I'm going shopping today--I'm changing my life
By dragon54u
@dragon54u (31634)
United States
March 19, 2011 11:55am CST
Some of you may know that my mother died recently. She passed up a lot of opportunities that she would have enjoyed because she wanted to leave something for her children. Her own mother was like that and she swore she'd never be that way--but she was in her last years of life.
I won't be that way. I've come to realize in this past couple of weeks that I'll never have enough money to feel secure and I can live like a poor hermit as I have the past few years or I can enjoy life by going to a movie sometimes or buy a new set of bedsheets instead of patching the old ones over and over.
It's wise to have money in the bank for emergencies but past that, why deprive myself of the basic comforts of life if I can afford them? I know, as a now motherless child, that money bequeathed is unwanted; I would much rather her have taken that trip to Europe so I could hear about it and enjoy her happiness.
So, I'm going shopping today and force myself to let go of some dollars. I'm buying a set of bedsheets, a new pair of sandals and probably some new drinking glasses (I'm down to 3 and too cheap to buy new ones). I've worked and saved the past few years until I have no life at all and my house is practically bare due to my frugality and obsessive saving. I'll also visit my sons soon who live 1800 miles away. I plan to do it at least twice a year.
Have you had an epiphany lately that led you to change the way you live your life?
4 people like this
17 responses
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Unfortunately, I'm still in the mindset about planning for the future, even though I don't have a clue what that may be and I do "dread" what's coming. I'm not investing more money anymore, but I watch ever dollar I have invested like a hawk. I'm still trying to save, but there's not much in that pot. After I was scammed out of $90,000 my whole retirement picture changed dramatically. Now, I worry about every dime I spend, but I don't patch bedsheets (sold the sewing machine) and I had so many drinking glasses, I could probably break a dozen and still have plenty. But I agree, you need to live in the present too. I'm just having a hard time doing that after the theft. My Mom, on the otherhand, decided to spend it while she's got it and alive. And all of us kids would rather she do that than pass it on. I'd rather have my Mom happy anyday... Again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
19 Mar 11
How awful! Whoever did that to you deserves the worst he or she can possibly get.
I don't have much in retirement, I was a stay at home mom for 19 years. But what I do have, I manage carefully. I changed it to all safe things recently because I had the feeling things would not go well this year and it looks like I may be right. I always plan for the future but the past few years I've been obsessed with saving and piling up as much money as I could so I wouldn't be caught short whatever came along. I've achieved that so I'm beginning to get a few basic comforts for myself.
I can't wait to go see my sons!
Thanks for the sympathy, I still cry sometimes--it's only been a couple of weeks and it'll take awhile for the shock to wear off. But I know she'll be waiting for me. 
1 person likes this
@donski (132)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
my condolences. I guess you're right transforming yourself. You cannot buy happiness. Go and live your life to the fullest. Enjoy and take it easy. Do not deprive yourself but instead live at your best. share your blessings. Be happy.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
That's what my mother always said, Donski! While I still dislike spending money, I did buy a set of good sheets and a new shirt. I even found a large print Bible, which will bring me hours of pleasure and it was discounted 50%.
I can't buy happiness but I can make life more comfortable.
@donski (132)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Well that's good. You don't have to spend all your money but at least spend on things that you think are very necessary for your everyday life. You don't have to splurge out all your earnings, you also need to save for the rainy days. Be a wise spender too!
@peavey (16936)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Not an epiphany, but a slowly growing sense that I need to relax about things a little more. It's hard to hit a balance and stay there. Being frugal doesn't mean being cheap, which we are doing when we deny ourselves things that we can afford and that would make our lives a little happier.
I hope you enjoyed your shopping trip!
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
19 Mar 11
I did enjoy myself! I got some nice bedsheets and a shirt, both on sale.
You're right about denying ourselves, I've done that for so long in order to be in the position where if something happened I would not have to go into debt--the water heater breaking or needing a new furnace, things like that. I do tend to go overboard but I realize I have to stop now. Have a great day!
