I marry the man I did not really love...but love the way he loves me....

Actually for me, before you made the decision of marrying that man, maybe you should have considered of where you are really happy first because now that you're married already for years, its really hard to tell him that you didn't love him that much and you have loved someone else. Now that this has already happened and you cannot do anything about it anymore, maybe its hard to force yourself to love someone that you really don't, you should because of your children.

Well, I'm sorry to know about your situation. But there's really circumstances like your situation. What I don't understand is that why you marry him since you said you did not love that man?

Oh mumaysagrado regret is a very powerful thing, remember we only live once so to live with regret it's a waste of time! The person you loved so many years ago may not be the same today. I really don't know your situation, but remember the grass always look greener in the other side.

wow impressive,i never hear this kind of story before but why dont you try to be honest from the beginning,hmm i see your situation is hard ,but i think now you must keep moving forward with your life,just forget your past altough now you dont love your man,at least you try to be happy outside altough it's hard,i appreciate this kind of work,hope you can get the better life :)

then what's the reason of marrying the guy? is it a fixed marriage? because if yes, then you can't do anything about it. but if not, you shouldn't have married him in the first place. it's not right to lie to a person especially when it comes to love. it is better you tell the truth than to keep it inside and let yourself suffer. you see? you lied and you suffered for a long time. but if in the first you have told the truth it would have better. yes he would get hurt but, in no time, he will get over it and find the person who would love her, and you will be with the man that you truly love. happy on both sides! but now, you have nothing to do but suffer the consequences. that's just life is. im sorry.

I've haven't experienced being in that situation. However, what I could say is that you should be grateful for your husband is loving you dearly. You are his true love and not everybody is lucky enough to be treated that way. Besides, you aren't that certain that the person you think you love would treat you that way. I think it's your husband that you are truly love with because you were able to sacrifice things. True love is beyond the thought of being in love. I think you should be contented with your treasures. There is a reason for everything. Just be happy and make the most of what you have right now.

It sounds as if your husband may be a good man. Myabe there is a way to salvage your marriage and grow to love the man you are with. I knwo that is uncommon but it does happen sometimes.

I can't say that I have ever been in this situation. I'm sorry I don't really know how that would feel. But maybe you could learn to love him for all of the things that he does for you. If it is ever going to work out you will have to put aside the feelings for the other person and try to make the current situation work. If you don't think you can it may be best to let him know. I wouldn't want someone to be with me just for the sake of not hurting me. I would rather know they love me and want to be there.

mumaysagrado, I just want to say my mind on all the years that you have lived till today. Please do not feel offended, be patient and hear me out. You might think that you love your boyfriend (since the feelings pretty much withstand a tremendous amount of time), but I am going give you my two cents which might let you consider otherwise. If your feelings, X, fails to initiate an action, then you have to realize that X is just a mere fantasy. If X exist in fantasy, hence, X exist only in potentiality and not in actuality. Therefore, X cannot be considered as Love for Love must first exist in actuality and must be mutual. Let me further elaborate here. Suppose you are hungry and you want to abate your hunger, your natural instinct will prompt you to eat. The existence of food (Love) and the act of consumption (Initiation of Love) must occur simultaneously before our hunger pangs will vanish and achieve satisfaction (Relationship). The entities by itself are meaningless unless they conjunct with one another and if we Love without acting, it's akin to having food without consuming - the hunger persist. We harbor fantasy for all sorts of things, people and dimensions. In fact, we might even lose track of our reality, especially when we abdicate our self awareness over illusions. It's common for people who indulge in fantasy because we are unwilling to shatter this image by putting dreams into reality. We prefer to give beautiful descriptions about our worship with imaginary and wordings - many times, so perfect and immaculate that we know at the back of our mind if we were engage this extraordinary person in reality, we will gradually be forced to abandon our fantasy because nobody can be as perfect, other than the figure in our mental construct. This fantasy that you have grown to recognize and feel so intense for has completely superseded even the person per se. This ironic phenomenon is supported by a macabre veil of deep-rooted rejection, overwhelming passiveness and gnawing narcissism. Think about it, as much as you have deemed this person to be significant over a vast period of 10 years, he probably doesn't even know about your fervent feelings and existence. No insult, to him you probably belonged to the same rank as the stranger who brushed passed our shoulders everyday when we walk across the street - the significance is almost negligible. So, there are times when we felt that we made mistakes and regret in life, with regards to our previous relationship. Equally often, it might not be mistakes - perhaps we felt that we could 'do more' (whatever 'more' meant to you philosophically). And because the manifestation has already occur and we are unable to undo our circumstances, we shoulder certain unconscious anguish or bitterness that carries in our soul. Such suppression are dormant and only brought into surface when the concept of time triggers a karmic pattern to bring forth such situation once again. Then you might question - why such a phenomenon? The way I see it there are perhaps two likely reasons: I) It served to test the foundation of your relationship and marriage. Those who are stuck in the misery of their past will often create the path of destruction for their relationship of the future. II) The absence of graduation in prior cosmic lessons resulted in reiteration of the same chapter once again. What we cannot master, we learn again. I suggest instead of first leading yourself into the direction of asking 'Should i just forget my husband quickly' - I reckon you should re-frame your question and direct the question inwardly. 'What does this mean to me and my development in Love?' You might want to understand if there's an action(s) you wish to compensate for your previous (failed) relationship and unconsciously directing this effort towards this 'proxy'? Also, I believe that the identity of your marriage relationship is being questioned as well. 'What does it mean for your relationship and your husband?' Namely, is your current man a.k.a. husband any lesser in any aspect than that figure of the past? Learn acceptance, for only with careful examination of yourself, would you be able to have the clarity to decide your course of action with wisdom. From there, you will gradually understand that acceptance comes from tranquil via the heart and the only voice you need to listen is nobody but yourself. Take care.

