My husband needs a housewife...
By astreadido
@astreadido (608)
Philippines
December 28, 2010 8:45pm CST
It's very irritating when my husband demands for me to be the perfect wife (this includes being always there to serve him, fix his food, arrange everything while he sits and play his PSP) and at the same time work to add to our finances. It's not a question if I'm tired for work that I have massage his back every night. Or that I ensure that we always have fund for everything he can think of (like giving gifts to all his relative who visited for christmas even if we ourselves have limited finances as well). I'm very much tempted to tell him that i can just quit my job to be a fulltime housewife. But that will not work as I earn more that him and he's having difficulty finding another work. He also hates the situation we're in and yet he choose to be "choosy" of his new work and wanted to work abroad given his not that good qualifications. In my head I sound regretful of my marriage but I don't regret my wonderful kids. It's just that I'm frustrated with my husband that I don't see initiative and considerations from him.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@TeamCholent (2832)
• United States
29 Dec 10
The best piece of advice I could give is approach him and be open with him and discuss things and let him know how you feel. You also work hard etc and cooking or cleaning is not a gender related position(if you ask me). My husband cooks dinner at home and he gets home late after a long day working. We both help out where we can. Don't keep this inside as it will cause a lot of damage when it bursts(whenever that is). Good luck!
@deepikavivek10 (133)
• India
29 Dec 10
Yes I also agree with TeamCholent. You will have to talk to him about this. He should not be ignorant of the things you are feeling about. I can understand it must be very difficult for you. But if you keep all your fustrations inside it will cause further damage only.
@deedee328 (1122)
• United States
29 Dec 10
I too agree that you should set the hubby down and have a good ole chat with him. Let it out. You should not have to do it all while he gets to choose what he wants to do. Marriage is a partnership and it doesnt sound like he is doing his part.
You also need to learn to let things go. What is the worst that can happen if you dont get all the housework done today? If the kids are old enough to help out around the house, give them chores to do.
You have to talk to the husband and tell him how you feel. You also need to start taking time out for you.
@julialynne (85)
• United States
29 Dec 10
I agree a good and open conversation is need on this. I am married and my husband and I have a good open communication and this is good to have so that your husband knows where you stand on things, but now I do have to do more than he does because he had a triple by pass this past March and he is no longer able to do as much as he use to, but he still does what he can to help me with the house work and cooking, but we do work together.
@ankster (273)
• India
29 Dec 10
I think he is a big chauvinistic.He has developed inferiority complex as you are earning more than him.You must feel independent and bold instead of getting dominated.YOU are in a dominating position and you must exercise it.otherwise you will be treated as a doormat wife.According to me you must openly ask about his rude behaviour towards you and discuss and end it once it for all.May be you will face lots of difficulties in the beginning but soon you will make your position strong..
@mezsalman (34)
• United Arab Emirates
29 Dec 10
try giving him a space by living separate from your husband and make him realize that u r an ultimate part and necessasity of his life to be polite enough towards u or i agree with most of the people who commented over the same that you better talk to him openly discuss the matters talkt o him what actually he feels and he might have reservation in this regard so go ahead and live ur own life in the same said ways..its all in ur hand.
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
29 Dec 10
Sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart with hubby about how you feel. With the year coing to an end, it's a good time to bring the subject up; clear the air before the new year starts out the same. If you can talk to eachother openly, honestly, and lovingly, it might turn out much better than you think. Maybe remind him that you both can get a lot more done side by side than with your backs to each other.
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
29 Dec 10
Well,sorry to hear that.It seems really not considerate of him.If you both work for the family,why he asks you to do all the housework? If he is not perfect at all,what reason for him to ask you to be perfect?
Well,as a female as you.I feel we should really lay a good base in the first days of the marriage.If you did all the housework in the first days of the marriage,maybe he was happy and praised you,but little by little,he will get used to it,and if one day,you feel uncomfortable and not do these things,he will be unhappy.While if in the first days of the marriage,you two do housework together,he will aslo get used to it.
Sometimes i think men like children.If you are too good to them,they will don't know appreciation and take all you do for granted.If you not good to them,maybe they got intrested to do things for you.
@eurekafemme (5876)
• Philippines
29 Dec 10
Welcome to the complicated world of housewives.
I myself is also a wife with a husband that is, well, similar to yours. The only difference or edge you've got over me is that you are working and have a money of your own . So it gives you the right to complain about your husband's misbehavior.
Why don't you try to talk to him about how you feel. Perhaps, he'd listen and realize that he is making you miserable. I hope that your husband will listen to you because mine isn't and he often thinks that he isn't doing anything wrong...
I hope that you can settle this thing with your husband before it becomes too late...
I myself is also a wife with a husband that is, well, similar to yours. The only difference or edge you've got over me is that you are working and have a money of your own . So it gives you the right to complain about your husband's misbehavior.
Why don't you try to talk to him about how you feel. Perhaps, he'd listen and realize that he is making you miserable. I hope that your husband will listen to you because mine isn't and he often thinks that he isn't doing anything wrong...
I hope that you can settle this thing with your husband before it becomes too late...
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
29 Dec 10
I suppose that you have already spoken to him and nothing seems to change. So my question basically is how much can you take and are you willing to continue this way for years to come.
One day you will say to yourself where did time go and unfortunately there is really not turning back. Nothing anyone of us can say to truly change your home life situation, without your husband understanding your frustration. So I can only suggest that you have a true heart to heart talk with your husband. But ultimately if he does not change his ways what else is left.
So the changes really need to be initiated by you, not necessarily to leave him, but ultimatums that it is you and or the game that matter most.
I wish you well and hope things get better with which ever route you take.
@bird123 (10643)
• United States
29 Dec 10
A question you should ask yourself. Are you doing what is best for him or are you doing what he wants??? One should always do what is best for all concerned. Sometimes to change others, we must first change ourselves. Yes, life is a learning experience. So many times it takes adversity to show us the problem.
@mikyle (45)
• Philippines
29 Dec 10
I feel sorry for you for being put in a situation like that. There's no such thing as a perfect wife, it only happens on dramas and movies. I believe that you should speak to him and tell him what's bothering you. It will be better for you and your children. Speak Out..:)
