It's so frustrating.. what do you do?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
December 2, 2010 6:00pm CST
Trying to leave the house this morning to get my kids to school. The little one had already put his shoes on, but while I'm getting my shoes on, he took his off. So I came out of the room and told him to put his shoes back on. He didn't move.. just stood there staring at me. I kept telling him to put his shoes on.. went to hand him the shoes and he refused to take them. He's being a stubborn little thing. So eventually I put the shoes on for him and we leave.
This afternoon he's playing in his room, which is getting a lot of light from the sun shining through the window.. and I hear his light switch click. I tell him to turn off the light.. but he doesn't. I go in the room to see him standing there by the light switch with the same determined face from this morning.. he's purposely ignoring my requests just to be stubborn.
I'm all for him having his own little personality and all that.. but I get really frustrated when my requests are flat out ignored just because he feels like being a brat at that moment. He's going to be 3 next month.. so I'm sure this is just the phase of trying to see how far he can push mommy before she snaps, LOL.
Most days I handle his stubbornness well.. I ignore him and make him do what he's refusing anyways. I'll stand there all day if I have to until he does it.. then we move on. Today was a bad day for me, I'm not feeling well and in a bad mood to begin with for no reason at all.. probably just because I feel like cr@p.. I didn't have the patience to play the "wait and see who backs down first" game with him.
Is your child purposely stubborn? How do you handle it?
3 people like this
11 responses
@GardenGerty (160883)
• United States
3 Dec 10
I am old, but I remember. . . and I also did daycare, and then later I had my great niece(who has behavior and mental health issues) live with me. I distinctly remember telling my beautiful son "You can do it happy or you can do it sad, but you WILL do it." when he was that age. He was laying on the floor in an entry way to a grocery having a tantrum. At that same age he learned how to get out of the car seat and car by himself. I was pregnant and he would "leap" out, into parking lots or whatever. I put a switch under my car seat, and told him, "This will hurt if I have to use it, but a car might hurt you and kill you. I would rather hurt you than let a car hurt you." I never had to use it.I guess what I am saying is that I remember, and I know how you feel, and I do not know anything magical to fix it, but a lot of us have been there with you.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Dec 10
Oh I know, this too shall pass.. but it's frustrating when you're living it at the moment. This youngest one of mine seems to be the hellian none of the others were. I mean I had my fair share of frustrations with the older kids.. but none of them as bad as this guy! He was also the type that liked to escape from his car seat, and he'd refuse to get back in until I pulled over. But my car has child locks so he can't get out on his side.. the only door that opens is on the other side. He's also the one that throws the tantrums. None of the others did. This one just like being a little butthead I guess, LOL.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160883)
• United States
3 Dec 10
No childproof doors when my kids were little. Someone told me that after the third kid you just get all the grief the first two did not give you.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Dec 10
No my 4th was pretty much an angel.. the only major issue I have with him is he gets really whiney and that drives me nuts, but he never used to do that... the whining only started maybe a year ago (he's 4 now). I suspected it started when I began bringing them to the child watch at the gym. Now that he's in school he doesn't go to child watch anymore, and the whining had gotten better.. but over the past few weeks it's started up again.. kind of odd because they've had some time off school lately and I've been bringing them to the gym again. Guess I know what's causing it, huh?
No, child #5 is my monster... I mean the twins were monsters in their own way, but they were not defiant, stubborn, and they did not throw tantrums. They just got into everything and were persistent!
1 person likes this
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
3 Dec 10
Don't worry. not only your son every child behaves like this. I always use one technique when my son behave like this. I divert his attention when he is stubborn. you know, small children easily forget the situation and adopt to another situation. You can get my answer in this article
http://www.bukisa.com/articles/398627_how-to-prevent-your-child-from-misbehavior
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Dec 10
I can't divert his attention when I want him to get something done. It's great for when he's running through the house and I want him to stop.. but when I need him to put his shoes on because we're leaving the house.. I can't divert his attention.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
3 Dec 10
I had one that was really stubborn.....he pushed my buttons all the time and it was hard to keep up with him...One day I grounded him to his room and the neighbor calls to tell my he is going out his second story window on an orange extention cord!!! I can see why your patience has been pushed to the limit...tomorrow will be a better day!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Dec 10
OMG! Hope he wasn't hurt! The crazy things kids do.. goodness!
