Do you try to make your loved one's wishes come true
By savypat
@savypat (20216)
United States
August 24, 2010 3:09pm CST
How far do you go to make your spouse's wishes come true? I have always tried my very best. My Hubby came from very poor people and while there was always food there wasn't anything left for wishes. So we have had boats, antique cars, trips and other goodies as wished for by him. Now we are on very fixed budget and there is just not that much give in it for goodies. He wants a trip and it means using the credit card to do it, this really scares me this time, I don't know what to do
This may be his last trip and yet I need no extra bills. Am I being to cautious or
not?
5 people like this
17 responses
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
24 Aug 10
Why do you say it might be his last trip? Sorry maybe I missed something.
Well hubby wants to fly an helicopter so I managed to find a place where he could try it but he changed his mind saying we didnt have the means at that moment. He's not the type to spend on silly things if we cant afford it. Im the same.
No you're not being too cautious, we never know what tomorrow will bring us. On the other hand, if you say it may be his last trip....how can you say no?
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Aug 10
His age is a big part of the problem and he is going to have serious foot surgury later this year, I don't know how well he will recover from this or how fast.
He's 75 and many of hte people dhe wants to see are much older. For these reasons
it's a now or never choice.
1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
25 Aug 10
Well then, I guess you'll be off on a trip then!!
Try to enjoy it and dont worry so much, you'll find the money when you need it....trust!!
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
24 Aug 10
Once in a while is ok. But if it goes to the extent of affecting our financial position, I will definitely put my foot down and say no. Even though making him happy is important, doing it at the cost of our future is a big no.
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
25 Aug 10
I was just thinking this is so like my own situation till I came to the last part? Why might this be his last trip? Is it age or health or what? If its something like this, then yes… go for the trip he wants. You might always get time to reorganize your finances but you might not get the chance to fulfill his this wish and then you’ll end up feeling guilty forever!
My hubby comes from very poor background and all the accessories he has, have been gifts from me…one good thing is that he’s never been demanding so that makes me want to give him all the more.
@dawnald (85147)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Aug 10
Yes and no...
If it's once in a very long while, and you know you won't do it again until this one is paid off, I say go for it. But I can understand being concerned about the future on a fixed budget.
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@dawnald (85147)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Aug 10
I'd go, and d*mn the expense, but that's just me...
@nayeem_siddiqui (44)
• India
25 Aug 10
Well, I also try my level best to make her happy as I love her soo much, and I also appreciate you for your dedication towards your husband but I suggest that you should take care that the expenses should be in limits of your budget as it may cause financial problematic in the future. So take care of that, All the very Best
@GemmaR (8517)
•
25 Aug 10
I am in a similar situation to you. I was brought up in a privilaged background, whereas my boyfriend was not. I kind of pride myself in the fact that I can give him what he wants, even though I'm a student at the moment so don't have all that much money myself.
He never asks me for anything large though, and I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation.
I don't think I would pay for the trip. Especially not on the credit card. If it's a trip that he really wants to take, you should tell him that he needs to wait until you can afford to pay it straight up instead of using the card, and you will be pleased (assuming you will?) to pay for the trip once that is possible.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
25 Aug 10
I relate to this. My husband came from a large family and didn’t have many things of his own. He has indulged in a swimming pool, a motorbike and several electrical fancy and expensive tools. We had to add to our mortgage for the swimming pool and the motorbike and I was very worried just like you are now, to add to our debt. We sat down and worked out if it was doable and, although a bit risky we decided we could meet the new repayments with careful budgeting. It made him so very happy and I know that if the situation was reversed he would have done the same for me! Life is short and if there is any way within reason that you can do the trip, I say go for it, make your husband happy and you will be happy too!
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
It always felt great making other people's dreams come true. Especially my family, i'll always try to be a genie in a lamp for them.
