Feeling Helpless............
By Sparks
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
Regina, Saskatchewan
February 26, 2011 1:17pm CST
In this age of social networking, sites like this and FB, it doesn't take an avid computer owner/user long to form friendships across the globe.
Most of our 'friends' remain at arms length, in that they are just an avvy and a quick wit we interact with on various sites.
But once in awhile, if we are very lucky, one slips under the surface of our skin and the resulting connection makes them a part of our extended family.
That has happened to me a number of times, and today I found out that one of our mylot own, who is very special to me, is about to lose her very best friend.
Her friend has been ill for some time with cancer, but there was hope. Now, thanks to the incompetence of over worked doctors, the spreading of the cancer has been mis-diagnosed and the prognosis is now less than two months to live. She leaves behind her best friend, and children who still need her. Her family is limited and so it is up to our own dazzlebox jewelry maker to deal with the entire situation, including telling the children what is happening and going to happen to their mother. To deal with the Doctor's and all that comes after that final breath being taken by her best friend.
Finding this out broke my heart and made me feel so helpless within the security of my own home, unable to reach out and give more than a virtual hug and assurance that I would be there for my friend. I can write all the emails I want, send all the graphics I have, and pray until my brain bleeds, but in reality, there is nothing from such a geographical distance as there is between us, that I can really do and it makes me so angry to know that my friend must literally go through this horrible experience alone without the physical presence of her virtual reality friends.
So for those of you who believe............please spare a moment to send out positive and strengthening energy into the cosmos, hoping against hope it will find our dazzlebox jewelry maker and surround her with the love, strength and fortitude she is going to need in the coming weeks. Thank you.
How do you comfort your friends in times of trouble....?
11 people like this
19 responses
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
26 Feb 11
I can only write from the heart as this is a very touchy subject.
From where you come I know all too well.
Living in a world where just around the corner can seem so far, and the diagnosis of life to come to an early end, when maybe it could have been postponed is flawed by incompetence something of the kind that I have reported in my own adventure of life here on this Earth we all share.
Some care and others do not. It seems by degree.
Less if you buy a degree, if you know what I mean it is mean.
We all know what our GOD will see.
There are many that will have a lot to account for once their life comes to an end.
3 people like this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
26 Feb 11
Thanks Sparky...
*smile* You love it coming from me... LoL Remember tis' the name of my first dog. Be so honored.
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
LOL.........if they had a curtsy smilie, I'd post it for ya! LOL
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
SO good to see you again George! Wise words as always........big hugs to you my friend.
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
26 Feb 11
I am so sorry Sparks for your friend and what she is going thru. I just said a prayer for your friend and her family, also for her friends her on mylot too. I know sometimes we feel helpless to help our friends here, we all live so far away. The fact that we do care, we cry for each other, we pray for each other. Lots of us have made connections that have touched our lives. This post about your friend is so special. When she reads it, she will find comfort. I have asked for prayer before of my friends here, it made me feel so good that I had people from all over the world praying for me and my family. I wrote about my Polly dieing, our sweet Gabs made a page on Gissi's rainbow bridge site. I sat here and cried, it was so special and comforting. There are so many loving people here, I consider myself blessed to have met so many of you.
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
Ah Polly, what a lovely post. Thank you for sharing. And yes, some of the connections we make are so deep. I consider myself blessed to have met YOU! Much love sweets.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Feb 11
I will certainly keep her in my thoughts and send her the energy she needs
I live to far away to go to her as it would take me over 5 hours drive and at the moment it is impossible for me to drive that distance
But I am with her and hope that there might still be a miracle
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
Thank you Gabs. I'm so glad to see you. And I know you would be by her side if you could...........so would Moondancer and I and wouldn't that be something to see? lol
Love you.
2 people like this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
27 Feb 11
I've sent my positive energy to dazzlebox jewelry maker. I can't imagine what she's going through but I hope my thoughts of strength and positivity can help her have a few hours of good during this time.
When one of my friends is having a down day (week, month, year), I give them a hug (if in front of me) and let them know I'm praying for them. And lately my prayer list is long. But I try not to pray for someone who asks me to tack on a prayer for a new mate for the weekend, a hot new sportscar, or a cute pair of shoes. I've only got so much energy to share!
