"We need more money!"
By MsTickle
@MsTickle (25180)
Australia
December 14, 2010 6:59pm CST
I've seen it written and heard it said that "money" is the main reasons why relationships break down.
There might be an argument from those who think a couple was incompatible in the first place and that's the reason for most relationship breakdowns.
Personally, I reckon it's lack of communication. While there may be many reasons for a relationship failure, I think if a couple have the ability to communicate then they should be able to work through their problems - unless of course they are simply incompatible.
In my own experience it was all the above and basic immaturity that caused the breakdown of my first marriage.
What are your experiences or your views on this subject please...I invite you to discuss.
3 people like this
20 responses
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Dec 10
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@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Dec 10
So are you saying you didn't have a problem with the drinking or the rotten mates?? Gee, you're strong. I had one experience with that sort of thing when my hubs was in the Army. His mates put marks around his private bits and told me he'd been with a pro and wasn't coming home till they had gone away. I didn't know what the truth was...would his mates really put bite marks down there or had he really been with another woman?
He wouldn't talk about it and even if he had, I wouldn't have known to believe him.
See, back to communication.![](/Content/images/emotes/lol.gif)
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@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Dec 10
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@GardenGerty (159754)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I agree, it is a communication problem more often than not. However, sometimes one half of a couple will communicate, but the other will not. They do not listen, they do not soak up the information that is shared with them. They do not comprehend. You would think they were hearing impaired. Or emotionally/mentally challenged.
1 person likes this
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@GardenGerty (159754)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Actually this hubby has some hearing issues and I have some mumbling issues. He also seems sometimes ADD. I think he really wants to listen, and I am learning when I need to repeat myself. It is no where near the problem with your second husband. None the less, I do get pretty adamant at times. He then hears me.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
15 Dec 10
I can relate to what you are saying GG only too well. I was talking to my 2nd husband one day and explaining why things were not working for me. He seemed to be listening attentively and then when I waited for his feed back he said "I have no idea what you are talking about. I didn't understand one word you said".
I chuckled and said...It's over, you need to leave as soon as possible.
We were dreadfully incompatible but I believed I loved him and I was blind.![](/Content/images/emotes/doh.gif)
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@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
19 Dec 10
Well, no matter how compatible..or how much communications a couple has..if they have money issues it just makes a relationship all the more stressed and can cause alot of problems even communication breakdowns... So money can be a major break up of a couple.![](/Content/images/emotes/cry.gif)
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1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Dec 10
I hear you and I agree with you but if the couple were compatible in the first place and capable of communicating well then there would not be the problem. Problems should be sorted out, not taken out on the other person. I realise it must be a Utopian idea to some folk and that a lot of people communicate with harsh words and yelling and running each other down, that's not the type of communication I'm talking about.![](/Content/images/emotes/lol.gif)
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@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
15 Dec 10
I agree with you
My Ex Husband loved his social Life, no matter whether there was money or not and I was not strong enough and to scared to stand up to him, so we got further and further into Debt
Maybe if I would have been stronger it would never have happened
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Dec 10
Don't blame yourself gabs...he is just as much at fault...if he hadn't been the way he was.
Sounds to me that he wouldn't have been co-operative under any circumstances. I think you two were incompatible in a big way.
My first husband loved me before we married but when he had all that responsibility he despised me and blamed me. He took all his frustration out on me.
@ElicBxn (63394)
• United States
19 Dec 10
I would agree that communication is the first and main reason most relationships fail.
I have seen them fail for other reasons, one of which is when one member of the relationship starts demanding more than the other person is willing to provide, but generally it breaks down to one of them not accepting the attempts by the other to communicate that they are demanding too much. They have become unreasonable in their expectation that theirs is the ONLY reasonable demand.
1 person likes this
@quita88 (3715)
• United States
16 Dec 10
HI, man oh man I'm so behind on discussions!
But the way I see it, money does cause a lot of breakups but if there had been more communication in the first place, there would be no reason for the lack of money to come between two people.
I believe we should all sit down and talk it out. Passion and lust were good for a while but reality always sets in.........then talking and making things work are always the best.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Dec 10
Hello lovely lady...so sorry, I thought I answered this already. Talking things over is a very basic necessity I feel. How can you know what someone is thinking or feeling otherwise? We are unable to read each other's mind. Conversation is what makes the buiilding blocks we can build a life upon. You cannot "fall in love" and then expect life to take care of itself. ![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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@patgalca (18273)
• Orangeville, Ontario
15 Dec 10
I can't say lack of money would be a major cause of break-up. I would say that constant conflict with regards to money would be the cause. I can say that my husband and I have had money issues for 14 years since I became chronically ill and unable to work. There have been other issues that could have broken up our marriage but, he he he, my husband can't afford to leave!
Honestly, there is not enough money to make ends meet every month, how could he possibly add another residence, child support, spousal support, etc. to his financial responsibilities? Maybe we should be thankful.
The arguments about money fall into the category of communication. I think communication is THE NUMBER ONE issue, and not just about money. When people are arguing they tend to avoid intimacy, which starts the snowball affect wherein other areas of the marriage are affected. So communication is key.
