My son is worried about things that he has read about health
By jugsjugs
@jugsjugs (12967)
October 24, 2010 1:39pm CST
I had a call from my sons school,he is 11 years old and he had been upset a few days at school,so the teacher spoke to him and that is why they called me,as they needed to see me about his work aswell.Well there i was, hearing that my son had read a few letters that i had got from the hospital aswell as all the appointments.This explains why i was unable to find an appointment letter i thought.His main concern was my future aswell as now.I had put the letters out of the way,as i have loads that they send with more results on them.The school already knew about the Buergers disease aswell as Raynauds disease,aswell as arthritis,psoriasis.Now they know about beta blockers,bp pills,anti biotics,etc.It was the Mac Millan letter that really upset my son as they are the cancer people and he knows that,as a few people we know are under them or should i say were.He has read up on his internet at school about all the things i have been diagnosed with, but was worried about me going to the Mac Millan appointment,i dont even know why i have to go there other than there are problems with my blood, so i told him when i know i will let him know why i have to go there.The appointment is this Friday.
8 people like this
35 responses
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
24 Oct 10
Children can pick up on what we feel and they worry. Yes, they do worry about our future and theirs. They wonder what's going to happen to you and if something happens to you, the what's going to happen with them???????
They worry. They can not do their work if they are worrying about big people problems.
It's best to sit down with him and explain things instead of him guessing the worst as kids will do.
They must have given you this new appointment for a reason. Or you would not be going there.
I hope it all works out well for you.
I'm sorry to hear about your illnesses. hugs
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
24 Oct 10
I have sat him down and told him that what he read in all those letters is what they know and no matter what these things will not kill me if that is what he was worr ied about.I also explained that all the pills that he see me take to make sure i am well.He knows that i can not and should not try to walk too much and knows to try to help with many things around the house that i am not allowed todo.I have told him that they just keep a look at my blood tests and that i have to have those done so that they can see i am well,just incase i need a new pill.I told him that as soon as i know what is going on he will be first to hear what the appointment is for at the Mac Millan.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
24 Oct 10
That sounds good. I think you told him the right things. Hopefully you set his mind at ease.
Also letting him know that you will keep him informed will help him too.
Kids can dream up the wost things that will happen and it's best that he knows as much of the truth that you can tell him instead of his mind running away with him.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
25 Oct 10
My husband has had a chat with my son and he told him that we are not sure why that department in the hospital needs to see me,but when i know my son will be the first person i will tell.I also told my son not to worry about things,as the hospital are looking after me and they are making sure that i am ok.Thankfully a teacher at his school realised that there was something bothering him so they had along talk to him.I have a nurse popping in to see mew soon,so i will get her to have a chat with my son if he is still worried.
1 person likes this
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
24 Oct 10
I think that with kids and health, either yours or theirs, honesty is the best policy. After all, they can find out things on the net, as he did. Then he will just feel like you deceived him, which is never good. I wish you the best with your health conditions.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
25 Oct 10
When in the past my son has asked me anything i have been very honest with him.If i had known that he was concerned then i would have spoken to him,he knows that he can talk to me about anything and everything.I have told him once i have been to the hospital appointment this week he will be the first person to know what is going on,as until then i do not know why they want to see me at that clinic.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
24 Oct 10
I am pleased to think that my son trusted a very good teacher in his school,a teacher that took time listening to my son to find out why he was soo upset.Like i explained to the school,i have no idea why they want to see me in that part of the hospital,i said that when i get told why they need to see me soo will my son.
1 person likes this
@doormouse (4599)
•
24 Oct 10
sometimes cancer treatment can be used to treat other illness,and if you have a problem with your blood then that might explain why they want to see you at that particular unit,your poor son must have been worrying about you soo much,bless him
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
24 Oct 10
As you know i have been on cancer treatment in the past,but i never had togo to the cancer people/team/unit and that was for my skin.I asked my gp aswell as a dr in the hospital this week if they had hematologist in the hospital and they said they dis,so i asked why did i have to go to the Mac Millan people then and they said that they were not in that department so they could not say anything,as they specialise in different things to the cancer people.I have told my son that i will tell him why and what they want to see me about when they tell me.I also asked if the reason they are sending me there is to get me to quit smoking as the last 3 appointments in the hospitals the drs first said you need to stop smoking now,right now,they also said that they can get me suport to come to my house to help stop smoking rather than me go to a clinic.He has read about all the diseases on letters that drs had written to me,also about amputations,so i do understand why he is worried,aswell as seeing and hearing about ots popping in and out.Nurse is due to pop round either next week or the week after,so if he is here perhaps a chat with her may help.
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
24 Oct 10
At that young age he can't really understand all the problems that could happen. The best thing to do is just tell him the facts, and don't go into many details. You don't want to mislead him, but you also don't want to worry him more than is necessary. I hope everything works out okay for you at the doctors!
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
24 Oct 10
I think what the problem is,is that he has read what is going to be happening in the future todo with my health in a letter that was sent to me from a specialist at the hospital.Then the appointment for what my son calls the cancer place turns up and he sees that aswell,as i left it in the kitchen on the worktop.I have told him all that he needs to know and i have told him that i will be here for a very long time,as the pills are making sure that i am well.When i know why the clinic wants to see me,i have told him that he will be the first person to know.
