An Open Request To All MyLotters - MyLot is a Family Not a Place to War
By theSids
@thesids (22180)
Bhubaneswar, India
January 2, 2011 8:00am CST
Hi all,
I have always believed that MyLot is more of a family and when I say family I believe there are going to be differences in opinions around too. Of late, I realized that at times these differences start taking a bad shape.
I mean differences are okay but c'mon guys, it is not a place to start a war of words on the discussions. It is many a times shocking for those who look upon you as their ICONs. The discussions are public and if you have the need to have a war of words to sort out Please use the Messaging Services. But Please keep the requests clean so that they dont reflect the negative side of you. We all have negative aspects and we all can use all those words which really hurt.
Thinking from two views I have to share -
If I was a newbie here and was on a discussion where you were at war, I would be scared and feel MyLot is not the right Place to be and maybe this would hinder my growth - I would never learn the good ways.
If it was my discussion and my friends were involved, I would be hurt as I would not be able to take anyone's side in this war and it would make me feel hopeless to have started the discussion that led the Differences out in Public.
Your opinions would be appreciated
theSids.
12 people like this
33 responses
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
2 Jan 11
Hi sweetie.
I have to agree here.
We need to work together and have fun together.
Unfortunately you get those you are opinionated and cannot stand disagreement.
That is when the war starts.
I personally think they should all grow up and try to behave themselves like the adults they are suppose to be.
No newbie will listen to one who has no manners at all.
TATA.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Disagreements are bound to happen when you are on discussions but that should not give you the stage to launch the war of words... hurting not only to the one whom your opinion varies with but it also hurts those who look upon you as Valuable.
If I was still a newbie, I would never go back to the discussions of the one who started the war in public
3 people like this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
2 Jan 11
Hello Sids,
during my membership here, i was always nice and positive, as much as i could be. And polite, that was the most important for me to keep my good relations with the people around. I didn't like scandals at all and problems around, because if it start to be a war place i will run away really fast.
But here it is what happened lately with me. Some people are talking about trolls, some people are talking about other people, who are rude and so on situations and during my membership here now i started to ask myself different questions. I find nothing wrong in that. It makes my staying here more responsible and more deep if i got answer for the questions i ask myself and the others.
I think that people here can have great relationships only if they are nice and get over their differences. Rude and arrogant posts, rude and arrogant attitude based on whatever it is, is something what makes the place unhealthy. If we all stay our selfish feelings our of Mylot it will be better place for sure without trolls, without offensive behavior around. 
2 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Hi Sugar,
Going by your numbers, ratings etc, I believe you have been here for a while now and so you are aware of these things. You have learned to accept/appreciate/your own ways to handle such instances. Great.
But think of it this way - It was your first discussion at mylot. You started out expecting the responses from those whom you grew up idolizing on the site. Then you have them disagreeing on your discussion. So far so good and nothing bad. But then the arguments start getting heated and you feel the heat go bad. Socking wouldnt that be? Your impression - maybe I should stay away from creating discussions or even OMG these were the ones whom I was idolizing! There goes the faith and trust. So you lose - you would not be comfy anymore. You would avoid participating on their discussions and this would hinder your growth.
I know, you are a positive guy but I am not that positive yet. I would prefer to go back to my shell and maybe never look out to the avenues that could have made me more open and positive.
2 people like this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
2 Jan 11
Actually to the moment i've always participating in discussions where i have something to say - similar or different opinion than the poster. But it was never first step of a scandal, i don't like it and i think our disagreements are not good reason we to change our opinion for the people who doesn't think as we do.
What i did to now is to respond when i want to say something, but i was never blaming the poster for his own thinking or the way he/she express himself. As i said many times before, we are different, we got different opinions and interests, different understanding for the word "quality" or "not quality". I can't blame someone for what he is interested in, i can't blame someone for the way he writes or for the way he see the world. And because i never join discussions with that kind of thinking, i expect same things from the others.