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1 person likes this
@josga2008 (320)
• Canada
15 Dec 10
If money is what makes a relationship break down and fail, then there wasn't a solid relationship to begin with. Many couples can make a go of it as long as there is no stress in their lives. The true test of a relationship is how the two people deal with stress. If they let the stress break them up, then that was a superficial relationship to begin with. Money is just one form of stress. You could make the same argument for other forms, so there isn't anything magical about money that breaks up relationships break up due to how they handle stress, any stress, not just money problems.
1 person likes this
@bodhisatya (2384)
• India
15 Dec 10
Hi MsTickle,
I think money is important but it cannot be the determinant for a long and successful relationship. If the relationship is adhered on the basis of money then I think its a false one. I am with you since you have money and I am out since you have no more.
Love, respect and ofcourse communication as you said is important for a relationship to survive, money is secondary I believe.![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
Cheers!
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1 person likes this
@hestylim (1210)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 10
Money is always become the reason why relationships break. Not only marriage, even friendship can break because of money problems. Every one has different point of view about money and different treatment to them. Some will let it go easily and some will hold it so tight. Some will do everything for money, and some other even doesn't care, as long as he gets enough.
Money is sensitive issues. I heard of cases come along because of money. Siblings kill each other because of money, best friends become enemies, husband and wife divorce because of money, and so many more.
Well, money is not everything but every thing needs money.
For me, money is important, but not so important that I should lost people I love. Money can be earned, but love ones cannot always be earned.
1 person likes this
@wealthymouli (710)
• India
15 Dec 10
Of course, Money is something and we all need it. But we all must bear it in mind that mney alone is not everything. In any relationship, the main thing that is needed is MUTUAL TRUST, FAITH, PASSION, CARING the partner all mixed with the basic element CALLED LOVE. Hope it will last long if these are present.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Dec 10
None of those things mean anything on their own though. Unless two people can actually talk to each other it makes no difference what they have or don't have
Even if you don't have those elements at the beginning of a relationship, it's only by communicating that you can get to know the other person and build a strong foundation for what you want.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@camposkat (306)
•
15 Dec 10
The first thing that my aunt told me when I got into a relationship with my fiance is that "your relationship would not last because he's poor and he's got no job". I got scared at first and I thought, "Is it worth it?". But still I moved out from my aunt's and moved in with my fiance. I must admit it's not easy as I am still looking for a job myself and he cannot work because he's classified as unfit for work so he cannot apply for a job. But the thing is, we try to understand each other and with regards to finances, we try to balance everything and budget totally everything. Honestly speaking we haven't had any problems with money at all. We don't lack anything nor are we in total debt that we seem helpless. I guess it's how the couple copes with their finances and how do they deal with changes in their financial situation that matters. I know it's not easy to say. Some people hate it when they don't have money and they become grumpy and end up fighting with their partners but I think it is still possible to be happy and contented even if you're not well-off. But ofcourse there's still that longing and aim to earn more and save more for the future. So we thrive harder and hope for the best and try to be optimistic in life.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Dec 10
Of course you can be happy even if you have just a little. It's how you plann and work things out that makes it work. If there's no plan then people just simply spend too much on the wrong kind of things. Bills and debts should be paid first. People get hold of money and they go on a spending spore then there's nothing left for groceries, rent or utilities. Then they get upset and blame each other.
I think you and your man are doing wonderfully well. Make sure you always talk things through and have a plan and stick to it.
@chelseabelle (197)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Well I'm not married, but I think you're right. I think it's because there is a lack of communication between couples.
1 person likes this
@hanyeldakak (5)
• Egypt
15 Dec 10
money is not every thing but less money equal more complications and difficulties. and money never bring happiness.
@dawnald (85147)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Dec 10
Speaking for my marriage, lack of communication, incompatibility and basic immaturity!
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I will take you up on the invite. LOL...
I was married once before and have to say it was his immaturity that broke our marriage to shreds. Although he was ten years older then me, it was like I was still raising the guy. Nonetheless our problems were really financial issues but his need to stay single even though we had two kids.
I tried against all odds to keep us together but he persisted his ways and well I had enough one day. Communication, Oh I did plenty of that I just did not find the walls responded well to me as I never got replies.
At any rate I had a tough life alone with the kids but here I am today with the most wonderful man imaginable.
1 person likes this
@nicregi (1934)
• Malaysia
15 Dec 10
Actually, money can cause a lot of problem. Let start simply by money can create quarrel. The way out is simple, just put everything on the table and discuss. Small money talks can actually solve a lot of problem. When you don't talk about money, then there will be problem with the relationship (or going to be).
@cssiduyz (1053)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 10
indeed true.
every man is easily tempted by money because with money he could find everything easily. especially in dealing with a loved one, money is most important that in view of our partner families. minimal if our circumstances then automatically our partner families will humble us. and decide on his son for the relationship between us must be completed. and it was stabbed at a lowered heart.
@MMichaels (89)
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
Money is not important but it helps the long run. How can you get to dates if you don;t have money? And if you have a kid what are going to feed him if you don't have money? I personally think that people tend to give money a high regard; that it is very important. If we just think that that it is not important but helpful in dealing with our relationship then breaking up becuase of money will not happen. :)
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