My Mother hates my Man...
By kendria21
@kendria21 (20)
United States
August 19, 2010 8:05pm CST
So my mother hates my man. It's not that they have had bad blood or have had any altercations, it's just that she feels that he cannot match my worth. I make a considerably good amount of money where I work and my mother believes that this man is just "using" me. We have been together for about 3 years now and at first she was ok with us dating until she found out he had no job. We would go to her house for family dinners, they would hang out and drink, but once she found out he wasn't working, she insisted that I drop him immediately.
Well, I didn't drop him as she suggested, but me and mom didn't speak for about a whole year. I love my mom dearly, but feels that she tries to run my household.
Some say that "mom knows best", but is this really true in every situation? Was I being stubborn for not leaving and am I just paying the price now because he hasn't gotten a job since we've been together? Will he ever take me seriously and get a job? Should I have gone with mom on this one and just stayed away?
Is it too late to leave him now that the kids are attached?..
Your thoughts please.....
3 people like this
13 responses
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
21 Aug 10
HI,
Your mother always want the best for you and she wants
you to have a good life in future.
Why your Man is not finding any job? He is a man and he should
out for work and earn money to support his family.
If you were to support him all the time, he will be getting
lazier and that's the end of his life,will depend on you all
the time.
It is best to think carefully whether you should carry on
with this relationship. Although both of you have been together for
few years,but is HE the one that you are looking for and can HE give
you a happiness since he is umemployed.
If I were you, I will advised him to faster get a proper job and have
a stable income and at least be someone who is useful to society.
Let's have a chat with your mother. No matter what she is your Mother and
you still have to respect her. Say "Sorry" to her and allow her to slowly
understand your position.
@munchieman69 (152)
• United States
20 Aug 10
Its okay if your mom loves you enough she will trust your judgment and will be happy for you. Buts it okay my mom hates my girlfriend so I bring her over a lot more so she Is getting use to her. So I recommend that you bring him over as much as you can.
munchieman69 (^_^)
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
20 Aug 10
Do you love him? Does he make you happy? Does he treat you the way that you want to be treated? Because that is all that matters is what you think about him.
My family doesn't like me being with my boyfriend either, but he is my boyfriend, if they don't like it then they have to live with it.
Your mother does not always know what is best. My mother ended up bankrupt twice, and she did things that I would never in my life do. I love my mother, and I love her for giving birth to me, but she and I can also clash on everything.
Honestly, you make the decisions and the choices when it comes to your relationships. If this man treats you right, he is a hard worker, and he genuinely loves you and your children, then keep him, but if that is not the case, then you might want to leave him.
When you told me that he didn't have a job and that you two have children, I am wondering more about this relationship? If he doesn't want to work, and if he is relying on you, then you need to leave him. There is no good that can come out of that relationship.
@pass2help (4)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I don't speak to my mom but she was abusive through my childhood. She never liked any man I had until I divorced him. If you have a good mom I have to recommend that you try to work it out with her. Try to talk it out don't mean you have to do as she says.
@Tina30219 (81948)
• Onaway, Michigan
20 Aug 10
My mother is the same way with my husband and we will be married 19 years next month. My mother is not the only one my husbands sister and my mother both have tried to split us up.I say if you love this guy don't listen to what your mom or anyone else says you are an adult you have to do is good for yourself and those kids.
@bloemart (222)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
I think you have to ask your boyfriend about this matter. It seems job is also one of the main factors whenever we are getting married or having an intimate relationship with someone. You have to ask him about his future plans and ask him about his career plans. And after that you have to decide.
Another thing, you can change your man for 100 times but you can't change your Mother " she is the only one'.
@marty3888 (2355)
• Acme, Michigan
20 Aug 10
Mom isw definitly not always right. At the time, I'm sure you didn't feel like he was using you and how you nfeel about him is the most important. Imagine had you taken your mom's advice and some time later, he did get a job. Could you just suddenly say I'm sorry and expect him to take you back?
That being said, this is a little complicated. If he's not even trying to get a job, it does sound like he's being a little too complacent. I don't care how much money you're making, he should be contributing too. Also, if he doesn't have a job, how does he pay for things he wants? If he gets money from you, I woulde cut him off. Have a talk with him.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
20 Aug 10
kendria21,
First, I'd say hate is a very strong and persuasive word here, when I think you will agree with me that your mother is just being concern and looking out for you.
I am suggesting that you do some role playing here and place yourself in her shoes to understand how and where she's coming at. Also, knowing how she learn about your man's situation is another factor you may want to consider for her reactions here.
I hope that your man will pull himself together and start working out trying to get a job for a start. He will need to assure everyone including you that he is not another one of those that leeches on people or a freeloader. No offense, but you will just need to be objective and start thinking ahead.
Take care and have a great day.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Of course mothers want the best for their children and in this case I believe your mother is just after your own good. Well I think your man should work so us to avoid being called a user by your mom. If he remains jobless that will really make your mother believe he is just using you. You should also observe and see for yourself if this man is using you. I mean more than anyone else, it is you who should know the truth.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
20 Aug 10
We all have choices in relationships to make. If you love someone and are committed to them, that is all that matters. Parents don't always like who their children pick as mates. They are just looking out for your best interests. it is you that needs to take csre of your heart. You are going to love whoever your heaart tells you to. Show your parents that this person is worthy of your love. They will come around if the relationship is right.
@bokal2703 (802)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
I think that your mom is not being unreasonable when she found out that your man does not have a job. However, it is you who will know if your man is just really using you. First, does he exert some effort to find one? Second, does he spends your money even if not that necessary? If he is doing his share even just in taking care of the kids and doing house chores, then somehow, maybe he is trying his best to make up with being jobless. But as much as possible, you should try to talk it out with him to find a job so your mother will not think that he is not using you. But it is not just what your mom will think of him is the reason, but also, it will be practical and helpful for both of you if the two of you are working.
