We could all learn something about other cultures
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85146)
Shingle Springs, California
March 17, 2011 4:22pm CST
So I learned something today.
I had a conversation with a fellow moderator over on a chat site about why she muted some guy who called her mom. I thought she had overreacted, but she thought she had acted correctly. Here's approximately how it went (with some editorial license):
Mod: Chatguy - click on a user name to chat with them
Chatguy: OK I'm sorry mom
Mod: Excuse me?
Chatguy: It's OK mom
Mod: @Chatguy has been muted
So I wanted to know what was so offensive about that. She couldn't believe I was even asking. Heck, she had even warned the guy.
So I pointed out that "excuse me?" wasn't as clear as "don't call me mom", and that people from other cultures might not pick up on what she meant.
She pointed out that it was still disrespectful to call her mom.
I didn't get that, and pointed out that in some cultures it was probably a sign of respect.
She pointed out that where she comes from, it would be considered very disrespectful, but allowed that it would make sense for her to say "don't call me mom" in the future.
So I learned something about her culture, she maybe learned something about other cultures. Or maybe she was just humoring me. lol
Do you suppose we could create world peace if we actually talked things out among one another?
5 people like this
32 responses
@13tyates (1606)
• United States
17 Mar 11
I believe what this really comes down to is a difference in cultures like you have said and the fact that since were all from different places we do not know what is rude and what is not for others. I believe with the way the site is set up we need to take some time, take it slow, and access the situation before action is taken.
This all comes down to what I have said it come down to before...
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Mar 11
Yeah, Admin needs to make some clear rules for the mods. I totally agree!
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Mar 11
Maybe we can either :
1. all e-mail admin (bomb him)
or
2. put something together and propose it to him
@GardenGerty (160952)
• United States
17 Mar 11
So do you think, Gabs, that the Mod was feeling like she was called "old". I do not take it that way, but sometimes people can call you Mom as an insult.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160952)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Do we create peaceful homes talking? If all parties are willing to talk, it leads toward peace. If one person only wants to talk and not listen it causes trouble. You still wondered if she was humoring you. Periodically I have people from other countries who want to either call me Mom or Grandma, as a sign of respect. It is okay with me, but it bothered one of my other friends when it happened. Shoot, I have had young ladies in the US want to call me mom.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Mar 11
I was joking. I think she saw my point. But you never really know what another person is thinking, right?
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Mar 11
Nope, she was humoring me somewhat. She sincerely believes he was being sarcastic, and I don't see it.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Definitely an overreaction.. maybe it was just a typo?
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100615)
• India
17 Mar 11
Now you are talking!!! I've been saying this all along... wars are failure to negotiate. If a couple of people fail in their negotiations it does not mean there are no others who could use their brains and come up with brilliant ways to resolve the problems. We could even use services of neutral parties and save the whole world a lot of heartache of losing loved ones or maiming people. We do need to be more tolerant I suppose.
As to being called a mom, I never minded it. But out here, some people did find it odd in the initial stages of my career. As if it implied me having had a baby with the person's father. LOL. Ridiculous but different people think differently.
2 people like this
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
there are those who are very sensitive but as a moderator to act like that is not good,however, it is also very disgusting if you mean nothing to offend but is read as such. If I am in the place of that guy,i should have explained it very well that I don't mean nothing about it,he should have explained courageously.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Mar 11
He didn't get a chance though, he was muted before he even realized that he had offended her, I believe.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
and so sad that he just keep it to himself without giving himself a chance to explain and it is hard if you carry that deep within you.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Mar 11
I think it's like Holly said, sometimes she reacts with her emotions instead of her intellect.
@BarBaraPrz (47667)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
17 Mar 11
Talk things out?!?
You must be joking!
Nuke 'em all, I say!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Mar 11
So much for all Canadians being pacifists...
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
18 Mar 11
It is very difficult, without face to face communication, to understand a persons meaning even when you are from the same culture. When you have to second guess every term and phrase, it is impossible to keep misunderstandings from happening.
I responded to a discussion about the lack of real communication online, being as you can not 'see' the person and pick up cues in their faces and body language.
That said, I'm afraid to try to foster understanding anymore, it gets you insulted and makes me wish I'd not even tried. 
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 11
Some people really aren't interested in anybody else's point of view, and just aren't worth the effort.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
19 Mar 11
I agree. But my nature won't let me give up. If you all could see me trying to type a response sometimes, being part Italian, I've inherited the tendency to want to talk with my hands when I get excited or upset...it makes it difficult to type. 
