can parents cause a relationship to crumble?

United States
December 19, 2010 7:17am CST
Do you think that parents can be the cause of a breakup? How much input do you think mom or dad should have in their children's relatioships??
1 person likes this
9 responses
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
21 Dec 10
Oh, they absolutely can cause a break up. As for how much input parents have in a relationship, I think it should be something that's determined by the couple over time. Some people don't mind having their partner's parents playing a very significant roll in their relationship, and some would rather they play none. I think that it's important to respect what your partner wants. I think it's also something that changes - or should change - with age. When kids first start dating I don't think it's unreasonable or wrong for parents to have a little more input, although kids of course don't feel the same! As people get older they mature and their priorities shift, parents are no longer in the forefront and in most cases I think parents naturally have less and less input as their kids grow up. It's when the parents don't or when someone never really matures in that way that relationships start to suffer because of parents.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Dec 10
It's hard though if you really care about someone but they put your second to whatever their family wants.. If there is a relationship..you and the other are now family..and that close family should be the first consideration..don't you agree?
• United States
28 Dec 10
I saw something fall apart because the man in the relationship at 40 ..could not make the time to make a relationship work yet had time to run with mom and dad and vacation and get sick.. sad..
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
22 Dec 10
I completely agree with you - and that's a concept that took a few go arounds with my husband before I finally got it through to him (this was before we were married, I'm not sure if we would have been married if he hadn't been able to understand it). I think it's harder for someone with a strong commitment to family to shift their thinking in terms of their OWN family, it's a big transition and not always a smooth one. But I agree, it's a transition that NEEDS to happen, and when it doesn't or the other person doesn't see the need then things get sticky. Family can still be a priority but when you're in a serious relationship, particularly one headed towards marriage, then your own family should take precedence IMO.
1 person likes this
@buggles64 (2709)
• United States
19 Dec 10
Yes, absolutely.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Dec 10
How so? If you believe this way.. and is it wrong to expect your partner to wean away from his/her parents..?
• United States
22 Dec 10
What if your partner is all about being close to his parents but not close to yours..since once you enter a relationship you inherit the other's parents.. so one must consider both sides when making a decision..correct?
@buggles64 (2709)
• United States
22 Dec 10
I think sometimes parents try to tell you who they think would make a better mate. Or, they might constantly point out the faults of your mate. No, I would never expect my partner to steer clear of his parents. That is his family, and family relationships are important. I also wouldn't want my partner to tell me to stay away from my parents. I think boundaries should be set between the two relationships.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Dec 10
Parents can be the cause of a breakup, but only if you allow them too. Steve Harvey the comedian was just talking about this a little while ago. He says that people need to stop telling their parents and families every little thing that goes wrong in their relationship. What they don't realize is that they tell the family this when they are angry, then they go back and make up with their mate and forgive them; meanwhile the family, who doesn't have as strong a tie to their mate as they do, they are still angry at what the mate did. Now the individual is wondering why the family doesn't want their mate at the next family barbecue. Long story short, if you are having problems in your relationship, its not always the best idea to bring your family into it.
• United States
22 Dec 10
I agree with what Steve Harvey said..Stop telling mom and dad everything that happens..
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
22 Dec 10
Wow, I totally agree with you and that's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Both my sister and one of my sister in laws are guilty of doing this and it really bothers me. It is NOT fair to their men, like you said - just because they make up and everything's good in their world doesn't mean their parents just forget the things they said. It paints the other half in a really unfair light, and we all say things we sometimes regret, it's not right to reiterate every single one of them. I would flip if I knew my husband was telling his mom all the details of every fight, argument or disagreement we had. And I would never tell my mom the things that are said between us either, because it's just that - between us. It's a huge respect thing as far as I'm concerned. Thanks for a great discussion, littlefranciscan, it really hits home for me!
1 person likes this
@cecelgay (563)
• Philippines
19 Dec 10
Sometimes they can, it sometimes happened especially to those person who's one and only child, some parents interfere up to their child's love life, maybe they think that by choosing who's the best for their children they are helping them to have a better husband / wife where instead they are making their children to be dependent and some to those who oppose their parents parents lead their children to be rebellious. But actually it still depend on that person (child) if they will let their parents interfere up to their love life. For me it's very off by letting my parents interfere in my love life, especially if i am already earning, it means that im no longer dependent on them. They should let me live my life on my own, and for me, parents is still parents but they should let their children decide on their own especially when they are already on the right age. They should only be there to support their children but not to the point that they will dictate their child. If you ask how much input a parents should input in their children's relationship, I think for me only up to advice only, not to the point that they will interfere.
• United States
19 Dec 10
I agree .. It doesn't mean that someone stop loving family or parents but simply that to make the new family work..you have to let go enough of the old.. .. It's hard though for people to accept that there can be such a thing as being to dependent on mom and dad..or for mom and dad to realize that holding on keeps one from being all one can be..
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
19 Dec 10
Unfortunately yes if parent intervene or in between the feelings of their children may cause such break-up. Parent should know that support and guidance are the only thing for me necessary parent can do... see you around
• United States
19 Dec 10
I think sometimes.. it's not just parents..sometimes it could be a child that refuses to let go..for fear of the unknown.. do you agree?
@meuji100 (198)
• Philippines
20 Dec 10
Yes, parents can cause breakups. They tend to break relationships even they don't understand what their children can do after they had a breakup.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Dec 10
What is the remedy..since we love our parents dearly.. most do .don't they..how do you tell them.."please don't butt in"
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
19 Dec 10
I do think they can. They can interfere to the point of everything just falling apart. My parents are here to listen, and give their advice, but our decisions they leave to us. They try to help but watch to not cause hard feelings between us.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Dec 10
Great.. I am all for listening to advice..but the key is whether advice stays as advice or becomes a mandate or rule.. I love my mom.. and keep contact with her; but she has her life as do all my other siblings.. we never see it as lack of love that we live our lives on an individual basis..All of us.. have different ideas and different ways of living as a family..
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
19 Dec 10
Sometimes they do. They intervene on their daughter/son/s love life. They eager to know what they up to. How's the relationship going? They give comments and without noticing it they create holes on their children's relationship. They always say that what they want is the what's best for their children. That they never know it can cause break ups.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Dec 10
I believe the same.. I feel that if a relationship is going to work the one ins the relationship must free for each other..and anything that causes them to develop the relationship is a block. I think there is such a thing as "a time to grow up" and that being too attached means every major decision will mean a trip back to mom and dad's to see what they think.
@NarutoFTW (134)
19 Dec 10
See my other response toy your other question of a similar nature.
1 person likes this