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160909)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I think you probably have found a balance or are working your way that way. You like new things, but you like them on sale. Nothing wrong with that. You live alone, so you have only yourself to please and to schedule around. Enjoy those trips to see your sons, that is worth more than all the money in the world, I think.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160909)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I have not had an epiphany about my life, but I do seem to be headed back into some freedom, if that makes sense. I am needing to do things that will give me that freedom, but I am trying to enjoy my life much more.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Freedom is the most precious thing we have and has no price. I wish you good fortune in your journey!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Mar 11
yes the same thing came to me months ago, just before xmas. my son has said to me over and over, mom, you keep trying to save money and every time you get some saved one of the kids need it for something they've gotten theirselves into. then you send it to them and do without things that would make your life easier. if you'd go ahead and get those things, then you wouldnt be lying when you tell them you dont have it and it would do everyone good because they would see how its going to be when you are gone and do for them selves, or i will help if its an emergency. i now have a bigger tv, i can actually see and enjoy, a bigger computer screen and better computer, and i even bought myself a printer. 
so yes my son has encouraged me to live while im alive. @dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
He's right. My own sons have both told me to relax and quite being such a tightwad. I guess it took that story about my mother to make me realize how they feel and how my obsession with independence was making me miserable. I won't touch my savings but I will be more generous to myself from now on.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Well, I'm as prepared as it's possible to be now and I can't do any more so I might as well enjoy a few things. I only have this one life, no sense in living it uncomfortably!
1 person likes this
@marty3888 (2355)
• Acme, Michigan
19 Mar 11
Just watch it. I like the fact that you're buying bedsheets and drinking glasses and not a new car, all new furniture and a big screen TV. I don't know how much you got, but make sure you keep most of it away. then down the line, if emergencys come up that you otherwise wouldn't be able to afford it, now you can. Someday, you may need a new car. but yeah, enjoy your life.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Oh, I'm not touching anything in my savings account! I'm just going to enjoy life more and quit living a bare-bones existence. I just got back and I'm pleased with my bedsheets, especially as they were on sale for 60% off!
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63642)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I, too, lost my mother rather recently. I don't have the regrets you have, my mother traveled, she went to China, to Kenya, to Russia. We went together to England in 1995.
I have, however, not done much, as in going out of town, for the last 3 years because of my mother, and now I do want to do some traveling.
Oh, maybe not to England, tho I would love that, but the farthest I've gone since 2007 is Tyler Texas for an overnight to see Jeff Dunham.
I am wanting to go to Kansas, not exactly Broadway or the Vegas Strip, but I've been to those places and I've never been to Kansas! Maybe I can hop a twister and go to Oz...
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I remember when you lost your mother and I was thinking that I would be in the same position. I just didn't know it would be so soon.
I've been through Kansas and it's a nice place, mostly because of the people. Lots of flatlands!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
19 Mar 11
Firstly sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and secondly congratulations in the change of mindset - go treat yourself and live comfortably, like you say I am sure your sons would prefer to see you than to have all your money and you not visit, like you would have loved your mums stories of her adventures in Europe rather than the money left. Huggles Ellie :D
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Thank you, Ellie. I have just put on my shoes and getting ready to head out the door! Being frugal, I made a list of things I need and want. I manage my money wisely and will not have to depend on anyone should a financial emergency arise so now it's time to enjoy a little of it. I'm still hesitant but I'm leaving before I talk myself out of it!
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
21 Mar 11
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, dragon :( But it's great to hear about your epiphany. You should never feel guilty about living well. It isn't about extravagance or being some sort of high roller, it's about comfort - and you deserve to be comfortable! I'm a saver and I'm pretty darn cheap, but every now and then I'll stop myself from fixing something old & broken or hiding something ugly and outdated away in a cupboard and just say 'enough, go spoil yourself with something NEW!'. I don't do it a lot and I usually wait until I find something on sale but sometimes you just need those new sheets or some pretty new drinking glasses. And you appreciate them that much more because you don't go out and replace them 'just because' every few months.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
22 Mar 11
We are kindred spirits! I have never seen the logic of replacing things just because you're tired of them--I choose things I will not tire of and if I do, big deal, I suffer through it.
