Who is important- Wife or Parents?

Do you by chance know WHY she doesnt want to? I know if it was me I wouldnt want to and I adored my MiL BUT have a horrible life long experience with my parents which would have been a factor HOWEVER if my husband needed to live with her to help out then I'd be fine with that..the kids and I would have stayed here at the house and my hubby could;ve live with mum and helped her out...I actually at one point suggested that since he was over there so much to begin with and the commute was an hour each way..Ended up though his older brother came up from the south and lived with mum for the last 9 months of her life...

Well,as a wife myself and if my husband cannot take to live with parents i would choose my parents. My parents took care of me since birth and it is my duty to look after them now that they are old. What kind of child i am if i will leave them (i can't just imagine myself leaving my parents in such situation) Now,if my husband can not understand the situation,he had to choose also between me and his pride,or else i guess there is no need for us to live together. I will never leave my parents in ex-change of my husband.

Hi, tatturoy. The only advice that I can possibly give to you is maybe the son should consider putting his parents in a nursing home. I hate to see this happen, but it may have to be done. Especially if the wife does not want to live in the same house that they are living. This could cause a strain on their marriage. I think the feelings of the parents and wife is very important in this case. He should look after his parents and he should respect his wife's feelings too.

Both are very important. Your friend has no options because he isa only child. He is responsible for his elderly parents. The wife should have been aware of this even before they were married. She needs to put herself in her husbands shoes and think about that. Maybe she can gain some understanding.

Hi taturoy, This is really a difficult one for me to answer. I am looking at this from a biblical standpoint. Some may agree or not. The scripture clearly states that a man should leave his mother and father and bond with his wife. The bible also says that children should honor their mother and father. So, you can see why this is perplexing to me. In the real world, most people will choose the parents over the spouse, biblically that is wrong. But, when someone has given you life, it is difficult to say no to them and yes to someone who may not be in your life forever, with the divorce rate the way it is. Seems, to me that this problem should have been resolved before the couple got married. He was wrong for not telling her that this was his planning, and she was naive, for not knowing where they were going to live after they got married. This kind of problem can cause the marriage to be over before it gets a good start. Just because the parents are old, doesn't mean that the newlyweds have to live in the same house. Now if they are old and sick, then I would say that they should stay with them, out of respect.

Why does she say she's unhappy with her in laws?? There must be a valid reason behind that. If you were to ask me, I'd say let's go find a place of our own.She is his wife and as a husband he is responsible for her and their kids. Though it seems not a good thing to hear or think that he is leaving his parents but it is the reality. He has his own family to take care now, he must be with them. As for the parents, I believe they will understand. But, if there's a need to be with the parents like health issues, then, let her see the situation. If she still insist of moving out, then ask her why? They can also build a house closer to his parents so that he can still keep an eye on them and his wife won't be able to live with his parents as well. Win win situation.:)

It is hard but he has to choose. Is he their son first or her husband. If he sees himself as their son, then let her go. If he sees himself as her husband, then he should look for a place close by to live with his wife and then visit his parents as often as he can.

A quotation from the bible, "For this reason, a man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife." However, it also indicates in several places that a man should take care of his elderly parents. Not all women are conditioned to living in the same house with her in-laws. It would be considered quite unusual in the US. Can separate living quarters be arranged? If the house is large enough, maybe part of it could be assigned as a separate apartment for the parents where they would live and only come into the part of the house that is the domain of the wife when invited. Much depends on how frail the parents are. Are they able to take care of themselves, cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc?

I have one question. Are the parents part of the reason the marriage is in trouble? If so, then it may be better for them to separate for a while so they can work things out. Maybe the wife just needs a break from the parents for a while. Taking care of elderly parents can be very stressful. I think if you are married, you made a commitment to that person. You have to work together to get through the hard times. It sounds like they need to come to a compromise that they both can agree on.

I can appreciate the way the wife feels because she wants to live alone with her husband but if his parents are in need of help, it is also understandable that he would want to take them in. It can be a difficult situation and I wonder if a compromise can be worked out like the parents living in a granny flat at the back of the house or next door…A friend of mine solved a similar problem by purchasing a duplex and she and her partner and lived in one half and her dad lived in the other. Having said that it is not always financially possible to create extra living space for the parents. The best thing to do is find out exactly why the wife is reluctant to share living space with her in-laws and see what her issues are; hopefully your friend will achieve a compromise.

