me. At times it could be my fault to other friends since I am a bit shy to mingle with them but of course I am welcome with them to the extent that they are approaching me to talk with them and not be that shy.
@m_perez (506)
• United States
14 Aug 10
Well if your a shy person usually people should come to you. For some reason people find it much easier to talk to shy people and so do I and other of my friends have admitted to this. I'm sure that eventually you'll find nice people to be with that will keep you company and perhaps get you to be less shy. I used to be very shy when I was younger. Then when I went to high school people started to come up to me and just talk to me and I got used to it. Which reminds me I'll be going back to school this week and I kind of look forward to it well no not really. Anyways we should both try to avoid being with the wrong people and by that I mean people that make us feel left out.
• China
12 Aug 10
well ,i have met the same situation but not very often.for me you just think why they leave you out? maybe what they are discussing can not interest you or they just focus on other people more than on you , if i were in that situation ,i will manage to break in their topic even will be cut off by them ,only you talk a lot ,i think finally they will pay attention on you cause you are their friend ,not the stranger... if you go out with one couple , i suggest you'd better staying in home ,cause they will hardly pay attention on you... sometimes stay at home ,surf on the net also very interesting....
@m_perez (506)
• United States
14 Aug 10
I wouldn't really like to break their topic and just keep on talking because then they'll find me annoying. Well at least that's how I think of it. Right now I avoid going in large groups to go out and eat instead I go out to eat with about 1 to 3 friends or so. This way it's not to noisy and there won't be someone that try's to get into every conversation. I would never go out to eat with a couple because I know what's going to happen. So ya I would rather say at home and surf the net like you mentioned.
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
I have never been to that situation but I do have friends though who had the been getting the same attention as you did. First, you have to know who your friends are. This happens when you're not with the right bunch. I mean when your interest is totally far off from theirs what happens is you can hardly find your own moment in a conversation. Now, you can either leave the group and find another circle or you may stay with the group, keep mum and just sit at the corner 'till you'll be asked to speak. But if I were you, I would just leave and look for another group. They don't deserve you. Second, you take a break, contemplate, and find out where the problem stems from. Examine yourself. Probably, the problem comes from you. Most of my friends who experienced the same realized that they're the problem. Insensible or senseless or tactless talking causes people to cut you off. Also, the aura "pretending-to-know-everything" often becomes a reason for being left out. It's either you or them are the problem. If it's them--their interests do not coincide with yours--you'd better find the right group for you. If you are the problem, you'd have to change your self. It also pace to tell them how you feel about them. They might have the best answer to what you're asking for.
@m_perez (506)
• United States
12 Aug 10
I really think I am the problem because I'm the complete opposite of them. For some reason I have difficulty finding people who have the same interests as me. well anyways I already stopped going out to eat with them now I just go to eat with one or two close friends. It best to be in smaller groups that way I don't get cut off or have to raise my voice.
• Malaysia
13 Aug 10
Hi, That's the reason why I am very choosy when it comes to friends. I will never make friends with those that make me uncomfortable, because I know I will only feel left out if I do it anyway. I hate it when people say I am snobbish, but the reality this is even better than being bullied and left out and looked down to. If the person can respect me as a friend, then I'll be 110% willing to give back a wonderful friendship, but if he/she treats me like dirt, then I'll just distance myself from them. I don't need them to be happy.
@elmiko (6630)
• United States
12 Aug 10
at least you got a free meal. yeah they obviously were not interested in being around you.
@thaMARKER (2503)
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
i guess if people will observe my day to day life, they would think that i'm so left out -- from the rest of the world. i often go or do things by myself. i don't mingle that much. in a day, i can only count people i talked to. but i don't feel like i am -- left out. i choose not to be with people most of the time because i find it relaxing after dealing with different people at work. a lot of them are asking me why they get to see me alone all the time. i just don't mind it. they might not understand why.. as long as you prefer doing what you're currently doing, it's okay. you don't have to make everybody likes you. who you are is who you are. the problem is not you, it's with them.
@Absinto (2385)
• Portugal
13 Aug 10
Honestly i dont even deal with it. I just let them put me apart, when its time a do the same thing to them to show what they did to me.
@jennyze (7028)
• Indonesia
13 Aug 10
I would feel hurt. Like you I would say: "Sorry, I have another appointment, so I have to leave. Bye". And I would not go with them again. I had the same experience, I went with a girl friend to a party. We had said our byes to the host. Then my friend got caught by a guy who desired her. She left me standing at the door and went with the guy. I called her in her cell phone but she did not pick it up. So, I left. She came home the next day, smelled like .... you know. She apologized and I told her that if she did that again I would not talk to her anymore. I did not mind she went with guys she met at a party but she could at least told me that she would not go home with me.
@aurorastorm (1131)
• United States
13 Aug 10
I feel left out every once in awhile. Recently a good friend of mine went with another family that her family has become close to, they went to an amusement park together, we were not even home that weekend but it made me feel left out, that they did this without my family. I know they did not do it to be mean or to exclude us but it made me feel badly anyway.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
13 Aug 10
I know what you mean. I am sometimes in the position as well. but it all depends on the "friend" that i'm with. But it turns out that that "friend" was not my friend after all. when we did hang out w/ a small group make 3 or 4. I still felt like the 3rd wheel because they were her friends not mines. But we stopped hanging out so I'm not the 3rd wheel anymore. but I normally make something up just to leave lol.
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
Being left out is never a good feeling. You self-pity and you feel miserable. I have experienced this with friends, colleagues and a few rare times with relatives. I simply get up and leave the group. Why continue being miserable? And I don't dwell on why they ignore me, I would only feel miserable. I leave when I am not happy with a group or a situation. Although later when asked why I left, I always give a plausible reason so as not to close the door on them or on the relationship.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
12 Aug 10
It is not a good feeling to be left out of something. You start to wonder what you did wrong to be excluded. I would try not to let it bother me, and i would look for my own way to fit in.
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
You just have to let that day pass and let the other days pass. If the situation stays the same and as usual, maybe its time to talk to them personally to make things clear of what's going on to patch things up and avoid from making the situation worst.
• United States
12 Aug 10
I hate that! so much, but I always walk out so they know I'm offended and they're being rude. I don't understand how people do that, just because someone else came along so you completely forget who just helped you out so you wouldn't get introuble now we're sitting and laughing sharing jokes with this person you hardly know. I always expect an apology and tell them they were wrong, and I give them specifics they don't want to hear it but I don't care thats often when I figure out my true friends because even if they didn't want to hear it in the first place they began to listen and apologize and it never happens again, but on a few encounters where that happen I learned who wasn't my true friend they didn't listen and were mad at me about it for being too soft. So talk it out, its the best way to solve a problem! promise.
• United States
12 Aug 10
Feeling left out is one of the worst feelings possible. I usually mope about it, honestly. I go somewhere to be completely alone and I pull out a book or listen to music. I know I SHOULD tell them that they're hurting me by leaving me out, but I try to avoid confrontations at all costs.