You can't help to someone who doesn't accept your help
By Suggar
@Suggar (3606)
Bulgaria
December 30, 2010 9:35am CST
Hello guys, here is the situation. Me and my boyfriend have a friend, who is sick and doesn't have social life. Since i know him, i understood he is a nice person and i liked him a lot as a friend. I was working and earning very good money at the same time, so i shared how i earn the money with him and suggested him if he wants to start doing the same. He was out of job in that moments and he shared that he has brilliant ideas, but doesn't have money to invest for the start of his own business. That's why i shared my experience trying to help him a bit. He didn't start doing the same what i did for earning, he was always finding different excuses and at least i gave up and stopped asking him. At the same time he was complaining all the time, that he lives with his mother and she doesn't allow him to have his personal space. He said that he can't rent apartment, because he doesn't have money. Later me and my boyfriend rented apartment who is owned by his sister, so we started to see each other more often. We offered him, if he wants to, to come at home not so rare, but two or three times in a week, so they can work together with my boyfriend, doing websites. He always was - no, not today, it's too hot, next day - not today, it's too cold, next day - i have no car and i don't want to walk. That's how we stopped inviting him so often. He has different health problems and that's killing me when he use them for excuse instead of doing something, which is not too hard - he doesn't have physical issues, so pretending with his sickness he is going too far.
We travel every two months to the city of my parents to see them, so we offer him if he wants to come and to stay 2 days here. He can protect the apartment, at the same time he will stay alone and away of his family, because he continue complaining of his mom. He always say - no, i don't feel comfortable to do it... First, second, third time and we stopped offering it, because in my opinion if we invite him more than once and first time he said no, but we keep inviting him when we will be away of our home it means that we don't find it uncomfortable.
Now we invited him for the New Year celebration. We will be around 5 people, it won't be so big party, but he said no. His excuse is that he drinks antibiotic for his stomach, he can't drink, so he will stay at home surfing online 
So just today i realized that you can't help to someone, who doesn't accept help... I'm still wondering, if someone is complaining all the time of different things, why same person say "No" to everything? 
So just today i realized that you can't help to someone, who doesn't accept help... I'm still wondering, if someone is complaining all the time of different things, why same person say "No" to everything? 4 people like this
10 responses
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
31 Dec 10
Hi suggar!
It is so disappointing when you put your own energy into helping someone who has no intention of doing anything with their life. I have been through this experience too and it drained me so much. I did all that I could to help a friend who insisted that they could not find a job. I even placed their curriculum in several places and it wasn't until one day when one firm phoned them offering them an interview that I realised they had no intention at of ever getting off their butt and doing something. That day I asked when they had fixed the appointment for the interview and they told me that there would be no interview because they had told the firm that there was a mistake and they had phoned a wrong number 
I was so shocked anf disappointed but it taught me a lesson. I still help others but at the first sign that they are just bone-idle then I leave them to their own devices.
You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink and I do not intend leading any more of those that do not wish to help themselves 
I was so shocked anf disappointed but it taught me a lesson. I still help others but at the first sign that they are just bone-idle then I leave them to their own devices.
You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink and I do not intend leading any more of those that do not wish to help themselves 1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
31 Dec 10
Oh dear 
I would be very worried for your boyfriend. It may seem like a good idea but if that friend then just lets him do all of the work, your boyfriend is going to have a heck of a lot of problems but will still have to share any profits with him
First they must do something else and gain some money to fund their business - and you know that too. I feel for you Suggar and I hope that they change their minds, and their attitudes, and do things in the right order. Good luck! 
I would be very worried for your boyfriend. It may seem like a good idea but if that friend then just lets him do all of the work, your boyfriend is going to have a heck of a lot of problems but will still have to share any profits with him
First they must do something else and gain some money to fund their business - and you know that too. I feel for you Suggar and I hope that they change their minds, and their attitudes, and do things in the right order. Good luck! 1 person likes this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing MysDinait, it's the same case, nearly. He is interested of different jobs in shops for computers now, but when he hears that the payment is something like 300$-350$ he say - oh, no, i better open my own firm .. And when it's time to open his own firm, he say - oh i have no money to invest 
It's like the devil circle when we walk on same ways with same excuses...
Now i'm little worried, because finally my boyfriend and that guy decided to make their company, of course they don't have money and of course they don't know how the make money for opening their own company ...
I am little worried that they share so many hours together... That guy is 25, doesn't work, earn some little money in internet, his mother pays his bills, he doesn't give money for nothing, just if he wants to buy something for himself. That's not responsible at all...
It's like the devil circle when we walk on same ways with same excuses...
Now i'm little worried, because finally my boyfriend and that guy decided to make their company, of course they don't have money and of course they don't know how the make money for opening their own company ...
I am little worried that they share so many hours together... That guy is 25, doesn't work, earn some little money in internet, his mother pays his bills, he doesn't give money for nothing, just if he wants to buy something for himself. That's not responsible at all...1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
1 Jan 11
That would be the hardest to help. People who don't even recognize that they themselves need help. Either by ignorance, or laziness they don't strive to make their situation better.
You could have the biggest heart and try and help this kind of people, but if they don't want it, it's just going to be futile.
Better just move on and find others deserving of the help.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
31 Dec 10
oh my suggar!i would feel very very glad if i have friend like you.you helped him a lot and i do not know what to say and keep thinking why he does not want to accept your offers.especially for the job case.you are trying to help him to change his life but he himself refused to changed, he is really an ungrateful buddy.always make excuses, hmm,,you are too good to be his friend.you and your boyfriend had tried so hard to give him a hand but if he did not want to take the first step , then we could do nothing for him.i think you really need to ask him what his actually want to do with his life?
anyway you have done a good job as his friend.
anyway you have done a good job as his friend.@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
31 Dec 10
what kind of pills he gave you till it makes you get addicted?hmm, he seems like a dangerous guy right now~ he turned to be a not really positive guy.you should feel bad for that.anyway that is a good deed for you to offer him your help like you said so he can save some and use it to start whatever he wanted to start.let him be that way if he still like that.you have done enough for him, dear.