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
25 Oct 10
He must be very intelligent to be paying that much attention to the things you are dealing with. This says he really cares about his mom and wants to be sure you are there for him. I have an 11 year old son that would probably worry but I don't know that he would ever take it upon himself to look up anything on the internet about an illness. I hope everything goes well for you. Be sure to spend as much time as you can with that little boy and help him to ease his mind.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160940)
• United States
24 Oct 10
Kids will do this. They will worry and fret about stuff that they cannot help, instead of asking us straight out. Sometimes you have to go to a cancer center to get the best bloodwork done, even if you do not have cancer. I hope you get all of your results soon so that he can calm down a little.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
24 Oct 10
I hate the thought that he had read about the other things that i have wrong with me,also that he knows that there are other things that are going wrong.I did ask the gp aswell as the other clinic at the hospital why did i have to go to the Mac Millan and they told me that the are not allowed to discuss this as that is not something that they specialise in.It was put to me like when you have a scan,xray or bloods taken they are not allowed to discuss the result as they are the ones that do just a xray,scan,or blood test,so they can not answer my questions about those things either.So i explained to my son that the hospital will tell me when i go why they want to see me and when they tell me i will tell him.They have hematologists inside the hospital,so i can not see what the difference is seeing them,rather than the Mac Millan team.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
25 Oct 10
It's normal to worry so much. He loves you! You are his Mom and the only Mom he'll ever have. We all search the net for ideas on what's wrong with us and many times it can put us into a bigger panic than necessary. Other than being honest with him and the school as to what's going on and try to keep faith.
1 person likes this
@RebeccaScarlett (2532)
• Canada
24 Oct 10
This is a tough situation. You don't want to lie to a child, but you don't want to terrify them either. A had a few nightmares when I was a kid about my mom dying, even though she didn't have any health problems. (I blame Disney movies. The mom is always dying just to set up a "funny" story about a dad raising kids on his own.)
Telling him as much of the truth as you think he is ready for will likely reassure him. 11 is a vulnerable age, so if he has a few problems at school it really could be because he is young to process how he feels properly without acting out in some way like neglecting schoolwork.
But you know that your son loves you very much! Good luck!
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
24 Oct 10
I do know that my son loves me very much.I was rather shocked that the teacher knew all about what illnesses i had aswell as my son with his heart problem also my other son with adhd and kidney problems.I have always been honest with all of my children,as i do not think that covering the truth helps them in the long run,also i have bought them up to not to lie.When i know what is going on at the end of this week,then they will know i told him.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
24 Oct 10
He has asked me lots of things in the past and i have always told him no matter what.I told him what pills i am taking so that he knows what they are for,also how they are suposed to work.I told him that i needed to see a hematoligist,also perhaps they had no appointments any where else and that is why i may have got one at the Mac Millan.I told him i will tell him why they want to see me when i know,lol,as to me noone is telling me anything,as they said that department has to be the one to discuss things as they specialise in different things.
1 person likes this
@namdaemun (283)
• Indonesia
25 Oct 10
Well, you should give a clear explanation to your kid. It's quite hard for a little kid to understand such diseases. It may cause trauma to him and it will impact greatly in the future. It's better to say that everything is allright. XD
1 person likes this
@Bingster_6 (309)
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
When a child reaches the age of 5 they can understand the things surrounding him, and the only thing they will do,is to find the meaning of it, until they get older. Like your son, he is now eleven years old, he has already the right to know the truth. What you did was right, that you will tell him the truth after you consulted the Mac Millan team. Its good to consult to them earlier, to know the explanation behind it. Hopefully you'll soon know the results of your laboratories as well as the reports about it. I'll pray for that day, and to both of you, not to worry much about it.
You're son is as loving as you, Go fight and Be healthy and strong, and when you get the results just explain it to your son in his level of understanding, not too detailed that may increase his worrisomeness about your health.
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
27 Oct 10
I certainly think your son is really sensible. You should feel happy that he is concerned about you. Perhaps instead of keeping things away from him, I think it may be better to share with him what entails from the letters and appointments. It beats his guessing about what is happening. Maybe he can be a source of support for you. Wish you good health :)
@tinkerick (1257)
• United States
29 Oct 10
We often try to shield our loved ones, especially our children, from our own sicknesses. Children are very astute and can often sense something is wrong even if they don't get a hold of physical evidence as you son did.
Once your child finds out, or if you think is mature enough to understand, I think it is ok to share the ongoing details of doctor appointments, results etc. They appreciate being in the know and can often provide uplifting support.
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
27 Oct 10
Wow, you are so strong to have to deal with all those medical things. But I was touched by reading this. Your son seems very aware and concerned and it really touches me that he went out of his way to even look things up. Best wishes for the both of you, I guess it's only best to keep communicating to ease the worries.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Oct 10
First of all I have to say that it is wrong of your son to be snooping. You see, by his reading the letters that are sent to you he honestly only knows part of the story. That said, I think that his concern might be in line, but it is also multiplied over the concern that he should have. In the future I think that you should be as open as possible with your children and that will keep them from facing undue stress about your medical conditions.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
Well, i think you just have to tell him that you can manage and the doctor is helping you with health problems and all he needs to do is give you love and prayers. Maybe this will make him worry less.
@Sanitary (3968)
• Singapore
28 Oct 10
U must be glad to have a son like him. Much as he's hyper active, never given u peace of mind, but he cares about u and that's for sure. Look how he's being affected after reading your report, and checking on the internet? He's such a sensible boy, that should not worry u much. Put him at ease by telling him the truth and he's going to be a great help for your recovery.