2 people like this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
2 Jan 11
Forgot to include that i have never had so "hot" exchange of words with someone, so it to be reason for me to avoid his/her discussions. May be it's because i wasn't trying to reach some kind of level of participating or something like that. To now i got good relations around and only one person blamed me for what is interesting for me. Strange, because i just don't do it with the others.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
3 Jan 11
You are very much in the right here. We need to agree to disagree, and use words online that are as polite as those we would use in our own home town. I hope this does not make anyone all flustered.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I would tell a newbie to Not start or comment to the " war zone" topics like abortion or religion or debates. On these nothing gets resolved and one can go on and on and Never change a person's mind or point of view or even get a person to respect the opposite view.I would also say there are people who Love to argue And to demean people so watch out. And then I would say , but with all that said , there are many, many people like you Bhai. Good people with open minds and hearts and are willing to listen.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Jan 11
I have such a wise Bhai! I agree. No one would change mt mind but I did get a friend to see my point of view once. It was amazing. Now I just stay away.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Jan 11
Hi behen,
This is one of the many things I learned here at MyLot and avoid participating on discussions of these many a times. Keeps me away from controversies as I know my opinions will not be appreciated as I look at these subjects of abortions or religion as too personal and people have their strong opinions and beliefs... so expecting them to budge on those is unfair. I believe If I cannot budge on my stand, I cannot expect them to budge either. So no point in continuing on with arguments. To be honest, if I land up on any of those, I do read out the discussion as I search for anything that can be a lead to add to my knowledge/thoughts... and move on.
So far I have been blessed to be in the company of good people around and trust me there are many many more good people around and I would keep finding them here at MyLot.
1 person likes this
@ANIME123 (2466)
• United States
3 Jan 11
Yeah I know what you mean I never really do like when mylotters go at it well sure everyone does have different opinions, but that's no reason to fight and start a war over it. Mylot is a place to write out our opinions and to not fight over it because it's just not worth it on mylot is a way to have fun and be able to make friends and not enemies.
2 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Jan 11
Hi Anime,
It also adds up to a bad feeling about you when throw up your negative shades in public. I mean I would never ever go back to any of the discussions of a person where I felt the behavior was rude and arrogant.
If you cannot make a thing beautiful, you have no right to make it ugly.
But yes, mylot is a better place still and a real set of good people exist here too.
@pankajgarg (797)
• India
2 Jan 11
mylot is a family where we respond and share our views and i think if somebody gives a negative view on your discussions then it is not a war just an opinion. i have never seen anyone disrespecting other on mylot. this is the best community of all i have seen.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Hey is that my dear Akp? What happened - you were basking in the sun this morning and now... please stop hitting that Monitor or LCD whatever you have... it will break and then you will not be able to see what you ant to on the MyLot
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
3 Jan 11
i totally agree with you... i don't like vulgar confrontations as well... if there is any disagreement in opinion or anything, i think it should always be resolved in a peaceful manner... i don't like war... this world is already hard enough without us having to make anymore enemy and make our lives even harder... if everybody here can all act in a respectful and civilised manner, i believe that there won't be any war here... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@ifa225 (14461)
• Indonesia
4 Jan 11
Hi Thesids,
for me, my lot is a place that i can stay away from my stress.
i am here to look for some fun..and i don't deny that i am looking for money too.
but if there is a flame war of words here, i just ignore and stay away.
i don't know why some people see my lot as a place to war than a place to enjoy.
@ifa225 (14461)
• Indonesia
5 Jan 11
i never realized at first i join in here that my lot sounds like in real job in real world. people use dirty and cheat way to be number one.
there is a matter of like and dislike too here.
what a site...
but i would rather to be of who i am. fun and enjoy...
but i would rather to be of who i am. fun and enjoy...@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Jan 11
Hi ifa
That is unfortunate but I believe it is more like the real world where we find all types of people. Some good and some bad. Just as a few bad people bring and earn a bad name for them, here also the same thing happens.
