==Do You Flat Out Lie Or Do You Mean All of Your Compliments?
@miraclefreebies (3043)
United States
August 25, 2010 3:54pm CST
The truth will set me free, so I'm going to spill the beans right now. I'm not old, but when I was younger growing up, I was taught to be nice to people of course, and on top of that I didn't have many friends, or no friends most of the time, so I did tend to give compliments to people when they would talk to me to strike up conversation or hoping they would like me. The compliments were given for the wrong reason, and it was called "lying."
Luckily I grew up and matured over the years, and I only give compliments when I honestly mean it, and not to gain a friend. I know to just be myself and if the other person dig me and my style, then we would talk more or become buddies or where ever it leads to.
Another thing is, I don't want anyone to lie to me when giving me a compliment. For me I realized how important it is to treat others the same way as I want them to treat me, and the same I would treat myself. I don't have many friends right now, but I do have one, and I would give her my umbrella in the heavy rain while I get soaked and wet (but she won't take it.)
While I'm not perfect as a human, I do try to remember that other people's needs is just as important as mine. So now I have a different frame of mind when I compliment people. I just assume that they don't want to be lied to, so I speak the truth, or don't speak at all.
Do you give compliments sometimes or whenever? if so, do you always mean it? And if not, why?
7 people like this
25 responses
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
26 Aug 10
Hiya miracles,
Paying compliments is a part of me because I only say them when I mean them. Mostly to my Family and People I know if I see they have made an effort to look good.
The trouble is they think I am kidding them so just the same I tell them take it which ever way you want.
Very often they will ask me "how do I look"? and they always look nice and I say to them well you look great. Then they say "you are only kidding"?
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Hi lovinangelsinstead,I know some people are like that, maybe because they really want to believe it, and just want to be sure first.
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
27 Aug 10
There were times I asked my husband how I looked. He said something like, "good" or "beautiful," I said "are you for real? or just saying that." The truth is, I DID believe him, I had a low self esteem in my past, and I guess it felt good hearing that from him, and I just wanted a replay I guess.
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
26 Aug 10
Hiya miracles,
Well even so there is no way I can convince them. I don´t need to convince myself that I look nice so I don´t ask them very often.
Only when I have done my Hair and it looks sort of well erm ahem terrible?
1 person likes this
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
25 Aug 10
There are times when I see a friend who looks terribly down. Those are the times when I wanna make that friend feel good and often times, a compliment helps. I'm not very good at giving compliments so I lie just to lift my friend's spirit up even if it's only an inch high.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
25 Aug 10
You seem to really be concerned about your friend. You seem like a good friend.
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
That's good joelp. I wouldn't tell anyone they're ugly either, considering I don't believe anyone is ugly anyway.
@AmbiePam (93738)
• United States
25 Aug 10
I thought about it pretty hard, and I am pretty sure I mean all the compliments I have given. Mostly because I have been conscious to make sure they were true. I mean if I tell someone they look good in a dress and they respond, you don't think it makes me look fat? I don't want to have to lie and say nah, you don't look fat! lol I would most likely say the color of the dress complimented them (and hopefully that wouldn't lead to the fat question). I try to find something true to compliment people on. I was so shy, and my mom used to tell me to strike up a conversation with someone (granted, this was when I was a child), I should find something true to compliment a person on, and that would start up a conversation. And since people like to be complimented, they would probably want to hang around. Eventually they would be with you not because you complimented them, but because they liked you...
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Hi AmbiePam, That's a good way to do it. There's always something good to say to people, sometimes you might have to find it, or sometimes it's obvious. But I do prefer for people to hang around because they like ME, not just for the compliments. That wouldn't be right.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
26 Aug 10
I love to be able to compliment people and I always mean it when I do. I've surprised quite a few people, total strangers, when I pop out a compliment to them out of the blue. I only do that, though, when something about them is especially striking. I've told cashiers that I love their attitude. I've told people on the street that they smell especially good (perfume or cologne) or that I love something they're wearing.
Actually, now that I think about it, I mean everything I say, no matter what it is. My mouth usually starts working long before my brain does so it's impossible for me to lie. What I say is exactly how I feel.
