Who's side will you take?

I have read all these response and comments from you. So the one part of the question I would ask is already answered. Your son is 17. If you haven't taught him the difference in the last 17 years, you can not start now. some kids, had 1 myself, doesn't matter what you try to tell them they are going to be stubborn and will have to learn the right and wrong on their own. I have a friend that has a daughter like this, she is 17 and looking at a prison record right now. My step son moved out just after his 18th birthday, because we were NOT going to tell him what to do. To which we told him As long as you live in this house, you WILL obey the rules. I think the age is why you are experienceing the abuse between your husband and son. I know my step son would REFUSE to do what he was told and my husband would MAKE HIM!!! They would really get into some 'tussels' over it. I wouldn't call it fights or abuse, but they would go around, saddly the law would be on the child's side!!! No matter what the reason, your husband is the adult and should be controlling his anger! Trust me, I know that is much easier said then done!!! When my step son moved out, the rest of this family was very happy!!! He is back now, but still arogant and defiant and he is 36 now.

You don't say how old your son is but I would be furious if my husband was physically hurting my son or daughter. Its just not right and there is a better way to deal with mistakes. Take away his favorite things that will make him stop with the mistakes. Physical abuse never helps a child it just makes thing worse. He will resent his father later in life and then your husband will have big regrets. When a man can put his hands on a child that shows me he has deep rooted problems himself. He was probably treated the same way and does not know any better. You have to teach him there is a better way to teach a child. You both have to come to terms with the mistake your husband is making in abusing his son. Take the tv, toys, computer away, that will teach him way better then abuse. Good luck and hope this is of help to you.

To physically beat your child, especially in the hopes of making him afraid of you, is child abuse, plain and simple. I'm not talking about slapping a hand or (gentle) spanking (also known as corporal punishment). Physical violence such that it leaves a mark on your child or causes them large amounts of pain is child abuse and you're not teaching your son anything more than to fear and possibly hate his father in most cases. In any case, it's not a healthy form of discipline whatsoever. It really depends on what your son is repeatedly doing that's wrong. I mean, you need to think of a discipline that will fit whatever the wrong is besides physically beating him up. He needs to understand the consequences of his actions, the severity of them, and that there are alternatives for whatever he's doing. Trust me, physical punishment is a never ending downward spiral that effects more people than you can imagine. There's a history of physical abuse in my family that has carried down for many generations and not only impacted how parents in my family interact with their children, but how they interact with their spouses and other people. Right now you're teaching him that hitting others and being violent towards others, especially family members, is OK and acceptable. I can't tell you how to raise your son, of course, and what you do is solely and completely up to you, but you did ask for our opinions and this is mine. I think it's hard to know what to do to stop your son's behavior, but at the same time I don't think you should let your husband going on beating him either.

Wow! This is happening to me, well except the fact that I get blamed by my husband. My husband started disciplining our son physically at the age of 1! Can you believe that? And maybe you will ask me where the hell I was during this time? I wasn't around, I was studying in another city which is miles away from home. When I came home, I just saw how scared my son was of my husband when he hears his voice. I'm totally against that and try to go in between. But when I'm not around my husband still does it and my son's behavior I think is getting worse and worse because of it. I talked to my husband regarding it and well, he said he will try to control and yes I can see that my son now gets less beating from his dad. I tried to talk to my son regarding his attitude problem and I can make him cry just by gently but firmly saying those words. Please talk to your husband about that and I hope he'll have an open mind to understand what you really want to happen.

Hi, If your son made a mistake, the first thing you should do is make him know that you are aware of his actions. Now coming to hurting him physically is not the right solution. The more your husband starts beating the more stubborn he becomes. Make your son understand his gestures or actions are not right and it is not going to give him any advantage over others. First make him understand he is doing wrong and explain him the disadvantages of being bad. Sit and talk with him. By talking most of the problems are solved. Happy Living Calpro

hahah,lay,you should take the best education to your son!

hI, I would try talking to your husband when all is quiet and tell him to try a different approach as this is not working. Ask him to sit your son down and chat to him. I know this is easier said than done but the alternative is that either your son will think that this is "normal" and when he has children treat them in the same manner or your son will leave home the very minute he can and your husband will loose him.

OMG, I don't want to make you mad, but what in the world is wrong with you lady? You do not allow anyone to hurt your child or make him feel bad! If your child is repeatedly doing something there is a reason for it. He may have an attention problem, he could have OCD, there are many reasons for him to continue acting out. Being physically punished could even be one of them. Do not allow your husband to hurt your child. Do you realize you can be put in jail yourself for allowing abuse?

I think that if your son keeps repeating the same mistakes after being scolded and physically punished, then you should check into finding out why he(your son) keeps doing this thing. You will need to elaborate on what you are saying is physically hurting him. Is your husband spanking your son or hitting him with his hands or fists? If your son has not been "scared straight" after a couple of spankings, then it is time to find another way to get through to him. Your son has to learn to obey the rules, but he will not learn how to behave through violence. You and your husband have to have a serious chat and decide how the two of you will handle discipline with your son. As his parents, you simply have to present a united front to the child in regards to discipline (as long as there is no abuse)

I would not take side to any of them but I would arrange and real meeting between my son, husband and myself if I was you. There you guys can discuss about good and bad, how and why, hopefully that will help better instead of arguing, blaming, and hurting the other party physically. Good luck and have a nice day

I guess the best discipline that your son can get is from your husband. You don't need to go in between. You must let him do it his way. No father would ever want to kill their son for the sake of imposing a disciplinary action. it may heart you but you must take into consideration that sometimes your son needs a bitter pill to know that what he's doing is wrong. I could remember that my sister in law would eat outside the house crying because my brother is scolding my 3 years old nephew. He refused to eat so my brother did it hard for him and from then he eats well. I know it's case to case bases and the foundation of the child starts at home. You and your husband must discuss about the matter so you won't clash in front of your son.