But as here the world is smaller we feel bad as these things can be avoided but those who do so miss and fail to understand.
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
6 Jan 11
i have seen wars of words here. really sad.
i do not have to agree when i do not need to. that is a right and everybody's right. why would anyone take it against another especially if the opposite reaction was nicely put? you see there will always be a reaction and a counter-reaction. it is part of our lives.
but it can really be pathetic at times when some people go to that level of hitting the minus button JUST BECAUSE THEY DO NOT AGREE WITH A POST OR A REPLY. that is a reality we all have to face because we don't have control over these people.
your post can help, sids, but there will remain people who rejoice with inflicting pain through hurtful words. a little encouragement will help but is not a guarantee? or perhaps everybody who wants peace will start posts like this to promote peace?
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
7 Jan 11
Hello Ms. Bingskee,
I would too appreciate opposition and if that is put across in a polite manner nothing like it. It would even make me think - Ok, so this is another wayand why not let me try it out and see if it works.
Even hitting the minus button is fine and acceptable to me just because it is some way being poilte and telling that you are wrong(maybe others use and Interpret it differently) but I cannot stand a fight out - a verbal exchange of words conveying all the bitterness but in other impolite ways.
@gsaintiny (69)
• United States
2 Jan 11
Hi Sid,
Thanks, for your opinion. :O)
It certainly is an approach that sits well with me. However, if people weren't civil on a matter I cared about, I'd simply open a new discussion on the subject.
Someone else controling how you feel needn't be an option, I don't think. It seems easy enough to avoid that on MyLot. Of course, you're more experienced. But, I suspect you can simply let those who like wallowing in such stuff to their own devices. Setting the whole world of MyLot "right" isn't your job (and it won't happen, anyway).
I think it's good advice to suggest that personal arguments go on via Messaging Services! Good call, Sid.
Thing is, ultimately, we needn't hide our negative side. It's perfectly possible to share our negative side without being hurtful. Just talk about it, rather than aiming it at someone else. Guess that's not always easy. Still, this may offer sincere folk who want to release steam some guidance.
Sunshine & Blessings,
Giovani
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Hi Giovani,
Very true and I appreciate your point - There is always a better way to talk out rather than keep the things under covers. And we can always put out things on the floor without being hurtful to others. It is all about how you carry and present yourself... difficult sometimes but always pleasant and appreciated.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
3 Jan 11
hello thesids,
I want to thank you again for considering me in your mylot family members.
It's an honor to be one.
When i joined mylot i never thought of making war or trouble with anyone.
I only response to topics that i can relate with and mostly to my friends and to newbies as well.
And yes,mylot is not a war place,for me mylot is my public diary.
This is my outlet,where in i can express my feelings and emotions with freedom.
And i love advices,comments and shared feelings from other mylotters who also can relate with my topics.
I hope some mylotters will find peace here,and not war.
I am thankful for knowing,meeting mylotters who always consider me as true/real friends and a family member.
Have a good day through the whole year dear 
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Jan 11
I must say that many of us too need the same around. Just a few odd instances and that gives a bad impression to the newbies. They either start wondering why they are here or start to take it - ok so i can do that too. Either way, the family is at a loss. And I dont want my Family to be at a loss anytime.
@vandana7 (100282)
• India
3 Jan 11
thesids - we are each so different, isn't it? I like idlis, sunny doesnt. :) And we live in the same town. :) Rights and wrongs differ from person to person. What may seem ok for you to state may hurt another person.
As I see it, myLot offers a chance to be honest. We dont really know each other. What we may not admit or discuss in our real life we can admit here without really feeling "selfish", or "unpatriotic". :) Others sensitivities can at times be disurbed by those admissions. I can only extend my understanding because I am mature. I realize rights and wrongs differ as per age, life stage, circumstances, and time. So what I am feeling at the moment may be something that they may not be feeling because they've a better situation on hand. I can understand them not understanding and vice versa, I can give them a break. :) But I would be inclined to be civil. It is just that people dont know how to be civil and state the same things.