If I don't have anything nice to say to someone, I always keep my mouth shut. If someone is fishing for a compliment and I just don't feel it, I'll say something like, "That's really something!" which really could mean anything. I've never been asked to explain that statement, thank goodness. 
When I was young, I was too shy to compliment anyone I didn't know well, even if it was glaring at me. Having kids is really what brought me out of that, thank goodness!
Now, while we're on this discussion, your new avatar photo is lovely! I mean that, too. Apparently, life is being good to you and that makes me very happy!
When I was young, I was too shy to compliment anyone I didn't know well, even if it was glaring at me. Having kids is really what brought me out of that, thank goodness!
Now, while we're on this discussion, your new avatar photo is lovely! I mean that, too. Apparently, life is being good to you and that makes me very happy! @mentalward (14690)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I'm glad I could make you happy. I can just picture that beautiful smile you have. (And it really is beautiful, you know!)
I'll be much happier once this operation is over. I'm not crazy about having my neck operated on, especially so close to my spinal cord and the fact that they'll be going in through the front of my neck but I have total confidence in my surgeon and know I'll be in good hands. Most of my scars don't show (my clothes cover them) but this one will. I think I'll be wearing a lot more choker necklaces in the future. LOL
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
27 Aug 10
Hi Mentalward, thanks you for your comment and compliment, and for being so sweet and not being mad at me for staying away so long. You are right about saying what you feel, I already figured that out about you. I was too shy too when I was younger, and I still am shy.
I'm less likely to just blurt out a compliment in person to a stranger, unless we're already talking about something, but I'll do it a lot quicker online if necessary.
By the way, yes... life is treating me well, but my happiness just sprouted when I seen your message yesterday and your post here. Thanks for being happy and well.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
I don't give compliments when I don't mean it. I rarely give compliments. That's why I get hurt whenever I give one and the person would tell me I'm lying or I'm just teasing him/ her.
Whenever someone gives me a compliment I always say thank you. That's why whenever I give compliments I expect the person to at least give me a pleasant smile if not thank you.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
That's not nice for them to accuse you of lying or teasing. At least you know you did something good by giving the compliments even though they didn't receive it.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
28 Aug 10
It really is not nice. However, there are people who are not used to receiving compliments. Maybe that's the reason whenever someone tells them how great or good they look they think the person is lying. That's sad.
There are also people who are not comfortable receiving compliments because they are used to being invisible. It's maybe because during their childhood days they were not popular and people rarely notice them. I've read somewhere that it has something to do also with lack of self- confidence and low self- esteem.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
25 Aug 10
Well I try to be respectful and courteous at all times but if my responsd is going to be offensive, before I respond I will ask would like the truth or would you like me to lie to you. 
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
25 Aug 10
Well at least you're doing it in a respectful way right?
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Absolutely, especially when I know they will get offended, so I will ask them if they want the truth or not.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72183)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I never say a compliment if I dont mean it. I just dont say anything at all. If someone asks me something such as if I like their new shirt I usually try to change the subject but its not always possible. If I cant change the subject I might say something like its unique or ask them where they got it then just say cool after they tell me. I hate when people just come up to me and say like nice shirt then run back and say to someone else that its hideous. Its like why bother to say anything at all if I havent even asked them if they like my shirt or not.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I guess people give compliments for their own reasons.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
26 Aug 10
I can't lie. People can tell if I am lying, so I just don't even bother trying. And I would rather someone told me the truth than lied to me, also. So, I just naturally assume everyone else would rather be told the truth as well. Although, I have come across some people that say that it would have been more polite had I told a white lie to save their feelings. But that just isn't how I am wired.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
I like how you're wired Annie. We don't want to get into the habit of lying do we? Not the way to go.
