How to know if a woman is keeping a secret form her man?

Philippines
December 25, 2010 11:23pm CST
To all Mylotters, men and women. I need your advise, suggestions, and experiences on how to know if a woman is keeping a secret to his man. Can you give me some basic or advance tips? I have a friend who always feels like her girlfriend is making a secret, and he think that it involves with other man. I am also curious because we have same problem and I know that there are men out there who also experience the same thing. We don't want to judge and conclude without having prof or evidence, we can't even ask our partner if they are having an affair with other man. These are just our instinct telling us and there are people saying "trust your instinct". So what do you think guys and girls, I also need women's advise on this. I just want to ask something from women, please don't be offended on this discussion because we are the same, mostly women would also do this to their partner if they feel something is going on.
2 people like this
8 responses
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
3 Feb 11
We can't read minds but we can see clues that they leave. If you ask them, mostly likely they will deny it. But since we can't be sure it better that we don't quickly accuse in case we are mistaken, but from the first sign, we watch for more signs. As the evidence accumulates then you will know for sure. What are some signs to look for? They are not as attentive to you as they once were. They don't rush home as they once did. They don't mind if you do things on your own, like shopping or visiting. The list goes on and on. You need to be a detective once you have suspicions.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 11
Well you are right, I am investigating and among the signs you gave, the first and the last hit the spot. She is not attentive anymore and she doesn't mind what I do anymore.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
7 Feb 11
How is it going?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
hello nagatron! being a woman, it's kind of hard to accept the studies conducted which revealed that women are better liars and cheaters than men. I mean, women are not all like that but if a woman wants to lie and cheat, she's better at it than her male contemporary. Why is this? it has been said that a woman is more keen on the details of things and events, thus would most likely be able to hide telltale signs of lying which men might just overlooked. Women who are keeping secrets, no matter how good they are at it, would probably show some of these signs which may mean they're lying, cheating or just plain tired of their old routine. Women who averts their face when their partners try to kiss them, who are more or less colder than usual in bed, who seems out of focus and inattentive to your needs, who focuses on her appearance more than usual and won't look you in the eye when you profess your love to them, would most likely be cheating on you. While men can keep up with showering their partners with attention to cover for their infidelities, women often cannot mask their true emotions thus would veer away from her partner when he tries to hug, kiss or cuddle her. if you know your partner's ways before, you would see the telltale changes in her and if such changes are not caused by anything else, then it probably because she's hiding something from you..
• Philippines
28 Dec 10
My partner is so cold in bed now, it seems she only make love with me for the sake of giving my needs not because she wanted to. After that, it seems nothing happened. It is sad, I though it can only happened in movies but I did not imagine that it could happen to me. She is now more focus on her appearance than the usual, she wants to wear skirt, shorts above the knee, and sexy dresses now, she doesn't focus on what I want and what I need. These are the changes I see so what do you think? Somehow she doesn't avert her face when I kiss her, she can still look me in the eye. If there is a tendency that a woman is cheating and as what you have said women often cannot mask their true emotions and would veer away from her partner if we try to hug, kiss, or cuddle, so what is the best thing to do? Just leave them and do nothing? How can we get back the feelings of our partners?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Jan 11
hello again nagatron! if you truly love her and if you think she's worth the effort to fight for your love for her, don't just leave her be and do nothing. Act on your gut feeling but act positively. Talk to her in a way that she won't feel cornered or forced into the conversation. Arrange for a date wherein you would be able to talk to her without distractions and disruptions of any kind. You might start the conversation by professing your love for her and how much you want to spend your lifetime with her. Then you know how to say the rest. Be sincere and honest in every word you say to her for she would detect any false feelings. Ask her straightforward if she would not still yield to your conversation, as to what she may be feeling for you or for your relationship. The only way you could put a solution to this situation is through communication, open and honest communication with each other. If she will not relent still, after doing your best, then try another strategy. If after exhausting every possible ways, you would still not be able to elicit the necessary response, then maybe that's the time for you to loosen up and give her the chance to do her share in your relationship. If she love you, she will do everything to regain what she's losing but if she's falling out of love for you, then you will surely know of it, soon.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
27 Dec 10
i believe that a relationship is based on trust and if that trust is already gone, there is no use in continuing the relationship as it will make both parties feel miserable... living in a constant doubt about your partner all the time is not a good feeling and is not a healthy relationship as well... i suggest open communication and when you start to feel that something doesn't feel right in your relationship, you have to start to talk it out with your partner... that's for me... take care and have a nice day...
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
26 Dec 10
Some people are much better at keeping secrets from the ones they love than others. Changes in personalities and behavior is usually a sure sign of a secret. keeping secrets usually turns bady in the end., Being honest and free from secrets is a good way to maintain a healthy relationship.
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
You are right friend, you are absolutely right. It is okay to keep secret but not a secret that can ruin your relationship. But it would be much better if the relationship is secret free because it can always lead to misunderstanding.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
26 Dec 10
Well, for me, (and yes, I've confessed this to my husband and we worked out soome issues in our lives) it was constantly on the computer, sudden change of website when I heard Hubby come in, basically acting like a daughter who's in love with a secret boyfriend her parents wouldnt approve of. Also, not really focusing on the relationship at hand (the legitmate one, that is). Mind you, I never did meet this person in real life, as this was only online. All the best. My advise to your friend, if he's not married, and the girlfriend does turn out to be cheating on him, it's best not to marry her. Move on. It's only going to cause more heartache when it all comes out after marriage. In hubby and my case, we had so many issues that weren't resolved, and two young children. It was a long recovery, and intervention of social workers, but I think the online affair did wake up my husband, and we did start working on our marriage. Unfortunately, not all couples are able to reconcile their differences....
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
I am glad that both of your are now working on your marriage. It is true that not all couples are same as you guys even I. It is so hard to accept and bring back the trust which is already ruined.
1 person likes this
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
26 Dec 10
Well do you really want to know? If she/he is having an affair or not that is. My ex husband used to be with me all the time that I would have never thought he was having an affair but he was. When we split up for a few weeks that is when I found evidence that he was having an affair. A woman's hair strand on the dashboard that didn't belong to me. Yeah you can feel something is just not right but I have to admit it that knowing the truth didn't make things better. It's hard to forgive and forget. I don't think you want to continue living a lie with someone you love but eventually the truth does come out on its own.
• Philippines
26 Dec 10
Wow I am so afraid now, I am afraid that I might find something which I don't like. I definitely don't want living in a relationship full of lies. But how did you get over from the painful memory? Have you forgot about him totally?
• Philippines
26 Dec 10
You are right about the truth doesn't come out on its own, you have to do something in order to see the truth.
@hexeduser22 (7418)
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
Well to be honest I cannot really say how to determine that certain fact but one thing is sure though if you suspect something you must be ready how to accept the situation so when the time to actually talk about it you would be calm. Again we can never really tell unless things have become pretty obvious. The issue on trust would surely be brought up in every confrontation so you have to depend yourself on what grounds you actually suspect your partner of doing something fishy
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
26 Dec 10
I don't think their is a strategy for that.and to read his messages, his e-mails and so on is...totally wrong in my opinion. a relatiosnhip is mainly based on thrust and communication. he should try to talk to her and maybe they will find a way to work things out. living with the doubt that your partner might be cheating on you it's terrible