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Thanks, I need them for sure. Glad to hear she's doing better--she's high on my prayer list, that's for sure.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
Thanks sweets. I appreciate it and I know Cheryl does too.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
Thanks sweets. Dazzlebox wrote to me this morning and she must be getting that energy we are all sending her, because she is calmer and feeling much better and able to deal with things.
And yes.........prayers must be selective or they become meaningless. Well said!
Hugs and much love to you.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
26 Feb 11
Sparks, I have been writing to Dazzleboxx for weeks now and just being here for her to talk to about what's going on with Jen.
Jen has been going through Chemo and has lost all of her hair. She has been so sick. She was moved to another place they thought could help her better, it's a hospice place. She liked it better. She had a private room. But it still was not home.
She found out that when they did the surgery they did not get all of the cancer.
Then when she was doing a bit better they allowed her to go home for the weekend, last weekend.
She went back tot he hospice and she was not doing well so Dazzleboxx called for the nurse and they sent her to the hospital only for them not to listen to her about her having cancer.
They thought she had a virus and decided to treat her for that.
She went a spoke to another doctor, a young one that was really nice and he told her the other doctors were very wrong.
That the cancer had moved to all of her vital organs and she had just weeks maybe 2 months to live.
Jen is sedated so much that she is completely out. The young doctor told her that she will come to in a few days and he wants her there when she does so when he tells her the news he wants her there too.
So what Have I done? I have just been here for her to "talk" to and I wrote to you and Gaby for you two to help offer some support to her. As you and Gaby are also so close to her as I am. I just know that she has not had time to write too much. She writes to me here and there. I might get 2 or 3 emails here and there and she is gone.
She is so upset.
Where Jen is now is just a couple of blocks from her house thank goodness so she can go anytime she needs to.
I send her cards and notes just to let her know I'm thinking of her, or jokes (just something cute)and poems to make her laugh and she will jot something down telling me, thanks she needed to laugh.
But mostly I'm here for her as much as I can be.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
Hello my favorite Moonbeam! I'm so glad you dropped by and clarified what's been going on with both Cheryl/dazzlebox and her friend Jen. And I am even gladder that you are there for her. I will do my best to follow your example as she is very special to me and I hurt so much for her...................love you to bits sweets.
2 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
26 Feb 11
I do feel so totally helpless too. I wish I could go there to be there for her. I know she is alone. At the end of the day she goes home alone and she deals with everything alone. Jens mom is the kind of person no one can depend on. She is an attention hound. It's all about her. Cheryl tells her all that is going on and has been and not once has she asked or called to ask about her daughter.
When Cheryl goes or calls to tell her something new about Jen she find her in the pub whining and getting sympathy for herself which is what she does.. She is the queen of drama.
It's really sad. Jen has had to tell her not to come around when she first got sick because she was causing so much drama at the hospital and hurting Jen so much.
Not only does Cheryl have to deal with what's happening to Jen she will have to deal with her mom too along with everything else.
She is losing her lifelong friend/cousin.
I feel for her. I wish I had the money to go there to be there for her.
I love you dear lady. Thank you for the discussion. It is helping us to cope to....
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
Love you too. And I really hope this brings some comfort to Cheryl. You've been such a good friend to her and I know you are hurting for her too........
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
26 Feb 11
Hi Sparky,
It is so sad to hear about our friend's friend, reading your discussion about friends we cannot be near them to hug is so true, I will be sending her my love and support and to let her know that we are there for her, thank you my sweet friend for always being there for us. love and hugs.
Tamara
xxxx
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
Hi Tamara. Do send her some support. She is so alone with all this responsibility and I so feel for her. Big hugs and much love to you too sweetheart.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
Well I know for a fact that your positive energies have helped me, and as of this morning Dazzlebox is feeling them too, as she is coping much better now. Thank so much my friend for always being willing to reach out to those in need. Big hugs and positive energy right back at ya!
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
27 Feb 11
I'm absolutely speechless...I hadn't a clue that our friend was going through this turmoil with her friend, but you know me, I will send healing energies to her friend and family.
