Am I really a failure? How Does One 'Define S uccess?

hi joey_matthews That is such common sense joey. We can feel successful for ourselves if we feel we are very good with our family. I had sudden qualms looking back but then I was hearing old tapes in my head from familiy telling me I was not a success as I did nothing spectacular. Now I know one needs to mentally delete those harmful tapes.

Sometimes family can be very harsh, my dad was with and despite the fact I love him very much it always used to get to when he compared me to my brother. You have every right to be able to say your successful, we all achieve different things and personal goals are much better for ourselves. :)

hi joey yes indeed and those saying s they program in our minds go on and on unless we stop and say hey I am too a success.I was a good wife and my son says I was a good mom so there.

Sorry to hear about your late husband. Being a mom and a wife to your late husband and raising two children. It's a huge success Hatley. I would rather count all our successes. We deserve them.

I'm touched. You are one great inspiration to many. This is so heartwarming Hatley. Your life would be filled with so much more joy and peace!

His dad knows...he sees everything he does and many times he is right there beside him. He is proud of him too.

oh of course He does, had not thought of that. glad to be reminded as I do have great faith but at times I slip and slide with it.

hi moondancer thats really what it is, living successfully in caring for family and teaching one's children so they grow up to be good, kind people. I remember once feeling down and my husband telling me , to me you are indeed a success, a wonderful wife and a loving mom, that is a success.I am so proud of how my son turned out;.sometimes I am sad that his father did not live to see him succeed in his fiels.

hi fwidman oh are they wrong, all my life Ihave been so thankful for the custodians as we always ran to them for help in grade school and high school too and college .they do a whole lot more.

And people think all the custodians ever do is clean up the mess

There are different type of success in life. You achieve success only if you complete your own ambitions regardless of what others are thinking about you.

hi gdesjardin yes I think one of themost wonderful successes any woman can have is to raise fine young men and women. today so many parents do not pay enough attention and they have spoiled bratty kids because they just give in and buy whatever the youngster wants but the one thintg the kid does want and does not get is parental attention. I often let my house work undone until I had taken me two little ones out for a stroll around the neighborhood.I also had a great hubby who helped me with hyouse work when I had my two children 11 months apart. the only thing he would not do was wash dishes, and to me that was no biggie.We had two fine children but sadly we lost our little daughter. but I did succeed in raising a fine young man, I say young but he is 51 but as I am in my eighties he is young to me.loll.Too perhaps this past year and a half with all its bad stuff made me a success in learning not to blow up over'small stuff and to lean to cope with the realities of changes in one's life. I had never wanted to come to a retirement cemter but there was no good choice I either would have had to roam the street in the daytime and hunt for homeless shelters for the night. my son said no way can you do that so here i am. He is working now so things are looking up.

hi sometimes I though my son would never grow out of some bratty behavior but really it only lasted a short while. he went through that stage of trying to see how far he could go before mom got onto him, and his dad was the one to always intercede but in spite of that my son grew up into a fine man. I am sure your children are never going to be spoiled brats. I saw a mom with a kid of maybe 9 or so, and he would whine for something until she bought it, just to shut him up and the things he whined for were not cheap toys but pricey electronic stuff, she really did not look to be that wealthy either.My point is kids so not have to have everything just cause they want it, thats spoiling them rotten.lol lol

I do pay attention to my kids...but I think they are still bratty at times...LOL I think they all go through stages in life where they try to see what they can get away with. I think the problem is when parents let their kids get away with stuff. I do have my moments when I spoil them, but they know they better not be spoiled brats.

hi rawbill yes I read about Ansel as my son had introduced me to his photographs and I was interested enough to read about his life and was surprised that he rather failed in b eing a good husband and father.So smaller successes are still real successes every bit as important as the big ones.

hi rawbill that is so true as I knew a lawyer who made it up to a judge here in orange county and the papers were all fullof how brilliant he was. okay a month or so ago He was in he papers again and the flavor of the news was sure different, He and his oldest son had an argument according to the family. he Judge pulled out a pistol and shot his son twice, the son lived vbut now the 'Judge is on trial for attempted murder. so me success.

