How to deal with kids like this?

mimipi this sounds like my son way way back when he was in first grade.we finally after all sorts of c rap from the school found out he was bored silly,he had already learned to read at home before he started school and he already did math problems at third grade level and fouth grade level but first grade work he did it when he wanted and not when just told to;.so finally we went to a child pscychologist who gave him some tests. we were so nervous. then he said he needs to be in a school where he can progress at his own speed he is way smarter than first graders. So we got a grant and got him in a school for advanced high IQ children and he was a whole different child. He was challenged and he made good grades and even missed a few but he worked at a faster pace than in an ordinary school. He graduated at sixteen with a year of college cresits toward an aa too in junior college.Sadly now he is out of a full time job as computer programmer and doing part time work but it is a job until he can get full time job.Here in C alifornia there are hundreds for every job opening. economy is in the waste basket here.prices out of sight and no jobs.

Hmm...do the parents talk to her & communicate with her a lot? I mean although she's very mature, she's still a kid & sometimes they might forget that since she's always a doer & doesn't have to be told. She still needs to be taught what is right & what is wrong & what to do or what not to do, if not, she''l have her own system set up which now has become a problem. She need to understand that we don't only do things when we "feel" like it. Well, just my opinion.

Sensitive, intelligent children need very sensitive and sensible handling mimpi. Is the mother a working woman? Is she a very sensitive, caring person who would devote all her time to the child without smothering it? Are the parents totaly intandem in their beliefs about the upbringing of the kid? Tell me the answers and we will take it thereon.I have had one anxious , highly educated parent entrust her child with me quite a few years back and I can remember her problems..SHe was a relative and friend and I helped her out and the outcome was successful .

It's tough but she is going to need alot of guidance. When I say that it doean't mean that she is bad..she just has all this energy and opinion and doesn't know how to express it. Her parents are doing what they can but sometimes very smart children can be stubborn too...lol...I think I might try and teach her to focus her energy on accomplishing the assignments given by the teacher...like challenge her. Tell her things like show them how good you can do it. I know you can do it even better than the others....stuff like that. Teach her to be kind with her competitive tools though.

It could be that the parents need to give the little one praise when she does something that is asked of her. Also to know that there will be consequences if she does not do what is asked of her. Maybe some rewards if she does what is asked of her, to give her incentive to do what she is asked. She is only 5 and should not be choosing what she wants to do. She needs to know right from wrong, and that it is wrong not to do as her teachers ask. Has Pali been tested to see if there are any existing problems. A child needs to have structure and guidance, that is how they learn and also learn to exist in this world.

As you said,the girl is more mature than anyone of her age.I suspect if she think it is too easy to do it.Or she is more mature than other children,resulting in her odd behavior:she doesn't like to play with other children,she just do what she likes.Or if she doesn't like her teacher or a child in her class,so doesn't respond to commands when she feels dislike.If for these reasons that resulting in her odd behavior.I hope the teacher and parents should spend more time with her.It is better to become her friends.She can't tell you the reason since she is too young,but maybe you can get the reason yourself when playing with her.

This is a very complex situation for the parents and they can be in a very unsure position of what is to be done. I have seen quite similar situations with some kids, I can only say that since the child is only 5 years old, it may be better to watch for sometime. Things can change pretty fast. Maybe one of the parent whould try and get close to the child to understand her feeling better. She should be encouraged to socialise with friends her age, if not at school then at home. Kids learn from friends very quicky. On getting her to accept commands-maybe a reward for asking her to do things helps. The more someone spends time and talks to her, I think the more she will open out and things will change. As you have described her to be intelligent and mature, I think it is with the patient guidance that this intelligence and maturity needs to be nurtured.

They need to be understood as who they are. I have seen quite a few kids like this (my friends' children as well as students). They cannot be forced to do anything unless they choose to do so themselves. But they are bright and intelligent children. Our academic system has no place for such children. It's not the parents' fault or a parenting problem. But I have no practical solution that can be given besides putting the child in a school which has a little more freedom as far as academics in concerned. A Reggio Emilia or Waldorf approach might work.

Hi mimpi, Hmm.. honestly as u wrote pali is only 5 year old. I dont think there is anything to worry. I love kids a lot and i spend a lot of time with my cousins who are all under 10 yrs of age now. The point is at her age is she is bound to behave odd sometimes. There is no need to worry or panic. When i was of that age i was very much like alice in wonderland. I had a world of my own where i use to get lost and play some very extra ordinary games , LOL. And iam sure iam not the only one. Sometimes parents do act stupid and force things on their kids and it should be avoided. Kids learn a lot quicker and with time they just get normal. I would love to recommend u and pali and her parents to watch the movie " Taare Zameen par " if u have not seen it already Cheers, Tutul

Although I realize that kids have to behave properly, I do think having them act like sheep is unhealthy for the kids, their families, and society. Sometimes extremely bright kids are labeled as troublemakers because they do not conform. Sometimes they are just ahead of their teachers and their peers.

i'm confused

I do not know but wish i did. My son was always very much like this too.

Hello mimpi. I am not a parrent, so i don't know how qualified i am on this one, but it sounds to me that this girl is really smart, and smart kids have socialising problems and "keeping up with the herd" if you know what i mean - she sounds more willing to be different and this types of persons usually have great achievements in life so i think their parents should not stress too much about it, and actually try talking to her about it and explain that some things she must do to pass those classes.

I am a mother of boys, so I can relate a little and I guess Pali is a bright girl.

THanks for the answers.Incidentally, now that the child is 5 years old, does she have a brother or sister? THen the problem may be one of attention-seeking, a feeling of being left out because she had been the apple of her parents' eye earlier and now there is another one who is providing greater magnetism at home[now with the little one at home ,I was discussing this issue with my son only yesterday]. I can give one suggestion--try it out. THe child needs a lot of boosting and en couragement.Instead of telling her to do something, the mother can talk to her rationally [treat her as an adult] and tell her how capable she is and what favour she would be doing the parents by doing her work. Secondly, there may be a chance thta the child has not taken to the school and teacher. THere must have been a bit of brainwashing before the child is admitted in school.Now it is not possible to brainwash the kid about what a great place school is. Let the mother sit with ths child , draw pictures and study with her. Ask the child to take two days leave and do work at home.[a holiday where the motehr really talks to the daughte r in confidence and finds out the problem. A five year old can still have some problems which she would share. How was she in her LKG AND UKG? Is there a chance that the child is dyslexic?

Hi Mimpi! Her parents need to remember that every child is different. In a class there would be some slow students and some very sharp. Each child will not top the class, it is for sure. However, they should not under-estimate their daughter. She may be having many other qualities (like a sharp memory) which others may not have. Those qualities needed to be highlighted and developed further by her parents. I feel she (the child) is lacking self confidence. I think parents of Pali needs to instill confidence in her. She needs to be handled very politely and very tenderly and needs to be told the importance of 'performing' in the class. Her parents should devout more time with her and should not scold or scare her for her short comings. Children are very sensitive and tender at heart and if their parents continue to scold or scare them, they lose their self confidence and this causes problems in their performance. All the best to her.

With a child like this, a teacher really needs to understand that they can't be too strict with the child. I know this because Pali sounds exactly like my Kathryn. She is a very sensitive individual and at school I actually had to request that she didn't have a specific teacher for first grade last year because that teacher was too stern with her students. If Kathryn has someone guiding her that is softer spoken, she tends to do a lot better.