@vandana7 (100282)
• India
3 Jan 11
Thesids, here I am going to say something very controversial, but I'll dare to say it anyway. There is no clause in FAQ or myLot rules that says seniors should guide juniors. When it is not there, then any guidance can only be offered like the kind of discussions Lamby starts ocassionally or when it is asked. There is no point grumbling. It is known fact that not everybody understands english as perfectly as the Britishers.
When all are deemed equal - it is natural for some people resenting another person questioning or remarking. Dont you think? Especially when it is done in front of others. Personally I think correcting newbies is a tough proposition. Let them learn from their mistakes. It is not our duty to correct them.
Second thing I do make lovely idlis. And why did your doc say no to idlis? As far as I know, idlis are healthy. :)
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Jan 11
Ok, consider this -
A person half your age does some violation of a rule. You tell him that this is violation of rules and it is wrong on his part. (Nothing wrong until here). Then just because you pointed it out, the person starts using not so polite words to explain himself. You ignore given your age and other factors. (greatness of you) but the other continues on(knowing the differences in age and seniority and also the fact that he is wrong)... I find that uncivil, I find that hurting and painful - not because I know you but because I know you are 1. Senior and 2. Correct.
I also find it hurting because it is public - the ones who are on the discussions - two types - 1. Who would think - ok, I can also vent out my feelings/anger or whatever 2. Who would think - that was bad and unacceptable.
Btw, I love idlis too and had my daily breakfast munching those when I was at your town in 2006 for 6 months it was 4 per day despite my doctors saying me to stay away from them
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
2 Jan 11
My nose is like a puppies nose, where as I can smell a war coming a mile a way. I have seen many flaming wars and well, I find it funny to sit and read the entire discussion and follow it just so I can understand the personalities.
This way I can avoid them later. It is an awful shame for a new person to immediately see a war as it does give off a really bad impression. If I were a newbie and saw that happening I would run fast.
See here is my take, I have so much going on off-line, so why would I get so hyped up on-line like that where as I loose my manners and bite back. ahahaha.. it does make for entertainment sometimes.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
2 Jan 11
I haven't told you about this guys but when i sat down together with other mylotters as we first meet in the Mylot conference, things were a bit different at first. it became even more annoying to me when one of the members found me to be "ill tempered" on my post and not nice. I guess she kept seeing me in my bad mood with the violators.
. just avoid fighting words, they don't care about their star.
Entertainment indeed.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Going by the experience, it is for sure we have found out our ways to stay out or have some entertainment (as you say) of these.
But the ones who are new around it does leave a poor impression and in turn this effects the one(s) who are at war. I also know that people at war at times are in a different mood and maybe that starts the differences too, also many take it sportingly in their stride... but we should be careful.
@Catana (735)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I agree that people shouldn't carry on wars here, but there's really no way to prevent it. That's what happens on internet forums all the time. The best you can do is just not feed into those wars and help keep them going. I don't agree, though, that Mylot is a family. I don't know the people here and they don't know me. Even though you might find a few friends, you still don't know much about them or whether you'd even like them if you met them in real life. So, there are people who can be online friends, but that doesn't make them family in any sense of the word.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Hi Catana,
I have been on quite a couple of forums too. MyLot is a bit different as we are having almost every kind of stuff around. And I agree we have a higher set of occasions where situations would go the other way.
Over my stay here I have found all sorts of discussions and this has changed my viewpoint that "online friends are not family" - I believed that way a few years back, but here I feel family. Yes, may not be in the real sense of the term as you interpret. I have my experiences from my real family and this family and I see not much difference between the two. Beyond a point both are same for me.
Anyways, that went off-track for this discussion. Sorry.
Ok, I agree with you - not feed into those wars and help them going. But dont you think such things should be better off if kept to the private messaging instead of putting them on for public?
