Do you agree?
@friendship4lyfe (520)
Saint Lucia
March 23, 2011 10:01am CST
Yesterday i met a guy i knew in high school and we chatted for awhile.He is so angry with his wife because she is not ready for an extension in their family because she is trying to build a career.
He works with the law enforcement here and the salary he makes isn't enough to support them with a child,a mortgage and a vehicle loan.She just finished college and decided to work to help pay the vehicle loan and at least save some money.She has been agreeing with him for another child but only when she is through with paying her college loan and other debts.He raved,"she says she loves me and wants another child but she wants a better life for that child."She doesnt want to ask family and friends for help.(they are broke with all their debts)
They have been married for almost five years now and they a four year old daughter and he is dying for a son.He is saying that maybe he made the wrong choice in marrying her.Now mind you they are pinching money to pay their debts and she got an offer,with the present company she works for,as marketing manager but with that comes more work.The wife is willing to put a next child on hold.
Now my friend is saying he believe that women was meant to be homemakers and not work.His mom was a stay at home mom and they got all the attention they needed and his mom didnt die.Do you agree that women should stay home simply because their husbands wants more kids?Or it is something of choice?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@eurekafemme (5876)
• Philippines
23 Mar 11
Hello. 
I do not want the way this guy take his role as a husband and his wife's. He is being unreasonable. Knowing that they are financially hard up but still insisting of having another child soon is not an act of a responsible person. He must understand his wife's views. They must make their future stable first before getting another mouth to feed.
So, my answer is a big NO. It is now 22nd century and both men and women must be treated equally . Besides, it is difficult to keep on bringing forth kids when we can hardly feed them. Men and women as husbands and wives should help each other to make their future, as well as their kids' , brighter. It doesn't matter if both of them wear pants in the house as long as they love, respect and provide for each other's needs properly.
I do not want the way this guy take his role as a husband and his wife's. He is being unreasonable. Knowing that they are financially hard up but still insisting of having another child soon is not an act of a responsible person. He must understand his wife's views. They must make their future stable first before getting another mouth to feed.
So, my answer is a big NO. It is now 22nd century and both men and women must be treated equally . Besides, it is difficult to keep on bringing forth kids when we can hardly feed them. Men and women as husbands and wives should help each other to make their future, as well as their kids' , brighter. It doesn't matter if both of them wear pants in the house as long as they love, respect and provide for each other's needs properly.@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
23 Mar 11
The worst part is that she is struggling to pay a vehicle loan that he drives while she has to take the bus to and from work.How insensitive.
@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
23 Mar 11
I told him as much.He is coming by tomorrow to see the discussion.I hope you guys put sense in him.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
23 Mar 11
I totally agree with eurekafemme. What kind of a person would think of having more kids when he is not able to feed the one already there? It does not matter who works, if the pay is good and in their financial condition, any sensible man would think about working with his wife and uplifting their situation first. Not think about his own wishes and fancies.
And you are right, friendship4lyfe. How insensitive! That is why he is irresponsible too. And does not want to understand the situation they are in. Seems more immature to me.
@Rapuncille (597)
• Philippines
23 Mar 11
i am currently a full-time housewife and gave up my day job not because my husband wanted me to stop working but it is my own will. i wanted to focus more on raising our kids while they are at a tender age so long as my husband is capable of providing our basic needs. if he'll be having a hard time, i wouldn't think twice of applying for another one. i think i'll do the same when the kids are a little older. marriage is a partnership. a decision is normally arrived at by the husband and wife and not the husband alone nor the wife alone. from what you have shared with us, i believed that the wife is amenable to having another child but not as of the moment. she has a valid reason why she wanted to delay having another child. she's thinking not only of herself in this case but also of the whole family's lot. i guess the guy should be more open-minded on this issue.
@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
23 Mar 11
Thank you so much.She knows that with she not working they will lose their house,vehicle and whats left is that they dont have any savings yet.She cant have the child with the promotion to manager because she has to travel alot and she is hoping that by the time she is ready she will have already gotten a new position.He is just selfish and angry maybe because she is making more money.
@Rapuncille (597)
• Philippines
23 Mar 11
that's what happens when insecurities set in. it gets your mind clouded and reason won't appeal that much to you. i hope the husband finds the time to think things over and do what is best for his family. we are in 2011 already. gone are the days wherein the women are locked inside the home. there are just way too much things we can do for the family in and outside the home. it is important that guys bear in mind that most of us do these things not to compete with our husbands but to help them in providing for our kid/s and in building a loving and comfortable home for our family.
