Sleeping with children

Hello, I think the same situation is going to happen here also. Now they are enjoying and once they get a feel of their own privacy, they will go to their own rooms. Otherwise also, we are planning to shift to their rooms by making more attachment to their rooms so that they will continue study and sleep their as per their wish. Thanks for your valid comments. Meera

Meerat, Sounds like right from the start you kind of set them up for disaster. If you let your child sleep with you for years then of course they're not going to want to go to their room alone because they feel they don't need to. As you say, they used to come crying to you and not want to leave. I'm assuming by that time they were 3 or 4 and had been sleeping with you since birth, which means it's a routine they are used to and feel safe with. They won't know anything different unless you teach them it's OK because they learn from you, their parents. If you don't show them that it's OK for them to sleep on their own, they aren't going to learn that. It's one thing to take them in and let them sleep with you if they have a nightmare, but it's another altogether to say they can sleep with you just because they don't want to sleep by themselves. While it may be true that they say they do not want to go to rooms of their own, I do believe it's time they do. I don't know your culture and I'm not trying to disrespect your culture at all, of course. I can only speak from the point of view of my own culture. However, at 10 and 13 they are old enough where they need to start learning how to do things for themselves. Right now they have a really high level of dependency on you and your husband that is unhealthy. What's going to happen if they never ask to leave your room and end up 17 and still sleeping with the two of you? Are they going to be able to move out and find their own place to live or attend secondary school if they can't even learn how to sleep by themselves and feel secure like that? It's clear that you love your children very much and that this is a struggle for you, but at some point your children need to grow up. At this point, you seem to be more dependent on this sleeping arrangement than your children are. For them, it's all they've known. For you, it sounds more like losing a precious part of your children and having to admit they're growing up. I think once your children realize that they can sleep in their own rooms and still have a close bond with you and your husband then they'll be fine.

Hi dear, Thanks for your nice comments. In fact the exact age of them, daughter 12+ and son with 14+ and studying in 7th and 9th school standards and both are having about an average of 90+% in most of the exams and they are very good in studies. Here our attachment is only the love to our children and nothing else. Our friendliness and our attachment. My h/b and son is always like fiends and he become taller than my h/b now. Now they are studying and he was what I am writing and read the para. And I asked him to go to your own bed, he replied ok and gone to our regular spacious bed with 6.5 x 6.5 bed and he is telling I will sleep here only. I know it is childish. Both my children before sleeping, my son will help daughter to tie up her hair and do all preparations, water bottles, alarm setting, and do pray together and sleep. You should see how they do it, and you will say, go on. It is so pleasing. It is I am sure that we are used with all our customs and that is the only the reason. All the more, as the children are boy and girl, and they are grown up, it is time to change them to their own rooms. We both agree with you. Thank you. Meera

Hi Mall, In fact we have 2 more rooms where they can peacefully sleep. Even though we didn't tried it, we discussed and encouraged them to sleep in their own rooms. Those days they used to cry and say they are scared. Many occasions we tried and if once they got up from sleep at any time, they use to cry and come to us. But if it continued for a period of time, we could have enable them to do it. But seeing on their conditions, let them to stay with us. Our inner mind never feel them to stay separate. Event though we know that need get it practiced, because once they grow up, they should not have any problems. I though they will tell us that they want to go to their own rooms, but till date, they both never said it. Please see my other comments also, as many are getting as a repetition. W said we give a new year special as a surprise that they will get freedom to sleep in their own rooms. Both children said, no - we don't want. If this is the case, we are thinking we will continue, till they demand it, or should we go for it. Meera

I don't think I would make any changes while they are having exams, you sure don't want them upset while taking test. It really sounds like you have a close loving family. My youngest son and daughter, when they were little, could not be separated! They didn't sleep together at night but they had to have each other, once she spent the night away and he was SICK! I finally told my brother, when they took the kids that they had to take our gil with the boys or the youngest would get SICK!!! I could not believe it. I have the cutest picture of them sleeping on the couch when they both came down with the chickenpox together!!! They did out grow it when they got into elementary school! It doesn't sound like you have the problem of brothers and sisters fighting like other familes do, so maybe you know the secret!!!

Hi Christmas, Happy Christmas. Thank you for your comments. In fact mine and my h/b also from a small family. He has his parents with 5 children like you but they also were in a small house and they all used to sleep in 2 different rooms as they are 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Even mine also the same with my elder sister and younger brother. My case also not so different and we all sleep at night together till 12-13 years old. Here also, we continued the same and apart from anyone, our home we 4 only and we rarely gone any where outside to some different places. Whenever we go out for picnics and such tours, there also we all were together. I think, for my children they learned that everywhere all may be sleeping. In some of my relatives also the case is not so different. The main reason I think is we are comfortable and we really enjoy them to be with us. In fact we both never discussed the fact with any of the family or friends as we know that all will discourage. Once when my h/b mentioned the fact, she furiously shouted us saying that we need to give them separate places. I know that what we doing is not to be promoted and change the places at the earliest. However, the exams are coming and once the vacation started, we plans them for the arrangements. Thanks you. Meera

