Do You Ever Regret Any Decisions That Have Negatively Affected Your Life?
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
January 10, 2011 10:27am CST
There is only one decision I regret.
Packing in a PERMANENT job in Preston way back in July 2005. I did this in order to be with John and to start a job here in Carlisle that turned out to be a major disappointment (like the place in general). Now, if the train fares weren't so extortionate I would've been prepared to commute from here rather than Layton, Blackpool to work in Preston. For whatever reason, jobs I've had here haven't been like working in Lancashire, my old county that I'm from. The people in Cumbria ARE friendly but in a social aspect, not at work. They are TOTALLY different at work, to my cost.
If you live somewhere that is depressing (whether it be the area, the road or even the Town/City/Rural location) does it affect your everyday life and your well-being? It does me. I love colour and try to cheer myself up daily with bright clothing. Usually it works but this house, especially, needs a LOT of work doing to it and we're no further forward than when I moved in (apart from the kitchen, where I would sleep if I could, I love it so much).
The problem is that the previous occupants were a bit old-fashioned in their tastes. The in-laws tried to brighten up certain areas with paint even before I met John but I honestly think we need sodding halogen lights in the ceiling.. all over the house. Being in here resembles a cross between the Chilean Mine, a cave and a bunker all rolled into one. The lighting is OK but inadequate as the ceilings are high so some of the light will be lost. It is not as bad during the summer-time, otherwise I'd have slit my wrists by now.
I cannot see a way out of here unless I bite the bullet and live with Mum for a bit. I am never depressed when I'm back there. John doesn't care one way or another, otherwise he wouldn't gamble online would he or give me one-word answers whenever I ask him something important. He's carried on using this house as a base to lay his head after a hard day's graft, which is fine..but I'm living here too and there's no way out of this hell-hole we are living in. Nothing to show for being married, nothing to show for him having a new job and I'm full of sh!t!
If you live somewhere that is depressing (whether it be the area, the road or even the Town/City/Rural location) does it affect your everyday life and your well-being? It does me. I love colour and try to cheer myself up daily with bright clothing. Usually it works but this house, especially, needs a LOT of work doing to it and we're no further forward than when I moved in (apart from the kitchen, where I would sleep if I could, I love it so much).
The problem is that the previous occupants were a bit old-fashioned in their tastes. The in-laws tried to brighten up certain areas with paint even before I met John but I honestly think we need sodding halogen lights in the ceiling.. all over the house. Being in here resembles a cross between the Chilean Mine, a cave and a bunker all rolled into one. The lighting is OK but inadequate as the ceilings are high so some of the light will be lost. It is not as bad during the summer-time, otherwise I'd have slit my wrists by now.
I cannot see a way out of here unless I bite the bullet and live with Mum for a bit. I am never depressed when I'm back there. John doesn't care one way or another, otherwise he wouldn't gamble online would he or give me one-word answers whenever I ask him something important. He's carried on using this house as a base to lay his head after a hard day's graft, which is fine..but I'm living here too and there's no way out of this hell-hole we are living in. Nothing to show for being married, nothing to show for him having a new job and I'm full of sh!t!3 people like this
15 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
10 Jan 11
Do You Ever Regret Any Decisions That Have Negatively Affected Your Life?
No, because without having made the decisions I would not have known if it was right for me or not. I do try to look back a little I try not to regret, as regretting causes me to have negativity in my life.
I do know that you are simply saying having made decisions you wish you had, and yes wished I had made wiser decisions but this is the life I am living and I have to make the best I can with the decisions I made.
Janey having lost everything I worked so hard for, house, job, savings, and my wonderful credit, all I have left is my memories and how I can rebuild.
Do not have the answer yet, but then I am still trying.. to move forward and continue living. 
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Jan 11
Have I not sent you a friend request? Oh my, that is so terrible of me, I'm so sorry!
I shall do it forthwith!
I shall do it forthwith!@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Jan 11
It's a privilege having you respond to my discussions and I hope that doesn't come across as being patronising..I mean it.
You are such an inspiration (as are many other gorgeous people on MyLot who I consider my true friends) that I really should stop moaning shouldn't I? You've been through a whole lot more than I have.
