Moving on from Romance Novels

I think it takes more than a few movies or novels to shape someone's attitude to relationships, it's more that they encourage something that's already there. Even today, some girls learn since they're very young to wait passively for Prince Charming to come into their lives, and put marriage as their principal achievement in life. Which is very unfortunate, not only because the said royal doesn't exist, but because they fail to become strong independent women, who can stand on their own with confidence.

Maybe she's looking for the qualities of the lead actor in a romantic movies she had watched and the fact that she couldn't find him upsets her much that's why she's complaining about it. It won't lead to failure if you will try to enlighten her mind. Try to explain her that the romance in the movies is far different from the romance in true to life. Let her believe that it was only the director's manipulations on the actors' portrayal. Would she like to be manipulated by someone? Does she wanted a life of fantasy? Don't let her failed in love because that may cause her to hate it and live a life of bitterness.

I think it is possible that those types of books and movies have an effect on your relationships. I often set myself up for disappointment with my husband. Like this past Valentines day. We have been having problems anyways, so I thought maybe he'd put some effort into it. I imagined getting flowers delivered to me or a nice gift or something. I didn't even get a card. I tend to expect things like that from him, even small things like a sweet little note for me to read in the morning or a call during the day to make me feel like he's thinking about me. Then it doesn't happen and I'm upset and disappointed in him. My friend dated a lot of guys for years trying to find the right one and she had a reason here or there for why the guy wasn't right. She found the perfect guy for her now though so I wouldn't worry too much about your friend.

I agree with you bounce...seeing lot of movies or reading romantic novels raises our expectations very high...if you are able to understand the difference between the fantasy and reality then its too good...or else you are sure to face disappointment if you compare real life and people with those in the movies or stories...its better to take them just as the means of entertainment and when you close the book or leave the theater ...just stop dreaming....

I can really see what your saying here. I think there are a lot of unreal expectations when it comes to the "perfect romance" and romance stories are just strenghtening that notion. That's not to say there is not a perfect person for us..I think its just sometimes perfect is a little too much for people to live up to. I mean how can anyone live up to..let's say the characters in A Walk to Remember? I can love someone totally but it may not be the way that couple's love was presented.

I don't think that this is something that is always the case with individuals that are fond of reading romance novels, I do believe that this is something that can happen to people. For me, I've read some romance novels throughout my life, but I also realized that it was fiction and for that reason I was never under the false assumption that real life would happen to be the same way. Yet, I do have a friend that has seemed like she is looking for her happily ever after throughout her life.

i have to agree with you but i hope that romance books are a little more realistic than they used to be. (the only ones i really read are by Danielle Steel and i rarely read those). you are right though, those types of books only seem to set you up for a disappointment.

It's possible to be a realist and enjoy romantic comedies.Your friend has to know one thing:she will never meet a guy from the movie, but she can meet a guy who will love her.He might look a bit different from what she imagines.I have nothing against romantic stuff, people just have to learn to be more realistic.

Interesting, I've never heard of people's views like that but I always thought about that for movies and dramas on TV. They totally brainwash people into thinking or dreaming of idealistic people and situations, where a lot of people end up looking for that in reality.

I don't know. I have a friend who absolutely loves romance novels, and she seems to be very cynical about real life and romance. More so than I am, and I never read romance novels or watch romantic movies. I think it depends more on the person than the material. I think my friend has a bit beyond realistic expectations, she has very pessimistic and cynical expectations. I'm the one with the high expectations that'll never be met. lol

I think it really depends on the person and how realistic they are. I know I love romance novels and romantic comedies, but from an early age I knew that its easy to have a happy ending with the perfect guy in the fictional world. lol. But I have met girls who do believe that once you find your "one perfect" guy- like the ones in their favorite story- he is going to sweep you off your feet and carry you off into the sunset. And it's not only the romance in movies and books that can disillusion a girl. Look at fairy tales: princess/damsel in distress is saved by "prince charming" and then lives happily ever after.

