confessions from an abused woman
By skyhss
@skyhss (1142)
United States
January 26, 2011 4:11pm CST
This is going to be the most difficult discussion I've ever started but I feel I need to do it.
My ex-husband was emotionally and physically abusive (more mental/emotional than physical but it happened). He alienated me from my friends and family and controlled every aspect of my life. For example, if I went to the corner store without him, he would call me to find out why I had been gone for so long when I'd only been gone about 10 minutes. I was not allowed to have any friends, if I wanted to visit my mother he would call me about every 10 minutes wanting to know what I was doing, who was at my moms house, what we were talking about and, of course, when was I going to be home. It took me a long time to see that control over my life as a form of abuse and once I realized it I didn't know how to fight back. I put up with this because he convinced me that I was too stupid to make it on my own and I had no one to turn to if I did try to leave...and I did try to leave but he threaten to shoot himself or shoot the dogs (my fur-kids) if I left. Hind-site being 20/20 I should have let him. I also know exactly when I knew I had to get out...I woke up in the middle of night and seriously considered holding a pillow over his face until he stopped breathing. I knew at that moment if I didn't get out one of us was going to end up dead.
The past couple years that I've been divorced have been wonderful but hard. Everyday I work on my self-confidence. I am scarred emotionally and mentally. Some days I don't want to have the face world because I feel like I'm that fat, stupid, ugly woman that he said I was. I have good days too...when I walk around with a big chip on my shoulder and people tell me I'm arrogant (i really love hearing that).
I have friends now, online and in the real world, that mean more to me than they probably realize.
And I also know that I am the person that I am today because of what he did to me.
5 people like this
12 responses
@ptower76 (1616)
• United States
26 Jan 11
You know, this is really quite inspiring. It seems that although it was difficult for you and you suffered through it, you were able to get out before it was too late and you have also taken an optimistic approach to your future. I am glad that your finding a way to deal with the adversity you have faced in your past. Other women can perhaps learn from you. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Jan 11
Inspiration is the greatest motivator of all.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Jan 11
Hello gorgeous. So good to see you.
The kind of abuse you speak of is so hard to recognize and so hard to 'come back from'. Only the truly strong survive with any sense of themself.
I believe you are one of the strong ones sweets. You have some a long way, have a long way to go, but will get there because you recognize what happened, can articulate the affects and results and have managed to move on to the point where you are no longer isolated.
So every morning, when you look in the mirror (or any other time you come across a mirror) and say out loud:
"Hello gorgeous. SO good to see you.".
It's amazing how such a small thing will make you feel.
1 person likes this
@skyhss (1142)
• United States
26 Jan 11
You just made me cry...
I try so hard to be strong and I'm so thankful for people around me for being so supportive. I have one real good friend that I talk to a lot and just knowing some one is there if I need a shoulder is a wonderful feeling.
I had one of those moments the day...I was getting ready for work, was checking my clothes in the mirror and said, out loud, "damn I have nice butt"!
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Jan 11
Tears are a good thing, I don't care what anyone says to the contrary.
And have 'one of the moments' EVERY day like I described.
When I was recovering from what you describe, those two little sentances gave a bounce to my day and changed my frame of mind about myself and I can't tell what a liberating, informative and glorious journey it was to get beyond the past and dive head first into the future. You are well on your way. Don't stop believing.............
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Jan 11
Copy and blow up the pic...........
1 person likes this
@sconibear (8016)
• United States
26 Jan 11
Just stopping by to throw some love at you! 
I'm glad you got away from that BULLSHOT and glad you're feeling good about yourself.
You know you've got an online army that stands by you and loves you.
OK......gotta go make dinner now.........mmmmmmmm..........steak....... 
I'm glad you got away from that BULLSHOT and glad you're feeling good about yourself.
You know you've got an online army that stands by you and loves you.
OK......gotta go make dinner now.........mmmmmmmm..........steak....... 1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
Hello SKy,
That is so sad to hear, but I do understand the pain you have just gone through. Is this person from the past that none of us here KNEW? or is it some one that most oldies used to know from "mylot"
I do believe you're pretty and some men, well, really cruel as it is. i think it's not right when a hubby becomes obsessive with you and try to destroy you from you're friends.
We are always here to care for you even though were not always around (not to mention am a turtle now in posting)
.
Have a great day.1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
26 Jan 11
skyhss I am so sorry that you have been experiencing this but so glad to see you get it out. The true healing starts when you are able to share with perhaps the many who do not know how to get out.
This is the beauty of myLot where we can come here and pretty much vent about anything as you will find that more and more members are compassionate and understanding.
Good for you and happy that your healing process has begun.
1 person likes this
@lizmik143 (137)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
You are a brave woman. And this is true to you, all things work together for good. Whatever status of life you are in now, I know better days will come along for you. Keep up and enjoy life.
@djbtol (5493)
• United States
27 Jan 11
So sorry to hear it. I know it will take a while to get his lies out of your head. People, even those in our life because of love, can be so cruel. People change over time, and sometimes it is in the wrong direction. Once again, sorry that you had to endure that.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
what a sad life you had with your ex, skyhss. glad to hear you were able to get out of it. just try to be strong and believe in yourself. abusive people are sick in the mind. i've met a few in my life and am glad i was able to detach myself from them. i don't believe anyone has the right to control someone else by being abusive physically, emotionally, and mentally. whenever one goes through this ugly thing with someone, getting out and taking control of his/her life is not just the best option, it is the only way.
take charge of your life. you must be your own reason to be happy. good luck!
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Feb 11
Don't know if you have any interest, but there's a site that I'm on, survivors lounge, focuses on abuse and survivors of abuse. Invitation only, for obvious reasons. If you're interested, do let me know...
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
Do you still have the invitation? If not, I can send you an invite, but you'd have to PM me your e-mail address.
@speechteacher (104)
• United States
10 Feb 11
First off, I have to tell you I appreciate your courage and your strength for sharing your story with all of us. I can appreciate how the effects of the emotional abuse effected your self confidence and self esteem. I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive childhood, and I know that to this day, I still struggle with the self esteem. I guess, being able to talk about it, though, does indeed strengthen, and build up a survivor's courage to believe that there is more out there, the Positives that won't hurt us or damage us even more than we have been in the past.
@sjardim23 (3)
• Canada
27 Jan 11
Wow! What an inspiring story. Im sorry to hear that you had to go through something like this. But alll in all it made you a stronger person. SOmeone once told me that the people in your past are the ones who make you the person your are today! You are a beautiful women. Inspire to succeed, live your life and be happy because everyone deserves to be happy!!!! Good Luck :)
1 person likes this
