so sad . . .

hi, jenintn. yup, often the passion and excitement is really high at the beginning of every relationship. i agree with your grandfather that "liking" the person you are with can boost the chances of having a successful relationship. mutual respect is also very important because couples may not agree on some things but it does not mean that they can't work it out (compromise or negotiate). @ nieljohnson-- i believe lifetime fidelity is possible. i know many couples who had this. my grandparents, my parents, and many others. i'm not familiar with the common causes for divorce in the US and other western countries since i'm from asia. but abusive behaviors are also common causes of broken marriages/unhappy relationships here in our country. thanks for the comments!

i like that idea, macdingolinger! "mad money" for one's personal spending or savings, that's great. i think it would even be fun because i can sure use some of it to buy my partner surprise presents too . thanks for responding!

Yep, it's great because the other is not "allowed" to ask you about your mad money - it's your money separate from the household budget! You can spend it all on m&ms if you want!

No thats not right of him he is off working and seeing epeople talking to them am sure he has friends she also need friends if his continues it will only end up in divorce or her going grazy for all the controling heis doing!

that's exactly why i opened up this discussion, lakota. i keep seeing couples, married, young or old, who argue so much about how one is supposed to "behave" as a wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend commonly triggered by too much jealousy, possessiveness, or simply being too controlling. an example is a young couple i know where the husband wouldn't allow his wife to get a job she has been offered by a friend of hers and which she's good at. she said the money would really come in handy when they finally have children. she's also barred from seeing her friends since he insists that being married now she should only attend to his needs and do household chores.

that's what i think too, macdolinger. well, "controlling" people do exist and they seem to like having that certain sadistic power over their partners and that's just sad. these people use different forms of "owning" or "controlling" their partners like physical, emotional, or mental abuse. culture also plays a role in some countries. while some practice the "those who holds the purse, wields the power" mantra. really sad.

yup, debbie, communication is really important as much as honesty, trust, and acceptance. often, misunderstandings happen because we don't talk with our partners when we should. well, it's part of making the relationship grow and mature and knowing each other's goals and limitations as individuals and as a couple, like you said. thanks for the response!.

yes, being "jailed" or imprisoned is wrong in a relationship. freedom as an individual should still be respected and partners are supposed to make each other grow as individuals and as a partner in a relationship. thanks for responding!

you got that right, lhenpaule. supporting each other's dreams and interests while maintaining your relationship is great. while we may not understand some of our partner's individual needs or wants, as long as there is respect, trust, and some freedom given, i don't see why a relationship should be negatively affected. often, individual interests even add some spark and beauty to a relationship which leads to better understanding and mutual acceptance.

yup, markroderick. one of the biggest things i really appreciate about couples who have been together for many years is how they try to give each other enough space to pursue other things outside of their relationship or marriage. i think that alone helps to make a relationship healthy and strong. thanks for responding!

i agree, gambamarcela. each one of us should still strive to maintain our individualities and independence while keeping our relationships. i know many couples who have stayed for 20, 30, more years in their marriage, happy and with no lack of respect for each other's personal capacities and successful careers. in contrast, trying to curtail a partner's personal and professional growth through emotional and mental abuse is simply horrible. physical abuse is similarly demeaning and terrible.

i completely agree with you on that, hardworkinggurl. often we let even the smallest or silliest things get in the way of making our relationships work. we also forget about the "partnership" thing, the give-and-take that binds two different people together. great to know you're on your fifth year now with your partner, gurl. relationships do need work and understanding. cheers to many more years for you both and thanks for responding!

yup, tiffnkeat, a relationships is not about ownership and there is responsibility. each one must work to make the whole thing succeed, not just one or the other. trust is very important too as it is one of the basic ingredients that make it work, like honesty and communication. thanks for responding!

oh, okay, jete. well, methinks one-night stands are not relationships in the real sense of the word. relationships cannot be built in one night or a few days even. in my book at least, they take time--months or years and i don't think they are a waste of time. there's emotional investments there and in the real world it happens and many couples are happy at having one. thanks for responding!