You are such an inspiration (as are many other gorgeous people on MyLot who I consider my true friends) that I really should stop moaning shouldn't I? You've been through a whole lot more than I have.@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
11 Jan 11
I was not always this inspirational, gorgeous yes, LOL, but life has a tendency to make us strong. Don't get me wrong I went through a great deal last year and did not function well with the change, but you know what either I try and move forward or I go downhill.
I plan to continue moving forward and for 2011, I decided I no matter how hard, and I may break down here and there but I will try harder then ever to be more positive for me. As I had noticed losing self worth and I did not work that hard to spiral backwards. I may have lost so much but I suppose it is a trade in my life. I have never had love, I was never raised by my own mother but a system from the day I left the hospital. Then I had the worst imaginable husband, and left me a single parent of two. So the trade with life: Two most wonderful and respectful children any mother would ever dream of. A boyfriend of five years that loves me more then anyone would ever think could actually exist.
So my friend how about I send you a friend request and this way I am not so late to respond every time. 
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
10 Jan 11
My most recent regret is building the home I live in. It sits on five acres up against the mountains overlooking the Mesilla Valley. It's an almost 3000-square-foot beautiful home with indoor ponds, everything... The problem...I'm retired and the mortgage payment has me broke all the time. So, now in retirement, I can't enjoy the things I wanted to do, like travel, play golf, etc. If I could sell it, I probably would, just because I'm beginning to feel "trapped". But then, if I sell it, I'd probably regret that too, because I dreamed, designed and built this home...
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Jan 11
I can see your dilemma. I regret not saving money more religiously than I have done. I'm not in debt or anything but I have no savings either. If I'd just saved, say £5 a week from the time I started work..and just left it, then stopped the money going in whenever I was unemployed..goodness me, I'd have a tidy sum now wouldn't I? I would often save up for a holiday but never for anything far bigger..like a house. When I was young I equated a house with a bloke. It didn't occur to me to save up for a deposit on MY OWN house. This is why I resent this home now. It has none of my input, it has no personality (apart from the modernised kitchen, which I love) but I cannot do anything about it because I have no money. Even if I did have money the disruption in this house would be incredible, if anything was actually done to it. So we take the easy option and vegetate.
I regret not saving money more religiously than I have done. I'm not in debt or anything but I have no savings either. If I'd just saved, say £5 a week from the time I started work..and just left it, then stopped the money going in whenever I was unemployed..goodness me, I'd have a tidy sum now wouldn't I? I would often save up for a holiday but never for anything far bigger..like a house. When I was young I equated a house with a bloke. It didn't occur to me to save up for a deposit on MY OWN house. This is why I resent this home now. It has none of my input, it has no personality (apart from the modernised kitchen, which I love) but I cannot do anything about it because I have no money. Even if I did have money the disruption in this house would be incredible, if anything was actually done to it. So we take the easy option and vegetate.@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Jan 11
We're thinking about it. To be honest, I'd much rather sell this house as it is and move..that's what everyone else seems to be doing. Yes, they should be modernising their bathrooms and kitchens but not many do..and I should know because I'm addicted to the Rightmove website!
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
10 Jan 11
I did save quite a bit of money working for over 30 years (with the same employer); however, another major regret...investing $100,000 in a scam. This year the scam, recovering money, etc. was "resolved". I got $10,000 back. That's another reason I'm not able to travel...
Have you tried finding another house...one that you might like better?
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 11
Sounds like you were having a pretty crappy day. I bet some of it is just being homesick! I bet John does care, but he's just tired. Using bright colors is actually a good way to help perk things up, also music, art, reading, doing things that you enjoy.
Hey, how about if you have a headhunter from Lancashire give John a call. Maybe they can find him a job there?
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
12 Jan 11
What a brilliant idea!
His CV only has two jobs on it, the one he got made redundant from after 21 years and the one he's doing now. So unusual don't you think? My work history is a mile long and there's no way I can shorten it. My cousin once did stuff with it (not having exact dates) but I was told by employers that they wanted the proper dates after all. It's a good job I keep diaries, otherwise I'd have no idea!
His CV only has two jobs on it, the one he got made redundant from after 21 years and the one he's doing now. So unusual don't you think? My work history is a mile long and there's no way I can shorten it. My cousin once did stuff with it (not having exact dates) but I was told by employers that they wanted the proper dates after all. It's a good job I keep diaries, otherwise I'd have no idea!
