Our 13 year old is going off the rails! Help!

I'm not a parent myself but what I can tell you is to not restrict her from anything. All kids do is rebel and it could be even worse if you were to try and force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Put yourself in her shoes. You were once 13. how did you feel? sit her down and ask her If there is anything YOU can do to help her. The more kindness you give, the better results you will have. No one wants to be bossed around, especially a 13 year old girl with raging hormones!

Hi Paul. You need to sit down and talk with her. Without being overbearing & in a caring manner, explain the situation she's in - that you're worried/concerned about her school performance, and how you're afraid about the negative influence her new friends have on her, where else it could lead to. I don't know if you've previously set some ground rules before she fell in with this new crowd, i.e. what time she has to be back after school's over, allowed activities, etc. She still needs to keep those. You have to tell her to find other friends who don't engage in activities you disapprove of, or her privileges will be cut, something like that. Unfortunately, you must put your foot down resolutely on this one, because she's entering her teen years where peer influence takes a bigger role in a child's life, even more than the parents'. How well do you know her best friend? Will you be comfortable talking to her? I feel sorry for the boyfriend as well, not having parents around to take care of and guide him. I hope everything goes well in your delicate situation. It would help a lot too if you could pray about it.

I know you might have already thought of this but have you tried to talk to someone at the school for some advice, or to your parents to get a idea of what they would do? You could try and discipline her by making her come back at a set time and actually watching her do her work which would make sure that she actually does the work. What you could do is also get your wife to talk to your daughter as it may be easier for her to get through to her about you being worried about her being sexually active. I hope this helps.

One way probably is to have a serious talk with your daughter. She might have some problems that you don't know. She's just starting her teenage years and usually this is really the time that kids succumb to peer pressure. Oh, I wish I could offer some really helpful advice. My parents had been in that situation when I was 13 also, and I remember not listening to them each time we had serious discussions. But they didn't give up and still gave me all their support. It took me quite some time before I realized how much they truly loved me but the important thing is I came around because they never gave up on me.

Dear Friend, Keep cool and think what are the issues going around your daughter.Try to speak with your daughter about the concern and maker her to understand in better way.Since she in in 13 she is not having to take own decision.So now she wants true love , care and affection to govern her and to tell in good way about the situation.

She is in her teens and still in her formative years.I think right now she needs a strong support system from both parents and whole family. There are many and strong outside influences that affect her convictions, if she finds that she is more comfortable with her friends who are of the same age as her then she will turn to them.There will always be what they call generation gap between parents and teenage kids.But the best thing you can do now is be with your daughter, give her the attention and time that she might be missing from you, support whatever her interests and try to do it with her.I might be wrong but hopefully it would help in a way.

having teen daughters is so difficult! my daughters are 17 and 13 so i know what you mean. our oldest daughter has been like yours but she is going to counselling so that is helping. unfortunately, age and maturity will help too but thats not an instant solution either.

Hello Paulgoodman67, our daughter when she was 11 had a similar behavior. What we did is: we went both to college, my husband and I. We talked to her mentor. Then she was called from her classroom, and we four were faced. The mentor, she and us. We asked the mentor to tell her how may she improve again her school grades. We let her talk infront of her mentor. And then we made a commitment with us, with her and her mentor. Of course her classmates noticed we were at school. And they asked her about our presence at school. She felt pressure from everybody. By her friends, by us, by her mentor, she felt really scolded out of home. And the best of all she committed with her and with us. And she really has taken her word since then. I know that your girl is older, and that she has a sexually active friend. But being scolded out of home, and being forced to do a commitment infront of a mentor, may help. Blessings!... Dainy

What you really need to do is to see if you and your wife are able to arrange a meeting with the school counselor along with your daughter. She might not really be able to open up with the counselor at this first meeting, but it will be a time that you can start the groundwork for getting her straightened up. At that age, one of the things that I remember the most is that I needed an adult to be able to talk to that wasn't one of my parents.

This must be a nightmare for you. I have no advice for you as I have no kids, I imagine your dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. I just want to wish you the best of luck in the world and hopefuly it'll turn out ok for you.

My children are still younger than that, but here's what I think I would do. Whichever one of you is closer to her (I tend to assume your wife but families can be different) should talk with her and find out what she says is going on. She might be having a difficult time adjusting, or it could be something she wants to talk about. Based on that you might have to tell her that she's old enough to make her own friends but you are concerned about the influence they are having on her based on her grades. She'll probably deny it. It is possible that something else is going on and she might need counseling. In the end I would probably ground her without computer, etc until her grades got back on track and slowly reinstate privileges.

What a hard work is the parent work!!! I have a 10 year old daughter and am terrified of when she will face such problems. Just an advice: Remember of when you were a teenager and all you wanted to do was to go off the rails. I remember that I hated my parents trying to prevent it, but than.. after a few years I understood... Just do not close at all her curiosity and need to live in her own way. Let her some escape valve in a controlled manner. That's the difficult thing: to find the right balance between prohibition and freedom!