@2004cqui (2812)
• United States
25 Aug 10
I know this might sound incredibly frugal of me but........ During our 27 years of marriage my husband nor I thought much about monetary things to satisfy our appetites for a better life. We worked til "our fingers bled" to raise three boys and go on with life. The boys just moved out this year, just in time for the big recession to eat into this time of celebration. Still, instead we are satisfied with what we've built in our lives. Concentrating on stashing as much money as possible away for retirement years and enough health to enjoy it has been satisfying enough. My husbands only wish since he was sixteen was to have a happy, healthy family and did everything he could to ensure it. Things come and go, his greatest joy is that I am still by his side to endure more of life. This, my dear is happiness wished for long long ago. It didn't come from a happy, affluent childhood. This came from his need to do it better. We drive what does the job we need our vehicles to do. We used to camp on 99% of our vacations. Now we have a travel trailer parked on a little piece of land and go there as often as possible. It might be asking too much to have someone change their wishes and dreams so far into the "thick of things" but I thought this might lend some perspective.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Aug 10
We also worked hard for what we have and have watched it dwindle somewhat in the last several years. Now we cannot drive for long and never in the dark, we are pretty much at the mercy of commercial transpertation or friends to get us any distance at all. It's been one of those years when everything that went wrong cost alot so the pad I usually have just isn't there. This is a family reunion
for him and may he will never see again if he doesn't go now. I want him to have this and he knows the money problems so we will see what he can come up with and I will try to take a little here and there to pay for his needs.
@GDTimothy (446)
• United States
25 Aug 10
Oh, how soon we forget! It may be that your husband has forgotten what it was like when he was growing up, and is starting to take things for granted and/or finding it difficult to face the reality of going even a bit backward on the finances front.
I grew up dirt poor myself, but I also began taking things for granted after getting a great job and affording a wonderful apartment and brand new car. But I was only one paycheck away from having nothing again. And sure enough, I lost my job and reality hit me hard!
I don't think you are being too cautious at all! It just makes a whole lot of sense to conserve finances when you should. I'd would lay the law down to hubby, and ask him if he truly remembers when he didn't have what he's got now.
Just my two cents. :-)
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Aug 10
It's not so much that he has forgotten but I think he doesn't understand that the $ only goes so far. Most of the time I grant his wishes and he is not unreasonable
it's just that this time he's getting older and I don't know how much longer he will be able to make a trip like this. He can't drive himself so he must go by train, bus or plane. Unless he can find someone who is also going to this family reunion to pick him up. He's working on this.
@davenhearst (327)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
it feel so good if you can make someone happy by making their wish come true but it has also limitations in your case try to open to your spouse the economic problem you have now I think she will understand it just be open to her
@irusia (8)
• Canada
25 Aug 10
In your post you have mentioned this may be his last trip, it all matters on the situation if a statement like that is made. If health or time is involved then i say bills can add up but the person deserves it, but if it is a personal request then you should focus on prioritizing and at that point seeing if a little can be put away every month to save up for that trip in a few month or maybe even a year. I know its hard saying no to a loved one, an addult can be more convincing than a child at times, i know i got caught doing everything a loved one asked although i couldnt really afford it at that time. Hope you can come up with a solution.
@GardenGerty (159754)
• United States
24 Aug 10
I tend to always give in where hubby is concerned. You do not say anything about wishes you have had. Must the trip be taken now, or is it something that you can save for a bit? What is he willing to do to economise so that you guys can take this trip and not worry? He needs to help with the planning is my thought.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Aug 10
The trip is only for him, it's a family reunion and much of his family is getting really old so he may never see them again. I am asking him to figure out how to get there, where to stay and how to come home. Then I'll try to find the cash or credit.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
26 Aug 10
That's a real problem! But I saw that it's for a family reunion so I think that I would definitely find a way to get him there. Planning well can save you money, though. Get the cheapest hotel and figure out if you can drive there instead of flying.
I don't think you're being too cautious--nobody can afford more bills right now and it's not getting any better. But when it comes to family, especially since so many of his family are getting older and won't be around much longer, I think you should make the effort.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
27 Aug 10
No, I really don't think that you are being too cautious. I will try to do everything in my power within reason to make sure that my husband is able to have those things that he wants and I will do the same thing for my children as well. However, if it means that I will have to sacrifice something important, then it means that the wish won't be able to come true for my family. For example, my children really want to go to Disneyworld, but it costs too much money and since we no longer use credit cards, it isn't possible right now.
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