The wife is more important. Her needs come first. I feel they should stay separately as he tends for his parents' needs. If he tries to force her to stay, he might end up being separated from her permanently.

your friend should have sorted that out before tying the knot... it's the height of irresponsibility when he failed to address this... knowing he's the only child, he should have put this on the table to his wife even before he started considering to marry her... ahhh, your friend does not need any advice... he's old enough to face the consequences of his inability to address his situation... he deserves what he got...

Well, a man cannot serve two masters at a time. Here things have to be sorted very carefully not to damage any relationship. Basically, your friend is at fault. I am not sure whether he has mentioned to his would-be wife about his determination to stay with his old age parents, after the marriage. Had he mentioned that in the first instance, the girl would have definitely given a second thought before accepting his hand. OK, that stage is over. Now, the wife's view of the joint family has to be considered. Ask your friend to talk to the lady in a most amicable way,i.e, he should neither blame her for her decision nor betray his parents. Let him make her understand the dependance of parents upon him, and the same may happen to her also in a later stage when her daughter-in-law wants to take her son away from her. Find out the real cause by all the family members sitting together and speaking out each one's mind. That way, the problem could be solved, I hope.

here is my view ,first of all the girl need to be made clear that will she be doing it even if they are her parents!! in a polite way she should be made clear that everyone has got the + and _ in life,she has to adjus and make the family beautiful else it will be really difficult to grow the babies with good thoughts and no matter kids will do the same to her in future!! even if she makes them grow very closer she should think that thr is always turn around time. but the guy should also know how ot balance both of them...., please tell ur friend that everything need to be done with care andlove......... if ego stays back love will die ...so they need to talk

Hello tat and welcome to myLot. I hope you enjoy your time here.There are some very interesting discussions going on all the time. Your friend has a very difficult dilemma. We are to leave our parents to start a new family when we marry. But we are also to honer our parents. Most of the time this isn't a problem. Apparently your friend did not discus the situation with his wife before they married. Most women want a home of their own. Maybe your friend could find a place that that has 2 separate living quarters. That way his wife would have her own home and he would be close enough to care for his elderly parents.

Two generations living under the same roof will only work if they have enough space for themselves. When I say space I do not mean only square feet area but to live without trampling on each other's values. Gone are the days when elders ruled the roost and their word was law.Not any more. Having said this it will be hell if both are not having their freedom, in which case it is wise to move out but make adequate arrangements to see that the old parents get enough infrastructural help to make life for them liveable.

hi, ask your friend to find out the reason why his wife wants to stay away from his parents and try to solve this problem, try to divert the problem by telling her to work for some company or by giving her some gifts or something else. leaving their parents alone in this old age is a very big sin. If she is not at all listening to him, ask him to leave her and stay with their parents only, as the parents gave birth and brought up him, that is his duty to take care of them in their oldage, one more thing is, the person who is not understanding him is not needed in his life.

Your friend has a strong reason to insist to stay with his parents, as he is the only child, and his parents are quite old. Wife is important, but it is more important to take care his parents at the such condition. However we don't know what the reason of his wife. I heard many wives have bad relation with her mother in laws if they stay together, but don't know what exactly happened, and I believe they can actually stay together in harmony, why not. I hope your friend would be able to make his wife understand the current situation, and convince his wife to stay together with his parents. I hope they all live happy together.

Wife and parents are both important person in one's life. However, we must remember that without our parents, there will not going to be any us in this world. So, it is a tough decision to make... to love or to give love :p

It is a very delicate and tricklish issue to advise or comment.Parents have not only given birth to us but also they have toiled and took so many pains in bringing up to the level where the new entrant namely wife comes into our life.Remember she is also equally important because she has left everything and come to live her entire life with us.This problem is not new and it is as ancient as our epics.It does not mean that there is no solution. The parents feel that she obey what they say and wife feels she is more competent to take of her husband than his parents. This is an universal problem particularly in the modern days when every one preaches independence of the individual.In this connection I remember an incident which took place when I was married. I took my wife to relative's house and there the husband and wife were old couple.The topic came that is more important ..wife or parents. Do you know what he advised me. He told me we should pretend as if we care to carry on the words of wife as well as parents but ultimately we should do what is good for all the three.Now I realise that what he meant was diplomacy.We should hurt neither. In the present the best was to live separately but very close to parents so that we can be at the distance a oral call say two separate apartments in a complex.That is what many are doing now a days. Am I right?