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
1 Jan 11
His doctor gave him pills for stomach problems, about some kind of bacterium he got. And when he stopped drinking the antibiotic, he went to the doctor, because he felt bad. His doctor told him it's because the antibiotic he drunk 2 months made him little addicted.
He is not dangerous, just a boring young person, who loves to be the victim, all the time. 
@safirpurim (252)
• United States
31 Dec 10
i understand. sometimes people have reasons that they may not want to share with everyone, especially because whom they share such things with, they know they will tell many people.
how i feel is i dont like it when people try to help me, when i dont ask for their help. because ultimately, if i dont ask someone for their help and they choose to assist me, i know there is usually some motive behind them wanting to assist me without at least telling me that they would like to assist me. although i am honest and have no problem telling others what i feel, i know there are many people who are fake, and false....and they dont say what is on their mind, but usually flatter others. and because they are false and flatter people instead of be honest with them, both people, or all who are involved suffer. it is better to be honest in all one does. whether good or bad...it is always better to be honest.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
31 Dec 10
that is for people who sell products such a MLM concepts.i don't like this kind of people too.who insist us to join them, seeking other people and do the same like they do.if i am seeking for the product and willing to use it then it is fine with me, at least i have the testimony of myself if i am not willing to use it but they force me to do that than what will going to happen is like you said, both party will get suffer.this is one side of thinking back to what kind of help we offered to them.i can accept your opinion safir.
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Dec 10
Hello Safir, actually that's not my case. It was not a job for selling stuff, promoting stuff or so on, it was online job he worked long ago, i just reminded him that i work the same and i told him that i earn very good with that. So he could start without I to have benefits of his working. He could have every penny for himself and because he is non smoker, he doesn't have so big expenses as me and my boyfriend, he could have all the money for himself, doesn't matter how much the money were. I can't listen every day people who complain because they don't have money and when i suggest them something easy, they just reject it.
That friend of us right now comes nearly every day, may be because he wants attention, all the time he says - i'm bored, let's do something together. But i am the one who is bored of his character, i don't know about him, but i surely am bored. Why do we share our problems and why do we complain if we are going to say "no"?
It was not a job for selling stuff, promoting stuff or so on, it was online job he worked long ago, i just reminded him that i work the same and i told him that i earn very good with that. So he could start without I to have benefits of his working. He could have every penny for himself and because he is non smoker, he doesn't have so big expenses as me and my boyfriend, he could have all the money for himself, doesn't matter how much the money were. I can't listen every day people who complain because they don't have money and when i suggest them something easy, they just reject it.
That friend of us right now comes nearly every day, may be because he wants attention, all the time he says - i'm bored, let's do something together. But i am the one who is bored of his character, i don't know about him, but i surely am bored. Why do we share our problems and why do we complain if we are going to say "no"?
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
31 Dec 10
Honestly he's usin his illness as an excuse to seek a job, he's using his illness as an excuse for everything and that's how he's going to be. There's not much you can do especially how you and your boyfriend are being so generous.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
31 Dec 10
he's so well with his excuses means he's really do not want to change himself.suggar is very kind to help him out.if it is me then i think the first to third time is enough.if he wants to be that way then you may pleased to do so.we just can help and give him a favor but if he wants to be so helpless then he will.
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Dec 10
You are right Infatuate, i'm just trying to help him, because he is making really little money online, his mother pays the expenses of their home - bills, food and so on, his sister is paying his doctors and pills. What a confidence can have a person who has no own money, money he did by his own work? I thought he doesn't like the situation that way, but if he really doesn't like it, he would change something? But noooo, he doesn't.
CTHanim, we offer him experienced ideas, because we know that it's a good way for earnings without so much work done.
But noooo, he doesn't.
CTHanim, we offer him experienced ideas, because we know that it's a good way for earnings without so much work done.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
31 Dec 10
i agree with you completely... you really can't help a person if the person doesn't want to accept your help... the only person who can help us is ourselves and no one else... i will be like you as well... if i want to help a person and that person keep on saying no, then that's it... the most important thing is we had done our part and the rest is up to God... take care and have a nice day...
@derek_a (10874)
•
30 Dec 10
I have met so many people like this. Friend and people who are just acquaintances. I have been in business all my working life and people have asked me how they could do the same, but then do nothing at all. I guess that it why there are so many people around who don't run their own businesses. If everybody did, it would be a bit of a strange world though I guess. 
_Derek
_Derek@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
30 Dec 10
Hello Derek, it's strange when we have that kind of friends, because first of all everyone is positive, nice and tolerant with his friends and strange is how these friends just don't take serious our suggestions for their life. I mean ... it's not like we to tell them how to live, they can find their own way of surviving, just making money nowadays is something hard. Most of the people live with less than they need, with dept and they are looking for ways to earn more, but reject really good offers because of laziness or i don't know why
That friend loves to complain how he needs money for investing and at times he even says that soon after he had some ideas, someone else was investing money and he got really good success with his own idea.
I don't like people who complain
That friend loves to complain how he needs money for investing and at times he even says that soon after he had some ideas, someone else was investing money and he got really good success with his own idea.
I don't like people who complain 
@Toadsticker (246)
• United States
31 Dec 10
reminds me of the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"
I would bet he will accept something but he needs to be pushed into it.
Maybe he is too comfortable where he is even though he complaims a lot maybe he likes it.
Or he just fears the change.
He will need pushed if he is is unhealthy because of his situation.