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Jan 11
Hi Catana,
Thanks for wishing me luck here and hope that you never have any reason to be badly disappointed by your Mylot family.
Yes, at the moment it is not possible to send messages without being in the friend circle... And it is there for reasons which are good.
I wished and hope that all our members read this part - try to ignore discussions that either start off that way or wind up turning in that direction
@Catana (735)
• United States
2 Jan 11
The way you feel about it personally is more important than a technical definition of what a family is or isn't. I'm glad it works that way for you, and hope that you never have any reason to be badly disappointed by your Mylot family.
It would be wonderful if people could keep their arguments private, but how is that possible on Mylot? I dount that many people would want to be friends with someone who flames and argues, even if they enjoy adding fuel to the flames themselves. I just try to ignore discussions that either start off that way or wind up turning in that direction.
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
5 Jan 11
GREAT post! You'd really think there's a war going on here some of the time, wouldn't you? I think the worst interest for this is "politics", which just happens to be one of my favorite things to discuss. I grew up with political discussions at the dinner table and whenever friends or relatives came to visit, so it's what I'm used to. There were often disagreements in points of view but it NEVER got nasty or personal, never turned into the war it becomes here.
I've gotten to the point where I don't take it personally if someone says something particularly nasty in a discussion, but it still stings now and then. You're right, it is difficult if you start a discussion and there ends up being a big argument between two posters. I often feel compelled to defend the one who is being insulted, if that's what's happening, but I don't want to end up making enemies for myself as well.
Annie
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
7 Jan 11
Hi Anniepa,
It is not always politics that people fight about. The MyLot rules too dont allow you use off-track words and slang but still when you find discussions where things get nasty, you feel hurt and taking sides is not advisable either as doing that publicly forms groups and that raises other issues and complications.
1 person likes this
@gladys46 (1205)
• United States
8 Jan 11
Annie, political discussions most always brings out the ire! However, I believe in respectfully disagreeing. I'm a staunch engager in politics myself. It has been my experience that "conservatives" demand to change truth ... when that is impossible they ain't all that happy! I like to say ... people cannot change truth but, truth can certainly change people! Let's hope!!;)
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166911)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Jan 11
I so agree. I think using the PM for personal hashing out is a very good idea instead of using the forum. I wish that less immature folks would show up on here. There are afew that really seem to have some very immature ideas and it is frustrating and very disheartening to go to this great site and find these type of people. I hope they find some new site to go to this new year.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Jan 11
Hi celticeagle,
I know that PM at the moment doesnt work if you are non-friends and to use it you would start off with sending a FR first. and this is the point where you would take time and in this time your anger and anything that could hurt would wither away. Makes it more friendlier doesnt it?
@krajibg (11922)
• Guwahati, India
2 Jan 11
Hi thesid,
Nice observation indeed. Compared to your being here I am older than you and hence seen so many unpleasant things here that occurred in the past.
A bickering over a discussion which would end up in using slang words. Well if you have valid point to support your cause do it but do it in more an acceptable manner.
And yes when there is a discussion and many a soul are participating there this would be wrong to assume that all would agree to what you say. But the saying has its language and the sad thing is that we forget those language and create a bad impression both about ourselves and of the site.
Thanks Sid.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
That is the exactly my point. We always tend to forget when we get excited on some issues and make a mess of almost everything. We should keep one thought before such argumentation or bickering that it is going to leave a bad impression of us and also the site on many.
People here are from different communities, places, languages and cultures and we all interpret the language in our own ways. Somewhere it may be normal to use the slang words but at other places they may be much more hurting than they were meant. Of course MyLot doesnt allow them and it is good but still showing / venting out the dark sides of us is something one should refrain in public.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
2 Jan 11
Hello thesids,
What war are you talking about? 
