Are you in an abusive relationship? How to tell if you are!

hello moondancer! it would be easy to spot the damage if its physical abuse, but if its mental or emotional, the scars could get so deep yet barely noticed if ever by other people. i was abused by my ex-husband, initially it was all emotional and psychological abuse to the point that i lose confidence in myself. Nobody noticed this and they all tell me my ex-husband was so quiet and good coz he never let on to others that he was torturing me mentally and emotionally. i was almost on the point of breaking down when he started on physical abuse. it was a blessing in a way, it made me realize how bad the situation i am in and it forged my decision to get away.the last time was when he kicked me in the stomach for no reason at all, except that he did not like that my work colleagues (women) prepared a little advance celebration for my birthday. He wanted me all to himself, he was invited but he didn't went, he just didn't want me to be happy. now, i don't have to look up the signs of an abusive relationship. i know it all too well. and i promised myself that i would not let anybody hurt or abused me again, no matter how i love them, i will definitely get out or die trying. i definitely applied it with one of my later relationships. he abused me, i left him, he didn't want me to leave and so he hurt me, i reported him to the police. now? he can't even go even a meter of me. i've had enough of someone hurting me. i try to love and care for them yet that's what i get in return? oh no, i don't blame myself for their behavior, they're just plain abusers, crazy, only i didn't know it at first, too blinded by love i guess.

i'm not in a abusive relationship. but there are ways to tell if you are. for instance. being in a controlling relationship can lead to being abused. physically, emotionally. whatever the case maybe. some of the time, me in an controlling/abusive realtionship who are the abuser will prevent you from seeing or speaking to your friends or family. thats emotional abuse. i believe. i don't understand people like that. another way to see if you are in an abusive relationship is if the man or women hits you first. it will happen again. plain and simple. i've seem this myself.

Hi there Moondancer, I was in an abusive marriage. I knew full well that I was being abused. Hitting is wrong.....Always! It's complex. It really is. I stayed way longer than I should have and I had every excuse under the sun as to why I stayed. We had kids, I had no money etc....they all seemed and felt legit. I got councelling after I left and my councelor gave me a homework assignment. He asked me to focus not on why my husband abused me but rather why I stayed in a situation that most women would have run from long before it reached the point that it did. violence esculates. Did you know that you can become addicted to your own adrenalin? You can and women in abusive relationships do get addicted to their adrenelin. If they do not get help, even if they leave the relationship, they will go on to another relationship that is abusive, probably more so. A good book on this topic is "Women who love too much" and Letters from women who love too much." Abuse is progressive. It almost always gets worse.

Good morning, Good discussion. I was abused to but thank heavens i finally had enough sense to get out of it . It's been a long time ago but it's still very vivid in my mind. Wish everyone that's in that kind of relationship could get out of it. I don't think it ever changes. If they are mean enough to do it once it want stop later. Have a happy wed.

I did suffer abuse in my first marriage...and now I have a family member who is going thorough the same thing and the bad thing is she thinks it's her fault! she is now going to counselling after a break down...but she still thinks her partner is the best man in the world! you know I give up...I just hope one day she will realize her mistake and not get hurt any further. I know what you mean! you get hit once[ you forgive]but remember that once already have set a pattern for abuse... to me any one in a relationship like that! run a mile and never turn back.

Throughout my life I have witnessed many women in abusive relationships. Regretfully, the culture out here for people living in deprived communities is that it is expected for the male to hit the female. Thank God this is changing. The young people were conditioned to feel that if their BF/husbands did this to them then it meant that they were loved. I taught for ten years in a High School out here and assisted the counselor. Many times I had to fight back tears as the girls had such low esteem and low expectations of their life. I have a wooden plaque on my door and burned into it are the words,'Cynthie's Place'. Women in my community know that the door is always open for them or their children. Blessings

Hi Sweetie I to was in an abusive Marriage for 21 years First it was physical abuse, then turned to verbal and mental abuse It is hard to get out of a Marriage like that and as I went through a bad Childhood to I was very scared, would not stand up for myself and was in the believe that my Body was just there to be used and abused Then at the age of 40 I knew I could take any more and I would not, this was just before all the tests started for my Illness, no support from the Ex Husband or anything, I decided to be brave and finish it all and I did, but it took a long time to get over it all, to get rid of the fear of being hurt, of trusting People People who have not been through it will never understand what it is like

It is sad indeed. I was also an abused women and I know of many others that were as well. They promise it won't happen again but, sure as not, it does. Over and over again it happens. And until a woman sees it for what it is it will continue. That is the sad part of it all. I am glad they are making movies to help educate women.

I watched a movie on tv last night about a teen age girl being abused by her boy friend..Is this the program you are talking about..I do not know anyone who is being abused now..I was abused as a young wife and in another relationship when I was older..No matter the situation a man or teenage male has no right to abuse his wife or girlfriend..I think the movie was based on a true story..The boyfriend had the girl brainwashed into thinking she was doing something wrong that caused him to hit her..I think that happens to a lot of women and teenage girls..Maybe stories like that will help some of them to realize it is not their fault and they will get out of the abusive relationships.. Love and blessings to you..

Throughout my life I have witnessed many women in abusive relationships. Regretfully, the culture out here for people living in deprived communities is that it is expected for the male to hit the female. Thank God this is changing. The young people were conditioned to feel that if their BF/husbands did this to them then it meant that they were loved. I taught for ten years in a High School out here and assisted the counselor. Many times I had to fight back tears as the girls had such low esteem and low expectations of their life. I have a wooden plaque on my door and burned into it RE THE WORDS,'Cynthie's Place'. Women in my community know that the door is always open for them or their children. Blessings

im not^^ he didnt hurt me even emotionally^^ but abusive relationships are not just those that someone gets beaten up. is also say bad words all the time and say that the person is trash and bad words. thats also. i know that sometimes people dont want to see the reality but they have to see. sometimes people think is their fault is true but is not. noone should be beaten up. and the first time a guy beats in girls or also some guys that get beaten by gfs they should leave right away. we can find someone that loves us and respects us and wouldnt beat us :( so we should dont waste time with this people :(

I think the program highlighted one of the most sinister aspects of abuse.. That the abuser is often able to convince a partner that she is the problem: which often results in a loss of self worth, leading to greater dependency on him.