How raising children can change our lives.
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
August 19, 2010 9:27pm CST
It is my belief that everything we do and say in the presence of our children makes an impression on them. We may think we can get away with swearing or gossiping in front of them when they can't talk, but we have forgotten that just because they can't talk doesn't mean they don't hear. They are sensitive sponges absorbing their environment in ways we may never know. Even if the words don't make sense to them, they make an impression, as does the energy behind the words. We need to acknowledge that they are fully present from the very beginning and act only as we hope they will act as they grow to adulthood.
When we bring a child into the world,there is a great welling up of love and hope in our hearts. Most of us at least, want the very best for our children, and we want to be the best parents a child could ever want. We may begin to see ourselves and our lives in a different light, and things that seemed okay before we had a child suddenly may not look the same. This can lead us to review our habits of speech, thought and feeling, our relationships, and our physical habits. We may find this difficult at first, however, it can also lead to a healing of our own unresolved issues and, in turn, enable us to be better parents to our children. It is also important to be a part of our children's lives, sharing their joys and triumphs as well as their failings while teaching them compassion for all living things. We are meant to laugh and have fun - but not at the expense of others.
Our desire to become the best we can be is often strongest at the very beginning of a child's life and sometimes loses its intensity as we grow accustomed to their presence. However, it is important that we be continue to offer our best to our children and we should always remember that actions speak louder than words. If we let it, that original welling up of love and hope can inspire us throughout our lives to be the best parents, and the best citizens that we can be, thus setting an example for our children that may will continue for generations to come.
2 people like this
13 responses
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Hi, Pose.:)
When I was young I didn't understand why my parents had behaved the way they did, and sometime in my life I came to be resentful.
Now, that I am already a parent I get to understand how a mother feels for her children. There's no such thing as favoritism but rather variations in giving attentions of what to whom. Now I realized that my parents only wanted the best for me as well as for my two siblings.
Though there are ways that my parents did that I still don not agree, I am thankful for them and learning from them. I can say that I am a better parent than what my parents are to me because I have learned from their mistakes. I have learned from the best.:)
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
21 Aug 10
Hi eurekafemme,Thank you for commenting and it's not unusual for teenagers to resent their parents. Most parents mean well but unless you start when they are young, it's hard to gain a child's trust later. There are many wonderful young people out there though, so many parents must be doing okay. Blessings.
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
22 Aug 10
Yes, Pose. There are good parents out there, a lot of them anf my parents are one of them. And I vowed to be one of them, too.:)
Have a great Sunday, dear.:)
@hari1111 (238)
• New Zealand
20 Aug 10
I don't have children. I don't plan to yet ( I will give it maybe 10 or so years)
But based on watching my mom raise me I have learnt a few things. Being a parent is both reward and hard. To give up everything for your children is a great sacrifice. To wake up at varying hours of the day to fly long haul flights, not being able to see your children all for the sake of earning money to be able to send your kid to a good school. These are the sacrifices parents make.
I am a teenager. No worries, just myself. I don't pay bills or work to feed hungry mouths or cloth the naked. I basically wake up, study , eat , go to school and repeat.
As parents they need to ensure so much is met. Even if it means giving up ones own pleasures. Lets face it parents are awesome.
Though i agree with what you said. Parents need to create a good fun environment for their kids, not one that is filled with swearing, violence and the like. As citizens of our own respective countries , we need to ensure that everyone of our children grow up into young responsible citizens.
Thanks, what an awesome discussion!
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
Hi hari1111, Thank you for such a great response and it appears that you have caring and loving parents. I agree that parents should create a fun environment for their kids because life is meant to be enjoyed. Even new born babies are effected by their surroundings, that's why showing love is so important as is positive emotions. You are at such a wonderful age and although we hear so much about teenagers who get into trouble with the law, I believe that the majority are, as you might say "awesome". Remember that no one is perfect so forgive quickly, show compassion and have fun - but never at the expense of others. Forgive yourself too when you do or say something you probable shouldn't, because everyone does sometimes. Just remember to get back on track and move on. I think you'll make a fine parent someday. Blessings.