Yes, I think being a good parent and role model is more important than being good in whatever profession we choose. I think mostly, success is measured differently according to who is viewing the person. Some people might see someone as being successful according to their values while another may think that the person is not successful at all according to their values.

Yeah that is true, but as a mom, you along with the rest of us moms have always told our children, It does not matter what other people think of you. They were not the ones living your life, paying your bills, dealing with the hardships or joys your had in life. So they can not deem your life successful or not. I know for myself I start each day thinking to myself I want to be the best quality woman I can be, and hope I achieve it, some days I succeed and others not so much. I had a recent dilemma where I was in a position to hurt people I love by doing the right thing, or doing the right thing as a woman and decent human being and the choice was hard, In the end I spent and am still spending nights crying, but know I done what I needed to do that at the end of my life, I will not regret it. Just hope some others in my family can follow suit and do the same.

hi sassyhbratky yes sometimes we are faced with a dilemma that is so hard which ever way you do but in your heart of heart somehow you know to do what you have to do and still be able to face your Maker.

hi sassybratky of course life is a journy for each of us, and it depends on each of us what our values are as to whether we have succeeded. I realize that bringing up a child to be a decent, warm'hearted productive person is a sort of success too. I thank God each morning for life and a brand new day for me to do with as I choose.And whether or not I ever get anything published I' have had great joy in journal ling and writing little sceanrios about my fellow residents here. In a place like this you meet people with some amazing life stories.So we can have our own personal successes and still appear in others eyes as not being a success.But in our own hearts we know we succeeded along the way.

hi GardenGerty yes I am realizing that as not all sucess is in being famous for something. I can imagine in God's eyes if we make our lives successful in becoming a good compassonate people he ie more pleased than if we become some celebrate movie star for example andmess up as a human being he it not going to be too thrilled. So sometimes I think I am my own worst critic.

hi welcome to Mylot glad to meet you too HaNXIAOYAN I hope you enjoy mylot and have a lot of fun and make friends here too. I really love Mylot as its given me a chance to meet people from all over the world.

how are you ,nice to meet you ,I'm a Chinese and a new member,

Wow Hatley, knowing this about Stephen King gives me a lot of hope..:) Yeah, postage is expensive, but don't some agents/publishers take online submissions? You may want to check that out and see..Yeah if your work is on paper this means a lot of time to transfer it to the computer, but wouldn't it be worth it if the book got published???

Yes I should have thouoght of that online subissions. I have some of myu stuff on cds. have to look into that idea. yes for awqhile there I read stephen King just threw one mauscript in the garbage and his wife dig it out cleaned it and submitted it and it sold immdediately. I think that was The S hining but am not sure now.Yes it would take time but wos if one could sell it.

hi carm no I am saying I turned in snynopsis and first and last chapter and got rejection afterr rejection. but latley the postage has been super expernsive and right now i dont have much money. I am going to go ahead and write my autobiograhy as I have an odd feeling this is it as I have had a different life.So yes I do think I have succeeded in my own small way as I have been in crisis situations where I Have helped others.I was just reading abuot Steven King who had had a lot of rejections a nd he got mad and threw his manuscript in the garbage. His wife had faith in him dug it out cleaned it up sent it to a publisher who sent back to a surprised Stephen King we love your book and want to p ublish it. This was Carrie that later was made into a movie.

hi celticeagle yes its in the way you perceive it, I also set small goals obtained them and felt successful, and now am going to undertake my autobiography as I look back and at time wonder how in all thst is holy I ever got to have to be in this retirement home, from my start as a happy farm kid helping harvest strawberries in the morning and watermelons in the afternoon. if this intrigued me mayhe someone else might like to read it.anyway its a goal and I must start it in order to see if I succeed.I grew up during the depression and saw people having to pay my dad, the doctor in chickens and eggs and milk as dollare were hard to come by then.

hi I seriously have been considering writing that book , and I was discouraged but am feeling maybe now is the right time while I 'have lots of time to think and remember too. have to take a few hours' away from my computer but it can be done lo l lol.

