Would you break up with your boyfriend if his kids....
By Sha033
@Sha033 (29)
United States
August 28, 2010 3:58pm CST
Would you break up with your boyfriend if his children didn't like you? My previous relationship i was in for 10 years and my boyfriends children didn't like me. They like me at first because i was always buying them stuff and giving them money and so on. Then they started dis-liking me because they didn't like to clean up, and their dad never made them do anything they did not want to do. Since i was the only one doing all the cleaning around the house i got tired of it and started making them help out. Which didn't always work. They talked to me disrespectully right in front of their dad and he said nothing. Matter of fact it was funny to him. When i would get upset with him about it, he said that i was too hard on them they were just kids. He even said i was just too strict because i didn't have any kids. His kids were 6 & 8 when i met him as they got to be teens i expected them to do more chores around the house. The first to years we were together they didn't live with him or else i wouldn't have moved in with him. So eventually i just got fed up with feeling like i was just a slave, and feeling like i wasn't part of the family when it came to his children. Do you think it was right for me to leave him based on the fact i could not deal with his children?
2 people like this
14 responses
@greenteab7 (94)
• China
29 Aug 10
Hi Sha033
How are you doing today.
I am sorry I have no experience about this. I think you had better to talk to him, and figure some ways out together. Just do not give up easily.
Good luck.
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
29 Aug 10
I think that you did the right thing. It seems that not only did his kids not respect you but he didn't respect you as well. From what you are saying you did the best that you could do with kids that aren't even yours. You don't need that in your life and you could do so much better.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
Well,how could those kids paid you respect when their father don't even care with what they are doing.
If he loves you enough,he should have done the talking with his children and asked them to help you and also respect you,not being a mother but at least as human.
I couldn't just imagine myself living with that kind of kids.
You try to talk with your boyfriend if he can do something to discipline his kids.
If he can't,then think about yourself if you can still go on living with that kind of situation.
happy weekend
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
29 Aug 10
When you are in a relationship with someone who has children of their own there has to be some kind of adjustment to go through. If my boyfriend's children did not like or accept me, i would try to find a way to deal with it. I don't see myself breaking up with him. I would do everything i could to make the relationship work for everyone's happiness.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
Teens are like that. They sometimes tend to say something disrespectful specially if no one will teach them they should respect other people specially those who are older than them. I don't think you should break with your boyfriend just because of his kids. They are kids meaning there are things they still need to learn and maybe one of that is how to respect other people.
However, you should break up with your boyfriend if he does not teach his kids that they should respect you. It's an adult's responsibility to train the kids to be respectful. In your boyfriend's case it should be his responsibility specially if the kids are not listening to you. He should also show to his kids how he respects you so that they would follow. If your boyfriend is not taking you seriously and maybe his kids can sense that then they would also not take you seriously no matter how many times you scold them. You should talk to your boyfriend about it. If he would not understand you then he's not worth keeping.
@bloemart (222)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
I think you have to break up with him because I think he is just looking for a housewife that could help him with his responsibilities. He just want to have a complete family, with mother, father and children. However, they don't treat you well. You boyfriend is bias when it comes to this situation.
We all know that Step Moms are always villain in the history That's what they think of you, I think they also get jealous with you maybe with the attention of your boyfriend. So you have to consider that.
I think you should meet another boyfriend if he cannot depend you with his children. Don't look for a stone that you one hit on your head. You are still young and single. You must meet someone you deserve.
Dealing with children? Yes, you must leave him because he doesn't know how to deal with it. His children can dictate what they want to say against you and he is not objective with that.
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
YES I will. I think what you did is the right thing for yourself. You need to love yourself more. You lost 10 years of your life of being with a man who just treats you like his slave and his kids who abuses you while you do all the work in their house. If your boyfriend loved you that much, he would've defended you in front of his children. He should have known authority to them in your behalf so that they'll be able to respect you as you are.
If I were in your shoes, I would really move on. I would enjoy being single, finding or continuing a career and meet new people that encourages me to become better. As well as respecting me which I truly deserve. I hope you the best in life. Be strong.
Best of luck
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
29 Aug 10
Hi Sha,
Welcome to Mylot! Yes, you did the right thing to leave him. It wasn't just about his kids. It was about him and his lack of respect for YOU! At 6 & 8, his kids were old enough to at the very least, pick up after themselves. If he felt otherwise, then it should have been him who picked up after them. He put you down for being "too hard" on them "because you do not have kids". Ok then, I would say that would mean that HE and not you should be picking up after them! And then you go on to say that he actually laughs while they disrespect you?? Oh that would be enough for me. It's almost as if he is encouraging them. You are single and no kids?? You can do so so much better than this!! This isn't going to get any better. The dad is just as disrespectful as his kids are.
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
You were right breaking up with him -- because I think he did not respect you nor teach his children to respect you. I think his children acted that way because they think it is okay to act that way -- same with how their father acts. In that case, I do not think he is a good man at all. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment and it is best for you to stay away.
I hope you are alright. Welcome to Mylot.
@witty06 (40)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
If I were you, I would leave that guy. You don't have to sacrifice like that, because honestly that guy isn't loving you...He just love you because he needs you.
A housemaid perhaps. You must moved on and find someone else better than that guy. Someone who will NEED you because He LOVES you..ok??
Have a nice day!
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
29 Aug 10
Not having a good relationship was a factor what the real problem here is that your boyfriend did not respect you.
Although his children are a great priority in his life he has to teach them that although you are not replacing their mother by no means, that you as his girlfriend had to be respected.
This is very sad for him as no one will tolerate this ever and his children will grow up and lead their own lives and well where does that leave him. Alone with no one that is where.
You did right as you cannot live this way especially when you did your best.
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
28 Aug 10
you did right thing bcs he always let your children talk bad to you and didnt defend you so he didnt respect you at all. if he loved you really he would had been talking with them bcs he knew how much it upset you. i wish you feel good now and dont blame yourself he was the bad one losing someone that really loved him bcs he couldnt educate his kids well. dont feel bad you took it for awhile so you did all you could for all work ^^ wish you find a better guy^^
@shearry18 (118)
• Davao, Philippines
29 Aug 10
The answer is YES. If there is no respect anymore then you have to let go.You already tried how to deal with them and you were patient enough to handle things. Your boyfriend should know that you were doing your part and he is the one whose not doing his part as a father to his sons. Why do you need to stay if your not happy anymore? For me , it was a smart move to leave them behind.
@marianpantewynn (34)
• Philippines
29 Aug 10
what you did is just right..it's hard to deal with the children of your boyfriend if he cannot even defend you from their bad attitudes..it is his responsibility to balance his attention and love to you and his children,he should not be biased on neither sides..
as a woman,we deserve to be respected by the man we are living with,and the men has also the responsibility to protect and respect us..