I got some lovely sage green sheets, a new shirt (all my clothes are 4-10 years old) and a large print Bible for my old eyes. And they were all on sale, I "saved" more than I spent!
Now I have to look at airfare, I'm going to see my sons in a month or so.
Now I have to look at airfare, I'm going to see my sons in a month or so. @alharra (507)
• United States
2 Jul 11
I did- several things in fact. It was sort of a chain reaction of events actually. I had been in a relationship for 6 years that was semi-abusive for me and certainly emotionally abusive for my kids. My oldest daughter told someone that she had no respect for me because I allowed the guy to talk to me the way he did and to treat the kids as badly as he did. Then my Dad and I took a trip out of state and he got arrested. I don't drive and was somewhere I had never been before. I had to call home and get money wired to me and then figure out how to get around to get Dad out of jail. I managed it in less than 12 hours- I was so proud of myself. And in between all of this I got accepted into an online college program. I got back from my trip and realized how badly my life was screwed up and that I just didn't like who I had become. So I started making changes. Unfortunately the ex didn't like it and reacted badly. So badly in fact that he slapped my youngest daughter when she started arguing with him. I told him to walk away, he didn't, and hit her again. Suffice it to say he spent the night in jail and never stepped foot back in my house. Things are much better now. Got a new guy and will be getting married in Sept and I couldn't be happier.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
2 Jul 11
You dad getting arrested was one of the best things that every happened, it seems. It showed you that you had the strength and determination to get things done that might seem impossible. That and the online program gave you confidence and a new outlook that opened your eyes to new possibilities. I'm very glad that what began as something bad--the arrest and challenge of getting around--turned out to be life-changing. That happens so often, we should look at misfortunes as opportunities because they usually can be.
Good for you!! I hope you and your children and your fiancee meld into a happy family! Just remember, and remind them--never, ever settle for anything less than happiness because that's what you deserve.
@alharra (507)
• United States
2 Jul 11
Yep Dad getting arrested was a good thing. Unfortunately when the ex was removed from the home Dad seemed to think that he could take over. He stayed with me for several days after ex was arrested and complained that I wasn't cleaning the house enough. He also complained about my pets. I get up one morning and Dad is no where to be found. He comes back to the house a couple of hours later DRUNK and COKED up- packed his stuff and left ranting at me. So now Dad and I are barely speaking to each other and he won't even come to the wedding. But you know what- Dad's behavior proved to me that I don't need him either. I will not allow anyone to treat me the same way the ex did and Dad was trying to bully me the same way.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Yes, we never know when our last day will be. I don't want a life of luxury, that is foolish and wasteful. But I see no need to deny myself basic comforts as I have been doing. I really don't care much about "things" because they are so temporary but things like bedsheets can really improve my life.
I'm not going to go nuts with spending but I will ease up a little on my restrictions.
1 person likes this
@abuomararman (23)
• India
20 Mar 11
the loss of mother is really tough to face. I can understand your agony. the idea of shopping is nice but it wont substitute the loss of mother. Everyday we are changing. You cannot step twice into the same river,said Heraclitus the great Greek Philosopher!
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Thank you, Abuomararman, it is indeed agony. I'm not using shopping as a substitute, I know all about that trap. I'm just trying to enjoy the life I am living. You're new here so you dont' know me well--I try to prepare for everything and be independent and saving money is part of that. However, I have skimped and scraped to the point where my underwear is ten years old and patched and I don't buy food beneficial to my health because it is too expensive when I could be saving that money for an emergency. Well, I have saved and saved and now am prepared for any financial emergency so it is time to enjoy some things. After yesterday, I can wash and put away my patched sheets and enjoy a new set.