@snbutterfly (259)
• United States
11 Jan 11
There are some decisions that I wish I would have done differently, but only if my children could remain the same. Otherwise I wouldn't change them for anything. I wish I hadn't moved to Wisconsin years ago because being in that horrible winter and not having any money because of the tiny amount of jobs there put me in a deep depression that I had to dig my way out of. Then again, I wouldn't have the great business I do today if I hadn't been there so I guess everything happens for a reason, right? Think of it as a stepping stone to a new adventure and things will change soon enough.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
12 Jan 11
You are so right! Even a negative situation can (eventually) lead to a positive one, and that thought is what keeps me going. There are places I've worked at in the past that I've chosen to leave (for whatever reason) and they are facing an uncertain future now, not that I want people out of work..far from it. But it does make you wonder why we make the decisions we do, doesn't it? Perhaps I have a 6th sense without realising it!
I'm so glad you are doing well!
Even a negative situation can (eventually) lead to a positive one, and that thought is what keeps me going. There are places I've worked at in the past that I've chosen to leave (for whatever reason) and they are facing an uncertain future now, not that I want people out of work..far from it. But it does make you wonder why we make the decisions we do, doesn't it? Perhaps I have a 6th sense without realising it!
I'm so glad you are doing well!
@elena1969 (153)
•
11 Jan 11
Even if you regret it,you cant do nothing about it to change the past.You can change the present and future,but not the past.If something is really bothering,a mistake that you shouldn't have made,if you think how to forget that mistake,you will never be able to forget it.The best to forget something that bothers you is: to write it on a sheet of paper and put in somewhere,that way you will know you can not forget it,because it has been writte,but actually you start to forget it :)
@jhoycelicious99 (27)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Its happens all the time, you just have to hang on and try to make something that makes you feel happy everything has a purpose and reasons, we've almost have the same situation i was from the other country and move here in the USA, when i first got here it was completely different from where i used to, i mean the culture,foods a lot of things, i need to start making friends but dont know where to start it was a hard you just have to get used of it maybe.
But later on when i start making friends things change, especially when i get a job here everything is change, and now sometimes i say to myself it may not be a good start but i looked at the other way i realize a lot of good things here, happy or not happy life must move on..
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
12 Jan 11
Thank you for your inspirational comment, it's put things into perspective for me. I've had a better day as the sun was shining so I was able to get out of the house (it can get depressing in here at times) and I am glad that you are feeling better too after making some new friends.
Good for you my friend. Love the avatar by the way, that shade of pink is gorgeous!
@jhoycelicious99 (27)
• United States
12 Jan 11
You are very welcome friend, i hope everything will work good for you and your family...
Thank you for the likes of my avatar rose..
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
11 Jan 11
i think everybody has ever made a wrong decision in their past which make them to regret it later on in their lives... but i always try to think positively as regretting over something that had already happened will not help me in anything at all... on the contrary, it will make my life more miserable and make me feel more depressed... so i try my very best to have a positive outlook in life and never let a mistake in the past to haunt me and stopping me from moving forward... take care and have a nice day...
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
12 Jan 11
I am banning myself from starting discussions on a Monday from now on. As soon as Monday is out of the way I'm fine. I don't work either so you would think that I'd be happy about not having to get up early on a Monday morning..but it's the guilt of realising that hubby is in for another busy week and I can get up when I like.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
10 Jan 11
When I was 19 years old I bought a little cottage in a village close to Canterbury. I wanted to get a shipping job in Dover. I was working in a ship brokers in London and then I was made redundant. I tried very hard to get another job but in the recession it proved impossible. I decided to let my cottage, get a working holiday visa for Australia and buy an airline ticket around the world. I spent just over one year on my trip around the world and whilst away I changed my career plans. When I came back home I went to university and became a primary school teacher. It was horrible not to get a teaching job in Kent. I went for an interview and the head teacher liked me. She recommended me to another head teacher that gave me a one year teaching contract in Milton Keynes. At the end of that I went on a trip to Western Australia. I came home and did supply teaching and maternity contracts. I just wanted a permanent job and when I got it I hated. I regret getting that job and at that time having to live in a caravan. I was so happy when I got a maternity contract in a school close to my cottage. It lasted until I moved to North Somerset.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Jan 11
Wow, I wish I'd been able to buy a house when I was 19. I didn't think about it then, of course but now I feel that it is important to save at a very early age. I equated buying a house with being with a bloke and the two don't necessarily go together do they?
