Do you believe you have the right to your significant other's passwords?

United States
January 12, 2011 4:14pm CST
I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend and we have nothing to hide so we know each others passwords however I know people who are married and they don't share that kind of stuff. I understand if you're not committed and just dating then thats fine but if you're married do you think you should know each others passwords? In case of an emergency or anything? What are your views about knowing your significant others passwords or not knowing? Do you feel comfortable knowing or not knowing. Do you share your passwords with your significant other?
6 people like this
28 responses
• Canada
13 Jan 11
I don't think significant others have the right to each others passwords, no. I also don't think there would ever be an "emergency" that needs to be addressed in email so I see no reason to have access to someone's email password. I could see potentially time-sensitive issues in banking, maybe, but not email. I feel that some people use the exchange of passwords as "proof" of trust... i.e., if you have nothing to hide from me / if you trust me, you will give me all your passwords. All this does is create more of an environment of suspicion when people start logging in to each others accounts "just to see" what is there. It can also set up lots of situations for misunderstandings, arguments and more that require people to "explain" things that were not wrong or suspicious in the first place. Plus, anyone can give away "all" their passwords and still have or create another email account that they don't share, for example. The fact that a person shares their passwords does not inherently make them any more trustworthy than a person who doesn't. I also don't know very many people that have access to their partner's email or phone password and honestly do not look. So, I'm not sure how the sharing of the password itself signifies so much trust. Seems like it creates a great deal of temptation, though.
2 people like this
• Canada
14 Jan 11
I agree with you about unhealthy relationships being really prone to this situation with passwords, infatuatedbby. My daughter was in a relationship with a guy that asked for her email password... he told her that he wanted it so he could check that she had read his emails, even if she didn't have time to respond to them. What he actually did was read everything that came in or went out from her account, sometimes just staying logged in and refreshing for hours. He also went through her contacts and deleted every male except for one that he knew for sure was her uncle. He decided that, because they were in a relationship, she "didn't need" those contacts anymore. What she had created was a list of all the people that were in her gifted program in high school and she wanted to keep in touch with them after they all graduated. He destroyed that whole list so she basically had to wait until other people contacted her or she could get the details back from mutual friends. She learned a very strong lesson about the right to privacy and why people don't have to give access to everything about you, simply because you are in a relationship.
• United States
14 Jan 11
Well, for my point of view sometimes where I am doesn't have internet access or I don't have internet and I need to check if I got e-mails from school or any important e-mails and my boyfriend would check. Sometimes my boyfriend doesn't have internet access or is driving on the way home for lunch or something and needs documents from work printed out and it'd be faster if I do it for him so thats why. We don't snoop or anything. But yeah, it depends on the couple and there are some people like that who feel they need passwords to check up on each other but I don't believe that is a healthy relationship. My boyfriend and I have privacy, boundaries too.
1 person likes this
• South Africa
13 Jan 11
its all about trust, cause if you trust one another from the beggining everything will fall into place without you discussing if not to know or not to know each other's passwords
2 people like this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
13 Jan 11
exactly!
• United States
14 Jan 11
Yes, true. But in my situation it was just convenient for us because when I'm at school or somewhere without internet access and I need to know if I got any important email I'm expecting, I'd ask my bf to go on and sometimes he needs me to print work documents or check his e-mail when he doesn't have internet so it just works out. It's not like we ask each other in demanding method, we just became comfortable with sharing our information. Thanks for sharing.
@Galena (9110)
13 Jan 11
I don't think anyone has a RIGHT to their partners passwords. it's up to a couple whether they want to share that, and if anyone puts pressure on the other to reveal their passwords then that's very wrong. because my husband and I trust each other, we don't feel any need to invade the others privacy. because we don't need to invade each others privacy we don't need each others passwords. because we both trust the other not to be doing anything that warrants snooping. I know his passwords, but that's because he can't really be bothered filling in online forms, so he usually gets me to set the accounts up for him. I've never signed in to his accounts, apart from on one occasion, when I was using the computer and he asked me to see if he'd received a confirmation e-mail for an order, and I checked. but really, there's no need for people who trust each other to go into their private internet correspondence.
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
13 Jan 11
exactly!
• United States
14 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing and I completely agree with you. I am just curious and it's a discussion to see whether if people need to give passwords or not. For my stand view, my boyfriend and I do because it's convenient for us sometimes we don't have internet access, we call one another and ask if we can check if there is any important e-mails other than that we don't log in daily to snoop on each other. We trust each other and know each other well enough.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
12 Jan 11
Why should significant others know eachother's passwords? Do they need to use them? What kind of passwords? I definitely see no point in emails, but perhaps bank passwords and pins might be useful. Just because someone is committed to someone doesn't mean that they no longer have a right and need to privacy.
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
13 Jan 11
Actually I think you were asking peoples perspective and I gave you mine. I neither said, nor implied that you said all couples should give passwords. So what is with the attitude?