Hey, I like to read romance novel, especially the historical romance and watching romance drama or movies. Yes, I set my standard so high and I am still single till now. Are we talking about me? But, I know that there is no man like the one in novels or movies. If I am still single it is because I am afraid to date. I am afraid to fall in love. I don't want to be hurt.

Well, i think so too. By reading those novels, she has set a standard similar to all that she has read , so much so that she expects her man to be like that. When they fail to meet the set standard, she thinks she fails. Little does she know that by just having a simple standard not based on those novels, she could easily get "the one".

Always think positively. There is always a reward after the agony of waiting. I too am one of those romantic freaks like that of your friend. I have experience failure yet that doesnt limit me from hoping that one day I'll meet the one. I've waited 21 long years before committing in a relationship and I'm glad to say that I found the one. You don't have to worry about your friend. I think she is old enough to decide for herself. Also, ideals only come at first. When love really hit you BIG TIME ideals will vanish in an instant and your friend will begin to embrace him despite his imperfections... Tell her she can write her own romance novel..That'll make her feel better :)

I was one of those women. I read the fairy tales and watched the romance movies as a child and believed in "true love". I would escape into these scenarios and reality was a long way away. When I realised it was a FAIL situation I was bullied and beaten by the husband I loved dearly. I was still hopeful and believed ion love conquering all. It was true for me but not for any of the guys I met...they just took advantage and I believed their lies. Now I don't believe in it but everyone tells me that I should. It's too late for me now.

I don't know, I'm a fan of both romance novels and movies, including romantic comedies (good ones!) but I don't think they've given me unreasonable expectations. I mean, I've been married for over 40 years but I liked these things before I was married and I don't think they've made any difference in my "real life". To me these kinds of novels and/or movies are simply ways to "escape" the hum-drum of daily life, not to say those of us who indulge don't like our own lives but just that we like to be entertained and kind of put ourselves into someone else's "fictional reality" for a few hours. Annie

Hello bounce. Well, while i agree that some people are hopeless in their belief and might end up (at least for a while) single, maybe your friend just hasn't found what she is looking for. Love is a tricky thing - you don't know what you are looking for until you find it, or in worse cases, when you loose it. Both me and my girlfriend really love watching cartoons, yes, CARTOONS, we are 23 years old, and we love cartoons like Disney classics and new animated movies and series (most anyway) and also the Looney Toons and Animaniacs from WB, and Tom and Jerry from MGM. And by the judgement you gave above - we would be hopelessly lost in a kids world, but we are not, i assure you :) Also this would apply for gamers - which i am of course - playing a game, it means you are getting sucked in in it's universe, but that is only a fun way of spending time, not a way of living (with the few exceptions of people dying while playing WOW )

Yes! Bounce58 you are very right... it´s simply and true. One friend of mine mentioned it to me when I had a heart break, and this heart break make me strong enough to face reality! Blessings for you (and your friend too)! ... Dainy

I love reading romantic novels and watching romantic comedy movies. And I am pretty much aware that most people who loves reading these kind of novels really are expecting to have a happily ever after kind of love story. Why I said this, is that because I am one of them..yes I admit! And I am aware of it. I even told my bf that I am a bit weird in this kind of thing because I read a lot of romantic novels. I stopped reading when I met my bf though, so I don't think that I am still hoping to have a perfect love story like the novels I read before. And I should say that I am not wanting our relationship to be those kind of stories that I read. I want it to be natural, me and him and not those imaginative characters on the novels. It's a good thing I read those kind of novels because from it I learn something, especially my bf now is my first bf and really don't know how to handle relationships like this. Although I should say, I am not following what is in the novel, but I am only learning from it. You should guide your friend. Let her be aware of reality and that nothing in this world could be as perfect as the ones she is reading.

yes i agree with you. i enjoy watching and reading romance but i dont expect love to be like it is in the movies and books.