When In Doubt
By cajimenez
@cajimenez (452)
Philippines
January 9, 2011 3:20pm CST
Hello my fellow mylotter, I just want to ask your opinion about my friend current question. She found this message in his husband e-mail, the sender is a female friend. (the husband didn't know she knows his password ok)
This is what the letter contains..
Wow I'm quite glad you had a great time last night, it's you that should enjoy the remaining stay here in the country and the occasion last night serve the purpose well.
the kid are fine and are still reviewing as of the writing, they still have lots of subjects to review.
I sure missed an important activity in your life last night, but it's ok there will always be another time and spending time with you last friday would already suffice my absence.
It's also ok, if you did not mention to them that were together prior to the get together at John's residence. No problem with me, Our present plight dictates the appropriateness of your action.
Take care :)
So my friends, do you smell something fishy about this letter. My friend is in doubt. The female sender is an old friend. My friend's husband will be leaving the country. My friend wonder why her husband went out with this old friend alone prior to their get together party. During the get together party, this female friend di did not show up.. My friend wants to punch his husband's face as of now...
1 person likes this
5 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
9 Jan 11
Quite difficult situation on many levels. Be careful what you wish for comes to mind. First when people sneak and or read personal and private emails and or text messages, we must be prepared for what we find. There is no turning back if we find something we are not pleased with.
The other problem here is that although it does sound fishy, there is no way of actually knowing if something is up and or if the woman is the one that is leading the path here and he could actually be innocent.
However, when we are in relationships there should be no secrets either as so if he did not tell his wife about her then maybe he is hiding something or in his own way trying to wrongfully protect his wife.
At any rate she has now read this and nothing will change her feelings one way or another until she confronts him. Not confronting him will stem to further resentment and more checking up on him. Another issue here, as now she has to deal with why she was checking and how she got it, also he will have some explaining as to why he was hiding it and for what reasons...
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
9 Jan 11
Hardworkinggurl,,these couples were in a estranged relationship. Let's say my friend is looking for an evidence she could use.. His husband is an irresponsible financial provider to their kids. And it's an insult to her that his husband is wasting money on friends activity...
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
9 Jan 11
Here in the US we do not get any merits for any wrong doings on behalf of a cheating spouse. Unless we are speaking of lots of money per say.. Here no matter what evidence the divorce would only be construed as irreconcilable differences.
Let's say she found the "evidence", will she divorce, accept/forgive or ??
Unless this is going to make a difference with regards to alimony, and or child support, what is her objective??
I certainly am not saying she should not find out, but what next after that??
This is a really difficult situation to be in, and although I am very sorry for her, and hope she will end up okay there after.
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
9 Jan 11
In your own interpretation, do you think there is something going on with her husband and this woman.. Just a simple view, based on the woman's letter?
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
10 Jan 11
Hi sweetie.
I don't know.
It sounds funky, but then again it can mean a lot of things.
As she read the mail, she just have to be upfront and ask what it is all about.
What worries me the most is not the mail as per say, but the lack of trust.
I won't ever read my loved one's mails and i know he won't read mine either.
It's just not done.
As these things happen you just posted.
I hope they can resolve this and hopefully they can build some trust if that is not too late.
TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
12 Jan 11
Hi sweetie.
The best way will be for your friend to get hold of that women and ask her.
as the husband won't tell the truth.
Maybe it's something he helped her with.
We can never assume if he has an affair or not as we don't know them.
Luck on this one, though.
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Thank you sweetie, You are right these couple have trust issues. That's why my friend secretly have an access to his husband's e mail. She had confronted her husband but not about the letter. She just casually ask him what he did last friday. The husband lied... Where in fact the husband is with that woman that day...
So, sweetie, why do you think her husband would lie. My friend read another message, and they seems more than a friendly conversation... Do you think they have an affair? Thank you, saphrina...
@djmarion (4898)
• Philippines
22 Jan 11
your friend is definitely in a very though situation right now and she's pretty confused not knowing what to think of her husband and what to say. but since she has no valid proof (an email is not a valid proof) that her husband is cheating on her she better not nag him or start a quarrel.
She cannot confront her husband since in the first place her husband did not know that she read the letter and in fact he did not know that your friend knows the password of his laptop.
I suggest that your friend should start investigating quietly before confronting him, she have to have a valid proof that her husband is cheating, the email might have another meaning unknown to her so she should not jump into conclusion.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
10 Jan 11
You could confront your hubby on the issue. Or you can email her back. Inform her he is married. Old friend or not she should respect that.
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
My friend already confronted his husband, but denied everything. My friend tried to add that woman on her facebook friends, but the woman ignore the invites.. Looks guilty to me.. And they still continue sending messages to each other.. This woman seems very determine to compete with the wife... Thank you, ersmommy1.
@karebear48464 (10)
• United States
10 Jan 11
Okay, from my own experience, I would have to say that there is definitely something fishy about this e-mail. There's a few things that were brought to my attention: (1) Your friend already has trust issues with her husband else she wouldn't be checking through his personal things. I do agree that when you're married there shouldn't be secrets, but I also know what it feels like to need privacy. (2) This is only part of the conversation between the husband and girl friend. She is obviously responding to what he wrote and he does seem pretty suspicious when he states "if you did not mention to them that we were together prior to the get together at John's residence". Why does it have to be a secret? What are they hiding?
If I was in this situation, I would get both sides of the story because I've learned that every story has two sides. Be prepared to find out things that you might not want to hear, but also be prepared that you may not even get the truth. In any marriage, there should be open communication above all else and that's where I would start is with my husband.
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
12 Jan 11
My friend already confronted his husband about it..The husband lied. Does this mean they're guilty of having an affair?? Why would the husband lie? Her husband now starts having new habits ,, like improving his hygiene,.improving his looks... These seems to be a telltale that he's trying to look good for somebody... Thank you karebear 48464..
