I knew it was gonna be bad but.... AAARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Marti I am so glad that he shaped up I really am You just do not need it with everything you are going through and have been going through I am doing ok, I have a bad cold again which is affecting my Lungs but I am keeping it under control Sleeping a lot again but it is the only time I am comfortable lol and not feeling the Pain so much But I am ok no worries I just wish our Weather would warm up but no chance of that yet Big Hugs to you Sweetie

He's been working from home, Gabs. He JUST took his computer back down to the basement where he has his office. He was using it at the dining room table because he couldn't get up or down the stairs but he's better now. He made an abrupt change, too. He got so bad that I believe he was close to dying. I actually think he realized that, too, and it scared him... BAD. He was not healing well at all and it turned out that he was leaking spinal fluid even after he got out of the hospital. That made him have excruciatingly painful migraine headaches with vomiting each time he tried to sit up straight or stand up. He, thankfully, got better when the doctor prescribed something for nausea and something else for his migraine headaches. He also warned my husband that he needed to stop drinking sodas, coffee, tea, anything like that and start drinking lots more water or he could very well die. That changed him! He began dealing with the pain more and relying less and less on the pain meds. I think he also knew that I was ready to leave his butt because he's been nicer than normal, for him, anyway. He's been promising me all kinds of things, like he'll start working on the new deck and sunroom he promised me when we moved in here, almost four years ago. He said he'd start helping me more with the yardwork and garden and also help more around the house. I won't count on him doing anything to help me because that just leads to disappointment but I will be surprised if he actually does half of what he's promising right now! Yesterday, we went out to a convenience store just down the road a couple of miles. He drove for the first time since the surgery. It was hurting him. I was with him in case he got to the point where he just couldn't drive anymore before he got home. He said there's no way he can drive to work yet but at least he tried. I'll be very happy when he can get back to work. I'm just very glad his boss has been so understanding! He lost his other job not long after his surgery for hemorrhoids because he took so long getting back to normal (he liked those pain meds then, too). That could be part of the reason he's shaping up now. Maybe his boss was starting to lose his patience. Whatever the reason is, I'm glad he's shaping up because there's no way I would have stayed with him if he kept up with that attitude and addiction to the narcotics, at least not once he was able to get around and do things for himself. So, it's been better around here. Plus, we've had some really beautiful, warm days and I've been able to get outside and start working on getting the new garden area ready, pulling weeds, trimming things, just piddling around outside and LOVING every minute of it!!! I hope things are going well for you. How have you been doing?

typo alert. should have been I learned a lot of people got hooked on Valium and lived in a fairytale world where they did not see anything bad. sorry I did not see that untill too late.

Oh, Hatley, I'm SOOOO sorry to hear that! I had no idea. I can see how he would get addicted to Valium, though. He had a lot to deal with that was bad and a lot of people just can't handle it. I was given Valium myself when I was 19 and going through cancer surgery. Two days after I was released from the hospital, I hemorrhaged and was right back there with another surgery, then told I had to come back in 6 weeks to have a hysterectomy because I had two large cysts on both ovaries. (Luckily, the cysts were shrinking when I went back for that surgery and they didn't do it... I had just turned 20 at the time.) I got very hooked on Valium. I couldn't leave the house without at least 20 mg of the stuff in me. I "caught" myself reaching for the Valium bottle once out of habit and knew then that I had a problem. I immediately dumped the rest in the toilet and have refused to take them ever again. They are HIGHLY addictive! Any addiction is bad. I feel sorry for my husband because of this problem but I refuse to allow him to treat me like crap when I've done everything I can to help him. This really is the last straw and, if he can't see what he's done to this marriage, he can just learn to live with it... alone.

You know, that's a good idea. His doctor likes me because he was my doctor five months ago and I was his "dream patient", not complaining, always smiling and needing very little pain meds. He likes me. He'll listen. Thank you. Excellent idea!

My older son has been brainwashed to think hubby is right in all he does :( But I'm working on getting out of here.

Yes, and if you plan to stay that will give you some time away for you to have some time for yourself to get out and be able to cope better when you go back. The thing is when they start weaning him off of those meds, for they won't keep him on them for long...things will get rough. Be prepared mentally for that day. You may want to check into some herbal things for him to take that will help him and he does not have to know they are not prescription.....know what I mean....just keep a few prescription bottles around and put the herbal meds in them....he will never know the difference. I'm not usually for tricking someone, but it's like a doctor giving a patient a placebo instead of a medicine because they think they need something when they don't. They never know they difference , it's all in their mind.

I have been planning on "the great escape" this Spring. I've been supportive to him because that's how I am. Also, I want our divorce to go completely in my favor with him having absolutely NOTHING he can use against me. That rehab hospital is an awesome idea. I'm going to tell him he needs one. Of course, he'll bark that he doesn't. Well, maybe I'll tell him a few minutes after he takes a dose of his pain meds... he'll be more reasonable then, at least more apt to hear me. I also think it's time for me to take a mini-vacation, for the time being. I am planning on a permanent solution but the timing isn't right yet. At the moment, a little vacation from him will be very good for me and it was your suggestion that made me think of it so THANK YOU!!!! I have friends who live near the ocean and I've been wanting to visit, even if it is winter. The beach in the winter is really nice... cold, but nice. They'll put me up for a week or ten.

Vacation is a great idea! and talking about a rehab hospital is too... Yeah, my aunt and uncle used to walk on the Jersey shore in the winter, that's when my aunt used to find the most awesome beach glass!

Hi, Really sorry! due to break in my internet connectivity, I rewrote my reply. sorry once again!

Hi Really sorry to know your problems are just getting compounded. I think now the onus is on your husband now to keep your marriage working, you have done your best. He needs to really muster up strong will power to get out of this mess.