@hari1111 (238)
• New Zealand
20 Aug 10
Thanks for the fine comments!
I have to say its only one parent who is lovely :) Though both are loving.
I think babies are effected by their surroundings when they are still in the tummy. I can't quote such a thing from somewhere but I know there have been tests and most of these tests have proven positive.
People tend to stereotype teenagers just like everyone else. Just because 10 teenagers out of a 100 do bad things the reputation of the other 90 are tainted.
I actually look forward to someday being a parent!
Have a great day.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
31 Aug 10
I totally agree with you there and I will also say that this is the big Problem today Children are not being cared for whether it is that the Parents just do not care or the fact that both Parents are forced to work Full Time which leaves the Child in the charge of someone else
I worked Part time when mine where little I was forced to but it worked out alright as I was working in their Play School and later School hours, when they where Babies I worked at Night as their Dad would look after them once I had put them to Bed
But my Time was devoted to my Children once I was home from work
People need to realise Children are not a Toy you can not shove them in the Wardrobe when you are fed up, they rely on you to teach them the right road in Life and they are there for Life
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
31 Aug 10
Hi gabs, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and although I feel certain that most parents care deeply, some may have their priorities mixed up. Unfortunately, in today's world most parents have to work and that means the children spend a lot of time in day care centers or with babysitters. A devoted parent can however still do much for their children. Here in Canada a Mother, or father in some cases, can stay home with the child for the first year and receive employment insurance from the government. They can than return to work without any penalty from their employer. I like the idea as I think the first year in very important. Perhaps someday we can come up with an even better system. I think that there should be a training program for all babysitters as well as those who work at day care centers, and no one should be allowed to take care of children without a full investigation into their background. Our children are special gifts to us as well as our future and nothing in more important. Blessings.
@bryeunade (70)
• Philippines
21 Aug 10
I have 3 growing up kids ages 12, 7 and 6. Yes they have definitely changed my life. Before they came into existence everything was about myself. Having them now, to me is all about them.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
20 Aug 10
Raising a child can definitely change your life. it will make you a less selfish person when you have the responsibility to care for another person. As a parent, you are the guiding force in a child's life. Your relationship with them will go through so many levels and emotions. it has to change you along the way.
@lulu1220 (1006)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I do not have children nor do I plan to have any (I am unable to have them). I do not feel I am a selfish person either. I just choose not to be a parent. I am a proud aunt and have a wonderful niece and nephew. I have watched them grow up and have taken care of them from time to time. I always try to encourage and praise them when I can.
I do praise all those parents out there who work hard to care for their children.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
20 Aug 10
Yes, this is so true…I always tell my son that he has two antennae on both sides of his head LOL
Its really very important that we act as good role models for our kids…this is one of the reasons why divorce is better than bickering parents. Though sometimes I must admit that we don’t remember it all the time, sometime we too fight in front of our son but later on, I make it a point to sit down with him and explain the situation to him as best as I can and also apologize if need be. It kind of takes a load off my chest
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
Hi sudiptacallingu, Thank you for sharing your story and I agree that sometimes divorce is the best option. We all make mistakes, just make sure that you can forgive yourself quickly and get back on track. I know that it can take a long time to heal after a divorce but it's important that the child continue to love both parents. Sometimes two people can be friends but are never meant to be partners. You are doing right by explaining to your son why you sometimes get upset, but always remember that you must forgive yourself as well as apologize. Keep up the good work. Blessings.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
This is such an apropos Post with regard to raising Children! Small Children are like sponges! They are continually soaking up words, actions and energy that they see as they live and grow in their home environment. They never miss an action or a word, they see or hear uttered, especially by their Parents, and when they are checked up on an inappropriate act or word they will often say," Well Mom, Dad says (or does) it!" If Mom responds with," Well hes grown up and its ok for him!" The child is bewildered and confused, and his/her world has just come apart at the seams.