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
3 Dec 10
Hi Kats,
Oh they all do that from time to time...some more than others. I know just what you mean about the patience....some days were harder than others to muster up even an ounce of it and it seemed like those were the days they would choose to act out all the more. In the case of not putting the shoes on...I would say, " well, I'm leaving in a minute and so if you don't have your shoes on then you can't go in my car because I just don't take kids without shoes in my car." Or something to give him a choice in the matter. In the case of the light switch, just tell him that you will have to turn off the breaker to his room if he doesn't turn it off and warn him that if you do that, there will be no light to be had once it gets dark. again it is his choice. You have to be willing to carry out the consequences though so think about them before you come up with them just in case he is so stubborn to test you further. Once they realize that you are not messing around and there are real consequences to their not listening and minding then they usually will come around.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
3 Dec 10
Hi Kats,
I understand that. That's why I said to think about the consequences and make sure they are something that you can carry out. I should have added age appropriate. Those were just examples. My kids are grown now and it has been a long time since I've dealt with these issues. What I do know is that they have to understand that every action has a consequence. My point was that you have to make sure the consequences you lay down are something that you can carry out if needed as well as something appropriate to the crime. I would imagine that having him go outside barefoot really isn't that bad as long as you have his shoes with you. I don't imagine it will take him even a minute to figure out that he needs his shoes. That short amount of time is not going to do any damage and he would learn. Key here is being willing to carry it out. As for the electricity, I'm not sure what would work. Maybe turning off the breaker so he has no control over it and also no electricity in his room at all. Some 3 yr olds do have tvs or music in their rooms. Sometimes taking away a favorite toy or something else. All kids are different. What worked for mine might never work for yours. Actually all 4 of my kids were different. One thing that does not work on any of them is to make idle threats and not follow through.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Dec 10
He's not quite 3 yet so I don't think he completely understands these sorts of threats. I did tell him yesterday I'd make him go outside barefoot, and we had snow on the ground.. but of course I couldn't do such a thing and I needed to get my other kids to school. Also I believe concequences should be immediate. He's not going to understand at 7pm that he can't have light in his room because he was naughty at 1pm.. you know.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
3 Dec 10
All of my kids are stubborn and lazy depending on the senario being played out at that minute. My 3yo knows how to put on his shoes and socks, but he'd rather have a fit than do it himself. My kids are all basically stubborn, you ask them to do it and they just ignore you. So I unplug the tv, log off the pc and tell them you can't listen to me you don't get to do didly squat. Usually that's a motivator for my oldest who's 8. My middle thinks I'm talking to myself no matter what I do she doesn't think when I say pick up the mess that it includes her so she ends up in her room po'd.
Though my Son was a good 2yo he's starting to be an awful 3yo. He's had melt downs the past 3 nights around his old bed time. He's also fighting taking naps. He was good at not taking them for a while but now he needs them and he won't nap til 4pm when he's really pooped out & it's just too late in the day. He also won't take a nap when his sisters are home all day either. I think he's moved into the "I'm going to miss something if I don't stay awake" mode. So if we can get this nap thing on schedule again I think we'll be ok.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Dec 10
My almost 3 year old sounds like that too.. he's given up naps. If I'm lucky he'll fall asleep in the car on our way home from the gym, but it's not usually much of a nap.. but any nap is better than no nap.
As far as him getting his shoes on... most of the time he'll scream if anyone else tries to do it for him. He always wants to do it himself.. that and buckling himself into his car seat. But I don't always have time to wait for him, so I try to do it. But like yesterday he was just in one of those moods.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
3 Dec 10
I think that you handled it well but when you are not feeling well then it just seems worse. I do not remember my boys being stubborn although I am sure that they were. the eldest would not dress unless his brief matched his T shirt - from the age of two. I remember feeling frustrated over that and today his clothes are kept impeccable. His drawers are filled with briefs, socks and undershirts that are all in neat piles. His bathroom is neat freak clean. Now his son - my GS who lived with me could get stubborn at times and sometimes I just did not know how to deal with it. I use to ignore much of it and continue to dress him etc. cornerBut if he was outright disobedient then I put him in the naughty corner. Many thanks for BR's. Work is so busy. I do hope that you are feeling better
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Dec 10
My 4 year old is picky like that. Not necessarily stubborn, he just likes things a certain way. Not so much that I think it's a problem, he just likes routine.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
3 Dec 10
i don't have any children yet at the moment but i have plenty of experiences dealing with children... when i get a brat child to mind for, i usually set my ground very clear to him/her of who is in control first... also, i set the rules very clear to the child... we just need to show the child that we have more authority than him/her and the punishment that he/she will receive for disobeying orders... take care and have a nice day...
@ganeshprabhuk (1722)
• India
3 Dec 10
At my home, I have a child which is very stubborn. She has a problem going to school in the morning. She cries and cribs so much so that parent says dont go to school. Since she gets up in the morning till she leaves to school, she is stubborn. Once she is back from school till she sleeps in the night, she is perfect playing around and all.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
9 Dec 10
The fact that you weren't feeling well probably really did nothing for you but to make you more iritated. It really is a stage that all children go through to see how hard they are able to push before you end up snapping at a child. I remember it was really difficult to get through that stage with Paul because he is such a strong willed individual. I'm glad to announce, however, that he is almost finally out of that stage. He is becoming quite the obedient little guy.
@shattered (1728)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
It happens
We all have different standards and you know you child better than anyone, just make sure that your are not reinforcing his stubbornness. Try to adjust his bad habits while he is young, it would be hard to do so when he gets older.
In my case if I know my son was being playful I would play with him, but if I knew he was being stubborn and defiant I would let him know that its not good. I would risk not watching a movie/play or something else that he wants to do just to make him realize that he made a mistake.
Of course it all depends on your situation, sometime we do have weak moments. Hope it turns out well for you
We all have different standards and you know you child better than anyone, just make sure that your are not reinforcing his stubbornness. Try to adjust his bad habits while he is young, it would be hard to do so when he gets older.
In my case if I know my son was being playful I would play with him, but if I knew he was being stubborn and defiant I would let him know that its not good. I would risk not watching a movie/play or something else that he wants to do just to make him realize that he made a mistake.
Of course it all depends on your situation, sometime we do have weak moments. Hope it turns out well for you
@marga1433 (90)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
no matter how tiresome and frustrating my days are, I just kneel it down and pray.. tHat is for me the best remedy...