It's funny whenever I look at my work history on my CV as the good jobs have outweighed the bad ones as I never lasted long in the latter anyway..I tend to walk if something isn't right.
It couldn't have been nice living in a caravan but I'm glad you and your kids are OK now.
It's funny whenever I look at my work history on my CV as the good jobs have outweighed the bad ones as I never lasted long in the latter anyway..I tend to walk if something isn't right.
It couldn't have been nice living in a caravan but I'm glad you and your kids are OK now.
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
As I am reading your thread I really felt your disappointment and your unhappiness in every words you uttered here. I think you still have the chance to change everything that doesn't suit your taste. You only have to changed some inside the house and your mood will probably lighten up. Some decisions can never be changed but I think you still have a chance to changed yours.
I just hope that your mind will be cleared enough and tomorrow will bring another day to your life to used with. That means don't lost hope maybe your sad and irritating situation right now will end soon. I have made some bad decisions and until now it effect my life negatively but I am doing fine.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
12 Jan 11
I must confess, Mondays depress me more than any other day. When hubby goes to work and I'm left alone it dawns on me every single week that I have let him down not finding work of my own. It would help us a great deal if I did.
I am still hopeful that 2011 will be a much better year than the previous two and my optimism is still intact, something that is extremely important in these situations.
When hubby goes to work and I'm left alone it dawns on me every single week that I have let him down not finding work of my own. It would help us a great deal if I did.
I am still hopeful that 2011 will be a much better year than the previous two and my optimism is still intact, something that is extremely important in these situations.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
10 Jan 11
Hello, Janey. It sounds like John is happy anywhere you are, whereas you need familiar people and places, and there's nothing wrong with that. If he's as non-commital as you say he is, then I'd suggest you write off your current house and move back with your Mum. You'd be happier, and so would he, if he knew you were contented.
It's not an admission of failure to go back - it's an acknowledgement that you made a mistake, and let's face it, anyone who never made a mistake never made anything. The only consideration against this would be what you stood to lose if John had to give up his job, and only you two know that.
Don't waste time and energy on regrets - decide how you can adapt your present situation to your mutual advantage. I'm older than you, and I know that time spent on regrets is time wasted. Evolve, adapt, and be happy.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Jan 11
Hi Sandra. I can always rely on you to put things into perspective on my behalf! I love that last sentence "Evolve, adapt and be happy." It will become my new Mantra from now on.
Mondays are always horrible. I never liked them when I worked but they are worse now because I don't. Isn't that strange? The house is empty without John in it but you're right, I really should be adapting to this by now. I'm definitely going out during the day tomorrow as the weather is set to improve. Therefore my mood will improve as a consequence.
John has also booked next week off. This is rare, him having a full week off. Maybe he knows how I'm feeling and wants to cheer me up? I've been having problems with the new neighbour and her music but if I am sat here with no noise going on, well, that's not helping either is it? So later on this afternoon I played a Rush vinyl LP(!) that I swapped over at Mum's. I have about 50 of my LPs here in Carlisle, in a box. So, when I was at Mum's over Christmas I brought 10 back and swapped them with another 10, therefore it's like buying them all over again..if that makes sense.
What a wonderful LP! I'd forgotten how good it was. It's called "Signals" and it's from 1982!! I remember playing it on a plug and play record player when I first bought it. My deck now is much better so, like I said, it's like I've bought it all over again.
Oh, Happy Days!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abL2_LXrXjo
Above is one of my favourite tracks from the album. It's gorgeous! In fact, there isn't a bad track on it. Enjoy my friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abL2_LXrXjo
Above is one of my favourite tracks from the album. It's gorgeous! In fact, there isn't a bad track on it. Enjoy my friend. @Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
11 Jan 11
An decision that I have made where the results were negative, I definitely regret. Even though I will take the results and try to see the lesson in them that will hopefully help me make better choices in the future. Negative results can be teaching tools if we allow ourselves to accept the mistakes and change them if we can, but if not move forward knowing that we all make mistakes because we are only human.
Living in a place that is depression can wreak havoc on a relationship that would otherwise be fine. You have to find a way to make your surrounding acceptable or move away, which doesn't sound like you are able or ready to do. Make lemonade out of those lemons.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Jan 11
That last sentence made me smile. Thank you. "Make lemonade out of those lemons" it makes perfect sense. Love it.