@housechaos7 (609)
•
23 Mar 11
I feel this is something that should have been discussed before marraige it is what should be done to better understand each other,i dont agree woman should stay at home and see to the children unless that is the choice they made for themselves your friend id being quite selfish and he may not have a son what it he has a daughter?Will he then want another and another till he gets a son and in the mean time become more and more in debt?children should be brought into the world with parents able to manage financially.
@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
23 Mar 11
It was discussed before marriage but as you said he is a selfish person.They made the choice of having two or more kids but when they can afford it.I am closer to the guy than the woman although i am friends with both.The wife is the kind of person with a good head on body.She is smart and wants the best for her family.He is the one who wants things to always work out for him.
@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
I completely disagree with that notion that woman has to stay at home .. and so on..I'm a career woman, still single at the moment but I don't see myself at home just doing house chores and stuffs. i know taking care of your own kids is important but not enough justification to for you to stay at home. That's just my thought, this varies per couple though, their lifestyle, and agreement.
@dreamsharmin (2281)
• China
24 Mar 11
No i don't agree with it. I can't understand why man always think that. Why they can't understand that women have same right what a man have. So they should understand there decision. Women have a feelings also they have rights to take decision of there relationship. Women are not for only simply work in home and give birth kids.And they have kids or not that decide not only by man it should be by a women also.
Good day friend!
@lakshmi11 (278)
• United States
23 Mar 11
There is also - besides reasoning- another question they could ask themselves.
If money was no issue, would they still want another child and why. Up to this moment we cannot predict if a pregnancy will bring a son or a daughter. And frankly that should not even matter.- Having children is not only a money issue. -
Also success is not only to be measured by how much money a person makes.-
How content are they with their lives?-
@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
23 Mar 11
Money doesnt measure success and being content is knowing that we can take care of our kid,loving them and the people who comes into our lives who loves us.But sometimes we need to postpone things.They are drowning in debts and she wants to pay most if not all off before she decides to have a child.
@r0ck_r0ck (1952)
• India
24 Mar 11
Woman staying at home is a old concept now. and i don't see how your friend can be the judge since he can't even afford to pay his debts on his own and 'he made the wrong choice in marrying her'?! seriously? the wife is trying to help to get through their financial situation with a loving relationship, what more do you expect. lets be practical here, raising a kid isnt a matter of joke and yah earlier plans should be made to ensure a better childhood for your kid cause really a decent childhood helps a lot in shaping ones personality in later life. So you should ask your friend to stop being an ungrateful person and appreciate what is beautiful.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
23 Mar 11
No. I don't think that a women should stay home just because a man wants another child. This should be her decision too. If she wants to work, then let her. Let her be the one to decide if she really wants to stay at home to take care of her kids. And a new baby too. I am a stay at home mom, I chose to be this way. I really can't work at any job because I have an Herniated Disc that will cause me to be in pain on any job. So I stay at home with my kids. I have two children that are in school now. And I chose to be at home with them, because I want to be there for them as far as their education is concerned. And for the reason of me bonding with them. Everyone has their partake on what I should be doing as a mother. I will go back to work when I feel that I can. But for now, I will be at home with my kids. They are young now, so I am enjoying this time with them.
@akangirl (2436)
• India
23 Mar 11
oh you have such cute profile pic with a cute kitten. sorry i got distracted from actual discussion i just love cats and have raised so many kittens.
I think the wife is totally right in her decision she is not saying that she doesn't want another kid but just not now and if she is working hard to improve financial situation of their family then husband should be more supportive.More kids need more bills to be paid and also as every parents wants to provide best to kids she is doing a right thing and husband should be more open minded and understanding.
@cyndylyne (18)
• Canada
24 Mar 11
I believe that one stay at home parent is important, doesn't matter who it is.
@snyderblog (82)
• United States
23 Mar 11
I have 3 wonderful children and 1 we just adopted. Mind you, my kids are now 15,21 and two 16 year olds, and I have to say I was always a working mom. In fact I believe that I was a better mom because I worked. Yes we paid a lot of money over the years for daycare and babysitters but because I wasn't a 24/7 mom, my kids got my full attention for several hours everynight that they may not have gotten if I had to be around them all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids 24/7 but I love them more when we aren't always together. I am a full time accountant. i knew better than to be a school teacher or daycare teacher. I am a much better full time working mom. I know there is no such thing as a non-working mother. The word mother means there is a lot of work involved. Maybe if your friend would be a little more open to his wife working she may be a little more open to having another baby with him.
I hope it all works out for them.