Parents envision the kind of adults their children will turn out to be. If they are expecting the kids to turn into Kind, Loving and Gentle adults they may have to clean up their own act first!
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
Hi barehugs, Thanks for this and you make a very good point. To say it's okay for daddy or mommy to do something that the child is told not to do, just because they're adults, is really asking for trouble. Clean up your own act first is great advice. Blessings.
@jpso138 (7851)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Yes you are truly right. They do change our lives. I only have one child, he is seven years old. Ever since he came into our world, my wife and I have done our best to give him the best care we can and provide him with good education as well as love and attention. We have obviously work more harder and have sacrificed some things to insure that we have enough for our child and his future. Well, there is nothing more important to both of us now but our child and his well being.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
Hi jpso, That is exactly as it should be, all parents should do what is best for their children. Material things are not enough of course, we must also make sure they are honest by practicing honesty ourselves and teach them compassion by the same method. A loving,caring and fun filled environment is alway best for raising children. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
Hi bird, Thanks for this and I agree, kids are just wonderful. I know that I've set a high standard for parents but I think we must aim high but forgive ourselves quickly and get back on track. I probably haven't said enough about playing with kids, the joy that they bring into our lives and the laughter and good times we need to share. Blessings.
@JeyakumarDickson (277)
• India
21 Aug 10
hi pose123...raising children is in't a easy matter, first we must know what is good and bad, and then have to teach them the thing they needed in their life so that they can make life easier...and it'll too change our lives like we'll be wondering how did we made it(raised a children) and can gain a knowledge and experience ...
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
22 Aug 10
Hi Jeyakumar, I agree that it isnt easy yet many people refuse to take it seriously. They seem to think that as long as they provide for the physical needs of the child that's all that matters. I'm not saying that they don't love the child but they don't realize the importance of their words and actions. I think most parents do a fairly good job under the circumstances but these are the parents who always put the child first. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Blessings.
@pastigger (612)
• United States
20 Aug 10
I know first hand on the language that they can pick up. I reminded my husband many times and it didn't really sink in until she repeated some of it back to him. I made him explain to her why we shouldn't say certin words. I tried not to laugh. But sometimes you have to learn the hard way. She talked really early and now seems like she never stops. She is three and in the story telling stage, what a magical age. I try and do my very best for her but I am not perfect. But she is growing into a wonderful, polite, entergetic little person. She is very loving and just a total joy. She is also funny, she will tell you I am just joking and then laugh. She really had changed our lives a lot and we are better for it. I am working on compassion for all living things but have met a little problem with mosquito season, now she want to kill all of them. Still working on her not hanging on the dogs as well, but I know she is just tring to love them. I get so much joy out of seeing her grow and learn so many things. I just hope I can keep up with her endless engery. Sometimes when I am having a bad day or tring day she makes it all better. How can you be upset when your little angel comes and tells you "I Love you Mommy" for no reason at all. I have always wanted to be a mommy and very happy as one, even on the days where she pushes all my buttons I have to laugh because she is just like me, which makes me appricate my mom more. I know how hard of a child I could be so stuborn. But it also makes you a strong person and I couldn't be more proud of her for who she is and who she will become later in life.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
20 Aug 10
Hi pastigger, Thank you for sharing this wonderful story of your three year old daughter. I have a granddaughter who will be four in September but unfortunately we live too far apart for me to see her often. I believe that she too is being raised well. You are right, no one can be perfect and I know that this discussion sets the bar very high, but I believe that it's best to aim high as long as we forgive ourselves quickly and get back on track. Blessings.
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Yes, I do believe that raising a child had changed my life. Once I was career oriented. I only care about myself and admittedly some kind of selfish. Now that I am a mother, I've learned to put aside my career and concentrate on my child's well-being. I love being a mother and I could say that I've done a good job each time people would say she's a wonderful girl. Seeing her succeed in her own career is a great compensation for what I've given up for raising her!
1 person likes this