@bestboy19 (5478)
• United States
26 Aug 10
I don't give many compliments. Too many people think a compliment has to be returned with a compliment, and it's obvious they don't mean what they say. What I don't like is when someone says, "Doesn't so-n'-so look pretty today?" Even if I think she does, I hate being put on the spot with so-n'-so waiting for me to answer. I usually give a positive response because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or put the questioner in an awkward possession.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I never noticed that before, but I've heard people say things similar to that before.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Most of the time my compliments are genuine. There are times I have given compliments that were a little less than truthful in order to make someone feel better. I hear some people do that all the time and unfortunately they believe the lie so it does make them feel better. They say the truth will shall set you free, but then there are those who do not want to be free.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
27 Aug 10
Ha ha, I like how you worded that last sentence. I never thought of it like that before.
@SimpleBB (1329)
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
Giving compliments is for two things, it's either you really admire something in him or you just want to hoist someone's self esteem, which sometimes not sincere for this purpsose. But there are also two types of people to accept the compliments. The humble one that took it as a real compliment and constructively, or the boastful one that instead of acknowledging it, that would boost him to be conceited.
For me, if there is a need for complimenting something, I may do so. But if it is not that necessary, or let say..I could not really compliment someone, might as well just to keep quiet to be honest with myself as well as not to hurt someone's feeling or telling a lie.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Good point Simple, thanks for keeping it simple and truthful. Some compliments may not be necessary, depending on the person and situation.
@AutumnGold (1056)
•
26 Aug 10
Hello Miraclefreebies. I like to give compliments but I won't tell lies. If someone looks nice I will tell them, if someone asks me if they look good I'll tell the truth, I'll be diplomatic if they don't look good. I think it's wrong to give false compliments, it does people no favours and most of the time they know when people are being truthful anyway.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
27 Aug 10
You're right AutumnGold. I learned that years ago, and now I only give them when it's necessary, but it will also be the truth. If I wanted someone's opinion on something, I would expect the full blown truth every time. It won't hurt to do the same.
@jhyan007 (467)
• Philippines
26 Aug 10
...i say what i mean, I mean what is say..that is the line that i used to hear from my teacher before...personally, i don't like lying when it comes to compliments and other things just to gain friends like what you said above..but somehow, there are times that I need to weight the situation..i don't want to hurt anyone with words that can hurt emotionally, although there are times that it is inevitable ( using white lies ) however it would be best to keep your mouth shut during those times specially if you know the outcome would turn out to be negative or if you don't want to lie to that someone...but for me, if I think the person can accept harsh comments, then i will tell him/her what i want to say, be it good or bad...
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
I usually won't say anything if it may hurt them, but some people can take the truth without letting it get to them.
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Thanks ashok. I try to be good myself...though not perfect.
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
25 Aug 10
Well if it's not your style, you're being honest, I guess.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
27 Aug 10
Hi, miraclefreebies. I do give compliments and most of the time, I really mean them too. If I know that I don't have anything nice and sweet to say to a person, I will not say anything to them. I will just keep my comments to myself. I don't want to hurt their feelings at all. I have been around people that will just say any and everything to a person. They don't care how it comes out either. It is very sad when they are this way with another person though.
1 person likes this
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
27 Aug 10
I've always found that honesty is the best way to speak to people. My girl-friend would be angry if I ever told her anything other than the way it is, or at least the way I see it. I believe it goes both ways, compliments or criticism. I believe the person I'm talking to deserve honesty, I think it's very disrespectful to lie to someone, even if you're trying not to offend them. If it was me, I'd get offended more by being lied to then being given an honest criticism.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
26 Aug 10
One of my life’s mottos is to treat others as I like to be treated and lying is not something that I would appreciate from a friend. I don’t like to be anything other than authentic so I don’t give compliments I don’t mean. If I don’t like something someone else has I prefer to say nothing at all than lie just to be nice and I appreciate others doing the same for me. I believe in being tactful of course and it is a fine line...
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
Thanks Paula. You have a good point there.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
26 Aug 10
I try not to give out a compliment that i don't mean. it really doesn't help anyone for you to give a compliment that you didn't believe in. My only exception would be to give a compliment to boost someone's spirits. I wouldn't lie in giving a compliment. It just isn't worth it.1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
26 Aug 10
It sounds fair. I would prefer the truth over a lie.