Yes sparks, I've felt more connected with my on-line friends than those people I know in real life. They've put up with my "ranty" discussions, given me words of encouragement and I've done the same...our on-line friends I feel are more like family than sometimes even our real families are, don't you think? It IS frustrating though...I know people literally all over the world and they are often my closest friends despite the distance, but when some negative event comes along in one of my friend's life, like you I feel helpless. I want to be physically there for them and give them a hug.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
27 Feb 11
I just sent her one of those cards...I hope it uplifts her a bit.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
I heard from her this morning Mel, and she is feeling much better and loves the emails and cards she is getting. They HAVE helped her considerably. So thank you.............
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
Hi Pye..................good to see you girl. It's been awhile. Our friend is so occupied right now that she's only been in contact with a couple of us. Hence this discussion, because I knew there were other close friends of hers who should know and could offer their support. Send her one of those lovely cards you send, ok Mel? She'd love it and it would give her such a lift.
Can you imagine how long and boring our days would be without our online friends? And if online is the only way we can support them in times of trouble........well let the energy flow. Big hugs to you sweets.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
28 Feb 11
Oh Sparks,
I will definitly be including her in my prayers. There is always hope and I swear there is something behind the power of prayer or whatever you want to call it. Several years ago, my best friend was suddenly overcome with a severe headache that came on very sudden as she was getting ready for work. It was so severe that her husband called the ambulance. On the way to the hospital she coded out. They brought her back and she coded again. Come to find out, she had 2 annurisms and one had burst. News travelled quickly and we all prayed so hard. I'm not a church goer or anything but I'll tell you that night I prayed with so much emotion to please spare my friend. We all who love her did. The doctors who took care of her called it nothing short of a miracle. She pulled out of it and lived. That was at least 10 yrs ago and she is still with us. Don't ever give up hope.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 Feb 11
Nice to see you sid! I myself have been on the receiving end of several prayer circles and I swear they are responsible for saving my own son's life when he had cancer. So yes, there is always room for hope. Thank you for your prayers and much love to you......
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
27 Feb 11
You have asked an extremely difficult question. You and I have sat together watching the sun set over one or the other of our gardens many times. But we have never actually met each other "in the flesh". We have opened our hearts to each other (and others) and know things that we might not even tell family. But we have never met. We have laughed and cried. But we have never met. We have a deep affection for each other that we might call love. But we have never met. We can fall into each others arms and receive comfort. But we have never met. We are there for each other and will listen. But we have never met. Does some or all of that answer the question?
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
I am laughing and crying and opening my heart to you as we watch the sun set over our gardens and falling into your arms as I say YES! YES! and YES! Thank you.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Hi Sparks, this is very sad to hear & it's a shame u can't be there for your friend but some things u just can't do. It is sad when our mylot friends have troubles & they are so far away u can't go to them. I just try to do & say what i can to encourage them. It's not the same as being there but know it has helped me w/problems just knowing there is someone who cares. I think ur friend knowing that from u will feel comforted.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
Thanks Jo. You've been a wonderful friend, and yes it does help to know that our friends care and we can find comfort in them. When it comes to something as serious as this though, I wish so much I could physically hug them until they beg for mercy.........
By the way, you should get your letter this coming week! Big hugs and much love to you sweets.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
I hope you enjoy my letter. It's mostly just background. lol
The hubs is due home any minute for a few days so I'll get the snow shoveled today at least! LOL
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
27 Feb 11
tHANK U, I consider u a good friend to my dear.Looking really forward to getting your letter. Hope u are having a good sunday. hugs.
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Hey Daffy,
It's times like this that we really need our friends, especially our virtual reality friends.
These friends have proven their loyalty just by their responses to us every time we need them. Here at MyLot everyone shows their love and support anytime we need them, unlike other forums.As far as what we can do is just being there so that there is no doubt she or he knows you are there.
Love You,
Louie
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 Feb 11
Heya Louie! Good to see you. I totally agree with everything you said. The magic of the lot is nothing to sneeze at is it? After all WE'RE here! lol Dazzebox has seen this thread and it made her cry with gratitude and gave her strength. Can't ask for more than that eh? Love you sweets and so glad you stopped by........