2 people like this
• United States
14 Jan 11
I am asking peoples perspectives and you answered back with questions so I answered back to your questions. I'm not giving an attitude.
• United States
13 Jan 11
I'm not saying all couples should give passwords- I am asking peoples prospective on this situation. Sometimes emails come in handle to know because emergencies could happen and you need something and your significant other is busy, in a meeting or something.. Never know the situation, just nice to have. I have my boyfriends password but its not like I dig through and read it. I just have it incase, I need to get something from it, I'm not nosy to what is in his e-mails, I can care less cause I trust him with or without a password.
1 person likes this
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
12 Jan 11
The only passwords that my husband and I share are the passwords to some gaming accounts on games that we both used to play together. I have, in the past, given him the passwords to my email accounts, Facebook, and Myspace, but to my knowledge, he's never entered any of them. I do not have his passwords, nor have I ever asked for them. Simply put, neither of us have anything to hide or worry about when it comes to each other. When I was younger, I did share a computer with my then boyfriend at the time because we lived together. We both used the ICQ messenger, and to prevent one of us from accidentally logging into the wrong account, I put a password on mine and that just made him very angry for some reason. That sort of thing just drives me nuts when neither partner has given the other a good reason to believe something might not be quite right.
• United States
13 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing and I agree! My boyfriend and I have each others passwords but its not like we snoop around. We have it just because if we need anything we know and can get access to it.
1 person likes this
@awgoat06 (36)
• United States
15 Jan 11
hi, i'm also in a committed relationship. I have been married for 20 year's....so you would think i would fully trust my husband no question's asked,right? well, call me paranoid but as far as knowing each others password's....YES YOU SHOULD!!!!. If you truly love and care about each other then you should have nothing to hide...right? I truly want to be trusting of my partner and i want him to trust me so there shouldn't be any problem sharing password's with each other. If for some reason your partner wouldn't want to share a password with you, that would immediatly make me suspisious. Do you think I'm paranoid??
1 person likes this
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
18 Jan 11
Oh awgoat06....you are paranoid! how come you can't trust your husband of 20 years? has he ever gave you any reason not to?. And infatuatedbby why would you have to snoop around your partner if you really trust him?
• United States
15 Jan 11
I would be paranoid too if I didn't know just because. I don't need to snoop around, I just want to know that's the person I am as well. Nothing to hide anyway. :P Thanks for sharing!
• United States
13 Jan 11
Absolutely not. We are individual people, not extensions of each other. We have our own business, if we want to share then we do. We have no need or reason to have absolute access to one another's every minute detail.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jan 11
Lol, thank you for sharing & expressing your opinion. :)
@dodo19 (47317)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
12 Jan 11
No, I don't think that I have the right to my husband's password. Whether he chooses to tell me or not, it's very much his choice, and I respect the choice that he makes. He is entitled to some privacy. It's something that bothers me. I don't mind not knowing his password.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing. Yes, I believe it is good to have some privacy. It bothers you? But you're okay? Did you guys speak about it or was it just something not really spoken about?
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
12 Jan 11
I believe that everyone's passwords should be kept private, only to them. this is not really something that should be shared with anyone else. it is a personal choice to make to let your significant other have access to your passwords.
• United States
13 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing and yes I agree.
1 person likes this
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
12 Jan 11
That is a pretty good question though. If you are committed in a relationship, or you are married, you shouldn't hide anything from each other though. Is it right? You should tell the exact true to your another significant half. It is tough though. Some people still want their own privacy which they don't want to share. It depends on how you are going to work it out.
• United States
13 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing. I tell my significant other everything because I've been with him for four years and I have nothing to hide. IF anything goes wrong, passwords are changeable so it doesn't matter. It depends on the couple but I feel that I can trust him and he can trust me and it just makes us stronger.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 11
I do not believe I have the "right" to know my boyfriends passwords, we live together in a committed relationship for five years. However I do believe I have the "right" to be respected. By this I mean that if he were to ask me and I were to ask him for the password there should be no hesitation, as neither has the right to hide anything from each other. At any rate my boyfriend and I know each others and I do not believe he has ever snooped anything of mine. As I have not snooped as neither one has given each other any reason. Reason why I say no one has the "right" as I do believe there is an extent of some privacy preference but one should not be sneaky with it. In other words I should not be questioned or demanded as to why not. It should be freely given. At least in my home it is.
• United States
13 Jan 11
I completely agree with you. Well, we just know each others passwords and what not just in case of an emergency and we need documents or something from our emails or bank accounts. We did not demand each other it was just easier for us. But yeah, if I needed a password or my boyfriend needed one then of course no hesitations should be involved.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing sailor10.
@puccagirl (7294)
• Israel
13 Jan 11
I know some people think that way, but I personally think you have a right to a certain degree of privacy even in a relationship, so we do not share our passwords with eachother. It works for us, I have no need to check up on my fiancee anyway, but each couple should do what they think is best for them.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing. It depends on the couple, I agree. We didn't demand each other passwords, it was just sometimes I didn't have internet somewhere and I needed him to check my e-mail or he needed me to print work documents as he's driving home and it just got convenient and we were comfortable with giving each other our passwords.