Is it some argument from the lotters of some issues or the bashing of one lotter with foul words which i believe is a violation? I don't know where you got it though but from my point of view, the so called War has been long over.I don't know what's you're definition of War since I've been in a lot wars in different social networking sites like facebook and friendster in the past.
The Difference within the two is that War is unstoppable there. in here, admin can put it to an end by just deleting the entire post.
.
I don't know but you have no idea what was WAR looked like in mylot long before you got here first hand. I got here when the trolls kept coming back and have seen friends leave just because of these people. as of now, just one report to the admin and things a fine.
Otherwise, if it is indeed war, people would start loosing their star by now.
Is it some argument from the lotters of some issues or the bashing of one lotter with foul words which i believe is a violation? I don't know where you got it though but from my point of view, the so called War has been long over.I don't know what's you're definition of War since I've been in a lot wars in different social networking sites like facebook and friendster in the past.
The Difference within the two is that War is unstoppable there. in here, admin can put it to an end by just deleting the entire post..
I don't know but you have no idea what was WAR looked like in mylot long before you got here first hand. I got here when the trolls kept coming back and have seen friends leave just because of these people. as of now, just one report to the admin and things a fine.
Otherwise, if it is indeed war, people would start loosing their star by now. @LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
2 Jan 11
Today I saw back on that discussion right now that they have got it removed
You know the worst part of having a WAR in the past, it takes weeks or months before the admin deletes the entire post. when that happens, all star had almost dropped and worse words had been released. most of the time, the admin used to be sleeping or just not online that leave senior members no choice but to fight a troll or member that gone rough.
This is one thing you need to get used in mylot. since, ihad it worse. It's not always goodie too shoes.
. It's not always goodie too shoes.@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Yes, those responses on the post are removed for good.
I learned it first when I had been told to put responsible content during my initial days - if I remember correct it was my first week at mylot and have tried my best to be responsible on the content that I post as responses and/discussions I start. That was a well written remark and I respect her who suggested that. I learn from mistakes and I realized I was wrong and should not provide misleading info just because I want to participate.
And this incident too has been a trainer to me - I would never fight or indulge in hurting anyone on the platform. If I really have a difference of opinion, I would try to keep it personal on PM.
And yes, I have to get used to this as you mention and I feel the senior one did the same - move on. I am still an emotional and sensitive guy (maybe my being traditional takes over at times) and need to have some more control on this.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Hi LetranKnight,
On a couple of threads I saw people go beyond the normal acceptable limits on discussions - they could have kept it simple. Foul words / bad language is interpreted differently by different people going by the cultures and backgrounds and also they are not allowed at MyLot. Good for all. But there are better ways to put across the point... If not why not use the PM/IM thing that mylot provides and settle out the scores or whatever.
Everyone is free to opine and it is not going to match always with many others' views. But does that allow us to express ourselves - show of our arrogance and disrespect to anyone in public.
This was painful to me - I cannot see/tolerate anyone say anything to one our most senior members (I know the one is a great sport and would not care - greatness; but that did leave a bad impression on me for the one who was arrogant and it seemed impolite to me).
Today I saw back on that discussion right now that they have got it removed. Good. But it was late and many others had already posted their remarks which means every one is aware.
@magtibaygom (4858)
• Philippines
2 Jan 11
It is normal for those people who came here just to exchange ideas and opinions to be swayed to participate in war-like discussions.. but for those who came here for the purpose of building image especially for business, you can expect they are more peace-loving than others.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Jan 11
Hi magtibaygom,
Yes, I agree with those looking out for business opportunities, they should be more peace-loving as they are for their business image or thing.
Others (who are in majority), it is okay as far as they dont go beyond showing disrespect or being arrogant. We all can be that way and it would be a loss not only to us but also to the community called MyLot.
If you have a confrontation or anything on mind, the only thing wise is to go private instead of showcasing your anger or anxiety to the world... after all it is between you and the one or two with whom you have a confrontation. So why to put it on for public?
I had some friendly fight here.. But never taken seriously.. 