Jane Fonda was on Oprah the other day and she was talking about her new book and wisdom. She said she does a life thing(can't think what she called it right now) where she looks back over her life, much like you described. I would love to read it. I think I made comment once before that some of the adventures you have had in your life would make a great book. I would love to read it!

raveas thanks thats heartwarming as she was the epitome to me of a great lady;so of course all of us working in helping situations make our drop and that adds onto the hole.we all succeeded in our own little part of the world. So looking back we can all be proud we were adding our littles to the whole.

hi ravend yes to me Iam the most important thing I ever had okay good thinking there.

Of course. And remember. You are the most important thing you ever had. So the only person who can say how big you are is you, and nobody else. :)

aerous you are so right if we are not saved and are not with God you have not reached the most important success.I succeeded' as wife and mother, and now as being a Child of Christ and God

I feel I am on the right path and yes there is only one God I am a methodist and protestant an d I feel I am in the right church.

I congratulate you for that, my friend. But I hope your in the right path which the bible teach us to belong. Because not all religion is belong to God as Jesus Christ quoted is his teaching...that there is only one God and only one teacher and only one church to attain salvation

good thinking as I am dying to write my auto biography as it dawned on me that it might be interesting to someone to read about how achild raised on a South Dakota farm ever wound up in a second class retirement center when she might be 84 but until she was evicted had never needed any special care as she was not senile and could cook'and clean and do the same housekeeping she had done at sixty. iN other wo r ds I do not need assisted living, all I needed w as place to live. one or two paychecks is all a good many middle class Americans are away from being homeless. no big money in the bank, spending more than they make and then boom, one or both lose their jobs, run out of money, face fore closure or eviction.There are many homeless yet who had great jobs but no savings, got laid off and are homeless now. if you have no family or friends who can help you now what?

hi you have it down all pat, but remember you do and did not know my circumstances so saying we were stupid does not cut it with me, what the hell could we have saved when the cost of living here where we were is so high it took every penny my son made to pay the rent and utilities and food . we were not stupid as we cut co rners and did all we could but when you go from 700 dollars rent in several months' to 1300 dollars rent a month and your whole paycecks for the month do not but barely cover all that where is there any place to save. I am glad you are not or were not in our shoes but do not again ever preach to me what you think was our stupidity as you were not there and you did not know what all was going on in ou r lives. and yes a lot of Americans think Like you but if they have not got savings and lots of relatives sure they could end up on the street witgh no people who cared for them to help them.

Well Americans are inherently stupid. We have systematically 'stupidified' ourselves over the last 40 years. I for one am not 2 paychecks away from being homeless. When I go to my job, my co-workers are all broke. All living paycheck to paycheck. If I lost my job, I could survive for at least 6 months with absolutely no income whatsoever. So the question is why. Am I that much more intelligent? Am I so stinking smart? Do I have shear brilliance and mental power? No. I'm not any smarter than the average joe blow nobody. Do I have a huge massive income? No, I averaged between $17,000 to $20,000 a year over the passed 10 years. So clearly, it's not because I earn a ton of money. What is the super secret system that allows me to be wealthy while earning just above the poverty line? It's actually real simple. I pay for everything I have. No loans. No credit cards. Paid for car. Small cheap house. I don't have cable TV. I don't have a cell phone. I don't have magazine subscriptions. I don't go out drinking, or smoking. I don't go to movies. I don't have expensive stereo systems, or TV sets, or home theater setups, or computers. What I do have is... money. I have thousands socked away in my bank account. I have IRA because my job doesn't have a 401K yet. So I put money in my IRA myself. I don't know anyone that 'can't find a job'. What they can't find is 'a job I want'. I've heard a million excuses. Oh it doesn't pay enough. Well let's see... income now is 'zero', and income from job that doesn't pay enough is 'greater than zero'. But again we live in a stupidified country, where we think the way to live is by fitting the income to our life style. No, you fit the lifestyle to the income. If your income goes down, you need to change your lifestyle. Even if somehow I lost my job for 6 months, and was retarded enough to not get another.... (I've never been out of work longer than 1 month) First I have family that could help. Second, I have extended family that could help. Third, I have friends that could help. Forth, I have co-workers that I believe would help. Fifth... church. We've lost our view of God. Yet the church is one of the ways that we are supposed to help each other, under God. I could either go to my parents church, or the church I go to, and either one would help me out. And finally, there are dozens of help groups around the country, for people like this. I've worked at a few. I simply don't believe there is any excuse for people to not have any savings. If someone has worked their whole life, and didn't save, what does that say about them? In their whole entire life, they never once considered they needed to plan for their retirement? I'm planning my retirement, and I'm 33. Both my parents planned for their retirement, and they pretty much do whatever they want now. If they want to help out at a charity, they do. If they want to sleep on the beach somewhere, they do. If they want to travel the mid-west, they do. Whatever they want, they do. Why? Because they saved consistently and increasingly throughout their life. Why? Because they new they would get old, as everyone does. The point is, Americans have lost the understanding that: 'where you are, and where you end up, is almost entirely the result of the choices you yourself made' This is universally true in the modern world. You don't save up money, and now your broke. You smoke, now you have cancer. You take out dozens of loans, and now your bankrupt. Cause and effect. Yin Yang. Karma. Sowing and Reaping. The exceptions to this are in places like India. You are born a lower class, and live a lower class, and will die a lower class. Or Africa, where you are at the mercy of the war lords. But not so in America. You determine your own outcome. You make stupid choices, you reap stupid results. That's how it is.