@ptower76 (1616)
• United States
13 Jan 11
I believe that while there should be no secrets between a couple in a committed relationship, there should be a measure of trust and respect for one's individuality. I would allow my significant other privacy of email account because i would trust that individual. And I would hope that my significant other would trust me enough. I don't see where an emergency situation would require access to my spouse's email. Of course access to bank accounts and data bases might be required. but not emails.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jan 11
Actually, there may times when you need a document. I have had many situations where people would send to my boyfriend and not me. And I needed those files and I had to go on my boyfriends but that's just my situation. Or sometimes, my boyfriend is driving home from work or at work and he needs to me print out documents so he can stop by and grab them to go to a meeting or just stuff like that {in a rush} Not everyone has this issue but I'm just curious on view points. And yes, I should have made another question mentioning if married couples do you think they should share passwords or have individual accounts. Thanks for sharing.
13 Jan 11
No, I dont... Its privacy. Sometimes we enjoy being together to have things not known to each other. A secret, things that I feel need not for the other to know. We trust each other, and we respect our privacy. It is simple as respecting ones idea or conviction. Respecting ones decision. The keyword is "TRUST". One you know your partner very well, I is of no importance.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing. :) And yes, trust should be key! It just works out for us though because sometimes when we both don't have internet access we may call each other to ask to check our e-mail if we have anything from work/school news or something.
• United States
17 Jan 11
No One and I mean No one knows my passwords. What I did was put in a safe box one password to one of my emails so me sister could write my friends if I ever were in an accident . But that's it.I wouldn't want to know my guy's passwords. It is none of my business.This doesn't mean I don't love him or because I will never marry him I am not committed I just think some things are private and should remain that way.And if I were married, I wouldn't care about my husband's passwords. " I don;t care what you do," would be me stance on Everything a husband does.
1 person likes this
@Shar19 (8231)
• United States
13 Jan 11
This is a touchy situation. I think if you are married then you should at least know where your spouse keeps their password list. You never know when you may need to look up something online in case of any emergency. Especially if the spouse pays bills online or has their own business.
• United States
14 Jan 11
Yes, I agree. But even so some married people don't. -__-
• United States
14 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing!
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
13 Jan 11
no. everyone has the right to their privacy. and if I get all paranoid that he might be cheating on me and I ask him his password than I don't see why we should go on with the relationship. so I wouldn't ask him for his password
• United States
14 Jan 11
My bf and I didn't ask it was a mutual thing because it was just useful. Sometimes when I need to check my email & I don't have internet connection nearby and he's at work and he can, he'd do it for me. When he doesn't and I do, I do it for him stuff like that then there you go we know each others pw. It wasn't like we asked though. But definitely does depend.. on the couple & it could be trust issues but not with us.
13 Jan 11
I personally think that when you are in a commited and stable relationship then you should know eachothers passwords. What is the point of not having the trust or not wanting to give your partner your password? If you have nothing at all to hide then why not? But if your partner uses your password then surely this is to check up on you and so there is no trust there at all, i mean what would be the point of having there password and using it, what would you be looking for? It all comes down to trust, if you have nothing to hide then fine let them have your password, if you don't then surely your partner would question why you don't want them to have it and they will then wonder what it is that you have to hide. Secrets and disshonesty wrecks relationships, best to be upfront and honest. If i had a partner i would be happy to let her have my details, it is all about trust.
14 Jan 11
Exactly, if we don't give our partner who we want to spend the rest of our lives with our password then something must be being hidden. I fully agree with you in that we all have busy lives and things to do so if your partner has more spare time on their hands then they can check your emails for you, as you could do theirs if it is you that has the spare time. A great thing to do really plus it also shows trust in the relationship.
• United States
14 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing & I agree. I have nothing to hide so what the heck. Plus it's useful sometimes because when I don't have internet connection and I need to check my email my bf can do it for me and vice versa.
• Canada
14 Jan 11
I'm engaged to my partner, and we both have each others passwords. We have been together almost four years now. Although at the beginning of the relationship, we kept things private. It was when jealousy and issues arose that we decided it would stop some of the fighting if we could check on each other rather than make accusations. All in all, I think each couple needs to have a talk about it and decide if it works for them or not. Sometimes it's better to just have trust. Sometimes when trust is broken, you need reassurance.
• United States
14 Jan 11
Hi thanks for sharing & yeah I think it does depend on the couple. :) I agree.
• Portugal
12 Jan 11
well, me and my boyfriend we r just like u and yours, we share all passwords and codes, cuz we trust each-other, and it was never a problem bout it, anyways, if your relationship goes bad, (hope not), u can always change them so u feel more secure!
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 11
Thanks for sharing. I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years, less than a month more and it'd be four years so I trust him trustfully and yeah if anything goes wrong passwords are always changeable. I agree.
1 person likes this