wow that is tough. how did you go through the 10 years together?? that is tough so tough... i could not imagine kissing someone whom i did not love. why did u marry him in the first place if ur not happy???

You already chosen your road with him, marry him... so why stop after 10 years? Don't you have any children that must be taken care of. With 10 years marriage usually people will grow mature & less think about themselves but more thinking about family, thinking how you can raise your kid well, thinking about your kid's future. That's much more important instead of thinking only about how you feel, thinking about you and you. Keep your life busy and stop think as you're in a jail or something. We must learn about acceptance & responsibility.

When you know that he loves you so much what else do you want.... What if you couldn't stay with the one you like so much... He might have actually not been as good as your husband.... Infact your husband might have actually loved you more than that guy.... then whats there to feel unhappy when someone around you want you to be very much happy....

You are in a very hard situation. I know we all deserve to be happy and I know most people here advised you to end your relationship with your husband but I'm afraid I have to disagree with them. Being married is different from just being girlfriend-boyfriend so it is not that simple to just end it when you want to. It was not right that you married someone you didn't love but I don't think it would make it any better if you destroy your family. You should be thankful your husband loves you. There are people in love who got married but didn't end up happy either. Apparently, their love for each other eventually faded. Love is not just a feeling, it should be a decision. Maybe you can't find your happiness because you are still convincing yourself that you should be with the man you really love before, and it doesn't help that he's coming after you again. You have to learn to live with the fact that you are already married and you vowed to love that man for the rest of you life. I know deep inside you have love for your husband no matter how little it is otherwise you wouldn't be able to bear living with him for 10 years. You should work to make that love grow. One day you'll find the love and happiness you are looking for and I assure you you don't have to look any further than inside your own home. God bless you and your family :)

i think its because kids are most expose and they are free to explore everything and i also the rapid advancement of technology are one of the reasons why kids are smarter now

I think it's unfair to both of you. It's unfair to your husband because you've been married for ten years now and he was thinking that you loved him. Unfair to you because you deserve to be happy and that you should seek happiness in your marriage. One question: you've been married for ten years, have you not develop any love for your husband?

Its better if you focused on him alone not thinking about the past, be happy that you are with someone who is completely honest about his love towards you, or better you two should have another honeymoon, or vacation just the two of you, spend more time with him, and im not going to tell you about you should have done this and that before marrying because i want you to focus on the present and the future being with your hubby and your kids, since you are already there in that situation, all i can suggest is look at the brighter side of the situation, you are lucky enough to have a partner that you love the way he loves you, so if you can love the way he is, why not love him completely and stop thinking about what you dont have!... dont you think you are being unfair? you get all the love you need, but in return this is what he get? uhmmm... what if he told you the same thing? you are really inlove with him and all of a sudden he say he isnt inlove with you as much as you are with him? how would you like it? by the way? if you dont mind me asking? why cant you love him back? is it because of someone you love before? if that is the case, come to think of this, dont you think the guy you are with before is as bitter as you are today? have you ever think that he is still inlove with you? probably not? aside from you are already married, you have kids...

Why did you marry your husband in the first place if you don't really love him and don't feel happy being with him, if you don't mind me asking? I won't be wasting my precious time with the person i don't really love. I will definitely find the man that i think im really in love and am happy to be with for the rest of my life. I do hope you will find your peace of mind already after 10 years of being together. Open your heart to your husband, i think now is the time for you to be truly happy.

Learn to let go of the other guy. Love is a decision. You said your husband loves you so much. Try to reciprocate it maybe it could work. You said your husband feels like a stranger then maybe you should know him better.

I've read all the comments above and I don't want to add up harsh words to you. You can't do anything now except to love him in return. You are lucky enough to have a guy like him. At least you didn't love him for money, right? Just be happy. Stop thinking of the things that might have been or could have been because it will only make you sad.

You must not marry him in the first place. You didn't love him right?so why to marry him? But we can go back to time. I think the best way is to just learn how to love him. He loves you that much right? so he is good to you come to think of the things that he has ever done to you. Don't leave him, i know our heart can't be teach to love other, but at least try just for him :)