Christians living together before marriage?
@Masihi (4413)
Canada
February 17, 2011 9:16pm CST
I'm looking for advise from fellow Christian mylotters about a so-called "friendship" I have on Facebook. I'm friends with the girlfriend of Hubby's friend - he baptised him back in October - (Hubby baptised his friend who just came to know our Lord Jesus for a few months) - and it was nice, and we had the couple over at Christmastime that was cool, but then Hubby confided in me that they were living together and the he didn't feel comfortable. Nonetheless, he kept his frienship with the guy. I msg'd his girlfriend about the issue because I felt comfortable with her and thought she was an open and honest person, and didn't she bite my head off and told me to mind my own business. I then apologised but she's been so cold towards me and she's still on my facebook, but Hubby has them both on Facebook, and I feel obligated. Trouble is, I like to interact with EVERYONE on my FB and not have a million and one contact, and I really, really don't feel comfortable with even having her as a friend on Facebook. She won't talk to me anymore anyway.
Should I just delete her? Hubby rarely uses Facebook anyway. They don't go to our church. She's also divorced as well.
I just can't have people being mean to me even though I was very kind and non-judgmental, I mean I told her I was concerned and that I loved her and all that, but nope....
3 people like this
11 responses
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
18 Feb 11
She was mean because she felt defensive. She is under conviction about it. I would pray for her, and let God do His work. I have friends in the same situation and it is not Biblical, but you have done your part.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
18 Feb 11
I am not familiar with how FaceBook works, but I would just let her connection to me rest, do nothing with it at all.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
I decided to take her off, she has 800+ friends and is very popular, she wouldn't miss me anyway. No malice intended or anything.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
18 Feb 11
I guess that's your option. I always try to practice my Christian faith but sometimes it's really hard when faced with trials like these. Probably I'm not that strong. Not to be preacher-like or something, but I guess the Christian thing to do is keep her as your friend even on Facebook. She was mean to you, but deleting her from your list of friends is sort of a mean action as well. Besides, people make mistakes and most of the time they realize them and make amends.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
18 Feb 11
I would say keep the connection, then if she is ever motivated, it will be there for her.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
I suppose...I mean I had people very gently tell me stuff and I responded kindly and thought about what they said, but if they attacked me then I'd be turned off. She does have 800+ friends and is popular, she doesn't interact with me at all....oh well, I may keep her on for a bit.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
28 Feb 11
Hi there my friend. I think as long as Hubs knows what you are doing (deleting her) then I would say good choice. Maybe talk it over with him and tell him how you feel and what you want to do. It seems a bit strange that they would be living together. My observation is that getting baptised seems a bit hypocritical.
2 people like this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
10 Mar 11
Ya, he knows what I did, he says to be friendly to all people, but I'm certainly not emotionally strong enough to handle abuse from the woman, either. He has admitted to me that he doesn't feel comfortable around them, though.
I just think it's best for me & the woman to leave each other alone.
1 person likes this
@ccdiane (151)
• Cheyenne, Wyoming
18 Feb 11
Greetings,
I had just seen and read your concern. I hope I could help here. You did what was right according to God's word to go to her and to inform her in a loving spirit. But it sounds like she didn't take it in the right spirit and telling you it was between her and God. But the feeling you're having is quite uncomfortable. So knowing this is taking this situation to the Lord and leaving it with Him. Continue to pray that God will deal with her and convict her heart to correct what is wrong. Just be sensitve to God's spirit and what He is telling you. It is not easy sometimes of what we feel when someone treats us badly. We have a tendancy to quickly respond to our feelings ahead of God's way of handling situations. So giving it to God and your feelings about this is probably the best. God always handles everything better than we do anyway.
Now,I'm wandering since the convertion of your hubby's friend, is the man also aware of the situation he is in with his girlfriend? This also needs to be taken to the Lord as well. Because it is inportant that his newly found faith in Christ is not shattered but strengthen in God's word and guided by the Spirit of God.
If he is not made aware, then once again, prayer and leading of the Holy Spirit is what is needed.
I hope this helps. God bless you.
1 person likes this
@ccdiane (151)
• Cheyenne, Wyoming
18 Feb 11
I'm so so sorry you had to go through this kind of situation. But when one or both persons are not willing to face the problem which is against God's principles and his precious word, then all you can do is just take it to the Lord and leave it with Him to handle them in His own way and time. I just pray that it will be sooner than later for their eyes to be opened and repent and make amends to God and to those they have hurt, in Jesus name.
Just stay strong in the Lord.
Thanks for sharing, God bless you.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
Hubby's friend is quite stubborn, and I know he'll continue to live with her and be defensive if Hubby ever talked to him man-to-man, so we decided to leave it o well alone. I just decided this morning to delete her from Facebook - she never interacted with me anyway, and has 800+ friends and is very popular, so I just "sneaked off" her list. It's been a month and a half but man I cannot stand the freaking COLDNESS, it hurts.
I will pray to G-d but I've done all I could do...this is wierd, I never did meet a Christian couple living common-law before, so it was a shocker for me. In fact I would never have said anything to her even in private had she never said anything about it on Facebook. Oh well.
Thanks for your comfort and advise, I truly do appreciate your input. I guess I'll know more what to do next time I run into this kind of situation.