Yes, we never felt so and never feel any inconvenience or difficulties. Now the issue is that space problem. My son is taller than my h/b and if they want to turn around in sleeping, they will life the legs and keep on the body and it will of course feel difficulties. They both would life their legs and keep on our body for a comfortable sleep. I think once they sleep separately, they may enjoy the sleep more conformable. But some time on holiday and all they used to sleep at day time and their own place. Thanks for your comments. Meera

Hi Rebecca / Vonmac, In fact we didn't faced any such situation so far. They (my children) still don't want to sleep in their own rooms. We all are comfortable with it. Even though we tried several times, we don't feel send them separately. Many times we tried, but at the time of sleeping they will come to us and sleep. May be it is habituated. Even my friends and other family people also said it, but we feel missing. Even though it is not good, we both have any inconvenience or anything else, but we just liked it to sleep altogether, even though they both have their own rooms to sleep, if they want. When ever we say them to sleep separately, they used to cry and come back. Now you can imagine the position. We know the time is exceeded, but we simply love it. But we separate them from Jan 1st onwards. Thanks for your comments. Meera

@vonmac: YOU'R SICK!!! Okay... maybe it is not so good to sleep in the same bad... Tralaalaaa... Blaablaa... BUT If you had lived for 200-50 years ago... It wasn't that unusual to sleep in the same room, or in the same bed with at least sisters and or brothers, or even the whole family!!! Okay... Maybe not 50 years ago... But before AND ESPECIALLY after the WW2 when families were poor!!!! I somewhat agree with you though--- they should get their own rooms, or AT LEAST own beds. Own rooms between sisters or brothers (NOT BOTH) is not even that bad. If the children are very young (0-5 for example), then they can very well sleep in the same room, or even the same bed!!!

Dear all, Not only you, every one will discourage this tendency or atlest advise me saying that it is too late them to separate. I think our closeness and friendliness could be the reason for it. We both never felt any uncomforted (in fact more happy) to be with them. Now, both are sitting around me and preparing their studies. It is sure that as parents we need to take the initiative and make them understand and give them separate places. We are in the process now. Thank you all for your comments. Meera

Hi dear, Yes, it is an experience. I hope you enjoy it. Really, it should experience and realise the peace and happiness by doing so. Thank your for your comments. Meera

Hi dear, Yes, I understand what you are telling. We are setting up their own sleeping places with more attractive things, separate study tables, book shelves, dress tables and more comfortable thing suitable to children. I think once they get attached with their own things, they keep a mind of sleeping in their own rooms and also we are planning to sty in their rooms for some time till they sleep. Once they are used to for a week time, I think they will follow. Meera

Hi Tushavi, Feel nice to here from you. Yes, I am from India. I am fine and hope you are doing well and happy. It is mainly because of the love to the children. I never live separately with them since both were born. Another reason is that apart from myself and my husband, only our children are with us. Also, we don't have the habit of traveling much and we visit our native places within 2-4 years time only. So it is a practice that we all sleep together from so many years and it felt so much of attachment with the children. Even though my friends children are separated from 4-5 years and we were aware of it. When I discussed with my h/b, he said not now, if you have any problems, you go to their rooms. Since then I didn't asked. He want both the children either of his side and then he sleeps. He always used to tell that this is the the time we get their love and once they grow up we loose their love and affection. So, let them sleep with us till they feel they want to sleep separately. Nothing more in this case. However, thank you so much for you comments and have a nice day and best regards. Meera

Both my children used to sit with computer with internet. Both are only go to facebook and nothing more on it. Whenever they are finished with the computer, they will login to myLot for for me and call us saying, mom, myLot is ready, you can sit now. They got their own science, mathematic, and some learning help sites and I have noticed many times with their track, and they never gone to any bad sites ever. We should be careful when there are more than one people (children) sitting together. Whenever they use the net, I will be around. But I ever noticed that my children ever used any unwanted sites. I think they are still not aware of it. It is my observation. It can be wrong also, but so far so good, who nows what is tomorrow. Meera

I don´t understand your comment. You agree that children must aslweep in another bedroom yet it seems your children are different. Is that what you said?

Yes, I agree with you. But if you get a chance to learn and stay with our children, you will come to know of it. Practically it is difficult the life how we have. However thanks for your comments.

Hi dear, What you said is the sum total of all. Nothing more to say on it on this. Our love and comfort is the main reason. Our friendliness, closeness says all. My h/b want my son always sleep with him from the very childhood. Even my daughter also. They both will sleep side by side and it is the style of their sleep from age of 3 and above. If my h/g going fro some trips or out of place for 2-4 days, they never sleep till late night and finally sleep uncomfortably and he also the same to say. May be it is the practice what we have. But we are planning to separate them shortly and we will make them understand for them, why they need to do so. Thanks for your understanding. Meera

Hi dear, Thanks for you comments. Before posting this topic, I was very much sure that all will advise me for the separate places. Because it is very rare now-a-days and none of our family member know about it. If they also come to know of it, they would suggest. Any one who comes to our home also won't feel different because all three bed rooms have separate coats, beds and pillows. So there wont be any doubt. It is only because we got made it as a habit and nothing else. Both the children are better in studies and other activities etc. In fact we never asked them to go to their own rooms. Now things are under consideration and it is going to happen soon. Meera