you know perhaps that I am a diabetic. well for while my huband and myu son becamed diet police. "Are you sure you should eat that or that has sugar in it, why are you eating it?" I had to educatethem that a lot of foods we all eat can be ate by a diabetic if we just count carbs and our blood sugar is where it belongs. I told them I appreciated their concerns but the reason I went to all those diabetic seminars was to learn how to eat for proper nutrition as a diabetic and to keep our blood sugar in complete control.After that they kind of let me alone.I imagine its hard for your son to not baby you because you did come through heart surgery and you are his mom. I am going to start that novel as soon as I can.

I would like to do my autobiography too. Your marriage sounds like it could have been better in the earlier years but that came out ok and you were rewarded with his love and having had a life most would die for. My son too makes me proud. His accomplishments make me happy even now. True,we cannot depend on others to make us happy. My son is being very careful with me right now due to my heart surgery and I have to keep watch on myself not to fall into a life that he rules my roost ! I don't think he means to hurt me or get in my way but he saw mom in a bad way and I really hate to think what he'll do if my husband should die. Just sit down and write, starting at your first memories and make that book happen !

Your so welcome. Just look at the number of your responses. Thats proof right there your far from being a failure. Your well thought of here on mylot. Your a smart happening lady, you even still have all of your marbles.

thank you Polly one I do hope somewhere I have made a few successes and that while I am not rich in money I am indeed rich in friends and my son and my best friend.

ms tickle yes I think that could be the meaning of success having a positivse attitude for sure. simple and also practical too.

I don't really want to be where I'm at either, Hatley. Still, it is "home" and we make the best of it and find ways to be happy because you are right...it feels better than the alternative!

hi sid I have received so much veryu intelligent responses I am almost overwhelmed but if my impact on others lives is good then I am satisfied too; I am leaning to think positive and its made a difference as I did not want to be here but here I am any way.so I can be happy or sad, but happy feels so much better to me. so I will succed in being happy here and now.

hi lovinangelsinstead21 Yes I think it will too as I have thins need to write about my life. I understand that is we feel we have succeededd in our own eyes then we have made successes maybe small but we c an feel good in having helped others along the way. So we all succeed in our own small ways.I ahve got so far behind on mylot its not funnt all because of doctor's appintments. lol.,

hi kingparler yes this is the most popular definition but what happens after you get all that m oney y o u will want more and more.We all need money but there are a lot of succe sses that are not multimillionaires.Surely helping others and making something that'will help future generations has also to be counted as successes whether or not they make any millions or not.Some successes are measurex in what good you have done for the most people.

thanks pinkie yes I worked many years in the hospital and loved my'job as it was rewarding and exciting and never boring.I always did what I could, and now I can say I also raised a fine young man.he was here last night to visit me.

That is good to hear.Im glad you see your life that way and im glad you raised your son the way you wanted to and did what you could.:)