@marcmm (1804)
• Malaysia
18 Feb 11
You did a right thing as a Christian telling them that they shouldn't be living together. when we convince people to follow our religion, we should also teach it to them because they are still new to the faith.
For your friend there, she shouldn't get mad. Because it is in the Christian teaching that forbid man and woman live together if they are not married. But that the fact with us human, we will get mad when people tell us that we have done wrong or have sins. Even the priest have people mad at them because the priest have tell them what they shouldn't do.
As for your facebook friend list with her, I advice you just to keep her in your list. If both of you online at the same time, give her a chat. See where this lead to. Unless she remove you from her friend list, you should try your best to communicate with her again.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
Ya, I still have her, but probably not for long,not sure. I have my facebook chat option turned off all the time, and everyone knows that I don't use FB chat. I have nothing in common with her (interest-wise)
I guess it's true nobody does like to be told what to do, I guess since we initially got along so well, I honestly thought it was safe. But she said that it was between her and G-d and nobody else.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
Actually, she was a Christian since 2001, it is her boyfriend who's a new convert.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
Thought about it last nite and decided to just delete her, she has 800+ friends and is really popular so it's not like she's going to miss me or anything. It was making me really depressed. I'm not really anything to her.
@redviolet (64)
• Philippines
19 Feb 11
Yes, shes's just being defensive. But you should not delete her as your friend because of what she did to you. Maybe God want to use you as an instrument to make them become believers. That's part of being a good Christian. Remember the saying, "if someone throws a stone to you......."?
@yoyo1198 (3641)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Hmmmmm....what kind of a church is it that would let this woman continue to teach a class & lead bible studies? And what does popularity have to do with it all? I've seen people with over 1000 'friends'. I don't think that indicates popularity; just that she's managed to accrue a list of names. From what you've said, I see nothing that would impel you to friend her. 'A man is known by the company he keeps.'
2 people like this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Feb 11
well, if she can stop being cold and ignoring even nice messages then maybe I'll consider adding her back on as a friend. Besides, as I said before, she's popular, has 800+ friends on facebook, so I doubt she'd even know that I'm gone. Plus she's a sunday school teacher and very much involved in her church, and she leads Bible studies as well. I can't imagine why she'd call me up for advise, especially since she knows I have depression and anxiety disorder.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
28 Feb 11
Personally I think it is wrong for 2 people to live together before Marriage, but have seen it in the past, and wondered even when a Pastor of the church knows about it how can they not set them aside and try to help them to see why that it is wrong, and they need to be married when living together. But overall, it is not our place to judge, and I am sure this is why she did this. And if she does not want to talk to you, and you are not really her friend, you could remove her as a Friend and everything should be OK. Just Pray about it and in time things will work out for the best.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
10 Mar 11
We aren't speaking, & I thrnk it is best that we left each other alone. Things have been peaceful since ;-)
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
19 Feb 11
Maybe it bothers you because maybe in a way you did intrude in their private lives... and maybe because you are in tune with your Faith and since you know they are living together it does bother you... but then if you really wnat to be friends with her and you want to reach out.. maybe deleting her as a friend is not an option. if you delete her she may feel more left out..or she may feel that you dont wanna be friends with her because of such situations... wait, and maybe she will come to you and seek you for advice or something:)
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
19 Feb 11
Well, she is pretty popular, and had 800+ friends on her facebook...I don't think she'd really miss me or anything
Well, it is a good learning experience, though.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
18 Feb 11
If deleting her means you are going to feel bad then disregard her on Facebook, however if it bothers you to her updates then deleting her would be your only option. I would not consistently interact with someone who is mean to me on Facebook or anywhere really.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
I am considering it...not sure if I can do it, though. She has 800+ friends, so I don't think I'll be missed.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
Thought about it last nite and decided to just delete her, she's really popular and all, so it's really nothing to her.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
18 Feb 11
It is for the best Mashihi, you do not needed any online stress added to life stress. It is best to delete then put up with any nonsense sometimes. 
1 person likes this
@edb225112 (124)
• United States
18 Feb 11
You say you are not judgemental but the entire post reeks of judgement. It is obvious that you don't like the fact that this couple has taken a path you don't believe is correct. OK. But as a loving Christian, you can hate the sin and still love the sinner. After all, who amoung us is not a sinner? It looks like you have written off this couple as you are not interacting with them except on facebook. Not much of a relationship. If that is all it is, blocking them from your facebook page would be a blessing for all of you. You don't have to feel guilty for being judgemental, and they don't need to take your vailed judgements.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
Who says I'm being judgmental? Only you! Rated down, buddy!
I didn't say I blocked them, I only said I unfriended them because she was cold towards me and didn't care even after I apologised to her. At first I thought we were friends, and she was at my flat for Christmas celebrations, and we went to the couple's church, Hubby baptised the boyfriend, but ever since I made that stupid mistake she totally went so cold and wouldn't interact with me or anything, just yelled at me.
I don't have to take abuse and coldness, and I did the right thing by apologising.
Sheesh!
*cries*
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
18 Feb 11
Ya, that's what I ended up doing this morning, I wrote this last night and then thought about it, was going to keep her out of obligation but decided to just "sneak off" her list. I do feel better about this decision, though.