@much2say (56057)
• Los Angeles, California
23 Mar 11
Seriously, there are A LOT of misunderstandings because of the differences in "culture". My friend's friend actually did a study on business misunderstandings - because of cultural differences. People can be offended even by the littlest things . . . like I learned that when talking or dealing with money (even at the cashier at the market) with Koreans, you do not look eye to eye - as that would be disrespectful. At one time when I had a few Korean clients, I felt like they were trying to swindle me when we were talking about payment .. . so hmmmm, I had something to learn there. And giving a thumbs up to someone sounds like an approving thing, but do that to an Iranian dude (like my ex-boss' dad), and he'll think you are flipping him off!! World peace . . . well, everyone has a lot to talk about, learn, and respect of each other's differences!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Mar 11
And it becomes so much harder when a person walks into a situation with a little old chip on their shoulder and automatically assumes offense where none was intended...
@nangisha (3495)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 11
I think you are right maybe there are mis understanding there. We always used to call someone who older than us but not a relative with Mam (not mom)or Sir as sign of respect.
I ever knew someone in gardening forum and all the time I calling him with his first name until i realize how old is she when he invite me to his facebook and realize he is as old of my grand father . So I don't feel right to call him like thats so i ask him should I call her sir but he said its Ok to call will just his first name. He even provide me with historical material and dictionary about it. So I conclude the way we call its our senior is something you do in sixty .
. So I don't feel right to call him like thats so i ask him should I call her sir but he said its Ok to call will just his first name. He even provide me with historical material and dictionary about it. So I conclude the way we call its our senior is something you do in sixty .
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 11
She thought he was being sarcastic, like she was trying to be his mother and tell him what to do. I didn't take it that way at all...
@gelayagui98 (1336)
• Australia
20 Mar 11
We are now lives in bigger groups than our ancestors did. As a result our problems are not only to survive but also to adjust ouselves to the people around us. Our happiness and success in life will depend greatly on how well we can get along with other people. This means that our contacts are not limited to our countrymen if we are aware that every individuals have individual differences it is applied also to culture...all countries have different culture so we have to respect whatever culture other country has. Filipino culture is known for being hospitable in comparison to other country just like that. In one way or another, let us accept that we are affected by the people and events that take place by the national and global culture.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Mar 11
Not only respect, but understand that people from other cultures do not necessarily interpret things the same way as people from our own culture.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
18 Mar 11
i work for a not for profit organization and we deal with people all over the workd and that has happened to me too. i think it seems to be ok to talk that way in certain parts of Africa.
Actually, on Hannah Montana, Hannah said there wouldnt be wars if teenaged girls ran the world (because they hug so much!)
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 11
Yeah they also get catty and b*tchy and run around in cliques...
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 11
Yeah basically, that and try to be clear about what you're saying.
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
19 Mar 11
I have a guy that is from Indonesia that also calls me mom. He did go to the point of asking me the first time if it was ok. I said it was. I don't know where the mod was from, but I agree that she should have been more specific about what she wanted instead of just muting him. I know the guy that does it to me (he helped me run a site that I owned and will do so again) is a lot younger than me and I guess where he is from it is proper to call any older woman "mom". I think if there were better communication between people that there could be peace. Thanks for sharing this!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 11
And I was thinking this guy was maybe Asian and that it was some kind of a sign of respect there.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
18 Mar 11
There s also a cultural thing out here where young people will call older women 'Mommy". I hate it and if I have the time I will tell them that my name is Mrs. S - and that only four people in the world can call me by that special name.Once I explain to them they understand but sometimes I do not have the time and have to suffer them calling me Mommy
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 11
Dawn is stifling evil impulse to reply "yes, mommy". Bad Dawn. But seriously, that just demonstrates my point. One person is bothered by it, another is used to doing it, and if you don't speak up, the other person will never know...
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Yes! I think that alot could be accomplished if we took the time to discuss cultural differences and respect them. I think that understanding is key too. I mean..we can't take for granted that everyone knows a certain thing is disrespectful. We are all from such varied places that even within our own cultural realm, there are huge differences.
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
20 Mar 11
Hiya dawn,
Suppose there must some things that offend other People and we would never guess either. Here we speak Spanish but there are other People that live here from other Spanish Speaking Countries but they use their Spanish in a different way.
So sometimes they can become very irate for what seems to be nothing.
Could we make World Peace talking it out with one another? I would like to think so yes. Again that is up to each and every Person themselves as well.
Very big task that would be and would take a very long time as well. But I think that it could be done.
Hope your Shoulder is improving a lot now?xxx
Hope your Shoulder is improving a lot now?xxx1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Mar 11
It's going to be really hard to communicate with people from other cultures if we are coming into the dialog with a chip on the shoulder, assuming offense where none is intended.
Shoulder is getting there slowly, thanks for asking! :D