Welcome to myLot. I hope you enjoy "talking" to people from all over the world here, it is interesting and educational. You'll find that we are all alike no matter what our culture is. Have fun!
@Cyummy (4)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
yes i agree.. a loss of a mother is a tough test to surpass. But we cannot stay grieving until the end. We should move on and find a good start so your life wont become a mess. All things happens for a reason, just accept what have had done an find an alternative way on how to cope up with that changes=)
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Thank you, Cyummy. Everything does happen for a reason and I'm so grateful that her passing was quick and relatively painless.
I welcome you to myLot and hope you have some wonderful experiences here.
@RubiePerl (72)
• United States
24 Mar 11
I am glad to see that you enjoyed your shopping trip, I, too have had some epiphanies as well and the most important one being, enjoy life to it's fullest in a positive way. Take each day one at a time. I hope you enjoy your trip to visit your sons and I am sure that it will a trip you will enjoy. Take care.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 Mar 11
I'm sure I'll enjoy my trip! The only thing I hate about traveling and one of the reasons I won't get any other pets after my two dogs die is that I have to make arrangements for them and of course they'll be unhappy while I'm gone. My boys want me to bring them but putting 3600 miles round trip on my car isn't something I want to do, as I want the car to last till I quit driving. I'll just have to bring them here to see the furbabies!
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
21 Mar 11
Personally these are some Good thoughts and goals for sure. I feel that often times too many people get too tied up with trying to always be saving up $$ for rainy days, etc. to where they never seem to have any time to take care of themselves and have Fun. Personally my husband and I have always tried to take time every couple of yrs. to be able to go somewhere nice and do something just the 2 of us, and it can be an exciting time for sure. We do usually try to also plan and save up for Rainy days, etc. and know in time no matter what you cannot take it with you when you die, so take time to enjoy yourself for sure.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
21 Mar 11
That's a good thing to do, saving up for a getaway together. I just want to be as small a burden as possible on my children but being too stingy to fly to them to visit is taking it a bit too far. I plan to visit them next month and at least twice a year from now on.
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
20 Mar 11
YOU GO..GIRL! Here's hoping that shopping..just a little bit, will give you the feeling of freedom..just a little! I know for whence you come, as I am one that is a scraper/saver..frugality, middle name! I do so worry and fret about finances, in case I get ill! I still have a mortgage, and the house, like me is getting old..and the repairs are formidable, and always the repairs are mega-cost items, like the new roof I put on two years ago. Now I need a new deck and new floors (served me well for 30 years)! I can't remember the last time I bought any new for me things..clothes/shoes,etc., are always Thrift Shop!
I applaud you..and truly hope, your life will have a new abandon
...and you enjoy, the little things for you..and the wonderful memories of your trips!
Thank you, truly for sending me that link about pets/radiation..I really haven't had time to do anything for myself/furry friends, this week turned out rougher that I thot it was going to..next week, too! I am thinking, at 64, 11-14 hour days..are really taking their toll. I should have worked today, but I opted to take the day off, or I will really be NO GOOD next week. It's really not a day off, as I have a week of housecleaning..NOW!
Once again, my condolenses for your loss, my Mother was a year last March 7!
Have a good day...dear friend.1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Thank you so much for your sympathy and understanding.
Buying new sheets was a big step for me. There is a fine line between being frugal and being a miser and I think I had crossed it!
For your house, why a new deck? Tear it down and do without. If it is your way to exit the house, a set of new steps would be cheaper. See, I'm very economical and can cut costs like a sharp blade! The floors are essential--concentrate on the essentials. What's wrong with them? Can you fix them by polishing, cleaning or covering or is it a structural problem? I live in a house built in 1921 and my floors are carpeted--I would love to replace the carpeting but it's good enough.
Enjoy your day off, take a few hours just for you. It is important. Be good to yourself because nobody else will!
