Paying to Stay away.

Sounds like a good deal for the father. But if I was the child, it would suck to live without a father as it is easier to have an agreement with your mom than your dad.

Hi Sarah, I agree that you can't force a parent to see his child and the courts don't do that. They do order child support whether the father sees the child or not. There are many fathers who do neither. I'm not sure I'm following the that that paying child support has anything to do with the father staying away. There are fathers that pay little to no child support that see their kids regularly. Child support and visitation are to entirely different issues.

It is a shame what an unwanted child has to endure in their mind. I lived with my grandparents and never really wanted to go to my father's. He wasn't the best guy..not even to his "new" family. I never sensed that my mother didn't want to be around me when I was young and would go visit her..but as I got older...I started to pick up on it. I remember the first thing that I noticed was that there were no pictures of me..anywhere...in albums..but not on the wall or in frames. When she had my half sister...they were everywhere. I think that it was ok that I learned it.. It helped me to not long for her. It helped me to accept where I was better. It took me a longtime to realize that it was not my fault...that it was my parents issues. I don't think a child should be forced to visit an uncaring parent.

I definitely think that if the parent does not want to be part of the child's life, then he or she should pay support but not be forced into visitation. Otherwise, the child will be able to sense the resentment and negative feelings of the parent and it will affect the child's self-esteem and well-being. Similarly, if the parent is being forced to spend time with the child, then he or she will most likely not make decisions that are in the best interests of the child, which could put the child into physical danger as well as being harmful mentally and emotionally.

My aunt and uncle were foster parents of a girl who's mother said, "I just don't like her, would you please take her?" The girl was 4 when the mother said, under oath, "I don't want to take care of her because I don't like her".

Financial support is just about money, it doesn't extend the father's love or thoughtfulness at all. If the father dearly loves his own kid, then he would give more than just financial support! My brother has an illegitimate son, but the son is staying with him and not the mom!

i think this happens a lot nowadays... the father just pay for the child support without visiting the child at all... i think this is better if the father really doesn't love the child at all as you say that a child has a very sensitive feeling and will know straight away if somebody doesn't love him/her... take care and have a nice day...

I agree 100%!! Some courts will actually force the child to see the parent and this to me is just CRAZY! Not many "fathers" like the ones your speaking of even pay support WILLINGLY. The only reason they are is because the court is forcing them to. And sometimes, unfortunately they take this out on the child. I have already seen a man in a mall with a young child, the child crying and asking if he could have an item and the man replied with "Ask your mom, She takes all my GO*DA** money!" This is just sad. If you don't want to spend time with the child/are not loving to the child....JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE! This is WHY we have so many young people filled with anger and hatred. A child is better off without this kind of person in their lives.

My husband paid his child support faithfully and tried to get regular visitaation and never could. He had a court order for visitation and yet the court would never enforce it. However, he was in court every 3 months to be sure he was in compliance so the courts are not fair in this aspect. Many men want to see their children and aren't allowed by the moms.

So you hit the nail on the head with this one....my kids' dad acted like he didn't give a rats behind if he saw them or not..many Friday nights they waited for no one to show up..and as their mother let me tell you how hard it is to try to patch up those hurtful feelings when daddy doesn't come. After the first year though he only came on holidays when he wanted to take them to his parents to show them what a good daddy he was....and they would instantly forgive him....go figure?

Either way, I think it is sad that a child has to endure growing up without a father. No matter how much the dad pays, seeing the kid or not, I think it is still not enough. But yes, if the kid is better off not seeing the father, then we could look at this payment just as that -payment to stay away.

Hi Sarah, Yes, you might be right. But as usual I have a different thought here too. I believe that if you stay together with any one, there is some attachment going to exist between you two - maybe delayed but it happens. Kids usually have gifts from God and they can change even the heart of a dreaded criminal(I know that there are not quite appropriate words but couldnt get better words as of now lol). So I see a positive thing is somewhere going to happen if the kids and the dad or the parent stayed together. The uncaring father can change and become a caring father (happens rarely as the uncaring fathers mostly do not try it out and prefer staying away). Cheers, theSids.

Kids can sense lohe or hate for sure. they may not speak out the things but that can be seen in their nature. I believe that kids should get love of parents for sure, money is not substitute for that. Thank you for sharing.

well i guess that kids can sense if the father really loves them or not thats true. but is sad that sometimes they just see the kids per obligation. thats too stupid and i agree is better to just give money and help with money than seeing the kid and not being sweet to him. children need care and love and dont need a father that sees them just to dont feel guilty but dont love them.

While child support can be forced, visitation can't, so if a father doesn't want to have a relationship with his child...or a mother...the court is unlikely to order forced visitation. I agree that it's better for the child to grow up surrounded by people who really care about him/her than a biological parent who doesn't.