@Xpertcomments (295)
• India
27 Feb 11
Hey Spark, Its real sad that a friend of your friend is suffering from such a grave disease and the condition in which she now is very uncomforting. But I must first say that you have a really nice heart so you felt the pain of the person in the context. Otherwise in this materialistic no one really cares about any other person living or dying. It feels good to know of a person like you who cares for human life more than anything. Cancer is a dreaded killer the world over taking the life of many every year. I lost a relative of mine who was suffering from cancer. She was little aged but still a lovely lady kind at heart. She had three children of which two were male and one was a daughter. Her husband was deeply hurt after her sudden demise. It was not like they did not try to save her but all those radiations and medicines never seem to bring back our loved ones to us.
I can really understand the situation faced by your friend right now. All I can do is pray and so I will for the betterment of the life of all who suffer from any such disease cause its not just the patients who suffer but many a people more who may be relatives, friends or acquaintances. Take care
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
What a lovely post sweets. Thank you. I hope you have found, or do find the kind of friends here that I have and that in times of your troubles you will find the comfort and support that we all are so willing to give. Hugs to you.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Sparks-
I'm not sure who this is, it may be someone I have not had a lot of contact with on Mylot but I am very sorry to hear she and her loved ones are going through this. Has she sought out a second opinion? I was diagnosed with cervical cancer when living in Arizona but the doctor said he didn't want to operate it was not serious. Two years later when I moved up to marry my husband a doctor here found it and did the operation removing the cancer. It was a very scary time for us from the time we found out to the operation to the follow up. However, miracles do still happen.
My heart goes out to the one in need along with healing energies.
Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
She's had second, third and fourth opinions Anora. It is the latest screw up by the hospice that has caused the current state of affairs. As messed up as our medical systems are here, I do so wish the Brits had one more like ours and perhaps mix-ups like this would not happen so often. And yes miracles do happen, though there won't be one in this case I'm afraid. Thank you for your healing energies. Every little bit helps.....Hugs to you.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Mar 11
I dig deep, try to find the right words and send them in an email. If it's someone I really like, I 'll offer to burn a candle and I do. It's not much but it's sincere and all I can think of. I don't know if these things work because when I'm troubled and let folk know, I feel more alone than ever and I just have to get through as best I can.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 Mar 11
Hey Sparks, I'm so far behind that I can't seem to get my act together however, I'm really sorry to hear such news. How devastating this has to be. I'm so sorry for your friend and even more so with her friend and her family that she leaves behind. There isn't any words to make it right but I can vouch for myself that prayers CAN and WILL move mountains if it's God's will. I will pray for her and her friend and can only hope she beats this awful thing called cancer. If she does not, she'll go to Heaven to be in the arms of our Lord. She will be missed awfully, no doubt but we all will meet again some day soon. Gosh, I wish I had some comforting words but they fail me tonight. Just know that I do care. VERY much I do.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
26 Feb 11
Apparently stupid doctors too! And I will be there for her as much as I can. Nice to see you Dawn. Big hugs.........
3 people like this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
26 Feb 11
so sorry for your friend and her friend. i will sure send out prayer and good blessings. when i was going through cancer, i belonged to 3 groups in yahoo groups. they were like this. a forum where you post to each other and find support and suggestions that help. sometimes i think they helped me a lot to get through it all. i was on one called soul and spiritual from which i was led to one called cancer survival and they led me to chemo angels. all these were of help. the chemo angels one actually sent out cards and little booklets and gifts to each other. they were not supposed to be expensive but when my one friend was through her chemo, she sent me a silver necklace with an angel on it from an expensive NY jeweler. 
she said i was her angel and had gotten her through a lot. i still cherish it today. sadly i lost contact after that. 
but these people had helped me a lot. perhaps some groups are still there that can help your friend with suggestions, etc. @sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
27 Feb 11
Hey sweets. Good to see you and what good advice and ideas you have presented. Thank you. I will check these groups out and see what links I can send my friend.
BIG hugs to you.........
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
8 Mar 11
I know how you feel. I also have a very close friend so far away from me who in times of deep trouble the only thing I can do for her is talk to her over the phone or via email messages. When I hear her cry and feel the pain on her letters and messages I feel so bad. I want o be there for her to hug and comfort her but that I can't do.
However, I'm feeling better now that I know that everything is going fine for her and her family this past few months. Usually when my friends need me I'd want to be there for them physically. I want to listen to them with whatever they have to say. Aside from that I know they will be needing someone to rely on and a shoulder to cry on. I'd also want to be able to hug them or even just give them a reassuring pat on the shoulder to let them know I'm just here for them whatever happens.