@jinjer168 (1596)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Yes. Ive made a decision that greatly affected my life now. It happened when I was in 4th year high school and about to decide for the course I wanted to study in college. Even before, I really wanted to be a nurse. Im the kind of person who wanted to nurture and protect by nature. I can take the smell of hospitals, to see blood and handle sick patients plus the fact that I really really wanted to wear nurses' cap and uniform.
My mother, brother and sister opposes my ambition and said that I should took up Computer Science instead because its the in demand course that time, not the nursing course. Three against one, I said yes to what they wished for me, though I knew in my heart that I didn't like the course they wanted for me.
After I graduate that time, the demand for nurses flooded the job stream, there was a huge demand for the job that offered big salary and benefits plus the chance to migrate abroad. I was not successful with muy chosen field because I really don't like computers that's why I honestly believe that i'll be more successful if I follow my heart back then and chose what I really like.
It is true that in life, you have to be careful in choosing any decision you will make, for whatever it is that you pick will be your life already. Have a nice day ahead, we must continue and move on whatever happened to us. Cheer up!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Jan 11
Do you still want to be a Nurse? I do hope so! You are right, not everyone likes computers but there are ALWAYS sick people to be cared for, I agree with you there.
I reckon you would make a wonderful Nurse.
@raviteja_ravi84 (2620)
• India
10 Jan 11
First of all your english is very very good. I am having a hard time to understand whatever you have written here now. SO i understood that the job switching was not as nice as it seemed to be. Maybe you did try to work it out but not much luck hm?
Well i have made some decisions which i had regretted before in the past. But i do not dwell much on it now. If i dwell too much on the past the i kinda forget about the future in which i am supposed to live up and enjoy myself in. So i don't live in past rather than that i learn from the past. I think also you have learned no?
Cheers!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Jan 11
I'm glad you like my English! Erm, you're nearly right in the fact I regret leaving my job more than moving to another location. My husband is adorable (most of the time) but there again, he has to put up with me so I guess we're even. He told me earlier that he has booked next week off work, so that's cheered me up. He's not off work very often!
Erm, you're nearly right in the fact I regret leaving my job more than moving to another location. My husband is adorable (most of the time) but there again, he has to put up with me so I guess we're even. He told me earlier that he has booked next week off work, so that's cheered me up. He's not off work very often!
@commonground (367)
• United States
10 Jan 11
Janey, it sounds as if you have regretted more than just a job change. Maybe you are putting all your regrets on that one incident out of frustration with the rest of your life, as well.
I've regretted a lot of decisions in my life, too many to mention. But the one thing I have learned in almost 60 years of life is that you can't dwell on past mistakes. I try to just chalk them up to a "life lesson learned"
Try to learn from whatever bad decisions you have made and move on. You will live a very miserable life if you can't get past 'what might have been'
Keeping good thoughts may sound silly but it will really work. You can encourage yourself by focusing on the good things. You have to make an effort to be content with what is before you or you must be willing to make more changes in your life.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Jan 11
I don't dwell on them all the time. As I was saying to Sandra, Mondays are always bad days for me as it brings it home to me that I'm not working and my husband is..and the guilt sets in. Then I vent my frustrations on other things, like the annoying neighbours and this house that needs work doing on it. Then I become even more guilty. Once Monday is out of the way, I'm more positive, strange as it may sound. Also, John has told me he's booked next week off (which is rare) so I'm extremely pleased about this.
So, all is not lost and thanks so much for the encouragement, I do appreciate it.
So, all is not lost and thanks so much for the encouragement, I do appreciate it.
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
10 Jan 11
Of course we all have some regrets about having maken some mistake decisions.These may include one's decision to choose a college,a job,a husband or wife.
Among all these,i think the most important decision we should think twice is to choose the working place.It is especially important when you are in a country with little mobility.I think i made a big mistake when i choose a job.It confined me in a remote place for years.And also influence my kids' education......etc.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Jan 11
At least you stuck at it though but there again children were involved, therefore you had added responsibilities. I admire people who stick at jobs they don't like for the sake of their children. We don't have any so to leave a job isn't such a big deal for me, other than to greatly reduce my finances. However, I have been lucky with jobs as well, even short-term ones that paid well. Nothing to show for it now though..no savings and I suppose that is another one of my regrets. It's frightening how, the older we get, the faster the time goes. My Mum told me this a while back and she's so right!
